Social Anxiety

[dark]

Today was weird. I am extroverted with social anxiety, odd I know. As the day started I was kind of down, odd feeling for me since I am usually in a 100% happy mode. But I think this deviation from my normal mood spiked something and made an unexpected variable. As the day progressed, took a test, went to the library, someone I knew was there so I started talking about something, don't remember what. Of course I get excited and things get all blurry to me. Then I had another class, was boring as hell, but after that, got in a fun conversation with two class mates about something I don't remember either, haha. Then to the library again to talk to the other person, we talked for about two hours about this and that, and of course I avoid small talk so I actually make things interesting to me, which I usually can't do. Then we went to a science lab, had a fun class, I showed off in a way when a girl found a spider in her bag, big guy, jumpy to, so I caught him and the teacher had me place it in a jar for his vast collection, very impressive if I do say. Then back to the library where I started talking to another friend, we talked for about 3 hours on video games and theory of random things. Then another class, religious, we went over things, discovered now half the class was believers, other half didn't care or didn't believe, interesting divide. A girl I usually sit next, that is until we moved class rooms, spoke up in class today, she is very very introverted, and it sounded like someone speaking from inside me, I actually felt emotion while listening to her talk. From hearing her talk, I can deduce she is an INTx. I am getting to something here, and I know this is lengthy. After class, I did something I have not been able to do for a long time, I actually spoke to this girl, and it was amazing, it was like my soul had connected philosophically with another. And I realize I actually like this girl, she is not a subject to an experiement like I view everyone else as, I can't really explain the idea. I can say it isn't lust, just an emotional connection of some sort that I value. Lust to me would be the goth girl I met today, and wow that was nice, but there wouldn't be a connection, that this is where emotion works within me.

I guess my point is this here. Seems like something was guiding me today. Driving me towards this point, keep placing thing upon thing, to prepare me to talk to this girl I am talking about. I never believed in fate, and I still don't, but the beautiful chaos played in my favor today, and brought me one step closer to defeating the social anxiety.

It just seems as though this entire day was designed to make first emotional contact with this girl. We had talked before, but I had never been able to speak in a way to her to make a connection, always afraid of something, today I wasn't. Ok I know I am ranting about this girl, so I will try to analyze the situation. As an ENTP I derive my energies from people, and because I was energized through social stimulation all day, I was still stimulated and over came the anxiety. Is that right?

*O and another point that I don't think goes here, but I'll put it here anyways. It seems certain people are drawn to me more than others. At the start feeling types usually are circling me, but after they discover I am deeper than the surface, by this I mean how I bring every thought to its possible end for me etc, then gradually the people more like me start orbiting me, I don't seek them, they seek me, kind of odd, maybe it is my extrovertedness, and most of them are introverted, is that normal, do introverts seek out extroverts? Maybe I am looking to much into it or just live in a weird place. I keep having people from my classes that I have never seen before come to me and ask me questions about what the teacher was talking about, and I have a way with teaching things well; and I would like to know, how do these people know? All I do is ask more questions in class, it is like a never ending play ground for me, I would think this would deter most, but nope it doesn't. Also in one of my classes there is a girl that I am sure is really interested in me, but I see her as a friend, another subject of interest, not like the girl I mentioned before. And from the subject girl, I noticed the following, people think I am crazy, and they are drawn to that, and I must ask why? Hey I am not complaining about being seen as weird, crazy, or what ever odd term, I am proud of those, not sure why, isn't really logic at my initial glance, shit this is long, I will stop here so people don't get bored with this haha.

Now that I have stated my story, I would like to know if anyone has experienced a series of events that seemed to be designed especially for them, was like I was in a movie, everything was where it should be. And from these odd events I seemed to overcome my initial anxiety and stepped forward, I just need to ask this girl out, currently it is a really nice connection and I don't have a lust for her, it is more of a desire to be around her or something, it is more than a sexual connection is what I am saying. Kind of makes me feel like some entity actually exists, but I like to feel it was all random, makes it even more special. Yeah it is nice when your dice hit 6 and you beat the other sucker, but when it is rigged it isn't near as powerful as when I was all random. etc.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

After class, I did something I have not been able to do for a long time, I actually spoke to this girl, and it was amazing, it was like my soul had connected philosophically with another. And I realize I actually like this girl, she is not a subject to an experiement like I view everyone else as, I can't really explain the idea. I can say it isn't lust, just an emotional connection of some sort that I value.

