Second guessing

[SpaceYeti]

So I was hanging with a battle today, who's in a leadership position. Because I'm inebriated as all hells, I shared my weakness of second guessing. I understand making a decision and sticking to it, but I also understand how later information might make you regret your decision. What do you do to offset your second guess disappointment?

 

[Magus]

You were hanging with a battle today?

I always second guess myself. It is a real problem for me as it can stop me from committing to long term things. I feel I need to be adaptive I guess and committing to something without second guessing myself and then regretting whatever I chose is nearly impossible.

I think it has something to do with INTPs Ti relentlessly refining of our understanding not giving any slack. Other types might be able to say something like 'I study these subjects at university because they're fun, or I like them' but for an INTP we're constantly thinking about which is objectively the best (or at least useful) subjects/majors etc given you want to be somewhere specific upon graduating. We aren't really in touch with our own values and refuse to give them any validity (because logically why should your biases count for more that someone elses?) so we end up not backing ourselves. At least thats my interpretation so far.

There is also the annoyance factor. Because we tend to be out of touch with and find it hard to control our response to emotions such as annoyance we run the risk of interpreting emotional responses to things as objective inputs in decision making. E.g. 'I don't enjoy this, this is making me annoyed, so I'm going to stop as its obviously not the right, thing time to think about what I should be doing' (cartoonish example of course). Other types might be more emotionally in control and think something along the lines of; 'oh I'm annoyed at studying this, I will give myself a break but won't think of quitting/changing course because I know this is important.'

Perhaps a better question, how do you make decisive decisions?

 

[r4ch3l]

What do you do to offset your second guess disappointment?

Get inebriated.

 

[BigApplePi]

What do you do to offset your second guess disappointment?

By saying to yourself your first choice was the best one at the time. Not tentative if you had to decide then. But tentative if further input allows you to change your actions. If changing one's action is impractical, one accepts that one didn't have all the data initially.

This applies to military situations. If one has to take the hill, then bombard and charge it. After the charge if the enemy is entrenched and casualties high, one has to decide whether to call it off and try something else, or proceed anyway.

Maybe I haven't understood the situation though.

 

[SpaceYeti]

Well, this isn't about any particular situation. I also have no problem actually making a decision when I need to. However, I do look back on my decisions and, given time to think, I realize it would have been better to do something else. The problem isn't my ability to decide, more it's bothering myself about what the decision was after some hindsight. The problem is that sometimes it's improper to go back on a decision, because you took charge and made a decision, and going back on it is, by then, less effective still.

My problem is continuing to support a less than ideal decision. I consider it a virtue to admit when you're wrong, but leadership in the Army strongly encourages not doing it. At least, not to your subordinates. With good reason, too. You don't want them to second guess you all the time, too.

But I still respect someone more for admitting they were wrong than for continuing with a decision that's ineffective or bad even after considering the situation. Even if going back on the plan is more bother than it's worth, you can at least admit it's not the best plan that could have been done, but it's what's happening so let's do it.

 

[Pizzabeak]

I was following this girl a few days ago and she definitely noticed me after a while. I was kinda far behind her but I was able to see her go inside an ice cream shop. My immediate reaction was to go in there and initiate, since that seemed to be what she wanted. Instead, I saw a security guard in there and then the possibility arose that she went in there because she saw said security guard and wanted to be safe from my creepy self. I lurked from a safe distance until I saw her exit and her gestures and positioning suggested she saw me and was still interested, so I started following her again.
I'll skip a whole bunch of detail because the overall mission was a "failure", although that isn't to say the "data" gained from this "experiment" was negligible, or the experience not interesting. When I told someone about this he said I should have attacked when she went in the ice cream shop instead of second guessing. I kind of figured that at the time. Anyway, who knows what would have happened had I made that decision. It could have turned out the same either way, so. This is sort of the most recent example of kinda wishing I went with my first inclination, if only to satisfy the curiosity of wondering what would have happened... It's possible I'm better off hitherto via "the river's natural flow" or, "some call it God, reality, momentum, force". Unless physical actions & consequences can be objectively quantized, compared & contrasted we'll never know for sure since otherwise it's all rather subjective and opinionated, no?

 

[BigApplePi]

For here and now action there is no 2nd guessing. That action is ALWAYS right even if it's wrong.

When we are considering future actions, those actions have yet to be taken. Any proposal can be 2nd guessed.

Past actions can always be changed. Hindsight being 20/20 sees things much more clearly.

 

[Isley]

For here and now action there is no 2nd guessing. That action is ALWAYS right even if it's wrong.

When we are considering future actions, those actions have yet to be taken. Any proposal can be 2nd guessed.

Past actions can always be changed. Hindsight being 20/20 sees things much more clearly.

I agree.


I also don't consider a retrospective thought to be a second-thought. A second-thought (in my opinion) occurs while you are executing the decision in question, at which point you become ambivalent in the present, with contemporaneous information. If you learn something new later, all you're doing really is ruminating. You can't change what you've already decided (typically).


In general, I don't second-guess, or toil with myself. I always take all of the time afforded to me to come to a sensible determination. Sometimes results are favorable, sometimes they're not. Frequently, I find that when results are not what one has expected, they're viewed as unfavorable, and people posture themselves psychologically to believe this when really that may not be the case. Resourcefulness, and optimism will mitigate a lot of perceived misery. Lmao.


Good luck.


Very Sincerely & Respectfully,

Isley