Was reading your other thread as well. Take care of yourself. The world is filled with ambitious people, who construct a dream for themselves and dreams tend to turn to nightmares and they are polarizing too. Some dreams affect other people more than a personal dream ever should. No need to get involved with that shit.
When you let go of ambitions relative to relationships or dreams involving other people or anything else, except physical health, you may seem to loose "humanity", but idealist attachment is just a false notion of "humanity".
Without it you are just ready to rediscover true nature, without violent demands.
I hope you don't have a disease. Nature can have diseases.
It's not an ideal or safe-haven, but better than a nightmare.
It's usually good, while it lasts. It's a monkey business.
YOU decide that YOU are allowed to live, when you feed on anything. This can be declared a rule for yourself, it is YOUR own rule, not THE rule of the universe. It serves your habits, your organism, the stability of your mind. Every day you will feed, without thinking about it again.
Purely hypothetically speaking: You may decide to murder someone, who stands in your way, whatever the fuck you think your way is. Best case, you are trying to fetch a coffee. Just once or you decide, that as a rule, you are generally allowed to murder anyone who stands in your way, any way, so you don't have to think as much about it again. You rule is, to simplify: I take whatever i want, coffee, lives, it's the same to me.
"Why should one be allowed to exist if he/she is constantly and relentlessly the disgust of a society which adopts certain ideals."
Have a good look at how boundary violating the thinking right there is. One should or should not be allowed to live???? So EVERY ONE in society should decide upon cultivating a rule for himself, that concerns not even himself, but OTHER lives - taking other lives? And everyone should implement the same rule, for the sake of what, predictability? If everyone is going to violate boundaries, than the way in which they do it should better be compatible with life, not just logically coherent with each other, or else everyone dies. This is going to be fucking complicated.
As a rule, we might all start by violating boundaries of others only in a soft manner, that does not bloody end their physical lives. This simplifies the survival of our species enormously.
So most of us settle, as a rule, to violate boundaries by merely making other people feel bad, by telling them what they should think and do, all fucking day long, until they can't hear their own thoughts any more and we call this society or social network, but its kinda like psychiatry.
Boundary violations fail the test of what would be desirable, if everyone did it. Boundary violations aren't desirable. Thus, you should not be allowed, by your own "kantegorical" reasoning, to end someone's existence or to inject your judgements (choices or rule) into the actions of others by some kind of force.
So some of us, as a rule, try to avoid boundary violations, outside of self-defense. We make rules only for ourselves. As a rule, we will eat, preferably plants. We humbly reserve some living quarters for ourselves. Etc. The concept of allowance does not come into it. We just try to get away with it, because we found that we want to, organically and repeatedly.
In the case of conflicts of interest, we try to assume that the other party, like us, has their own rules, regarding their own self (only), within their own boundaries and apart from rigid rules, called personality, they also have solid needs (concerning only themselves) and we try to respect both as much as possible, as we respect our own needs, when we choose our own rules or personality.
We don't respect it, if they cultivate boundary violating rules or impulses on the regular.
If this post sounds basic, wait a second.
This is the difference between borderline-pathology and sanity. In borderline, the individual does not exist. The thinking is an obsession with the cultivation of relationships, which is the application of rules (expectations of regularity) to the actions of both self and other, so half of these expectations (rules) are always boundary violating, but actually, the other half is also boundary violating, because dismisses the individual, which does not exist, as it has not been cultivated, it has never been feed for its own purpose, was only used to cultivate relationships, enslaved by the search of regularities, of control. The borderliner will study gender studies and spend his lifetime stalking other people, trying to control their actions. He will invest himself in relationships, that match the expectation (rules) he has constructed for unconscious reasons and he will kill everyone, who does not fit into this picture any more, because why should they deserve to exist, when he has no use (rule) for them?
Its pretty fucking exhausting for everyone. Try sanity. Eat something, for your own sake, not so you are fit for a fuck or for army or whatever the old relationship aka assigned-purpose (=slavery) model is.
So you see, insanity has to do with a broken understanding of boundaries. In all insanities, there is an obsession with relationships of sorts, that precedes and corrupts how and why the individual thinks an acts as an individual, to the point where a real individual personality (true-self-serving rules) is hardly discernible. The core motive of a narcissist is to prove a subjetive narrative, that is typically untrue and makes him seem superior, which usually involves destroying the social standing of other people, rather than accomplishing anything on their own. What the hell is he getting out of this? An imagined relationship, you might say, but how does that really touch the individual, the organism? Where is the individual? You can't find it in his conscious psyche. There is just a narrative, which is a total lie, designed to manipulate relationships of interaction.
The shizoid feels himself as a purely intellectual, perceptive and analytical entity, who is not allowed to take any socially noticeable room, except perhaps a tiny bit of physical space and visual appearance. The main rule for relationships is to hide that intellectual self from boundary violating people. An authentically acting self could not be hidden from them, as there are too many conflicts of interest, which provoke boundary violating people to make the individual feel bad, by telling them what they should think and do instead, all fucking day long, until they can't hear their own thoughts any more. So the actions of the self remain minimal, designed primarily to avoid conflict of interests, never to serve the self. As a result the shizoid has not developed a character of self-serving rules, beyond basics, such as eating, he is unable to name any sophisticated wish. He sees what others have and may want something kinda like that but isn't really sure if it would be a match for him, as there is nothing to match it against.
Other insanities .. Schizophrenia ... is harder to describe. Most are mixing up elements.