I guess my point is this here. Seems like something was guiding me today. Driving me towards this point, keep placing thing upon thing, to prepare me to talk to this girl I am talking about. I never believed in fate, and I still don't, but the beautiful chaos played in my favor today, and brought me one step closer to defeating the social anxiety.

.......

Now that I have stated my story, I would like to know if anyone has experienced a series of events that seemed to be designed especially for them, was like I was in a movie, everything was where it should be. etc.

It's love man! Or at least the beginnings of it, right now it's just reciprocated infatuation, which makes it 10 times better than a crush. Don't try to analyze it too much just go with the flow.

The same exact thing happened to me, I swear the whole thing was like a movie, how I met her, how I fell in love and how I let her go :/. It was weird because between the period of meeting her and graduating high school all sorts of random chaotic things were coming my way. I think it was because I was more in touch with the physical world(she was ESTP).

She might be ISTP or ISFP, either way I say go after it.

*then gradually the people more like me start orbiting me, I don't seek them, they seek me

If this isn't ENTP, I don't know what is, lol.

 

[blogdogcop]

I don't really know if i too had that it-must-be-fate! to happen even once in my life.
Only thing i could comment on is the attraction between you and the INTx girl.

Im an INTP and my sister(older by 7 years) is an ENTJ. And, guess what, it too is just like magic. You would soon find yourself (if you happen to engage in more contact with her) happy to be agreeing and disagreeing to certain thoughts from that person. It's natural, to say so within my experience. My sister called it yesterday a perfect match. It creates a balance like no other. To warn you though, it could sometimes be a bumpy road. These kind of pairs make a bond that is strong because of it's flexibility. It is not a tough chain like bond that would go according to some set rules.

There is only one thing i could say that i am sure is absolutely true..
once you start a bond with this INTx girl, it would turn out to be unbreakable, even if placed on an oven and hammered by some evil blacksmiths because you will soon see your wit's limits. hahahahahahaha good luck

don't worry. these things that would test your patience and stubborness are the events that you'd cherish the most

 

[snafupants]

Being talkative is the other side of the anxiety coin, just like mania and depression.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Being talkative is the other side of the anxiety coin, just like mania and depression.

Are you implying that when they both are in the presence of one another they cancel each other out? If so I agree. If not, I take full credit for this discovery.

 

[snafupants]

Are you implying that when they both are in the presence of one another they cancel each other out? If so I agree. If not, I take full credit for this discovery.

Full credit is yours; although the former is an interesting idea and that definitely happens because when one is talkative, there is relaxation, and when one is relaxed, other people feel that way, and when other people feel that way, anxiety is quashed.

With the original idea, however, extreme happiness is typically met with extreme sadness and vice versa. Extreme happiness, redline happiness, rarely ends well, although it might feel amazing in the moment. Take the longview on these things.

 

[dark]

Hum, I was unaware that talkativeness could be part of anxiety, which means that anxiety is part of everyday life, no? So do we shape the anxiety to fit our needs with the hope of positive effects, but sometimes we get the negative, which is what we look at most? Am I following this idea or am I completely lost?

 

[EditorOne]

Well, just to get this back to where it's in terms we can all understand: I think the only thing driving you was your brain. Sometimes things go on in the brain without our awareness, processing is taking place without conscious guidance. I think your brain did a lot of that today and the end result of its complete immersion in your situation wasn't a burst of creativity (which is more common) but a burst of conclusiveness backed by motivation and circumstances you "found" yourself in but your brain probably led you to, a conclusion that emerged when you heard the girl talking and realized "oh, I can probably related to that, great!" Undirected processing: Almost like a secret friend who helps you out sometimes. That's probably a healthier way to think of it than to suggest there are demons in your mental basement doing a bunch of thumping and groaning to control you.

