Please, HELP me understand this INTP man!!

[PartiallyConfused]

(So sorry in advance for the lengthy post!)

Hello everyone—I could really use your help understanding an INTP man that I am, frankly, a bit (possible understatement) infatuated with. I am 27 (ENTP) and he is 39. We are both single.

I have been gaga about this man since we began texting back in May (he was moving cross country for a job). We had these long texting marathons at night asking ten million questions (that is when he disclosed that he was an INTP) and possibly, just possibly borderline “sexting”. I know, I know…no judgment please.

We finally met and he is even more dreamier in person than in his photo, which totally threw me off my game. After our second meeting (I call it a meeting because I don’t know that it was a date) he inquired about weekend plans, which I already had. He asked if it was a date. I said possibly and proceeded to ask why he would ask me that. He said curiosity. Well, curiosity killed the cat. At that point, I decided to bite the bullet and let him know that I liked him and wanted to know how he felt about me. His response was simple: enjoy the company, but not sure about the romance.

Yeah? Okay. With much tact and grace possible, I had suggested we stop here. He then went into panic mode and text bombed me with “What do you mean? Like stop talking? No way.” What gets me is this: “Don’t be so final.” He had a point. Except, I know me. I know me too well. I then asked him what is it that he was wanted and it only took him two hours to let me know that he was still figuring that out. I then politely asked for some space.

A really long story short: we met up twice after that exchange and then completely stopped talking. Up until recently where it was time for us to go to a concert together, which was planned way before the communication hiatus.

We finalized plans and met up. When I got out of my car to get into his, he welcomed me with his signature hug and proceeded to compliment me like he always did. As we parked at the venue and proceeded to walk, as usual, he came out swinging with his playful teasing about my height (I’m 14 inches shorter than him). It’s as if nothing happened. The chemistry was so there—the accidental touching, bumping into each other, our shoulders touching, lots of catching up and then he asked me a very odd question: “Are you still dating that guy?”

Um. Wait. What? In fact, I had to specifically ask him what he was talking about.

Apparently, he was under the impression that I was seeing someone, which I shot that idea down like a plague. I made it very, very clear to him that just because I go on dates, doesn’t at all mean it’s exclusive.
The temperature was dropping rather swiftly which then he proceeded to tell me he might want to snuggle if it gets too cold. As ballsy as I felt, I grabbed his arm and wrapped it around me and he could not handle that. He didn’t necessarily pull away (he kindly rubbed my back), but I can tell he was a bit nervous about that ballsy move of mine.

During the concert, while I was jamming out, he stood still and I could just feel the tension. It was crazy. Afterwards, we wanted to grab dinner, but was unsuccessful so decided to end the night with a drink. That’s when I felt like he was finally somewhat opening up to me (reiterating his INTP-ness) about who he was. And it struck a chord that I’m incredibly impatient and perhaps had this all wrong. I don’t know. May I please make a note that he shot a rubber band at me as if we were freshers in high school? It was awfully cute.

When we got back into his car to drive back to mine, I asked if we should have dinner soon and he agreed. As I was about to leave his car (had zero expectations), he stopped me and I turned around to face him. He just looked at me without a grin that he always has. It’s not an expression I’ve seen on him and it felt intense. It’s intense as it is when he just stares at me and I simply can’t hold his gaze (yes, he makes it a point to let me know that I keep looking away). I felt like he was going for something, but gave me a hug instead. Following morning, I had every intentions of texting to thank him, but he beat me to it.

So, where are we going with this? Because I’m dying to kiss him and after last night, I just might make the move. Someone, please help. Thank you!

 

[Bad Itch]

The move: You first. Do it. DO IT.
(He shot a rubber band at you.)

 

[PartiallyConfused]

Bad Itch, thanks for the validation. I hope you meant that.

 

[Cognisant]

Meanwhile at INTPcentral, "I shot a rubber band at her, I think she hates me now".

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

I'm a bit drunk and in a gushy emotional state so take this with a grain of salt but:
1. Dear god make a move
2. Ohmygodheshotarubberbandatyouthatsadorable
3. DEAR GOD MAKE A MOVE

 

[E404]

Did you shoot the rubber band back? That's pretty important information here.

 

[PartiallyConfused]

Did you shoot the rubber band back? That's pretty important information here.

LOL! Good point. I kept the rubber band hostage and began threatening to throw it at him at which he was flinching at. I found him flinching incredibly satisfying so I just kept at it, until the bill was settled and I threw it at him which then we began giggling.

