Should I move out?

[Seteleechete]

I am torn, my mother keeps presenting very good arguments why moving out of my house into a corridor room is a bad idea... cost...more noise...my house actually being closer to university...them rarely bothering me, sigh yet for some reason I want to move out.

I feel like their very proximity is tearing at my sanity... this dilemma is really annoying as I'd be saving about 6 grand a year staying at home that has no real? downsides.

I wish they would just kick me out instead sigh, at least then I wouldn't have to second guess myself on this all the time.

Eh, in the end I realize that my reasons for wanting to move out are based more on feeling than practicality but in this case I am probably willing to indulge.

Atm I live at home with my 2 brothers I hardly associate with(one is a borderline INTP another is 9 years old) and my ISFX mother and ESTJ father, the later with whom I sometimes get into conflict with.

 

[Minuend]

I find that in situations like this, people have already made the decision. They just don't know it yet. If I would have to guess, I'd assume your decision is to move out

 

[Seteleechete]

Yup, and I will keep agonizing and second guessing myself about it for months until I find a free corridor room(which will take some time )=). I am still kinda curious what you would have done in this situation and why.

 

[Brontosaurie]

i would have stayed if it's economically sound. i seem to recall that you're approx 18 years old? plenty of time to move out, and plenty of time to nurture your mental autonomy anyways. and, not that norms should decide for you, but the average out-moving age in our country is at like 22. i'm 25 and i'm moving out (2nd time, hopefully final) this autumn. way too late for my well-being i admit.

might be going overboard in guessing and infringing here but you seem like the kind of person who knows how to hold money, so you could take advantage of the savings later.

 

[Bock]

I guess leaving the nest often has far better character/experience-building potential, but if money is more important then... Prioritize

 

[Seteleechete]

(I am 20) Yes, I do have good plans for the extra money I would get, there is a 15% up front cost on getting a housing loan in Sweden which this money would go to and getting an apartment on rent in the big cities where work is has a 10+ years long queue. Also I would probably invest the excess in the meantime (I am getting 12grand in loans/grants a year while studying(no tuiton fees) 2/3rds in loans with a 1% interest, so worth getting even if I stay at home).

 

[Bock]

I've stood in a queue since i was 18 (7-8 years something) and i still doubt it would be easy to get an apartment in a decent area. Fucking stockholm man...

To clarify on my earlier post - Definitely don't feel stressed out about moving just because it's "expected" or something similar, you're young and living at home is pretty much a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to hoard money.

 

[Yellow]

I would move out. Think of the cost of living alone as an investment in your personal development.

The biggest downside is that there's no going back. Once you've experienced the freedom of being on your own, even weekend stays with your family will become unbearable.

 

[Pyropyro]

I suggest moving out. As Yellow said, the personal dev't from moving out is a reward in itself.

One thing I've learned from moving out is that it's a great way of forcing your social skills to improve. When you're at your parents' home, you're only focused on dealing with familiar people. When you're on your own, you will need the help of strangers in order to even survive.

I do contest Yellow's stance on weekend stays with your family. I like hanging out with my folks and my mischievous niece and nephew (Also free wifi )

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

I wish they would just kick me out instead sigh, at least then I wouldn't have to second guess myself on this all the time.

If that's the case why not stay at home, increase your authenticity, and press your freedoms knowing that you have a comfortable solution if they do kick you out?

 

[Seteleechete]

If that's the case why not stay at home, increase your authenticity, and press your freedoms knowing that you have a comfortable solution if they do kick you out?

Already doing that as much as is reasonable(and even beyond), to go further and press issues I don't particularly care about is the same as just moving out with the added consequence of alienating my parents. This is a stupid solution whose only purpose is giving the illusion of avoiding a choice.

 

[Gather_Wanderer]

You should stay until you have a really good action plan for what you'll do when you're out.

Obviously you have thought about this quite a bit. What I mean is, not only should you have a plan, but you should already have momentum with that plan, whether its money or certification with some career, whatever. So many people these days are moving back home for a while because financial independence is no joke, even for people a decade older than you. Having to work much harder to be alone in the long run is not worth it. Trust me, I've been there. You'll be thinking about money instead of stuff you want to study and its not fun. If you can sacrifice for a few years and progress enough to know you won't ever have to come back, its totally worthwhile.

Realize too, that just because you live at home does not mean you need to spend most of your time there. You can hang out at libraries (Used to spend most of my weeks there) on campus. If you focus it doesn't take long to create an independent life with stability.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Reluctantly]

I think it depends on what you want to do. If for some reason being home impedes that, it's probably a good idea to move out. If on the other hand, you're just looking to get away from your family, I don't believe that's a great reason, considering there's always going to be people you'll have to deal with.

...

The biggest downside is that there's no going back. Once you've experienced the freedom of being on your own, even weekend stays with your family will become unbearable.

lol, and I once wondered if I was the only one that experienced this.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Already doing that as much as is reasonable(and even beyond), to go further and press issues I don't particularly care about is the same as just moving out with the added consequence of alienating my parents. This a stupid solution whose only purpose is giving the illusion of avoiding a choice.

Alienation seems questionable. At the same time you're also giving them a chance to accept your authenticity. If you're being authentic and they're incompatible with that, then you're better off for it.

 

[Sixup]

Do it. Don't look back. Time to stop suckling the teets of your parents.

It will force you to get better/more mature with everything.

Get a real cheap place. Or roommates. Or a van (fantasy of mine, I think it'd be cool, but I now have a significant other who would not be interested in that).

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

I find this whole thread strange in a way, really. In historical terms, moving out on your own upon becoming an adult is an uncommon thing. In the U.S. it didn't really become a thing until the great depression, when people couldn't afford to care for their (large) families. People also had the homestead act and millions of acres of unsettled land to rely on.

Today the social expectation has persisted in spite of changing economics, laws, and land usage. It's kinda ridiculous and probably responsible for many of today's societal ills. People forgot what families are and how to raise them. Communication and empathy have further deteriorated.

 

[Reluctantly]

What is a family?

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

I'm not even sure myself, but it's probably defined by trust, understanding, and cooperation.

 

[Sinny91]

I first left mothers home at 16, briefly went back during an interval, but left for good at 18. There was no trust, understanding or co-operation in my family home, I had to leave for my own sanity. I quit my job and gave up my flat 2 months ago, and am staying between places at the moment.. My room at my moms is as it was and she said I can move back free of charge, But hell will freeze over before I step back into those shoe's. (I'm nearly 24 atm)

Once you've got your independance, you won't want to give it up so easily.

Assuming life at your current home isn't so bad, I suggest staying there for economic purposes.If you feel that it's time for growth and development in your life, take the leap. Just be forewarned that it's not easy in the slightest.

Side note: The UK government wants all 'young adults' to stay with their parents up till the age of 25, unrelated to the fact that they have forced all under 25's below the poverty line, I'm sure

 

[Seteleechete]

Okay, after agonizing about it for ages I finally decided to make the jump and signed the contract to move out. Something that will cost me about 15-25k(over 4.5 years, though unless I fail university it shouldn't present an actual problem).

Also, I have to actually learn how to take care of myself but that probably isn't a bad thing. Will find out in a few months if it was worth it.

 

[Yellow]

Yay! Even if it's a spectacular failure, you'll get something out of setting off on your own.

 

[onesteptwostep]

>2015
>listens to members on forum more than own mother

 

[YoungGuns]

I would move out. Think of the cost of living alone as an investment in your personal development.

The biggest downside is that there's no going back. Once you've experienced the freedom of being on your own, even weekend stays with your family will become unbearable.

As someone who has just experienced this this year, this x100.