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Self-Improvement for 2024.

Old Things

I am unworthy of His grace
Local time
Today 12:22 PM
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
2,936
---
Do you have any New Year Resolutions?

I am skeptical about partaking in this seemingly meaningless tradition (since most people have completely forgotten about their resolutions by March), but I will say that my own self-improvement has somewhat skyrocketed since about October of 2023. It started with working out, which I have been pretty consistent in. I did have a very minor injury which kept me from working out for about two weeks, but I got back to it recently. On top of that, I believe I have kicked smoking for good at this point. I know this because I have tried to smoke a cigarette and found I could not stand the taste of it. So, it is no longer an option for me. As a Christian, I do not take credit for my self-improvement. I believe it is God's grace. It seems I will start something, and then it is difficult for a few days, and then it gets easier, and then it feels like God directs my circumstances/desires to the point that I start with a bigger goal.

I have always been horrible at setting goals as a person with severe ADHD. But in my pursuit of self-improvement, God is certainly helping me. Sometimes, that is in the form of forcing me to do something so that I cannot do what I want that would detract from my self-improvement goals. It feels like it is only about 10% of my effort and 90% of God's grace. I have also subsequently stopped drinking as much soda. You see, I am on medication that gives me a dry mouth. And then, when I would smoke, this would accentuate my need for liquids. So not that I have been without smoking cigarettes for some time (a month plus at this point in combination with vaping a little and Nicorette gum) I have found that I don't need soda that much. And I went to the dentist for a cleaning today and I had no cavities. On top of this, because I have not been drinking soda as much, I have found that I have lost weight as well. I am not a fat person, but I can definitely see that my body is changing at this point. I have stronger arms and less belly fat, and even my pecks are starting to show a bit. With working out, I continue to increase my reps while keeping the amount of sets the same (three). I am just doing calisthenics. I purchased a pull-up bar, and I use it for pull-ups (duh) and pushups. The way I do pushups with it actually gives a much deeper (and narrower) push, so I am working harder per set (than wider push-ups). I am up to 3X3 pull-ups, which is not horrible, considering when I started, I could not even do two full pull-ups.

What are you working on improving this year?
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
Local time
Today 6:22 PM
Joined
Jul 27, 2013
Messages
5,262
---
Location
Between concrete walls
That is shit ton of improvements in 3 months.

What are you working on improving this year?
Most of stuff is focused on me mostly.
I struggle with stuff, like mood, energy, and focus.
I think my biggest hang up is following through with stuff that I always want to do.
I am working on emotions.
Acceptance of self, and working on feeling things.
I dissociate a lot. Which is weird because it also makes you resilient a lot.
But the catch 22 there is you end up doing stuff, but you don't feel anything.
So a lot of strategies in life I employed were useless down the line.

So I got stressed out at job, but I just kept going.
I got tired, but I kept going.
My parents always wanted help and I kept helping etc.

I also need to learn how to have fun.
 

Black Rose

An unbreakable bond
Local time
Today 11:22 AM
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
11,431
---
Location
with mama
As a Christian, I do not take credit for my self-improvement. I believe it is God's grace.

I walked 9 miles today trying to make money to get my dog out of the pound.

I made 1 dollar.

Then my friend came over and gave me 100, the exact amount I needed.

I have to spend less time on my computer now my depression is gone.
 

Old Things

I am unworthy of His grace
Local time
Today 12:22 PM
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
2,936
---
I did not mention that I am doing more exercises besides pushups and pullups. I am also doing squats with a resistance band and bought an ab roller (a wheel with handles going through it where you extend your arms and roll away from your body and come back). The first time I tried the ab roller, I about killed myself! I did one set of 12 and one set of 10. That was on November 20. My abs were ridiculously sore for over a week. I now plan on doing like 15 a day. I'm debating working out six days a week. I only have three exercises besides the ab roller, so I will probably do each one twice a week. It's good to spread it out over the week so it doesn't take up too much of my day, only working out twice a week (what I am currently doing).

I also want to work on eating healthier.

I am not working currently, so I really have no excuse not to work on getting healthier.

Here are some things I have purchased recently to work on getting healthier:

Cheap option ab roller (don't need any bells and whistles for this): Body Sculpture BSCEW carta Football Excercise Wheel, Black/Grey, One Size

Pullup bar which doubles as a pushup bar and dips (it's currently on sale for $30, which is super cheap): Ally Peaks Pull Up Bar for Doorway

You also might want to check out the supplements from this company. They are not cheap, but as I understand it, they are super effective. Here is what I got:

For Working out: https://www.trivita.com/products/essential-amino-acids

For sleep: https://www.trivita.com/products/adaptuit-sleep-aid

For brain health: https://www.trivita.com/products/fish-oil
 

birdsnestfern

Earthling
Local time
Today 1:22 PM
Joined
Oct 7, 2021
Messages
1,897
---
I subscribed to the great courses app and learning about Geology, how Mt Everest and the Tibetan plateau affect the earths cooling and ice ages and much more. And there is a course on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and many other topics.
They have real people with anxiety, anger, and other issues and the professor/dr explains processes to each person and shows you examples of goal setting and keeping track of what interferes, keep a diary of what happens, and how to work on yourself.