 

[dark]

@ EditorOne, that last sentence made me laugh out loud. Interesting comment, would that be what some people call the sub-conscious?

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Full credit is yours; although the former is an interesting idea and that definitely happens because when one is talkative, there is relaxation, and when one is relaxed, other people feel that way, and when other people feel that way, anxiety is quashed.

With the original idea, however, extreme happiness is typically met with extreme sadness and vice versa. Extreme happiness, redline happiness, rarely ends well, although it might feel amazing in the moment. Take the longview on these things.

I agree with this very much. Sometimes I think I'm bipolar or something, but it's not nearly as bad as real bipolar disorder. I'll feel unusually happy, almost glowing inside for about 4 days, and then crash into a 1-2 week depression. I think it's probably just the brain using up all the 'happy-chemicals' like serotonin and then having to build that stock of chemicals up again.
Does that sound right?

 

[dark]

Ok update on this, I asked the girl out on a date, and she said yes. I was suprised at how easy it was for me to actaully do that, but in my head I was terrified to actaully do it. I spent the last hour and a half talking to her. I really don't understand what I was so afraid of, there was no risk being taken, nothing but gain. I am really excited, kind of caused me to have a small vehicle accident, but not even noticable, like running my car into the side of a pole etc. Guess that concludes the extreme good come with equal bad, because I went from extreme happiness to extreme o shit wtf just happened in like 3 minutes. I was wondering, what is that makes people afraid to actaully take a step forward? I am asking this now because I am going to have to meet her parents when I pick her up, and if I don't understand this fear I had previously it may come back at the wrong moment. And do others seem to have this problem? I really don't know what to ask since I am extremely excited along with dispair because my immediate family are going to be asking all these questions, and I am uncomfortable sharing my personal feeling with them since I can't connect with them at all.

I know this is probably not the place, but I am excited that I made an even further step forward from the social anxiety. But also because I actaully like this girl, which I rarely actaully have feelings for a human being, most the time when I dated I wouldn't have any actual feelings guess because there was nothing beyond physical attraction. Ok before I start analzing things to much I'll end here, and go face my family asking me shit tons of questions... going to hate this, wow I just realized it. That is where my fear came from in the first place, was when I was in my first year of public school. I had a "girl friend" if you can actually call it that when little kids think they like one another, and my family wouldn't stop harassing me, and provoking me to share personal feelings, guess that would be using Fi, which I couldn't do and it scared the hell out of me, and after that I would never tell anyone if I was dating, so eventually all my relationships ended because I wouldn't tell anyone haha. Also I now understand the reason psychologists sit back and let people just tell them things.

 

[snafupants]

What is the reason they pester you about these lady friends? Is it simply to tease, do they not have personal lives of their own, are they genuinely curious?

 

[EyeSeeCold]

^ Females like to get every detail about people and situations so they can judge them most accurately for future reference. Couple that with an independent person and you got a power struggle.

 

[dark]

I have no clue why people bother me with giving personal information, now it doesn't bother me as bad, but back then I didn't have any F function developed so it was worse than difficult, I associated it with the worst thing that could happen.

What I started doing since I started learning about the functions is when I talk to people I tell them everything that is on my mind, used to I would hold back things that were to personal, but currently I just tell them too, think this is helping me develop my F function to an extent, but I still have a fear that I am almost 100% sure came from being a child. It is like this, everyone in my family except my brother and grandfather are F types, only 3 our of like 20plus are Ts. They are the only people that I can talk to comfortably without feeling threatened that I will have to give personal information.

I still haven't told my family anything haha, but going to have to soon, unless I can think of some lie for going out near dark and not coming home til late... This makes me more nervous than thinking about asking the girl out, atleast then there was some excitement involved, here it is just dread. I don't want to talk to them, they don't even let me do my experiments anymore. My family hates the word "why" and that takes away almost everything about me. Now I am making myself even more fearful so I will stop here.