Reality seemingly less real

[kantor1003]

I can't sleep, so I decided to start a thread.

I don't know what's happened to me, if anything at all...I have always been absent minded, but not like this, or to this extent. It seems that the world around me is more distant in nature then what it used to be... don't know how to explain it other than linking it metaphorically to the act of observing something (in this case, reality) through a thick glass window... this is also probably why when I speak to someone, or they speak to me, it is like the communication, or whole human relation passes through several filters, watering it down. I guess that's why I have a hard time REALLY "connecting" with anyone... and even with the one person I am REALLY "connected" with, I haven't REALLY connected the way I'd like it to be.. if that makes any sense (sorry, I can't really explain it properly) It seems like one are doomed to a life of loneliness..in the sense, that you can never REALLY be understood or understand others - connect.

Any inputs? Perhaps someone can relate? Any advice? What can be the cause? The overly thinking/blurry/rational mind? All the time spent in this virtual internet world?

 

[Kokoro]

That's a pretty good description of something that I have had trouble describing. Visually, for myself, it's like looking without really seeing anything. I have no idea as to the cause and am curious as well.

Has this been happening for an extended period of time? If so, for how long? For me, it always passes. It's usually a matter of minutes at least or a matter of days at most. So, perhaps there can be hope in the idea of it passing?

 

[Words]

Depression? Anxiety?

I had an experience wherein I feared I would lose my grasp on reality. It's an irrational thought resulted from some sort of disorder.

 

[Kuu]

Welcome to my brain.


The first time I really noticed and understood the vast gap that lies between people, I thought of destroying the AT fields of people to unite them all into a collective consciousness I proceeded to spend a whole year in a semi-zombie dream state.

One has to learn to love imperfection in all things.

 

[Kokoro]

Depression? Anxiety?

While I am not sure if I truly know what those are like, if what kantor is discribing is what I am thinking of, then it is something different that those two. Although, maybe they are combined somehow...

 

[kantor1003]

Koro:I think it has lasted for about half a year... but it is really hard for me to pinpoint as I am not sure if this just is a creation of my mind, and that there possibly hasn't been any real change... it sure seems like it though.

"Visually, for myself, it's like looking without really seeing anything."
Could you elaborate?

 

[kantor1003]

Depression? Anxiety?

I had an experience wherein I feared I would lose my grasp on reality. It's an irrational thought resulted from some sort of disorder.

I don't think it's either of those. Maybe I should check out symptoms of depression, but I am really not depressed.. but I know too little about it to say.
I am not afraid of this feeling; fascinates me more than it scares me. At least for now
It could be a disorder. There are so many of them that some of them probably match to some extent thanks for your input "words".

Welcome to my brain.


The first time I really noticed and understood the vast gap that lies between people, I thought of destroying the AT fields of people to unite them all into a collective consciousness I proceeded to spend a whole year in a semi-zombie dream state.

One has to learn to love imperfection in all things.

When was the first time you really noticed and understood? What made that happen?
So, I have a year of zombie confinement to look forward to? Thanks for the encouraging words :P

 

[Polaris]

It sounds as if you are experiencing some kind of alienation. Your mind has created a gap between yourself and others.

Could it be a protective mechanism?

I think you are onto something by stating it is possibly a creation of your mind, as everything we observe and consequently interpret, is subject to our own subjectiveness.

Have you tried to disconnect from your thoughts?

By doing that you are more able to take in what is going on around you without interference of personal bias or judgement, and thereby disable the subtle mechanisms that step into action as a result of those thoughts.

Such a subtle mechanism can be the establishment of distance, or a barrier between yourself and the world you are in. Hence the feeling of everything else being on "the outside".

Only guessing, correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[Logos]

Perhaps you just need to take a step back and take a look at your life... you know like reassess the path you're on at the moment and attempt to define your asperations in better clarity. Have you had any dreams in which you are falling lately? Do you feel dissapointed in yourself (as an INTP the classifications of feelings tend to be hard for me to sort out)? Maybe the cause of your detachment from your surroundings is a result of some sort of motivational issue. I think periods of detachment is just our minds way of telling us it's time for some serious introspection. Anyway there's my 2 cents

Perhaps this will help (although I haven't had the time to watch it yet).
YouTube- What Is Truth?
(sorry for always giving you long videos to watch)

 

[Kokoro]

Koro:I think it has lasted for about half a year... but it is really hard for me to pinpoint as I am not sure if this just is a creation of my mind, and that there possibly hasn't been any real change... it sure seems like it though.