CBT Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a triangle of your Cognitions/Thoughts - Behaviors and Emotions.

Avoidance is a behavior for example
The way you think affects the emotions you have
The way you feel affects behavior
The way you feel affects the way you think
All three sides are interconnected and so each side can be tweaked to change the interactions of the other.
Anyway, I like the idea of self help and if you know how to create the goals and exercises, and work on it, why not.

Can search google for Ricardo Munoz for CBT Manual or look on amazon for book. I think some are geared toward depression and some are geared toward anxieties and there are workbooks to narrow down the issues.
______________________

Taking some free art and painting classes online too.

______________________

Doing a free vision board challenge that starts January 9th 11:11am.
If anyone wants to join can register here:
Visit https://oracle.colettebaronreid.com/visionboardchallenge-index/


If you don't want to buy anything, you can use an online free vision board maker called Canva. Just select "maybe later" to the canva pro to bypass any kind of payment.

Or, there is a list of supplies to buy:

Then search Facebook for this, join, and allow 24 hours since they are delayed getting in.

Colette Baron-Reid's FREE 2024 Vision Board Challenge on Facebook to join the group.

Anyway, a vision board might help to stay more on track and you can do them each month or change them all you want.
Poster board, markers, labels for affirmations, magazines to cut out things you like/want, glue stick, etc.
This is one that amazon sells, but they are saying, start with a plain board and do what you like on yours.

1704421530669.jpeg
1704422295615.jpeg
 

Puffy

"Wtf even was that"
Local time
Today 6:22 PM
Joined
Nov 7, 2009
Messages
3,859
---
Location
Path with heart
I’ve been in a hole past few months. I’ve had a lot of overwhelming emotions surface, been experiencing regular panic attacks and have been struggling to stay functional. So I aim to create a stronger sense of stability in my life.

I feel I’m at a crossroads where my life could go in very different directions so I want to take time to make the right choices for myself that will lead to greater happiness and emotional fulfillment.
 

Black Rose

An unbreakable bond
Local time
Today 11:22 AM
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
11,431
---
Location
with mama
I’ve been in a hole past few months. I’ve had a lot of overwhelming emotions surface, been experiencing regular panic attacks and have been struggling to stay functional. So I aim to create a stronger sense of stability in my life.

I feel I’m at a crossroads where my life could go in very different directions so I want to take time to make the right choices for myself that will lead to greater happiness and emotional fulfillment.

I think I have not been functional since 2007.

Only because of Dec 2023 has it been possible for me to confront my depression.

I had to take responsibility for myself and my family relations.

First I met my "stepfather", then my roommate's dog got run over but he is alive with a limp, then I thought the world was ending, and then my dog Becky was sent to the pound and I spent 3 days trying to get her back. She now has her shots her chip and collar and registration.

This year I need to get everything corrected in my life. I have to make money and help people. It is not easy but the coping mechanism I used for the past 16 years is no longer working. That is, I must get back on my feet and take care of me and my family.

Along with my doctor, I need new headache medications and less stress in my life.

Becoming independent is hard but I have many social skills I can use.

Without help from so many people, I would not have made it this far.
 

Old Things

I am unworthy of His grace
Local time
Today 12:22 PM
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
2,936
---
I’ve been in a hole past few months. I’ve had a lot of overwhelming emotions surface, been experiencing regular panic attacks and have been struggling to stay functional. So I aim to create a stronger sense of stability in my life.

I feel I’m at a crossroads where my life could go in very different directions so I want to take time to make the right choices for myself that will lead to greater happiness and emotional fulfillment.

Sorry to hear about that. It sounds rough.
 

Puffy

"Wtf even was that"
Local time
Today 6:22 PM
Joined
Nov 7, 2009
Messages
3,859
---
Location
Path with heart
I’ve been in a hole past few months. I’ve had a lot of overwhelming emotions surface, been experiencing regular panic attacks and have been struggling to stay functional. So I aim to create a stronger sense of stability in my life.

I feel I’m at a crossroads where my life could go in very different directions so I want to take time to make the right choices for myself that will lead to greater happiness and emotional fulfillment.

I think I have not been functional since 2007.

Only because of Dec 2023 has it been possible for me to confront my depression.

I had to take responsibility for myself and my family relations.

First I met my "stepfather", then my roommate's dog got run over but he is alive with a limp, then I thought the world was ending, and then my dog Becky was sent to the pound and I spent 3 days trying to get her back. She now has her shots her chip and collar and registration.

This year I need to get everything corrected in my life. I have to make money and help people. It is not easy but the coping mechanism I used for the past 16 years is no longer working. That is, I must get back on my feet and take care of me and my family.

