Please help cure me of my addiction

[eudemonia]

OK, I have come to a shocked realisation today. I am addicted and I need help. No more denial.

I unexpectedly had a day to myself today (cancelled appointment). A whole day to do what I wanted. I could have read one of my pile of books; done some much needed work; completed admin. But what did I do? Spent the whole day lazing around and posting on this forum.

Not only that, but some really stupid posts too. I mean really stupid.

Then at the end of the day, having been late for something, with no reason, I realised, I am addicted to this forum.

It's not only the posting, its the frame of mind it puts you in. You wonder if/what someone is going to post. It invades your mind. Am I alone in this? Am I sane or mad?

It has got to stop. But I need your help. Please do the following:

ignore me
Lor - will you ban me?
take the piss out of me
patronise me and ridicule my posts


This will feed my inferiority complex and force me to withdraw from the forum.

Thank you


PS I am aware of the irony of this post - OMG, how's it going to stop?

 

[fullerene]

fuck, I've never been so depressed to have someone share my sentiment. I thought the same thing, before I came here, that "this is gonna be fine until it starts interfering with life-social interaction and other things," and I have certainly noticed the same thing in myself.

That said, though, whenever I've mentioned anything along these lines everyone else did a pretty good job of convincing me that it's fine; although I don't remember their arguments now, I remember thinking they made excellent points at the time. ...so I did none of what you asked, but I'm sure they'll convince you to hang around somehow.

 

[Dissident]

I think that you only have to abstain from 2 kinds of posts: Religion (too many too long) and the silly ones. That would result in an important reduction of time online.

(Lets work this out we dont want you gone )

 

[Decaf]

Ask yourself this... what is it that I get from this forum that I'm not getting from the rest of my life? How can I change that?

Any set of behaviors can be thought of as a bucket. If one slat is short compared to the rest, the water can only get up to that level, and our mind tells us that's what we should be focusing our attention on. If you had 3 days of what you just did, you would get terribly tired of this forum and probably leave it alone for a couple weeks if not longer. It may be addiction, but its also a perfectly normal adaption that can become a maladaption, but isn't necessarily bad unless tending to it causes you to drop other things in your life that represent those vital slats.

Is your work intellectually stimulating? Do you get to be silly with your family and friends? Do others view you with a healthy amount of eyebrow raising?

We've all been through this a number of times, so the question is how to launch a surgical strike. Don't get rid of the habit or you'll just replace it with something else.

The myth of addictive personalities (a theory I have) is based on the concept that everyone is equally satisfied with similar lifestyles and only some people need to cope with it using outside help. Be grateful that your addiction is actually getting the job done. Many people simply turn their brain off with TV in order to do a general recharge, but the slat never gets built up. Aspirin for a dehydration caused headache.

 

[eudemonia]

@ Cryptonia - thanks, I'm not mad. There is something insidious about this forum. I am interested in how exactly it does take over your social life - it does have something to do with a psychological state of mind. Not meditative but not goal focused either. Its a slightly hypnotic, fantasy state which generates a laziness and tendency towards hyper-imagination.

@ Dissident - more insults please. I'm really ridiculous. You know I don't talk to anyone about religion outside of this forum I agree, eradicate the religious threads and the occasional silly posts and there won't be anything left to worry about.

@Decaf - very perceptive.

It may be addiction, but its also a perfectly normal adaption that can become a maladaption, but isn't necessarily bad unless tending to it causes you to drop other things in your life that represent those vital slats.

Is your work intellectually stimulating? Do you get to be silly with your family and friends? Do others view you with a healthy amount of eyebrow raising?

I can only be silly on-line because it is so alien to my personality. It takes me ages to summon up the one-liner and then the courage to post it. No-one views me with a healthy amount of eye-brow raising - I wish they did.