Maybe we are talking about a different perception(not sure if that is the right word), even though the symptoms sound similar, because I have never experienced this perception for that long. Sure, there is always that constant disconnectedness that seems to be common for our type, if you will. However, what I am talking about is another level, a deeper level of disconnectedness that, as you said, is hard to explain. I have trouble imagining it lasting up to half a year. Interesting though.

Could you elaborate?

I can try. That was my attempt at describing the overall experience in stricly visual terms. To make the action of looking(in the broad sense) without being able to actually see(as in, pick out specifically and understand or recognize) anything.

 

[kantor1003]

Polaris:
Interesting. It could be a protective mechanism.. but don't think thats the case with me. I haven't really had any reasons to escape reality that I am aware of.

"Have you tried to disconnect from your thoughts?" Thats the problem, how does one disconnect from their thoughts? I think all the different links/thoughts that constantly lurks in the foreground in every specific scenario is a big part of the reason why this illusionary distancing occour.. or, it isn't really illusionary.. but yeah, it distracts my ability to focus on the here and now.

Is this where eastern philosophy/mysticism comes in?

 

[Logos]

Is this where eastern philosophy/mysticism comes in?

It's always something to think about... although that's kind of the problem isn't it

 

[Polaris]

Thats the problem, how does one disconnect from their thoughts? I think all the different links/thoughts that constantly lurks in the foreground in every specific scenario is a big part of the reason why this illusionary distancing occour.. or, it isn't really illusionary.. but yeah, it distracts my ability to focus on the here and now.

Is this where eastern philosophy/mysticism comes in?

Yes, as much as eastern philosophy/mysticism has become a bit of a worn out old rag of a topic.....there is a vast universe of knowledge to be gained from these practices.

I think we need to get rid of the tags "eastern philosophy", "mysicism", and all those words that render the actual knowledge meaningless......

Perhaps we could just call it "disengagement from thought". Again more words......

Disengaging from thought isn't difficult, in fact it can be done right now.

All you have to do is close your eyes and wait for your next thought to come. This obviously takes some level of concentration and focus, but it is quite interesting when you do this.

So you are waiting for your next thought, like a cat waiting outside a mouse-hole.

Be patient, and see what happens.

To begin with, you may be able to disengage for a few seconds. That's a pretty good start, though.

With practice, you can extend the disengagement up to half an hour, or as many hours as you wish.

I have managed to disengage from thought up to an hour. Of course, things will fleetingly try to push into your mind, but what I do is imagine I have this huge broom, and I use it to sweep the thoughts away. Also just being open to the thought and letting it hang there like the useless thing it is, is another trick. Watch it hang there like a sleeping bat in a cave.

You may have images, or music popping into your mind. That's okay, don't resist these, just let them come and go.

These exercises become easier as you practice, it is like anything we need to retrain our brains to do.

When you do need your thoughts, they will be much clearer and you will find a healthy level of detachment from your own subjectivity.

People will also become more interesting, I find, as I am not clouded by my own self-absorption.

Sorry if I sound like some quasi-guru, but I found these things quite helpful for my own bewildered head.

 

[Beat Mango]

Depersonalization? Derealization? Or not as severe?

I've had textbook depersonalization. All the standard psychologically healthy practices will help: regular exercise, light meditation, doing things you enjoy, etc. Underlying stress or a "bewildered head" to use Polaris's term might be a cause. Truth be told the mind is a great thing but these things can happen when we get too attached to it.

 

[intuitivet]

I had that a little while ago, turned out I have sinusitis It got better when I was given antibiotics, now things feel real.
Other than that, depression, anxiety, stress or depersonalisation I think.

 

[kantor1003]

Logos:
I haven't had too many recallable dreams lately, but definitely haven't had any dreams where I have been falling. Has been a while since last one.
I think some sort of disappointment always lurks in the background, thats the result of me being overly self critical.. but I don't think I have some disappointment issues that really bothers me as of late.
I'll take a look at that video sometime soon, and no need to be sorry, always nice to see some new stuff

I can try. That was my attempt at describing the overall experience in stricly visual terms. To make the action of looking(in the broad sense) without being able to actually see(as in, pick out specifically and understand or recognize) anything.

