Question

[Fallenman]

My first post, and just an interesting observation.
One aspect of the INTP personality is that INTP's are at times cold hearted. I actually don't remember if it was for the INTJ or the INTP that INTP's can be rather critical, although I think this is a quality attributable to both personality types.

With this in mind, doesn't it seem strange that on the one hand INTP's avoid conflict like the plague, and yet at times instigate conflict by being critical.

I actually don't like being critical after the realization of the conflict it causes and will seldom raise any criticisms except in my mind. But on occasion when I've come to know a person quite a bit, I'll sometimes be overtly critical and simply state what I believe to be true about the person.

Heres where I think I may be mistaken about this supposed critical quality about the INTP genre, I'll typically only dine to be critical when I've developed some animosity with the person in question.

My personal experience with it right now is over this girl who I had developed a close connection with, shes an ENFJ. I was displaying some insecurities due to some personal problems and I'm sure that made me standoffish, and so when I asked her out she rejected me stating that infamous lines "lets just be friends". After she gave me that line and ardently attempted to simply just be friends with me, I assented but with the added aspect that now I didn't mind being honest with her.

So while I opened up thinking these were contradicting personality traits, I suppose I will reword it to, has this type of scenario happened to any of you? Where you became rather.. blunt with a person.

 

[Black Rose]

I am very blunt with the people I know. But not in public.

 

[Kuu]

I'm very blunt with most people, be it in public or not.

truth > feelings.... only because diplomacy > drama do I hold back. Some people have no ears for the truth :/

 

[Fallenman]

Alright so if one doesn't care for diplomacy and speaks nothing but the truth (a principle I wholeheartedly agree with) then why avoid conflict? If we avoid conflict then why start it with the truth? Are you only truthful to the ones who can handle it, or people you know?

 

[Lithorn]

I don't think the two are really contradictory. Objective, critical observations do not seem to us to be something to get upset over. Causing conflict was not the intention but rather the inadvertent result, because we sometimes can't predict how feelers will react.

 

[Fallenman]

Ok how good are you guys on delivery? I'm blamed for not being able to sugar coat my criticisms lol. Is that something you've learned to do or think is a valuable lesson to learn?

 

[Trebuchet]

Ok how good are you guys on delivery? I'm blamed for not being able to sugar coat my criticisms lol. Is that something you've learned to do or think is a valuable lesson to learn?

I definitely learned how to do that, and years of practice paid off. It is certainly valuable, but it doesn't come easily or quickly. Still, it is well worth the effort. It does a lot for maintaining friendships, not getting fired from jobs, and getting what you want from others.

There have been a lot of threads about the INTP ability to manipulate others, and this would lend itself to that. But I do it out of a desire to communicate better. If you offer a criticism that offends, you won't get anywhere. If you present it well, though, you can get your message across. Besides, it is more polite, and therefore helps with getting along with people in general.

 

[EditorOne]

"Causing conflict was not the intention but rather the inadvertent result, because we sometimes can't predict how feelers will react."

Bingo. Wish I'd said that.