People change

[Bird]

and forget to tell each other.

 

[Lostwitheal]

Too true.

 

[Döden]

This looks like something that would show up on an asofterworld strip.

Yes. And it's strange how even when looking back in an attempt to find reconnection, present circumstances still make it difficult to reach each other. Still distant.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I don't think so. Besides natural development, what happens is that circumstances cause people to shift from their normal attitude, and then when things become stable, natural traits return and then people become bewildered by this revertive behavior.

 

[Stoic Beverage]

And why should it be announced?

 

[BigApplePi]

When I've had enough of working on it I will post it. Can you wait?

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Not really, or at least not near enough.

It seems like you have to first wait for the older generation to die off before you can get anything productive done or surmount prejudices.

 

[BigApplePi]

Not really, or at least not near enough.

It seems like you have to first wait for the older generation to die off before you can get anything productive done or surmount prejudices.

Only if you're competing with them. Dying off just decreases greatly the competition.

 

[EditorOne]

I think the original thought was that people change and don't tell others with whom they have some kind of personal relationship. That can create problems. It might be hard to tell someone you've changed if you think it would affect a relationship, but it's going to affect it anyway.

A related problem is that people change and don't realize they've changed. That just compounds the above. Free-floating dissatisfaction.

I may have had too much Vicodin today. I'm either nailing it or I have no idea what I'm talking about, and I can't tell the difference.

Oh, and age isn't the sole factor in resisting change. I've met a great many young people (16-30) who are more resistant to change that I am, was or ever will be (61).

 

[Deleted member 1424]

My previous post wasn't meant to be ageist, though I suppose it came out that way. Adults change very little across the board, but they can be vastly different from one another. So when power shifts hands, many policies are also changed. However that is not because the successors are more dynamic, the system is just transforming to suit the new generation, only to become static again since the new generation is just as averse to change as the old one. I think this works on macro and micro levels really.

So it's less about age and more about incumbency.

 

[EditorOne]

Incumbency is definitely a shared quality among those opposed to change.

I wasn't upset (of course) merely pointing out what I've observed. It's not like I never generalize or anything ....

 

[Jesse]

We need more avatars like Döden. What was the question, I got sidetracked

 

[Auburn]

I change, very often, yet ever past "self"I've been is archived into a giant library within me and I can access the past selves if the occasion calls for it.

It's like I have many saved files in my database, backups as it were, and all are me. I would never truly destroy any one of those because that would be destroying a part of me. I allow the future to arrive, but I always store the past..

This is why I'm able to get back in touch with friends after many years and to me I feel totally okay with it - like nothing's changed. Though some of my friends don't archive like I do and so I find that they've become someone entirely different... hmm..

 

[Eclipse]

I don't think people change. Society or other forms of pressure can force them to boost or supress certain aspects of their personality, thereby changing the behavior of the person, but not the person themself.

I'm either nailing it or I have no idea what I'm talking about, and I can't tell the difference.

I'm with you. This late at night, I just say things and hope I hit home every few posts.

 

[flow]

You're suppose to notice when they change, so really they shouldn't have to tell you anything.

I don't understand how anyone could argue that people don't change. Are you the same person you were 5 years ago?

 

[Eclipse]

I don't understand how anyone could argue that people don't change. Are you the same person you were 5 years ago?

Yes. I am me. I like music. Do I like the same songs I did when I was 13? No, I don't, but I like the same genres, along with some new ones. Before it was only hip-hop and rock; now it is both of those along with metal and pop. My tase in specific songs varies as time goes by, but only because I grow tired of them after a while and move on. I tend to circle back to them a few months later and then get tired of them again.

That's the best example I can come up with now. It's 12:00 AM, crucify me.

 

[AlisaD]

You're suppose to notice when they change, so really they shouldn't have to tell you anything.

Wisest, nicest thing I've seen written on this forum in ages.
Bravo, Space Kitty

 

[Anthile]

The more we wait for things to change
The more they stay the same
And the more they stay the same
We change​

 

[BigApplePi]

People change but more slowly. That's because as you pass, things cling to you. All those add-ons weigh you down.