And it has become maladaptive. My husband and kids have started to complain. I'm late for everything I wing it

And, worst of all, I'm being serious

 

[Decaf]

I've tried this with limited success before, but maybe sharing some of what you've written with those close to you will help them see that as more a part of your personality. If they expect some degree of it, it may become easier to extravert that part of you. We all wear masks that we are afraid of breach even if we put them on unintentionally. The only way to take it off is to show off all of your masks and let the viewer see what you can be to see who you are.

You are obviously very emotionally mature and a great fighter for the underdog, but don't let those admirable traits define you. You're also irreverent behind your respectful reverence and piercingly perceptive behind your respect for other's privacy. At least that's what I've seen in you.

As INTPs we are often of two minds and we must not be afraid to show that to those closest to us or they will only ever see half of us.

Remember, this isn't some deep dark secret you're going to have to fess up to. Admitting this side of you exists is allowing them to participate in your own self discovery.

 

[FusionKnight]

It has got to stop. But I need your help. Please do the following:

ignore me
Lor - will you ban me?
take the piss out of me
patronise me and ridicule my posts

I'm afraid we won't be able to do much about that one. Unless NoI can get you laughing hard enough, I suppose...

 

[NoID10ts]

I'm afraid we won't be able to do much about that one. Unless NoI can get you laughing hard enough, I suppose...

"take the piss out of me
patronise me and ridicule my posts"

I wonder if I can take care of these at the same time. But if she wets herself it will reinforce the idea that she has a real serious problem here. I'm not even sure Nia finds me all that funny, more pathetic and bizarre, I think. For the record, her "stupid" posts, some of which, she subsequently deleted, were quite funny.

It's ok to be silly isn't it? Isn't life serious enough as it is?

Sometimes the only thing I know to do is be silly, otherwise I would cry 24/7.

 

[eudemonia]

Ummmmm, is this another one of those Anglo-American english things?? Have I said something absurd in Americanese? In the UK, to 'take the piss out of someone' is to make jokes at their expense, ridicule them, laugh at them. IT IS A METAPHOR.

This is from Wiki:
To take the piss is a British slangexpression meaning to tease or ridicule. Take the mickey (or variations) are euphemistic ways of conveying this expression where the word "piss" may be vulgar.
The phrase is in common usage and tabloids as well as colloquially and is also used in English speaking countries such as Australia.
"Take the mickey" is an abbreviated form of the Cockney rhyming slang "take the mickey bliss" ("mickey" being slang for penis), meaning to "take the piss [out of someone]". The phrase has been noted since the 1930s.

Can you believe this? I never knew the origin of the term. I should have known! I can't seem to escape from INTPness today.

btw, Decaf, I found your post very helpful and insightful. I do share some of my posts with my husband which can be fun. But I spoke today to a relatively new friend who is helping me run some talks locally. I took the plunge and opened up to him a bit and it was very helpful. It does feel weird to be the one who opens up to others. Usually, its the other way round. I also find it very difficult being the one who is listened to - I prefer to do the listening. But something's got to change.

Oh, and thank you for your compliments - you were meant to insult me though

@NoID10ts - did you find them funny? Ogion certainly did but not using the normal definition of the word funny btw, bizarre, yes; pathetic never

 

[Kidege]

I'm addicted too, but more to the internet in general.
Could you go cold turkey? We'd miss you, but your well being's more important, so we'd get it.

I know I couldn't do it. For starters my job takes a lot of internet usage, and I'm lacking in the RL friends department too. But I've been ordered to take up gardening and stay offline three hours a day.

So, we could do this thing together? Limit our time here and pat each other in the back when we succeed?

 

[eudemonia]

I've been trying to limit myself to one or two threads maximum. But I find myself constantly reading the other threads and sometimes making posts. Then once you've made a post, you want to know who will reply and what they will say

So I should go cold turkey but I'm not sure I can As Decaf said, I would probably fill the space with other activities - probably something USEFUL - or just get depressed. But you're right, i must set myself a target. I have tried doing this but I have the willpower of a gnat. I'm not sure whether to limit my time or number of threads. If the latter i could announce it and then would be more likely to keep to it - the psychological need for consistency. maybe I'll try both....let me think about it.