Seems very strange that condition. I think I know to some extent what you are referring to, and I think that happens to me once in a while, but I never have those for a long periods of time either.

Polaris: I am sorry, I didn't mean to belittle it at all.. and thanks think silencing my head will require lots of effort/practice.

Banana/beat mango:
Depersonalization seemed very accurate. I don't think it's that severe, but it's hard to say. I should have a second brain to boot from for comparison sake.
I don't do regular exercise and I am not sure what things I really enjoy doing anymore.
I sometimes have some stress issues (strange considering how lazy I am, but I guess the act of not doing can lead to some really stressful nagings in my head), and I definitely have a "bewildered head". Thanks for the input.

Intuitivet: *checking out sinusitis on wikipedia*

 

[Cognisant]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis

http://www.sengifted.org/articles_counseling/Webb_ExistentialDepressionInGiftedIndividuals.shtml

*hugs kantor*

It's okay, your just waking up to reality, due to the relatively recent emergence of human sentience and the recent leaps in education (the internet) evolution has yet to prepare the human brain for the process of existential awakening, that's why it hurts.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nihilism

Nobody likes it when they realise even their most treasured values aren't supported by reality, that there is no objective right or wrong, that truth is never absolute, that the universe has no consideration for the individual, but if you persist the discomfort will pass, your perspective will change, and you'll learn to appreciate what you've always taken for granted, that the meaning in/of life is yours to decide.

Keep walking the path kantor, keep questioning, you've already come so far.

Don't forget to question me either, I'm only human too.

 

[kantor1003]

OreSama:
Thanks for your input. I am already familiar with nihilism and existential crisis, but it doesn't hurt to read it again
Not sure if EC is what causes the "symptoms" I portrayed in the OP.
I can really relate to many things in the second article though.. but I think I accept the meaninglessness of existence.. or maybe, to some extent, I am like everyone else, creating small/shallow frameworks of meaning.. I don't think I do.. but it is hard to say how one operate. Discovering hidden self illusions/lies within your own mind, is probably like looking for a hay filled needle in a haystack from within the needle..or something
Oh, and thanks for giving me my first virtual hug *awkwardly hugs oresama back*

 

[Vatroslav]

Yes, a good thing- to question your own foundations. If they fall apart- they were not true. Question them, destroy them if you must, and build new foundations on reality. The mistake of existentialism is just that- trying to escape from the cold objective reality. Why "nothing" should not have a meaning? It is a meaning for itself... unable to perceive reality our mind calls it "nothing"... dare to question the foundations if you have the need to.

 

[warryer]

I can definitely relate to you on this kantor. I sometimes feel as though my body goes through the daily motions under the control of some kind of puppet master. I'm thinking that that puppet master is the REAL me.

Are you able to see it that way? In a dissociative kind of way? Where you have you and your body as separate entities.

Yet because of these "filters" (good word) there is room for interpretation. Kind of like rounding errors in math. It's unfortunate that this is how it is (does it have to be?).

The world feels so fake.

 

[Deckard]

This sounds like dissociation / depersonalisation / derealisation. I've heard many people describe these exact symptoms. Basically, the world doesn't seem real, and you feel removed from your life and from what is going on around you. The phenomena seems to be very specific, and common, and often transient, so I suspect it may be caused by hormone or neurotransmitter imbalances.

 

[aracaris]

hmmm, I am familiar with that sense of alienation from other human beings that I think you are describing, though I don't find that it bothers me much anymore generally (probably in part because I've managed to find the one person that can really serve as an "anchor" for me, but it's also seemed like less and less of a bad thing to me anyways).

But this thread makes me think of something else I experience sometimes, which may or may not really be something similar to your own experience(?). I on occasion get pulled into this state where the world starts to seem surreal. When it's really bad I'll start getting this sense of confusion, where I'll get this feeling that what I'm looking at isn't really even what I have known it to be, even though on an intellectual level I know better. It has gotten to the point before where I can't really fully recognize things, and not due to any sort of loss of memory, but because I lose the emotional sense of familiarity with them, so it's like I get the emotional equivalent of amnesia.