Please Help

[jomojo]

I am INTP. I am studying in university. English is not my first language but I live in English speaking country. This semester I spend all of my free time by myself. Last semester I had good friends but both of them are not in my city anymore. This semester I did not even try to make any friends because I want to improve my conversational English. It feels very weird because I can think intense and deep( my Ti) in English but speaking in not that smooth. I feel like I cannot even create difficult sentences when I am talking and I hate that I still have an accent so it also discourages me to talk about more than necessary. But I feel stimulated when I talk about things that i know about such as cognitive functions and I get really into conversation. I am planning to get a girlfriend when my English will get better so I would not feel so alone and empty. Meanwhile (maybe Fe) I check almost every girl that I think is attractive. It is very distractive and kills my I never had anything like that. Even last summer I was more confident when I was around girls at my job because I wasn`t looking for potential girlfriend.
I am always very aloof and I prefer not to talk to people in university because I feel like I am not that good at small talks because of my English. I really feel the weakness of Se. Whenever I am not in my class or gym I stay in my room. When going to class I go to my class I stay aloof and come back to my room to lie in my bad since because I feel tired. (That is why I go to the gym because I think if ill get more muscle going to classes will not be that exhausting but meanwhile gym makes me tired as well) I do not even know what happened that trip because I just use Ti because no energy to use more functions. I know I can be smart and understand complected things (since INTP is a smart type) but I procrastinate so much. My marks were quite good at the beginning of semester but then it went down because I had to do some small assignments that I dodnt want to do and I felt overwhelmed. When I feel overwhelmed I just watch video games on youtube and waste my time.

Thanks for reading.

-What are you suggestions on how to be better speaker?

-How to stop Fe from checking other people especially girls? and start using Ti only. Even when I watch youtube videos all I do is check out girls and imagine what if she would be my girlfriend.

-What to do so I would not procrastinate that much? What cognitive function should I improve? Si? Te? How to stay concentrated on my work using Si ?
-What to do about being so introverted and not in the moment?

-How to be more confident as INTP and stop carrying about other people think of you and stop comparing myself to other people?

 

[Black Rose]

When I took one semester at my local university I would sit under a tree waiting for my ride home. A girl came and sat next to me but I could not think of anything to say so after a few days she left. I wish I had something to say so that I might have a girlfriend by now.

What I recommend is to go to campus get-togethers or activities where you can just meet people. Have some topic that interests you in your mind but also ask questions because they will like you if you want to know more about them. Also eat healthy for energy.

 

[Tannhauser]

I would bet that if your English were perfect, you would still be in the exact same situation.

Stop indulging in all these complicated excuses and silly insecurities.

 

[Rook]

Read aloud. Talk to strangers: Car park attendants, security guards and beggars usually have time. Well... they might also have English as their second or third language, but at least it practices the oratory bones and lessens any irrational stick-ups when it comes to hollering at yer fellow primates.

Listen to Tannhauser, that ^ one.

 

[Pyropyro]

-What are you suggestions on how to be better speaker?

Take English classes. It's good for the resume (you'll need it later after you graduate) and also for practicing the language.

-How to stop Fe from checking other people especially girls? and start using Ti only. Even when I watch youtube videos all I do is check out girls and imagine what if she would be my girlfriend.

You can't stop using your Fe and using Ti solely will likely make you unstable. Daydreaming isn't harmful but try to talk to actual girls. It would really fix your perspective about them.

-What to do so I would not procrastinate that much? What cognitive function should I improve? Si? Te? How to stay concentrated on my work using Si ?
-What to do about being so introverted and not in the moment?

On procrastination and concentration, JUST DO IT. The mind embraces routine. If you do your work/studies long enough your mind would crave to do them.

Here's a good article on how to be fully present

-How to be more confident as INTP and stop carrying about other people think of you and stop comparing myself to other people?

I really just focus on doing my goals and not generally care about what others think about me unless they happen to be included in my plans. Succeeding in my goals boosts my confidence even if it's as small as cleaning my bed.

 

[onesteptwostep]

You seem very knowledgeable about the MBTI- why ask this question here?