Whats your job btw?

 

[Agent Intellect]

i don't see why posting on this forum is any less productive then reading or having an offline social life. isn't discussion, debate and interaction with other minds a better way to learn about the world and about yourself then reading a book or watching television? is being "addicted" to a forum just like being addicted to hanging out with friends? extroverts bullshit around with people offline, we simply just do it online. i find it strange that someone would view this forum as negative. have those extroverted and SJ ideals been that ingrained into our minds? is it you that finds spending your time here a bad thing, or what you think others would judge it as? do you not get something out of the time spent on the forum (knowledge, mental (INTPness) stimulation, happiness, hell even spirituality)?

 

[NoID10ts]

Maybe we should start a thread called "Posters Anonymous". We can post ourselves back into being functioning contributors to society.


On second thought, I guess that's a little like fucking for virginity. Sorry. Disregard.


As always ------>

 

[FusionKnight]

Ummmmm, is this another one of those Anglo-American english things?? Have I said something absurd in Americanese? In the UK, to 'take the piss out of someone' is to make jokes at their expense, ridicule them, laugh at them. IT IS A METAPHOR.

In Americanese, the term "piss" is the vulgar slang for urinate... perhaps that clears up why we were taking the piss out of you on that particular point...

 

[NoID10ts]

In Americanese, the term "piss" is the vulgar slang for urinate... perhaps that clears up why we were taking the piss out of you on that particular point...

I knew exactly what she meant, it's just funny to take the metaphor literally.

 

[Kidege]

@AI: It's a problem when it interferes with your other, necessary activities. Of course reading and posting here is quite nice, I enjoy it a lot and it helps me learn new stuff all the time. But I have to admit that spending all day here when I should be studying or shopping for groceries isn't right.

@Nia: Guards, heroes, wardens and protectors have lots of willpower, not to mention saints. *sigh* As much as I hate it, I'll set a maximum of online time. Let's see... gah! A couple of hours a day for job and one for fun? Too drastic? Two for job and two for fun? I hate gardening.

And I am... an online tutor. Going offline now. Yes! Now! Five more minutes...

 

[FusionKnight]

I knew exactly what she meant, it's just funny to take the metaphor literally.

 

[eudemonia]

@AI, I know what you say has truth in it. I have learned a hell of a lot from this forum. However, at the same time, I have avoided doing things in RL which has caused upset, chaos and confusion. My mind is absorbed with all sorts of imaginings that are less than productive, when previously I would think about more practical concerns. But at the same time my mind is a whirlwind of confusions and questions which pulls me into myself constantly when I am meant to be in the real world. But most importantly, I haven't read a book in months. And there's one I really want to read and it mocks me whenever I look at it - it's one of those really thick books that requires concentration. But then I wonder if my state of mind is contributing towards a more creative approach to my life and work. I ran a session for a group of accountants the other day using meditation accompanied by zen drumming......totally inspired by EB......its all very confusing.


@ Kidege Why do you feel you need to limit your on-line time if that's your job? That's being productive isn't it? What do you tutor btw? It's the 'fun' bit that needs to be regulated - that's where the addiction lies. I'm going to limit myself to two hours a day! And I'm logging off now; good night!

 

[NoID10ts]

Read on the toilet for God's sake. That's what I do. No computer in the bathroom.

 

[Ermine]

I'm addicted too. And while I agree with AI to an extent, friends in real life can be much more profitable, not because of convention, but because you can get closer to them than you ever could with someone here. That being said, I've yet to find any intellectual friends (either way out of my league or self-absorbed).

Agh! I've got to get out of here! I've got a debate tournament this friday and saturday, and I still haven't finished one of my cases!

 

[NoID10ts]

In my experience, real life friends are backstabbing pieces of shit that just use you, and are only interested when it suits them.