Along with my doctor, I need new headache medications and less stress in my life.

Becoming independent is hard but I have many social skills I can use.

Without help from so many people, I would not have made it this far.
It sounds like you’re making a lot of progress, nice work man.

I’ve been in a hole past few months. I’ve had a lot of overwhelming emotions surface, been experiencing regular panic attacks and have been struggling to stay functional. So I aim to create a stronger sense of stability in my life.

I feel I’m at a crossroads where my life could go in very different directions so I want to take time to make the right choices for myself that will lead to greater happiness and emotional fulfillment.

Sorry to hear about that. It sounds rough.

Thank you, that’s appreciated. Happy new year!
 

onesteptwostep

Junior Hegelian
Local time
Tomorrow 3:22 AM
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
4,253
---
@Puffy

Panic attacks are pretty overwhelming. How are you managing your stress? Hope you find the groundedness you're seeking for.
 

onesteptwostep

Junior Hegelian
Local time
Tomorrow 3:22 AM
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
4,253
---
I know consciously that New Years Day passed but I still feel like its 2023.

I'm getting old lol
 

Puffy

"Wtf even was that"
Local time
Today 6:22 PM
Joined
Nov 7, 2009
Messages
3,859
---
Location
Path with heart
@Puffy

Panic attacks are pretty overwhelming. How are you managing your stress? Hope you find the groundedness you're seeking for.
Yeah it’s not very nice, do you have experience with it? I was doing breathing exercises, mindfulness and supplements to try and manage the attacks for a few months. They kept getting worse and I wasn’t able to work so I started on an antidepressant about a month ago. It works for blunting the severity of the attacks but I’m hoping the side effects even out as I seem quite sensitive to it. I’m doing CBT and therapy alongside it and hope to wean off the medication when I’m in a better place.
 

Black Rose

An unbreakable bond
Local time
Today 11:22 AM
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
11,431
---
Location
with mama
@Puffy

Panic attacks are pretty overwhelming. How are you managing your stress? Hope you find the groundedness you're seeking for.
Yeah it’s not very nice, do you have experience with it? I was doing breathing exercises, mindfulness and supplements to try and manage the attacks for a few months. They kept getting worse and I wasn’t able to work so I started on an antidepressant about a month ago. It works for blunting the severity of the attacks but I’m hoping the side effects even out as I seem quite sensitive to it. I’m doing CBT and therapy alongside it and hope to wean off the medication when I’m in a better place.

I do not know exactly how chakra works but your solar plexus could be out of balance with your third eye.

I recently became sensitive to electromagnetism and at first, the vibrations were in my diaphragm then they were in my amygdala.

The connection between anxiety and breath is that the lungs and throat are between the stomach/bowels and amygdala, so being larger disconnects them.

put one hand on the belly and the other on the forehead and see if that helps?
 

onesteptwostep

Junior Hegelian
Local time
Tomorrow 3:22 AM
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
4,253
---
@Puffy

Panic attacks are pretty overwhelming. How are you managing your stress? Hope you find the groundedness you're seeking for.
Yeah it’s not very nice, do you have experience with it? I was doing breathing exercises, mindfulness and supplements to try and manage the attacks for a few months. They kept getting worse and I wasn’t able to work so I started on an antidepressant about a month ago. It works for blunting the severity of the attacks but I’m hoping the side effects even out as I seem quite sensitive to it. I’m doing CBT and therapy alongside it and hope to wean off the medication when I’m in a better place.

Well, my history with abnormal experiences or abnormal psychology is long, but I did experience a panic attack but realized it as it was happening. It was interesting, with my feeling senses totally becoming claustrophobic and my senses closing in. I do had have much more worse trauma so I figured that I just needed to go rest somewhere, which I did.

I think from a medical/psychological perspective there's an unresponded trauma or continued negative experience which shapes your perceptions as so. So ultimately figuring how to manage that or to respond to that really goes to the source of it. But normally for people who have continued panic attacks this cannot be figured out at the current moment, thus why managing it is usually the most optimal solution currently.

I have my faith and my family, so there's I guess something to fall back to, but for more agnostic persons.. I think the only recourse might be the goodwill. Personally I think what medicine does is manage the severity, but overcoming it I think requires answering what the heart asks for.

I've done CBT a long time ago after some occurances in the military, it was fun. I think what sets apart me from others though is that I have a bit more resilience because I grew up in many different cultures. My American, Korean and Japanese backgrounds help me compartmentalize trauma and help explain why things are the way they are. I think for people who grew up in their own culture and has problems in this sense, the whole experience might be dehibilitating, because you don't have a way to compare it to something else.
 

