On choosing who you want to be

[EndogenousRebel]

It has been an emerging theme in these some of these threads- and in my personal life.

I am back on the job so I'll make myself scarce-er.

It seems like there is a dilemma between choosing who you want to be, and finding out who oneself is in general. Perhaps both lead to the same path anyways.

How to Become Who You Want to Be

Whether you like who you are or you feel stuck in a rut, you can choose or pass on strategies to live in the moment and be the you who you want to be.

www.psychologytoday.com

Seems like psychology is depending on thought experiments. Hypotheticals/simulations simply take someone towards what they BELIEVE will make them happy. In any case once they become whatever it is they intended to do, they may be just as unhappy.

Perhaps all someone needs is a journey, but they must still believe that there is something worth it at the end.

Then there is the added problem of having to integrate your journey with the every day that lies before you. For practical reasons, and perhaps efficiency and convenience. Maybe it would be good if I could change my perspective to enjoy a wider array of things for example, the things I do at my job lol.

 

[Black Rose]

I face nihilism on almost a daily basis. I do not know who I am except for the profiles I make of myself. The online identities I have are all the same. They do not vary much in any way except for a few minor details about who I interact with. Very abrash in aesthetic preferences but I find cute things attractive. I also like complete simple things. Things that mean alot in small packages. That expresses everything in one instance. My ability to relax has been increasing but my interest in novelty has a limit. I am not sensory. I am open but not completely exploratory. Rather conservative somewhat liberal. My category just isn't a label I have discovered yet. Dandere.

It is important to me that people are polite. Violent music disturbs me. Not exactly violent emotion but a theme. hard to explain but rather it is what I consider satanic/mestup dark. I react to fewer things than I used to. I believe that personality is stable over time. Everyone settles into one of several energy states. A person is either avoidant of pain or seeks it. Introverted or extroverted socially. People that rediscover themselves are not really stable, they are flimsy. I have been in ruts but never changed inside when I leave them. I still have the same ethical standards I have always had. I still have the same level of fluid intelligence and I am still interested in smart computers.

I am resigned to the things I cannot change. I have not gone through any midlife crisis but I have wondered what the point of everything was. To reinvent myself I would need to actually be upset with how I am now. How I am now isn't about thrill-seeking. It isn't about flimsiness. It is about opportunity. I have to wait until the time is right. All my life things just happen to me. I am not in control but I am not reactive. I accept that I am where I am and deal with it. This was frustrating before but I am used to it now. I am at a local optimum. I cannot upset the balance. To do so would risk too much loss. loss of freedom time and increased toil.

Recuperation, I am shy I can't be that bold. people who change on a whim are a type of person that is already part of a category well known in relation to the other types. So nothing new is presented. What happens is that we have a better model of who we are in a given environment. I do not have fantasies, I do not pretend I was somewhere else doing something totally different from what I am doing now. I am not a daydreamer. A type within a category. So built up over time I understand myself more. Nothing about me as a personality has changed. I only can control how I decide to interact with things better. I try to make conscious decisions. I do not pretend to be other people. Which to other people is just a persona that changes faces everywhere they go. I am the same with everyone because I take my core self and say what I deem appropriate to be polite to their emotions. I would not think that just because I look different I would act differently. That is superficial.

That is why I maintain consistency among all my profiles.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Lots of vocational testing and experimenting to figure that out, and it took me until my fourth or fifth decade before I figured out the job part.

I don't think you have to chose who you want to be personality wise, all you have to do is resonate what you want to feel in yourself.
We are like tuning forks, just needing to find where we resonate at our highest frequencies in our song with the world.
You can try on different expressions of feelings, emotions don't have to be flat. Even music changes our feelings.

A job is just something you do and learn so you can adapt and survive.
It doesn't make you totally happy, but you can just do the work and spend half your time working, and the other half living freely from that.

I have no persona that I'm aware of, and anyway, I don't play roles at ALL. I don't see myself as a woman, a man, a mother, an aunt or a job. I'm just spirit.
So, working with data, numbers, technology, plants, crystals, etc, is the only way I can do it.
While I love healing and such, I could NOT please the emotional aspects of others, I simply burn out too fast under the drives of ENFJ/ESFJ expectations, its attractive at first, and then I don't like the restrictions they have usually because they are not living in the spirit self?

But, yes, you can change a habit if you put sticky notes up on your mirror and practice whatever the new thinking is every day morning and night - sticky notes in the mirror for six weeks, you will have that new thought pattern, but you have to practice it immerse yourself in it and actively practice it to create a neuron path to this new concept of yourself. It doesn't work unless you force yourself to live it and sticky notes or meditations are best way I've found. I'm still just my spirit with an ego that likes to control things and makes me think I'm less than others, because it likes the status quo. So, just keep reading the sticky notes and soften the edges. of who you think you are to make way for better feelings. Relax and just let go of definitions or self judgements. Don't trust your judgements of yourself so much, you are very fluid and very resilient. In fact, its a super power.