 

[E404]

LOL! Good point. I kept the rubber band hostage and began threatening to throw it at him at which he was flinching at. I found him flinching incredibly satisfying so I just kept at it, until the bill was settled and I threw it at him which then we began giggling.

He giggled? Make a move woman!


*On another note he might really like you but he could be afraid. So don't take what might feel like rejection as total rejection.

 

[TAC]

Pony up and kiss the poor bloke. You have to show us directly what we want, because we can only consider what we might like.

P.S. I am also in a great-gushy mood. A fascinating woman has recently inserted herself in my world without knocking and I couldn't be happier. She is a complex puzzle which I look forward to working out, but she is also very direct which keeps it easy.

 

[Kuu]

INTP doesn't like spending much social energy, therefore focuses on few people, unlikely to date around or bother with people that date around. If INTP constantly seeks you out to talk, it means there's interest.

He's 12 years older, probably being cautious and taking it slow with you since you seem quite enthusiastic and he's probably uncertain about your maturity or expectations or what he himself wants from you, or he's had some shitty experiences.

Also, what everyone else said. It's so obvious... I mean he threw a fucking rubber band at you? It's an unmistakeable symbolic act that he wants to be bound to you, in a strong yet also flexible way, know what I'm saying? Rubber bands are ring shaped. And rubber. This guy is intense. If you tell us which color it was we can predict how he sexually fantasizes about you with a high degree of accuracy...

EDIT: On the other hand, you threatening him with it is highly disturbing.

 

[Sinny91]

Lol, I'm exited for you..

Just.. DO IT!

 

[PartiallyConfused]

He giggled? Make a move woman!

*On another note he might really like you but he could be afraid. So don't take what might feel like rejection as total rejection.

That's where the problems began--he shut down the idea of the whole romance thing only to retract. At that point, my ego and pride was hurt, but most importantly, his credibility was out the window; therefore, couldn't fathom reciprocating the flirt and took it purely as rejection. You're probably right though, I shouldn't take it as a total rejection. He's clearly made a few things clear with his body language.

Pony up and kiss the poor bloke. You have to show us directly what we want, because we can only consider what we might like.

P.S. I am also in a great-gushy mood. A fascinating woman has recently inserted herself in my world without knocking and I couldn't be happier. She is a complex puzzle which I look forward to working out, but she is also very direct which keeps it easy.

That's really great! Gushy mood-state-of-mind is a great place to be. It's funny that you've met this wonderful lady friend who you find to be a puzzle to be solved and frankly, I'm beginning to think I'm a puzzle he's trying to solve as well.

INTP doesn't like spending much social energy, therefore focuses on few people, unlikely to date around or bother with people that date around. If INTP constantly seeks you out to talk, it means there's interest.

He's 12 years older, probably being cautious and taking it slow with you since you seem quite enthusiastic and he's probably uncertain about your maturity or expectations or what he himself wants from you, or he's had some shitty experiences.

Also, what everyone else said. It's so obvious... I mean he threw a fucking rubber band at you? It's an unmistakeable symbolic act that he wants to be bound to you, in a strong yet also flexible way, know what I'm saying? Rubber bands are ring shaped. And rubber. This guy is intense. If you tell us which color it was we can predict how he sexually fantasizes about you with a high degree of accuracy...

EDIT: On the other hand, you threatening him with it is highly disturbing.

What you don't know is that I've thought over the age gap time and time again. Initially, I really hesitated getting to know him because of our age difference. Truly...truly...what could we possibly have in common? I was wrong.

As for the maturity part--by no means am I trying to justify/validate my level of maturity based on life experiences, but after becoming widowed at 26, I can vouch for it. I've always had an old soul, but going through a significant loss just richocheted everything. This man that I am gaga about and that I want so badly? He's the first I truly connected with despite the other dates and blah blah blahs.

AND, you totally nailed it. He said to me at one point that at his age he is all about taking it slow. This is what I mean by the age gap. I'm impatient and I have no idea what it means to take it slow. I'm working on that.

After he shot me down about the uncertainty of romance, I became incredibly nonchalant and aloof with him aka defense mechanism. Tad immature if you ask me (I own my shit), but I was hurt and I couldn't possibly face him with the same enthusiasm I initially had.

As for the rubber band....I gotchu'. FYI--it was a standard rubber band, nothing fancy. I thought about retracting my statement about threatening him with the rubber band, but really, it was lighthearted and I swear I just threw it at him rather than shooting it at him.