But that's just me.



Ahem. Sorry about that outburst. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Ahhhh, That's better!

 

[Waterstiller]

I try to get what I need out of a forum and figure out when to back off. Often I'll dive in head-first and do a LOT of reading and some posting. Once I have to wait long for new data to come in, I have learned to spend the majority of my free energy trying to find something else that is stimulating. People might have noticed my sporadic, predictable, and shallow posting as of late. It's still my favorite forum and I visit every day to see if any interesting posts have been made, but my focus is elsewhere. A watched pot never boils, right? I'm over my addiction to forums.

I imagine that everyone arrives on this site because they were curious about their personality and whether or not there were people like them out there. It was a huge relief for me and felt like I finally found a 'home' when I found this place.

For the forum addict, shutting yourself off from forum activity is going to be difficult. The only thing that works for me (outside of having a separate computer for internet activity) is to spend your energy looking for something else that excites you. The answer is never to ban yourself from something that you love, but to figure out a way to make it beneficial to your life. Everyone here is capable of that, but perhaps we're not spending enough time theorizing about how to do it.

 

[EloquentBohemian]

Where do I start...

I don't think it's an addiction, Nia. It's fun. It's informative. It's, dare I say, friendship. I've learned so much in the past while since I joined, about other people, about myself, about subjects I would shy away from in RL because of the reception I would get.

Here, I can step into subjects, voice my thoughts and get feed-back. I can sit back and think about what someone has posted, consider my view on it, pick it apart or formulate questions about it.
This forum has assisted me in forming my varied concepts into a viable architecture. Just this justifies to me my being here.

And I can play. Play is very important. I have an unusual type of wit (INTP trait?), which I have found in others here. (do I name names? ...you know who you are). I mean, I just posted a rewrite of Genesis yesterday because I got triggered by a comment I found funny. You can imagine the reception for that in RL.

I haven't laughed so much, thought so much, and talked so much since I've been here. We have common ground here, the fact we are INTP (mostly?). I've learned more about what INTP means by reading what people like Cognisant and Cryptonia post (just to name a couple off the top of my head) than I have just reading the descriptions on other sites. I read what is written here about INTP because, not only do some here study it and have been involved in it much longer than I, but they also live it.

Perhaps, in time, it will evolve here. Some may drift off slowly because of RL changes. Others will come. loveofreason could go psychotic and ban us all. NoID10ts could track us all down and leave little paper bags of burning doggie poop on our doorsteps.
Things change. Life changes. It's the way of Life.
So, here, right now, this is where I am many times throughout the day, almost every day, but I don't judge it as good or bad.
I am here now, and that's all that counts, these moments in time.
And in the future, when I look back on whatever time I have spent here, I will remember it fondly, and smile, and mark it as a fine time in the whole expanse of my life.

So, Nia, don't worry about it, just enjoy it.
And we will enjoy your thoughts, your humour, your company, and your friendship.

Namaste.

 

[eudemonia]

Lots to say in response to these posts but I'm currently using my blackberry so its not easy to post. One thing that resonates with me is the idea of fun. I'm not v good at it. I've had two periods in my life where I've had fun. The fisrt was backpacking around the world and the second was BK (before kids) which involved lots of irresposible drinking and spending money and embarrassing moments. But generally I'm not good with fun. When I let that one out to play I'm like NoID10ts said once and I forget the line, go overboard. Ogions comment on another thread shunted me back to reality and I thought shit maybe this isn't fun its weird. And what the heck have I been doing all day?

And the forum is fun as well as generative but because fun is an unusual bedfellow I haven't learned how to control him yet. And for some reason it is a him. Why do men have better senses of humour than women?

So part of the problem I think involves shifting perspective more deliberately. Allowing myself some fun but then clicking back into resposible mode once fun has had a little play.

 

[eudemonia]

So part of the problem I think involves shifting perspective more deliberately. Allowing myself some fun but then clicking back into resposible mode once fun has had a little play.