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

Adolescents change quite often and dramatically (seemingly overnight sometimes) but that can be attributed to them "searching for themselves".

As people grow older, they still change but gradually. Gradual enough that you don't notice the changes if you interact with them on more than a monthly basis. It's when you don't see someone for 5 years or so that makes you go "Wow! You've changed!"

When you interact with them more often, a friend can go from calling you up saying "Duuuuude! Let's go get wasted!" to "Hey, I'm calling to invite you to my son's 3rd birthday party. You know how he just loves seeing his Uncle Dave." and you don't notice the changes because you've been through every step from one to the other.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

...

Oh, and age isn't the sole factor in resisting change. I've met a great many young people (16-30) who are more resistant to change that I am, was or ever will be (61).

@Editorone: Haha, I have also met plenty of stubborn young people. (Infact, I think I was one. I still kinda am one.)

To throw in a dash of myers-briggs: I think that SJs & SFs tend to be really "hip" and "withit" in the culture they became an adult in. However, as culture changes, they become more and more out of touch.

Ns, however, seem to be able to adapt to changes better. Which is why Editorone is nailing it.

Unfortunately I do feel that INTPs can get too... shy, get too absorbed into their principles, at which point they do get out-of-touch. It really hurts me to see stubborn and fearful INTPs...

 

[Jennywocky]

You're suppose to notice when they change, so really they shouldn't have to tell you anything.

That. If you're intimate (emotionally) with someone, at least.
You can feel the distance grow palpable, like two people driving in different directions and they get smaller and smaller.

I don't understand how anyone could argue that people don't change. Are you the same person you were 5 years ago?

I've got a moderate view of this. In healthy people, they change gradually, without losing the basis of who they were; or, you could view it like sculpture -- they always were the person they're becoming, but they were roughly hewn before and life wears away the stuff that wasn't them.

With unhealthy situations, sometimes someone suppresses/resists being themselves so much in order to survive that when they finally break down or flip, to everyone else it seems like a sudden change whereas really they just cannot maintain a charade and the other self was the lie.

There is also the stuff where someone is conscious of all this -- that on the surface they are one self, while inside feeling differently, so when they finally start acting on the inner feelings, some people think they have changed whereas really they were that way all along but are now being honest.

In any case, if you don't change with someone, you'll grow apart. Life is change, not stability.

I haven't had an experience of younger people being less malleable than older ones (I'm 42 now), my parents' generation has been infuriating painful to deal with; but then again, I've mostly been immersed in religious communities... and the older religious crowd is very entrenched, the younger crowd much more postmodern in approach. Maybe if I was in regular secular community, my experience would be different.

 

[GYX_Kid]

I change, very often, yet ever past "self"I've been is archived into a giant library within me and I can access the past selves if the occasion calls for it.

It's like I have many saved files in my database, backups as it were, and all are me. I would never truly destroy any one of those because that would be destroying a part of me. I allow the future to arrive, but I always store the past..

This is why I'm able to get back in touch with friends after many years and to me I feel totally okay with it - like nothing's changed. Though some of my friends don't archive like I do and so I find that they've become someone entirely different... hmm..

high-five

 

[Bird]

I was going to use this thread
to make more personal posts in
order to help me sort out of my
feelings.


And then I realized this was an
INTP forum for a reason.

 

[Bird]

Yes OUT OF my feelings, not sort them
out, but actually sort myself out from
them. Lovely language skills I have, no?

 

[preilemus]

Today I told my friend that I had changed. He never responded back.



Usually people don't realise they've changed though. I know we can't connect in the same ways anymore because of the different paths we've taken.

I just didn't want him thinking he was talking to the old me.

 

[Cavallier]

People change but their friends get upset and wish they'd stayed the same.

 

[JarNew]

We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. – Lynn Hall


I wonder if it would be possible to program myself. Extreme cognitive-behavioral therapy.. Hm