 

[Rixus]

You say that you can think in English, but not speak so well unless it's an interesting conversation. That says to me that it's not a problem with ability. Ability you have; what you lack is confidence and once you start over thinking what you are saying you start to stumble. The fact that you're grades are falling and you sound like you are withdrawing is very concerning. Try to engage people. Any people. About anything. And try to relax whenever you.

When I took one semester at my local university I would sit under a tree waiting for my ride home. A girl came and sat next to me but I could not think of anything to say so after a few days she left.

This is tale embodies much of my social life, especially in Uni. When you know you should speak, but don't know what to say because you're so busy thinking of what to say that you say nothing. And then they think you're not interested or just plain rude.

I guess this shows how difficult it is for many of us when we are speaking our first language. I'm imagining it must be even more difficult in your second.

 

[nanook]

I've contemplated training the neurological flow of speaking english (call it confidence of whatever) via webcam (wespeke.com) ... but can't get myself motivated to talk to strangers about unknown subjects. I wouldn't even dare to try this in my mother tongue. But practicing english would be an excuse to talk to strangers. I couldn't have that in my mother tongue either.

 

[jomojo]

You seem very knowledgeable about the MBTI- why ask this question here?

Because I spend a lot of time analyzing myself to improve and I am sure a lot of people know stuff about cognitive functions that I dont.

 

[jomojo]

Take English classes. It's good for the resume (you'll need it later after you graduate) and also for practicing the language.



You can't stop using your Fe and using Ti solely will likely make you unstable. Daydreaming isn't harmful but try to talk to actual girls. It would really fix your perspective about them.



On procrastination and concentration, JUST DO IT. The mind embraces routine. If you do your work/studies long enough your mind would crave to do them.

Here's a good article on how to be fully present



I really just focus on doing my goals and not generally care about what others think about me unless they happen to be included in my plans. Succeeding in my goals boosts my confidence even if it's as small as cleaning my bed.

Thanks for great reply. When I was working at my summer job there were a lot of girls but I was aloof and thinking about topics that would interest me and not even carrying about people around me because I did not want to talk to them even tho it felt very nice when I did talk to them. When girls asked me questions (both work related or personal) I would stay cool and reply without feeling afraid or nervous. Now when I am in the class or just walking by I look around searching for other girls. It kills my confidence and distracts me from thinking (using Ti) to understand something. But when I had to talk to a girl in one of my classes it turned out very well but not sure if I can pull it off with really attractive girls when there are other people around.
I also did not seek validation from anyone when It felt like I only was using Ti so it boosted my confidence but now when I think about potential girls it feels like all I do is check out other people. I am very sure it is Fe because I it is like I "judge" human beings that are in real world. I am just saying that I want a full control of my Ti and Fe.

 

[jomojo]

You say that you can think in English, but not speak so well unless it's an interesting conversation. That says to me that it's not a problem with ability. Ability you have; what you lack is confidence and once you start over thinking what you are saying you start to stumble. The fact that you're grades are falling and you sound like you are withdrawing is very concerning. Try to engage people. Any people. About anything. And try to relax whenever you.



This is tale embodies much of my social life, especially in Uni. When you know you should speak, but don't know what to say because you're so busy thinking of what to say that you say nothing. And then they think you're not interested or just plain rude.

I guess this shows how difficult it is for many of us when we are speaking our first language. I'm imagining it must be even more difficult in your second.

Wow, you described it very well. I over think what I am saying and then start to stumble and then it is hard to think about what I will have to say next in 5 seconds. I feel more free when I am talking about topics that I learned a lot and then I can become comfortable to talk about and it becomes easy to chose right words to describe what I really want to say. When I have talk about something that I do not wish to talk I become very nervous and me hands become to shake. For example In one of my classes I even chose to speak up about psychology theories but in a different class when professor asked each of us to say something about what was on power point, I knew that eventually my turn will come up and I was over thinking and assuming that everyone will judge me. I knew I would not come out smoothly so I was the only one who said "not sure" rather than giving my full opinion because I will have to use words that I do not know how to pronounce without having an accent.

 

[jomojo]

I would bet that if your English were perfect, you would still be in the exact same situation.

Stop indulging in all these complicated excuses and silly insecurities.