Can I just say that the above is rubbish. Far too sensible and boring It was fun yesterday. Maybe Ogion was wrong Maybe I'm going mad

 

[Agent Intellect]

Can I just say that the above is rubbish. Far too sensible and boring It was fun yesterday. Maybe Ogion was wrong Maybe I'm going mad

i think you're looking into this too much. stop thinking with your INTPness!

 

[NoID10ts]

Can I just say that the above is rubbish. Far too sensible and boring It was fun yesterday. Maybe Ogion was wrong Maybe I'm going mad

I thought Ogion was just being playful. I didn't think he was being serious but I'm not a good judge of these things.

But you are going quite mad. "Sixes and Sevens" if I may (how's my British coming?). I, for one, have that effect on people.

 

[loveofreason]

Eudemonia, you're still here!?

Git! Scat! Scram!

Shoo!

Be gone or I'll send you to the cold halls of Siberia with nought for company but a little blue pangolin.

 

[NoID10ts]

Eudemonia, you're still here!?

Git! Scat! Scram!

Shoo!

Be gone or I'll send you to the cold halls of Siberia with nought for company but a little blue pangolin.

Hateful. Just hateful. It gives me goosebumps!

 

[eudemonia]

*pop* Hi!

*pop* bye!

 

[Decaf]

Oh, and thank you for your compliments - you were meant to insult me though

Oops I'd love to help you out... now, which way did you come in?

 

[Kidege]

Hi Nia, hi guys.

I'm trying. I had a wonderful trip for office supplies today and spent a couple of hours in the garden. Not gardening. I've only been online a couple of hours. Sorry if I don't write more about my job, I prefer not to disclose too much.

I agree with Waterstiller's assesment. Cutting oneself off something enjoyable could be counterproductive. And yeah, as EB says, the kind of links we have are a lot like... friendship.

 

[eudemonia]

Hi Kidege,
I've been quite good today as well. Only about 1 1/2 hours on line all told. Mind you I was hosting a talk this evening and have only just got free so maybe it wasn't a fair test. But as soon as Lor told me to scram, I did.

ONly one problem...there's so much I want to SAY its doing my head in

 

[Agent Intellect]

my back hurts and i'm drinking again. all in all, its a fairly average day!

 

[eudemonia]

patterns, patterns, fractals and fractals. We' d be lost without them. Maybe that's what we so scared of - patternlessness.

 

[Agent Intellect]

patterns, patterns, fractals and fractals. We' d be lost without them. Maybe that's what we so scared of - patternlessness.

i'm more scared of the pattern. sometimes i almost imagine that i enjoy misery, as much as i inflict myself with self destruction.

 

[FusionKnight]

I had a wonderful trip for office supplies today and spent a couple of hours in the garden. Not gardening.

Man, my garden has been frozen solid for weeks...

 

[eudemonia]

i'm more scared of the pattern. sometimes i almost imagine that i enjoy misery, as much as i inflict myself with self destruction.

I think you do enjoy misery. Misery is fun. It can be indulged - a bit like INTPness. Its certainly less like hard work than say - CHANGE. Misery is like watching TV and change is like plucking up the courage to enrol in a course. Of course you'd prefer misery - its much more comfortable.

Oh God, I'm being provocative

*scurries to bed*

 

[Agent Intellect]

Man, my garden has been frozen solid for weeks...

shit man, i hear that. its fucking freezing out.


...and i hate the cold, and the snow, and the scraping my car off, and the shitty drivers who think that 4 wheel drive makes them invincible, and the salt trucks, and either the darkness of a 4 PM sunset or the brightness of the sun reflecting off the white snow....

i could go on for a long time about why i hate winter.

 

[Agent Intellect]

I think you do enjoy misery. Misery is fun. It can be indulged - a bit like INTPness. Its certainly less like hard work than say - CHANGE. Misery is like watching TV and change is like plucking up the courage to enrol in a course. Of course you'd prefer misery - its much more comfortable.