Puffy

"Wtf even was that"
Local time
Today 6:22 PM
Joined
Nov 7, 2009
Messages
3,859
---
Location
Path with heart
@Puffy

Panic attacks are pretty overwhelming. How are you managing your stress? Hope you find the groundedness you're seeking for.
Yeah it’s not very nice, do you have experience with it? I was doing breathing exercises, mindfulness and supplements to try and manage the attacks for a few months. They kept getting worse and I wasn’t able to work so I started on an antidepressant about a month ago. It works for blunting the severity of the attacks but I’m hoping the side effects even out as I seem quite sensitive to it. I’m doing CBT and therapy alongside it and hope to wean off the medication when I’m in a better place.

Well, my history with abnormal experiences or abnormal psychology is long, but I did experience a panic attack but realized it as it was happening. It was interesting, with my feeling senses totally becoming claustrophobic and my senses closing in. I do had have much more worse trauma so I figured that I just needed to go rest somewhere, which I did.

I think from a medical/psychological perspective there's an unresponded trauma or continued negative experience which shapes your perceptions as so. So ultimately figuring how to manage that or to respond to that really goes to the source of it. But normally for people who have continued panic attacks this cannot be figured out at the current moment, thus why managing it is usually the most optimal solution currently.

I have my faith and my family, so there's I guess something to fall back to, but for more agnostic persons.. I think the only recourse might be the goodwill. Personally I think what medicine does is manage the severity, but overcoming it I think requires answering what the heart asks for.

I've done CBT a long time ago after some occurances in the military, it was fun. I think what sets apart me from others though is that I have a bit more resilience because I grew up in many different cultures. My American, Korean and Japanese backgrounds help me compartmentalize trauma and help explain why things are the way they are. I think for people who grew up in their own culture and has problems in this sense, the whole experience might be dehibilitating, because you don't have a way to compare it to something else.

I agree for the most part, I feel like there’s a lot weighing on my heart and that it’s ultimately communicating with me to identify what’s causing the pain and what needs to change in my life. I’m sure I’ll be fine, I’ve had a lot of abnormal experiences as well and it tends to work out.

Medication was a very reluctant choice for me. I’d been off sick from work with this for 6 weeks and despite my best efforts to feel everything and take care of myself it was spiraling and getting worse. Suicidal thoughts started creeping in and that was a hardline for me, as I’ve lost a lot of people to suicide and I couldn’t bare inflicting that on people close to me. They wouldn’t help themselves and died where I can choose to and believe I will.

At the moment I can still feel things it’s just not as severe so I can function normally (no suicidal thoughts either). Hopefully I’m able to work to the root of it safely this way, otherwise I might have to just live with family for a while.

I think the church hopefully helps in that it’s a community like family to have around you and support you. Though of course depends on the people in the community I suppose. Maybe also a sense that you’re divinely supported.
 

birdsnestfern

Earthling
Local time
Today 1:22 PM
Joined
Oct 7, 2021
Messages
1,897
---
I've had one once (I think) I'm not sure if it was a panic attack or something else, arrhythmia perhaps, but it was when I stared at the moonlight for a few minutes, in my 30's, and my heart started beating in a crazy fast pattern that wouldn't stop. I went to the doctor and he prescribed one valium and it totally calmed me down. Never had one again, but it was scarey. I can only suggest something like Holy Basil Extract, Magnesium or Gaba all can help to calm you a lot. I also thought I heard that St. Johns Wort might be helpful. Or, see a doctor and ask for something like a single dose of something.


Anxiety medications, such as benzodiazepines (including Xanax and Ativan), work on GABA transmitters in the brain. Therefore, many researchers believe that St. John's wort could have anxiety-relieving effects due to its effects on GABA transmitters.

Can check amazon for Zazzee brand St. Johns Wort, that brand is really good.

Anyway, I was thinking about the Goddess Diana and looking at the bright full moon from my driveway and its strong strong effect on me caused me Afib or panic attack and I never dared stare at the moon again after that experience. Diana must not be for me or she is overpowering. I leave her alone now. Lol.

1704647756470.jpeg
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
Local time
Today 6:22 PM
Joined
Jul 27, 2013
Messages
5,262
---
Location
Between concrete walls
Medication was a very reluctant choice for me. I’d been off sick from work with this for 6 weeks and despite my best efforts to feel everything and take care of myself it was spiraling and getting worse. Suicidal thoughts started creeping in and that was a hardline for me, as I’ve lost a lot of people to suicide and I couldn’t bare inflicting that on people close to me. They wouldn’t help themselves and died where I can choose to and believe I will.
That sucks.
 

Puffy

"Wtf even was that"
Local time
Today 6:22 PM
Joined
Nov 7, 2009
Messages
3,859
---
Location
Path with heart
I've had one once (I think) I'm not sure if it was a panic attack or something else, arrhythmia perhaps, but it was when I stared at the moonlight for a few minutes, in my 30's, and my heart started beating in a crazy fast pattern that wouldn't stop. I went to the doctor and he prescribed one valium and it totally calmed me down. Never had one again, but it was scarey. I can only suggest something like Holy Basil Extract, Magnesium or Gaba all can help to calm you a lot. I also thought I heard that St. Johns Wort might be helpful. Or, see a doctor and ask for something like a single dose of something.