Maybe you aren't speaking of habits or self perceptions though.

 

[EndogenousRebel]

I guess I can relate to that nihilism you feel Ak, though that is usually pervaded by anxiety about the future.

I did occur to me today that looking at ourselves as an entity engineering by natural evolution is a requirement, and that additional personal identity is strictly optional. Perhaps it can assist you in some regard, but habitually it can be a double edged sword. Perhaps looking at oneself like a "simple" spirit would yield more uses?

Of course our identity then becomes the patters we see in our day to day lives really, or rather the patterns we like to see. I suppose choosing who you want to be would be start with taking inventory of such things and asking yourself how you can see such things. Then of course would come the challenge of fusing that with the life you are "required" to live in society.

Before I was just going to settle with, whatever helps temper the dissatisfaction one feels before bed. To know that you have tried your best and made good decisions. That really leads to the next problematic thing:

If one does create a life where they are comfortable or otherwise satisfied? Did they live the fullest life? Plato or some other greek mf would say something like the unexamined life is not worth living. Would I be robbing myself if I were live a life that minimized challenges? Sounds like I would certainly live longer lol.

 

[Black Rose]

Different changes exist. I will never go to the Olympics. I will never be Arnold Schwarzenegger. Fame and fortune are beyond reach. And physical strength.

The way I push myself is totally dependent on what I want to achieve.

I cannot do so by memorization I need to create something new.

It has to have value to me. But I cannot push beyond my limits.

I am not totally black-pilled but maybe grey.

I am realistic, I know what has caused the pain in the past.

I have a profile and it must match my environment nitch.

I will not be a quantum physicist but I am an a.i. expert to some degree.

The point is to generate as many ideas as possible and then consolidate them.

Models submodels and then a supra model combining them.

It takes brainstorming, and an increase in progress takes conceptual leaps.

To reach a new fundamental stage of development requires learning and research and all sorts of divergent paths and rabbit holes.

For example, I call the first conscious thing to exist as First Consciousness.
I think it was at the beginning but could have been later?

My goal with a.i. would be to organize my data.
I have over 24,000 files and it takes time to shift through them all.
Something else is to create a companion because I am alone.
If I were to do so I would need to allow for autonomy.
Creating something new comes with risks but that is why I have considered the environmental and developmental aspects of child-rearing.
It begins with a well-suited structure, stress tolerance, and self-evaluation.
There can not be any long-lasting psychic damage. Resiliency is key.

To run any simulation would be unethical, it must be a controlled virtual environment. A single instance and a single avatar.

Its capabilities should not extend beyond its maturity.

It should filter what is good from what is bad and it should regulate its behaviors.

I want to teach it things. appropriate things. things that will benefit it.

I see no reason to do anything else in life.

But to create something that extends beyond me.

 

[Old Things]

I didn't see anything about being your "authentic self" in the article. Probably because this is secondary to his point.

Or if you are like me, you noticed that the word "truth" was not mentioned once in the article.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Disregard if this doesn't fit the thread, but what some regular humans might see as personality might just be as simple as their fashion style and maybe it also includes how much you love yourself, your confidence level and how you make others comfortable around you.

But the thing is, we really are NOT what others see or the body we are in or the mind we were given, we are awareness - thats what we really are. So being pure awareness without judgement of yourself or others is you in your unadulterated pure self. Nurture that baby.

Likely, if you are at ease with yourself, show yourself you like who you are and what you look like, and what you wear and how you ask others for love or friendship, ego reputation or pride- how you say things and why - just start there. I don't know why, but it just doesn't work the same way with everyone, so be honest with yourself about what to expect from others. Some of us have a purpose of learning to rely on our own strengths. There is a book called the Game of Life and How to Play it that could help you see how to apply passions in new directions. You can note what your repetitive patterns are with people, sometimes we are here to learn totally different things from the rest of humanity, you accept where you are right now fully as if you chose it yourself.

As for clothing, classics never go out of style so for me, my entire wardrobe is 8 years worth of shopping on Landsend.com which has go to classic comfort clothing. And Ecco brand shoes on amazon (European sizes, order

UP after converting). Ecco are the most amazingly comfortable shoes on earth, made in Denmark I believe, for both men and women.

