Results for Bird
April 21, 2011
Your score: 48 percent! (32 correct out of 66)
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ALIEN........................................INDUSTRIAL ROBOT.....................................ANDROID......HUMANOID......AVERAGE HUMAN......UBERHUMAN
This is BAD NEWS!
It means you are an INDUSTRIAL ROBOT!
Go back to Toyota immediately.
Yes, you have some human-like appendages, but they're in the wrong places.
You have slightly more human attributes than a hamster,
but let's face it: you're ugly and you reek of motor oil.
What this test is all about (seriously): Nonhumans are likely to have great difficulty answering questions about unique human characteristics: our informality, idiosyncracies, and individual styles, for example. Even more difficult for a nonhuman to fathom: extremely subtle aspects of human relationships and emotions, as well as how these and other human phenomena change as we get older. Humans also make predictable errors; when computer programs are written that imitate people, they always incorporate a serious dose of "artificial stupidity" - spelling, arithmetic, and reasoning errors, for example. To be human is to err.
Humans have bizarre dreams and daydreams. We have food cravings, especially when pregnant. We laugh at funny jokes but also when someone slips on a banana peel (what's funny about that?). Music, art, literature and even sports sometimes make us giddy. Our memories change over time; computer memories don't. Many of us are propelled through life in a quest for money, sex, or power, or, in some cases, the perfect cup of coffee. When deeply in love, we are sometimes completely insane. We seek happiness, but some of us remain deeply depressed for months or years no matter what we do, sort of like Marvin the robot in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - except that we're real.
Many of us stubbornly believe in God or the supernatural, no matter what the facts. We sometimes become needy or whiny when sick or injured, and we feel profoundly embarrassed if we fart at the wrong time. We tell lies - both only when it's "absolutely convenient," as Benny Hill put it. We divide the world into good and evil forces - both of which see themselves as good - and we sometimes commit crimes. We get headaches and tummy aches, and our hearts sometimes race when we spot an old lover. Some of us, sometimes, get tipsy or even drunk, and many of us deliberately alter our usual states of consciousness with drugs.
It's difficult to imagine an alien, robot, or computer being able to answer any but the most trivial questions about such matters. To answer the tough questions about humans, one needs to be human.
Even with that advantage, however, most people score well under 100 percent on this test, mainly because, among our other foibles, not all of us understand the nuances of human relationships, emotions, defects, and idiosyncracies. In that sense - if humanness can be defined as "sensitivity to the subtleties of human existence" - some of us are more human than others. There is good news, however: for the time being, even the least human of us is still more human than the most human computer.