Anxiety medications, such as benzodiazepines (including Xanax and Ativan), work on GABA transmitters in the brain. Therefore, many researchers believe that St. John's wort could have anxiety-relieving effects due to its effects on GABA transmitters.

Can check amazon for Zazzee brand St. Johns Wort, that brand is really good.

Anyway, I was thinking about the Goddess Diana and looking at the bright full moon from my driveway and its strong strong effect on me caused me Afib or panic attack and I never dared stare at the moon again after that experience. Diana must not be for me or she is overpowering. I leave her alone now. Lol.

View attachment 7549
Thanks, I’ve come across these and take magnesium supplements. 5-HTP is another option as, like SSRIs and St John’s Wort, they work on serotonin levels. You can’t mix any of these though or risk serotonin syndrome.

SSRIs are more powerful and take effect faster than the natural route. I felt it was urgent for my mental health and not losing my job that I take action faster so I didn’t feel I had the time to experiment with it before going on an SSRI. If that route doesn’t work for me though due to the side effects then I’d likely try supplementation again with St John’s Wort, 5-HTP or amanita muscaria.
 

onesteptwostep

Junior Hegelian
Local time
Tomorrow 3:22 AM
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
4,253
---
@Puffy

Panic attacks are pretty overwhelming. How are you managing your stress? Hope you find the groundedness you're seeking for.
Yeah it’s not very nice, do you have experience with it? I was doing breathing exercises, mindfulness and supplements to try and manage the attacks for a few months. They kept getting worse and I wasn’t able to work so I started on an antidepressant about a month ago. It works for blunting the severity of the attacks but I’m hoping the side effects even out as I seem quite sensitive to it. I’m doing CBT and therapy alongside it and hope to wean off the medication when I’m in a better place.

Well, my history with abnormal experiences or abnormal psychology is long, but I did experience a panic attack but realized it as it was happening. It was interesting, with my feeling senses totally becoming claustrophobic and my senses closing in. I do had have much more worse trauma so I figured that I just needed to go rest somewhere, which I did.

I think from a medical/psychological perspective there's an unresponded trauma or continued negative experience which shapes your perceptions as so. So ultimately figuring how to manage that or to respond to that really goes to the source of it. But normally for people who have continued panic attacks this cannot be figured out at the current moment, thus why managing it is usually the most optimal solution currently.

I have my faith and my family, so there's I guess something to fall back to, but for more agnostic persons.. I think the only recourse might be the goodwill. Personally I think what medicine does is manage the severity, but overcoming it I think requires answering what the heart asks for.

I've done CBT a long time ago after some occurances in the military, it was fun. I think what sets apart me from others though is that I have a bit more resilience because I grew up in many different cultures. My American, Korean and Japanese backgrounds help me compartmentalize trauma and help explain why things are the way they are. I think for people who grew up in their own culture and has problems in this sense, the whole experience might be dehibilitating, because you don't have a way to compare it to something else.

I agree for the most part, I feel like there’s a lot weighing on my heart and that it’s ultimately communicating with me to identify what’s causing the pain and what needs to change in my life. I’m sure I’ll be fine, I’ve had a lot of abnormal experiences as well and it tends to work out.

Medication was a very reluctant choice for me. I’d been off sick from work with this for 6 weeks and despite my best efforts to feel everything and take care of myself it was spiraling and getting worse. Suicidal thoughts started creeping in and that was a hardline for me, as I’ve lost a lot of people to suicide and I couldn’t bare inflicting that on people close to me. They wouldn’t help themselves and died where I can choose to and believe I will.

At the moment I can still feel things it’s just not as severe so I can function normally (no suicidal thoughts either). Hopefully I’m able to work to the root of it safely this way, otherwise I might have to just live with family for a while.

I think the church hopefully helps in that it’s a community like family to have around you and support you. Though of course depends on the people in the community I suppose. Maybe also a sense that you’re divinely supported.

I think if suicidal ideation starts creeping in it's time to stay and be with family or close ones so you can recover. A couple of years ago I isolated myself by moving to a far away city, away from friends and relatives, and looking back I think it was a poor decision. My parents live in Japan and I was in Korea at the time, so isolating myself like that was immature of me. There's no one who can physically help you when you're at rock bottom if you isolate yourself like that.

I've had a friend who goned himself, it was a very sobering experience. He and I had very similar backgrounds but he choose to go while I was spared. It's sometimes a mystery why God lets things happen to some people but for others he spares.

Either way your parents are the best people to lean towards I think. There's a reason why family exists, they are to an extent by law and by culture and by history and relation there to take care of you.
 