Oh God, I'm being provocative

*scurries to bed*

i think most people would be offended at such "pointing out the truth" but really, to me its like saying "your a male". how can i be angry at the truth? you know what the worst part is, though? that i can realize this, comprehend it, even rationalize it, but for some reason i can't seem to change it.

 

[eudemonia]

You've no reason to. You're happy enough in the present; not scared enough of the future. There's no reason why you should want to embrace the pain of change. You'll only change when the pain of not changing becomes more intense than the pain of change - either that or you'll fold and completely cave in to despair. The first step of change is realising that you have to change. Even then you have to feel that you are able to change (will I make it if I enrol in a college course/submit my writing etc). And you have to decide whether you want to change - change is painful, you'll be vulnerable, amongst people you don't know, lacking in competence (because its so new) and probably you'll cock up a couple of times. That all means energy. Why invest emotional, painful energy when you can drink yourself to a happy, contented sleep? Soma is great, Huxley knew it.

Even if you decide you have to change, can change and want to change, you have to have the will to change - this often comes from anger or frustration or desire (a vision for a future state). This is why its so important to DREAM, AI. Dreaming of a future state helps bring it into being.

But, hey, you probably know all this. Life's about choices. Whatever you choose, there will ALWAYS be a cost.

 

[Kidege]

Man, my garden has been frozen solid for weeks...

That's why I rarely venture out of the tropics. Of course I've known some sh*tty summers where you can't breathe.

 

[Kidege]

On the dreaming subject:

I find it hard to build a half realistic half hopeful image of my future self. And I know that the longer you spend without one the harder it is to believe you have any influence over who you'll be.

I know AI's situation's difficult. While I agree with Nia's in the change issue, I'd like to add that sometime there's random chances. And as long as we don't actually expect them, we can use them to lift our hopes a little.

Sry for the double posting

 

[Jesin]

I just saw this thread. My first reaction to the topic title was "ahh, dangit!"

 

[eudemonia]

@ Jesin

Re the dream thing here's some quotes - corny but...

"There is a deep, innate, almost inexpressible yearning within each one of us to find our voice in life." Stephen Covey – The 8th Habit

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do….Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice” Steve Jobs

"I shall regret always that I rarely found my own authentic voice in politics…I was too conservative, too conventional. Too safe, too often. Too defensive. Too reactive. Later, too often on the back foot…one abiding regret for me is that…I did not have the resources to put in place the educational and social changes about which I cared so much; I made only a beginning and it was not enough" John Major, ex UK Prime Minister

I could go on! But its important to find your own voice because, as Kidege says, if you don't, you'll end up being driven by the voices of others in your head - parents, peer group, teachers, culture....

I like this one:

I discovered that people are not really afraid of dying; they’re afraid of not ever having lived, not ever having deeply considered their life’s higher purpose, and not ever having stepped into that purpose Joseph Jaworski, Synchronicity – The Inner Path to Leadership

I know, I know - you don't believe there is a purpose, but hey, humour me

But funnily enough, although people are scared of not ever having lived, they're often more scared of breaking the bindings that keep them comfortable and secure in their dead existence. I was talking to a group of high earning accountants. One of them said that every time he goes into work he sees zombies walking around the place - people not only haven't brought their passion, mind and soul into work; they have barely brought their bodies. We live a half life, barely existing, until death comes forth to claim its bedfellow for good.

 

[NoID10ts]

Don't you have somewhere to be Nia? A book to read, perhaps?

 

[eudemonia]

Oh, all right. I get the message

*climbs down off platform and skulks back to bed*

 

[EloquentBohemian]

Don't you have somewhere to be Nia? A book to read, perhaps?

Hai-Ya! Trickster Ninja leaps from the shadows and strikes again!!

 

[eudemonia]

Its Friday and I'm going out

 

[EloquentBohemian]

Have FUN!!