It feels like English is my biggest insecurity which causes me to over think about my other insecurities and makes me to miss out on things that I could of done if my english was perfect

 

[Rixus]

I wouldn't worry too much and the accent. I've known many foreign people and it didn't need to be 100%, as long as we understand each other. In fact, half the time we can't understand the accents of people the other side of our own country, and we frequently argue how to pronounce our own words.

If you learn to be more open and speak up in class, it might help build that verbal confidence you need to be able to talk to other people and make friends. It might even make you more noticeable so people will feel easier about approaching you and starting the conversation. Then you just have to go with it.

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

 

[Not Anyone To Care For]

If you put off a girl merely because of your accent she wouldn't of made a good girlfriend in the first place..

If anything your English is helping you weed the bad girls out for you, unless you just want to have a girl around to have sex with then this shouldn't really be an issue.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

This semester I did not even try to make any friends because I want to improve my conversational English.

Direct contradiction. Stop being insecure and be with people if that's what you miss in life.

You improve conversing the most by making friends and talking about the things you enjoy.

 

[reloaded]

Ignore how people view you. Don't worry about that. Really, once you get over that, it should be easier to speak. If anyone were to make fun of you for your accent or anything, that person isn't suitable to be a friend. In the past, there were rare occasions where I stuttered when my train of thoughts were messy. (Not sure if it'll repeat in the future.) Once, a "friend" put me down and humiliated me for it, all I decided was that person should be out of my life. If someone were to humiliate you for it, it's their problem, not yours. You're not perfect. You have your flaws. But that doesn't give them the right to insult you or make you feel bad about your flaws. They're the one making a mistake, not you. Also, not everyone will try to make you feel bad about your English. If it's a flaw to you, accept it, move on while trying to change it. I used to have speech problems, but that didn't stop me from speaking. It is only when I continue speaking (albeit "correctly") that I can improve. There were people who tried to use that against me, but there were also people who stood up for me. My speech is still not perfect, but I'm still speaking, and at least people can understand me.

 

[reloaded]

It feels like English is my biggest insecurity which causes me to over think about my other insecurities and makes me to miss out on things that I could of done if my english was perfect

Once your English is "perfect", you'll start thinking that you can do more things once you rid yourself of yet another insecurity. It's a never-ending cycle. Take the first step. How do you define "perfect" anyway? If you don't have a clear definition, you may never reach what you deem "perfect" because you wouldn't even exactly know what "perfect" English is to you. Take the first step, then improve along the way. Don't wait till you feel you're capable enough, because that day may never arrive.

 

[QuickTwist]

When I took one semester at my local university I would sit under a tree waiting for my ride home. A girl came and sat next to me but I could not think of anything to say so after a few days she left. I wish I had something to say so that I might have a girlfriend by now.

What I recommend is to go to campus get-togethers or activities where you can just meet people. Have some topic that interests you in your mind but also ask questions because they will like you if you want to know more about them. Also eat healthy for energy.

Story of my life from grades 7-12. Those years are a very sad time in my life. Things are not different now, but now I've pretty much just given up caring.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Have you considered drinking bleach?

 

[QuickTwist]

Have you considered drinking bleach?

I wouldn't, it prolly doesn't taste very well.

 

[Bad Itch]

I wouldn't, it prolly doesn't taste very well.

Nah you're thinking either about the generic stuff or the stuff with fabric softener in it.

 

[QuickTwist]

Nah you're thinking either about the generic stuff or the stuff with fabric softener in it.

Clearly its the generic stuff.

 

[Bad Itch]

Clearly its the generic stuff.

That's at least half of the problem, right there.

 

[QuickTwist]

That's at least half of the problem, right there.

Well I don't want to pay more for name brand bleach.

 

[Bad Itch]

Well I don't want to pay more for name brand bleach.

That's understandable. So you gets you three of those big 700ml format energy drinks (the red colored ones r yummy... get ones you like), and a 5 gallon bucket. You mixes them all up in the bucket and ka-kow! Yummy and you have enough to last all morning!






What are we talking about? I didn't read this thread. Is it important for it to last all morning? Or are we talking like... until ambulance.

...prolly shouldn't drink bleach?

OMG or grape flavored NOS is good too!

 

[317]

Ritalin or any similar drug you'd rather. Make plans and pop a pill.