Puffy

"Wtf even was that"
Local time
Today 6:22 PM
Joined
Nov 7, 2009
Messages
3,859
---
Location
Path with heart
@Puffy

Panic attacks are pretty overwhelming. How are you managing your stress? Hope you find the groundedness you're seeking for.
Yeah it’s not very nice, do you have experience with it? I was doing breathing exercises, mindfulness and supplements to try and manage the attacks for a few months. They kept getting worse and I wasn’t able to work so I started on an antidepressant about a month ago. It works for blunting the severity of the attacks but I’m hoping the side effects even out as I seem quite sensitive to it. I’m doing CBT and therapy alongside it and hope to wean off the medication when I’m in a better place.

Well, my history with abnormal experiences or abnormal psychology is long, but I did experience a panic attack but realized it as it was happening. It was interesting, with my feeling senses totally becoming claustrophobic and my senses closing in. I do had have much more worse trauma so I figured that I just needed to go rest somewhere, which I did.

I think from a medical/psychological perspective there's an unresponded trauma or continued negative experience which shapes your perceptions as so. So ultimately figuring how to manage that or to respond to that really goes to the source of it. But normally for people who have continued panic attacks this cannot be figured out at the current moment, thus why managing it is usually the most optimal solution currently.

I have my faith and my family, so there's I guess something to fall back to, but for more agnostic persons.. I think the only recourse might be the goodwill. Personally I think what medicine does is manage the severity, but overcoming it I think requires answering what the heart asks for.

I've done CBT a long time ago after some occurances in the military, it was fun. I think what sets apart me from others though is that I have a bit more resilience because I grew up in many different cultures. My American, Korean and Japanese backgrounds help me compartmentalize trauma and help explain why things are the way they are. I think for people who grew up in their own culture and has problems in this sense, the whole experience might be dehibilitating, because you don't have a way to compare it to something else.

I agree for the most part, I feel like there’s a lot weighing on my heart and that it’s ultimately communicating with me to identify what’s causing the pain and what needs to change in my life. I’m sure I’ll be fine, I’ve had a lot of abnormal experiences as well and it tends to work out.

Medication was a very reluctant choice for me. I’d been off sick from work with this for 6 weeks and despite my best efforts to feel everything and take care of myself it was spiraling and getting worse. Suicidal thoughts started creeping in and that was a hardline for me, as I’ve lost a lot of people to suicide and I couldn’t bare inflicting that on people close to me. They wouldn’t help themselves and died where I can choose to and believe I will.

At the moment I can still feel things it’s just not as severe so I can function normally (no suicidal thoughts either). Hopefully I’m able to work to the root of it safely this way, otherwise I might have to just live with family for a while.

I think the church hopefully helps in that it’s a community like family to have around you and support you. Though of course depends on the people in the community I suppose. Maybe also a sense that you’re divinely supported.

I think if suicidal ideation starts creeping in it's time to stay and be with family or close ones so you can recover. A couple of years ago I isolated myself by moving to a far away city, away from friends and relatives, and looking back I think it was a poor decision. My parents live in Japan and I was in Korea at the time, so isolating myself like that was immature of me. There's no one who can physically help you when you're at rock bottom if you isolate yourself like that.

I've had a friend who goned himself, it was a very sobering experience. He and I had very similar backgrounds but he choose to go while I was spared. It's sometimes a mystery why God lets things happen to some people but for others he spares.

Either way your parents are the best people to lean towards I think. There's a reason why family exists, they are to an extent by law and by culture and by history and relation there to take care of you.
Thanks for the concern and advice. I’ve been staying with my parents while the medication kicks in. My Dads keen for me to move out as soon as I’m able to get back to work so will likely do so next week.
 

ZenRaiden

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@Puffy I recommend this channel, very eloquent guy, talking about autistic burn out.
 

Black Rose

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@Puffy I recommend this channel, very eloquent guy, talking about autistic burn out.

I got to this point also.

On Jan 1, I walked 8 miles and re-did my whole house and my mom/sister's house.

And I had to get my dog out of the pound and I had to get everyone on the internet to stop bullying me. And I did help like 5 neighbors in one week this year.

I still feel like I have to do stuff but have nothing to do until the transition from my conservator to the mental health center of my finances.

But I did get through a lot of my trauma, I got through a lot of pain.

I had to be honest with people and tell them how I really felt about such and such things in my life.

What I discovered is that the inhibition part of the brain is out of wack. This part tells us when to stop and when to go. This part needs to be trained to be stable.

I also got an email that told me I am Enneagram 7, not Enneagram 9.

KOf9ZvQ.png
 

Old Things

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birdsnestfern

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Got my vision board started. It has a picture of Ganesh in the center, and gratitude and thank yous around the border. Each day we add something different. In this case, we aren't doing the normal type of vision board, its more about allowing a feeling that we want to manifest to come in. Not about efforting, but allowing and becoming.
 

ZenRaiden

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But I did get through a lot of my trauma, I got through a lot of pain.
That is great. Trauma is bitch to handle.