Lol, I'm exited for you..

Just.. DO IT!

You guys are pretty convincing. I just might. By the way, he's British.

Huge thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read through my drama and response accordingly. It's much appreciated!

 

[Bad Itch]

Bad Itch, thanks for the validation. I hope you meant that.

Of course I meant that! (Sorry for being late on validating the validation but I see there's plenty of additional support along the same lines so I think you're good to go.)

Life would likely be different over and over if someone else would have made the first moves I was too timid to make. So take the initiative and play your hand if the cards your holding look good.

 

[Sinny91]

What you don't know is that I've thought over the age gap time and time again. Initially, I really hesitated getting to know him because of our age difference. Truly...truly...what could we possibly have in common? I was wrong.

As for the maturity part--by no means am I trying to justify/validate my level of maturity based on life experiences, but after becoming widowed at 26, I can vouch for it.

Damn..

But yea, older guys are where it's at

AND, you totally nailed it. He said to me at one point that at his age he is all about taking it slow. This is what I mean by the age gap. I'm impatient and I have no idea what it means to take it slow. I'm working on that.

Ha.

You guys are pretty convincing. I just might. By the way, he's British.

 

[Tannhauser]

He said to me at one point that at his age he is all about taking it slow.

Sounds like a fallacy to me.

 

[PartiallyConfused]

Sounds like a fallacy to me.

You're going to have to elaborate, please.

 

[Tannhauser]

You're going to have to elaborate, please.

Unless the guy is immortal, that is.

 

[Bad Itch]

Unless the guy is immortal, that is.

Ahh! I get it!

I'm in the same-ish age group and I can relate.

Depending on how things go, not taking one's time can result in all sorts of unfortunate or unnecessary emotional aftermath and funk. You do that enough times and you start to recognize how counter productive it is and get a bit gun-shy. You might want to pull the stops but are still acutely aware of how shitty things seemed the last time they went sideways. So you takes your time.

Might as well be honest though, it's not like I haven't made noises like "I'm all about taking my time" but actually was stacked somewhere above the airport with a cabin full of feels demanding wheels on the ground.

 

[PartiallyConfused]

Of course I meant that! (Sorry for being late on validating the validation but I see there's plenty of additional support along the same lines so I think you're good to go.)

Life would likely be different over and over if someone else would have made the first moves I was too timid to make. So take the initiative and play your hand if the cards your holding look good.

No apologies necessary! You know, I have been reflecting back on my dating life and realised, for the most part, I'm the one who has always been the one to make the move and had I not, it would've never happened and we would've missed out. So, not sure what my issue now except I may just be treading carefully.

Depending on how things go, not taking one's time can result in all sorts of unfortunate or unnecessary emotional aftermath and funk. You do that enough times and you start to recognize how counter productive it is and get a bit gun-shy. You might want to pull the stops but are still acutely aware of how shitty things seemed the last time they went sideways. So you takes your time.

Might as well be honest though, it's not like I haven't made noises like "I'm all about taking my time" but actually was stacked somewhere above the airport with a cabin full of feels demanding wheels on the ground.

I get it, I get it. The thing is, I'm in no rush either so really, it's totally fine that he and I take the time to make this happen or whatever. It's not like I need to be somewhere, but I'm always in a hurry. I can't tell you why exactly. I just am. It has gotten better over the years, but I end up in this type of tizzy because of my own self.

Cabin full of feels--nicely put, great visual.

I'm fairly sure at this point that I'm holding some pretty great cards. I will play them just like I'm accustomed too.

 

[Bad Itch]

No apologies necessary! You know, I have been reflecting back on my dating life and realised, for the most part, I'm the one who has always been the one to make the move and had I not, it would've never happened and we would've missed out. So, not sure what my issue now except I may just be treading carefully.

Hah! Finger on the pulse. Nothing wrong with treading carefully though.

I get it, I get it. The thing is, I'm in no rush either so really, it's totally fine that he and I take the time to make this happen or whatever. It's not like I need to be somewhere, but I'm always in a hurry. I can't tell you why exactly. I just am. It has gotten better over the years, but I end up in this type of tizzy because of my own self.

I'm familiar with being in a rush to get nowhere in particular. "OoooKAY it's been five minutes - we've done this to death, what's next? Is it tomorrow yet? Is it the weekend yet? I will use my time better next year oh no it's suddenly the year after that!"

I'm fairly sure at this point that I'm holding some pretty great cards. I will play them just like I'm accustomed too.

Giddyap!