Please Respect My Opinion

[Cognisant]

A brunette passes her on the tracks skipping and singing "21, 21, 21..." The blonde eagerly asks "May I join you?" The brunette nods, and says, "You may, but only if you can REALLY concentrate." "I can do that!" exclaims the blonde happily. And so, they both proceed to skip along the middle of the track, singing "21, 21, 21..." After some time, the brunette hears the whistle of a coming train behind them. So, she steps off the track. However, the blonde is concentrating so deeply on the singing and skipping, she is oblivious to the danger behind her. She is struck by the train, and is killed instantly. Once the train has passed, the brunette steps back onto the track. She resumes skipping down the track, and begins to sing again. "22, 22, 22..."

This thread works the same way as the joke above, I want everyone to post inflammatory opinions but they can't be your actual opinions, for example I'm notoriously anti-religious so I would pretend to be a rabid puritanical evangelical god-botherer and this is the important part: It has to be to a ridiculous extent.

It has to be so ridiculous that nobody in their right mind can take you seriously because the whole point of the thread is to bait people into taking it seriously, the sort of lazy people who join a thread without reading the opening post. When that happens whoever wrote the inflammatory post they responded to gets a Meaningless Internet Point!!! and the person who took the thread seriously gets linked to this post to discover their foolishness.

If you post an insufficiently ridiculous opinion you risk being called out for a fool and a Meaningless Internet Point!!! being won at your expense, remember it needs to be so ridiculous nobody in their right mind can take you seriously, not just an opinion you disagree with or an obvious satire of an opinion you disagree with, it needs to be bold heartfelt and so very stupid.

Note that my example of being a rabid puritanical evangelical god-botherer is just an example, indeed a bad one since religion is already ridiculous I'll have to work extra special hard to make it so utterly ridiculous even a legitimately crazy religious person would take umbrage, whereas being ridicuously political (left, right, centrist or absurdist, you decide!) is much easier.

 

[Black Rose]

I had been doing some magic spells when I started hallucinating. I had opened up a portal in my mind. It was not random. It was about sexual energy. Lucifer is a female spirit. Any spirit that is summoned has a form/shape that exists in the human psyche. That is why the magic ritual caused hallucinations. I had programmed my subconscious to produce the sexual chakra to release. Two months later I made the heart chakra release. It is all in the psyche being programmed from the collective unconscious. From birth, we are preprogrammed to be susceptible to the chakras. Susceptible to ritual magic and the spirits.

Dates and alignments do happen that program the chakras. My ritual happened on a certain date. It was not random. The date was 1,260 days after Dec 21, 2012. I did not plan this. 1,260 is a biblical number. More numbers exist. 666 days after the ritual is easter April 1, 2018.

More happened, I had dreams. I say female figures. I opened up more and had surges of psychic energy. I plan on opening up more and continue opening my chakras. The mind is a supercomputer that programs itself unconsciously.

 

[DingusLord]

Seriously? Yesterday I read Cognisant defending abortion un-ironically. Ugh, I can't even.

Yo, later today I'll be watching the finals and then ma boi Jackson will just walk up and start talkin' shit about ma main man Jesse who was over earlier for some homework and beer. So I tell him to fuck off. I don't take crap about Jesse. He was there for me when my second dog Sike died. I DON'T TAKE ANY CRAP ABOUT JESSE. Especially here on this Forum. What happened to the good old days when we'd hang and discuss sports? When did everything have to get so political?

 

[AntaresVII]

Trolling is legitimately a service to (internet) society.

No, seriously.
Baiting people into angrily reacting to you by acting like an idiot or an asshole does seems on the surface to be idiotic assholery, but really, if done correctly, what this does is expose the actual assholes and idiots by presenting an argument so weak that people who are courteous and intelligent will simply ignore it, thus targeting only fools and jerks. Both then reveal themselves to be so by unwarily assaulting your façade argument, not even trying to be logical or fair, simply calling you names and the like.
As name calling goes, if you pretend to be an asshole you tend to attract people who will respond to you emotionally — getting offended triggered or whatever — and then resorting themselves to assholery to lambast you for your crimes, showing to all that they themselves are no better. Correspondingly, if you act like an idiot you attract the cocky half-intellectuals who will lord over you that your logic is terrible, generally to the degree that they make it an ad hominem attack, thus revealing their own paltry logical sense.

This not only benefits the general community wherever you do it, it can also directly benefit you: If doing this is your first action joining any kind of group internet conversation you save yourself time and trouble dealing with these people by attracting them all to you right away, letting you know who all the people to avoid and ignore are.

I can't tell you how many times I've benefitted from doing this, and to boot it's so fun to watch people make fools of themselves trying to make a fool of you.
It's a meta game, and I love it.
By taking things to the extremes, trolling teaches the newbs of the internet not to bother with certain people, not to assume everything said is dead serious, and not to be an ignorant jerk.

In the end, trolling is just trash-filtering, and we could all well benefit by doing it.