Got my vision board started. It has a picture of Ganesh in the center, and gratitude and thank yous around the border. Each day we add something different. In this case, we aren't doing the normal type of vision board, its more about allowing a feeling that we want to manifest to come in. Not about efforting, but allowing and becoming.
cool.
 

Black Rose

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@Puffy This is good vid also about how to handle autistic burnout.

This is somewhat the topic we had in the therapy group today about getting into the body and doing what is right for you. We all need a way to self-regulate calm down and go to baseline but not by talking exactly all the time. Sometimes sensory deprivation works and sometimes exercise and other timing methods. It is not good to keep all the energy inside all the time. It needs to come out or be blocked off from the outside wherever it comes from. And we need to eat right and reduce stress.

I ate two green apples at the same time and then vomited because toxins were in my stomach. Apples absorb poison so I needed to flush the system. And I have constipation because I mentally keep tight on the inside and cannot feel my heartbeat at all. The adrenaline gland is on top of the kidneys and they boost your energy but for long periods of overuse, this drains the system and decreases immune responses.

So the just of the video is to do the best thing you can do for the body first then the emotional and mental problems will be easier to fix and go away.
 

ZenRaiden

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So the just of the video is to do the best thing you can do for the body first then the emotional and mental problems will be easier to fix and go away.
Yeah. Grounding oneself, finding the right resting methods. Its not easy, and for each person its different.
 

Old Things

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Yesterday when I was working out, I got the first "pump" I have experienced in a long long time. It felt like energy coursing through my veins like adrenaline. To be honest, I wasn't even thinking about getting a pump at all. I just experienced it and immediately recognized what it was. It's like a body high that just feels like a ton of energy. I'm not really even that strong. I guess it comes from continuing to push your body hard. Now, normally any time you work out you will release endorphins in your body that make you feel good. But getting a pump is different than that. It's like getting a runner's high only different because you get it from doing harder work with your muscles. It was really nice. It might be because I started taking that supplement I linked earlier called Myohealth. I hope I get it again.

Also, I got some dumbbells. I think I got some that are not heavy enough though because it doesn't seem like these will last me very long. I was able to do 8-10 reps of curls without going to failure with them. I only got 15lbs. But I am only 5'4" and only weigh about 130 lbs. I think it is because I have been doing pullups that this weight with curls was not that hard. I think the pullups are strengthening my biceps. But I will keep these dumbbells for a while since weights are pretty expensive. I also used one to do side squats with. I just held the dumbbell close to my chest with my hands and did my side squats like I normally do them. I only thought of it for the last set though. But I will say adding that 15 extra pounds made me work my legs harder because I am sore in my glutes today (and my biceps from doing curls). I also went to failure twice doing pullups. I have been mixing up the grip for my pullups lately. So I did a set of 5 reps for a narrow grip (supposed to be easier way of doing pullups) of pullups and a set of almost 4 for wide grip (and did another set in there too since I always do 3 sets). I had been doing wide grip. But I think I worked out a lot harder than I normally do yesterday since I added curls so doing pullups was harder. It was even harder doing pushups than normal. That's probably because I am just overall doing more work with my arms. I also felt so energized from getting the pump that I did not wait that long to switch to another exercise. I will usually do one exercise and then wait about 10 minutes and then do another exercise and after I have done my three exercises (pushups, side squats, and pullups) I will wait another 20-30 minutes and then repeat the whole thing again (and then again for 3 sets). But this time I pretty much immediately went from one exercise to the next one. So I think I was just overall working a lot harder yesterday. I pretty much got the pump immediately after doing my first set of pushups after doing a set of curls. Maybe it was that I was introducing a new exercise that I got a pump? IDK. It was great though!
 

Old Things

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Got me a fancy scale. I haven't had a scale for myself since moving out of my parents house at the end of 2019. I have not had a scale for over four years. But here is what my scale said.

Weight Stuff Feb 29 2024.jpg
 

Old Things

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I started a new workout routine today. I have adapted some things to make them harder. This is more or less the workout routine. The program comes with explanations of what exercises to do and how to do them.
Calisthenics Routine.png
 

Old Things

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Damn man you seem like you are doing fine.

I am not making as much progress as I would like.

I was barely able to do three sets of 5 pullups, but the hardest thing to do was the horizontal pull and I went to failure given I was not able to do the full 8 reps. I think this is because it is a new exercise that works out a different muscle group than I have been working out before. I had to make the "step up" much more difficult because that was way too easy. It just felt like walking up stairs. So I went with side squats for that (the same exercise I was doing before).

This new routine will have me working out three times a week instead of two. We will see how that works out. I'm 37 years old so recovery time might be longer for me than a 20-year-old.
 

ZenRaiden

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This new routine will have me working out three times a week instead of two. We will see how that works out. I'm 37 years old so recovery time might be longer for me than a 20-year-old.
The progress def different at 37, but hitting a plateau is common. Id say both squats and pull ups are intense exercises overall.
 

Old Things

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I did the second exercise routine from the workout routine I talked about above.

It completely kicked my butt! I remember I used to be able to do pistol squats without much difficulty in high school. They are ridiculously hard for me now! It made me feel like a chump! L-Sits are also extremely difficult! I did that one so so terribly! Looking to improve over time, for sure!
 

ZenRaiden

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! I remember I used to be able to do pistol squats without much difficulty in high school.
I used to be able to do those too, but if I did one now, Id be in wheel chair no joke.

L sits is one of the best exercise, but years of slouching and degenerate modern lifestyle Id be lucky to do regular sit ups.

That said I don't struggle much with overall strength, but right now low energy is my kryptonite.
 

Old Things

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I tried working out twice in 48 hours like the workout plan suggests, and it was just too much. My body has not recovered yet. My legs feel weak just walking outside. So, I will start to do my workouts on Monday and Thursday with the new workout routine. I was doing Monday and Thursday before but with less exercises. It seems I had already found my equilibrium before and tried to push too hard.
 

ZenRaiden

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For me its 30 to 40 percent exercise.
That is if my max is 100 percent I reduce it to less than half. I think it fits my heavier body type.
 

Old Things

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I think more often, people do not push themselves hard enough, especially if they are working out in their own homes or by themselves. There are exceptions, but this seems to make sense to me. I recall hearing a story of a guy who had a Navy Seal stay with him to toughen him up, and on the first day, the Seal had him do 100 pullups in one day. The lesson was that people can do a lot more than what they think they can do.
 

Old Things

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I've been working on stretching my hip flexors because I have an anterior pelvic tilt. It just means my hip flexors are too tight, so it tilts my pelvis forward, leading to my belly sticking out a little. I'm not at all fat, but it makes it look like my belly sticks out more than my butt because of the tilt. It's a pain in the butt, though, because I have to stretch several times a day if I want to be effective with this. There are various exercises I could do for this, but I've gone with a stretch that is similar to a lunge, with one knee on the ground and one leg in front of me. I should add another one, but it's already more stretching than I like to do (as I don't really like stretching much).
 

ZenRaiden

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had a Navy Seal stay with him to toughen him up, and on the first day, the Seal had him do 100 pullups in one day.
Oh I know I can do lot more. But the limits are kind of danger zone for me, injuries and such.
Its the injuries I fear, as they are major set backs, often made me depressed as well.
Had couple of them, and they seem to be a big problem. For most injuries I had there was only one solution lose weight and wait. Which means no exercising.
 

ZenRaiden

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I should add another one, but it's already more stretching than I like to do (as I don't really like stretching much).
The trouble with stretching its very passive, and the benefits are often invisible.
 

Old Things

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Just started working out seriously for the first time today in months. I lost a lot of strength. I was only able to do six pull-ups total (sets of three, one, two) which before I was doing three sets of five.

It seems the exercise program I was using disappeared from my Adobe Reader for some reason. I think the company I got it from got rid of it or something. But I see there is an image above of the name of the exercises, so I guess I am still good to go with it!

What I did today is three sets of 8 deep push-ups, I did three sets of 8 step-ups where I was trying to get as low as I could comfortably because I was to work towards doing pistol squats. I mentioned the pull-ups. I also did planks. I also did horizontal-pulls of three sets of five.

Glad I have the workout routine I was doing before in the image in this thread. I thought I no longer would have any access to it, but it seems I do.
 

Old Things

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@Puffy,

Here's an example of a thread I made with no intention of bringing religion into the discussion. Some of my threads are aimed at that specifically, but not all of them. Sometimes it's just about sharing things and things being shared with me.
 

Old Things

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I improved what I did since last time.

Increased push-ups to 10X3 (I would say doing the push-ups the way I do them is probably 1.5-2:1). Increased pull-ups to 3X3. Added a verticle push exercise with some dumbbells. Today I did this exercise where I am trying to work up to a pistol squat. It's where you stand on something (I used a plastic bucket) and squat down putting one leg down and behind you. Then you move that leg forward and squat down. I was able to do this 2X3. Also did planks, ab roller, and a horizontal pull.

This is the leg exercise I was talking about:


It's called a touchdown squat. I can go all the way down for about two reps.
 

Old Things

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Just did this Sunday AM before I ate or drank anything. Not as good as before I stopped working out. But the muscle weight (and other things) is not accurate. The weight is accurate and probably the BMI, but beyond that, it is really only good to see general improvements over a lengthy amount of time.

Weight Stuff Aug 18 2024.jpg
 

Old Things

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I decided to do a hybrid kind of way to do push-ups. Now I go down slowly and try and explode up. It's a lot harder to do it this way. The idea is to mix doing both slow and fast reps. Slow reps build muscle and give better quality of muscle but explosive movements increase strength. When I am strong enough to do this I want to do the same thing with pull-ups. Go down slowly and explode up. But it will be a while yet. Probably not until I can do 10 pull-ups at a time.
 
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