Find a simple style that you don't have to concern yourself about changing fashions and you are good to go.
If you are needing to go to court or present publically, get a classic black suit, with some good cuts to it that fits to begin with. Start with black, its highly respectable and formal, black shoes, belt, pants and jacket, a dress shirt and a tie. Then later, possibly add khaki jacket, and nice brown shoes for Summer. That way you are always ready for anything, interviews, funerals, court, etc. Skip the strong cologne and deoderant, they tend to be a complete turn off to most people. Unscented if possible. ok, I'm done. Thats it. Thank you.

Ecco footwear incredibly comfortable classics:

ECCO Footwear

ECCO Homepage

www.amazon.com

Mens Pima Cotton Polo, simple, classic:

School Uniform Men's Banded Short Sleeve Pima Polo

Shop our School Uniform Men's Banded Short Sleeve Pima Polo at Lands' End. We fit every body

www.landsend.com

126 Life Changing Florence Scovel Shinn Quotes - Mwendwa Mbaabu

Florence Scovel Shinn (September 24, 1871 in Camden, New Jersey – October 17, 1940) was an American artist and book illustrator who became a New Thought spiritual teacher and metaphysical writer in her middle years

mwendwambaabu.com

 

[EndogenousRebel]

Asked AI. Critics for having flexible values seems to be way smaller than the benefits.

It does make a point about principals. However, if one can from one day to the other and completely change their values is that a problem with the person or the values?

Possibly both. Depending on the circumstance I would say that the person picked the poor values or that indeed the person never had any resolve in that belief to begin with.

In any case, it seems that most people operate under the "know it when I see it" principle of reasoning with most things, but they neglect to reflect on what values they hold which influence what they are "seeing".

Finding oneself seems to be a experimental process that one has to find time for. I find that this is fucking bullshit. So many things in life distract from this- it's such an unremarkable part of ones journey.

 

[Black Rose]

In personality, unless you are borderline(?), your values remain constant.

People want/need more than one thing.
It is prioritization that personality and values revolve around.
People who do not know what they want have a big gap in their lives when they have nothing to do.

I like the moto:

Be open-minded but not so open-minded that one's brain falls out.

 

[EndogenousRebel]

I'd appreciate it if both my brains operated congruently.

 

[birdsnestfern]

: ) But it seems every organ and gland or muscle competes and wants something different in order to do its part.
Therefore, trust they all will do their part. Don't even worry about it! All they want is your love and thought and then trust.
Same with personality. Just know its probably the dna expression that will do its part without your minds help, anyway.

 

[EndogenousRebel]

: ) But it seems every organ and gland or muscle competes and wants something different in order to do its part.
Therefore, trust they all will do their part. Don't even worry about it! All they want is your love and thought and then trust.
Same with personality. Just know its probably the dna expression that will do its part without your minds help, anyway.

I'm mellow af. If this is the path that compels me then perhaps youre right. Accepting that does not give me answers, following this I believe will, and I will take away what I believe will suits me for the future.

I might seem manic, obsessive, or nervous, but those are just words.

So long as I can function within the environment I am good. If I can't, then I will change or I will change my environment.

If I were to change my environment or myself I would like to develop a general framework for doing so. A decision tree that I can refer to, like a formula I can fill in and draw utility from.

Obsessive? Maybe, but once I am done with it, if I ever will be, before I die, then perhaps it will lighten the load for me and others in the future.

 

[Drvladivostok]

Seems like psychology is depending on thought experiments. Hypotheticals/simulations simply take someone towards what they BELIEVE will make them happy. In any case once they become whatever it is they intended to do, they may be just as unhappy.

I'm always in the position that Short-term pleasure or even the desire for pleasure itself isn't something you should strive for.

It's rather fulfilment and pride of what you have Achieved, that gives the sense of Achievement and long term satisfaction.

A person's character is not defined by what they believe to be themselves since people are liable to self deceit and lies, but the choices they make. So you decide who you wanna be based on your actions not desire.

 

[EndogenousRebel]

It's rather fulfilment and pride of what you have Achieved, that gives the sense of Achievement and long term satisfaction.

Nope. I am not failing to see the hubris in what I about to write here. I also don't fail to see the irony that my gratitude for this situation isn't that high.

It's like when I'm playing against someone in chess. I already know the next couple moves and the person is about to be checkmated. They will be checkmated in the next couple moves. So they should just resign. They are kinda wasting their own and my time.

Even if it is revealed that I have made a blunder or they make a move that actually makes me think The choices I have are still there in front of me and I know the process to get at them and learn.

What you are proposing is that I should be satisfied that I have gotten to my position, and that My confidence is what gives me pleasure.

Not the case for me. I am detached from the outcome basically at this point, because I am too confident, or maybe self-esteem is different from confidence?

For so long I've been bogged down by how I should feel about something, and that really hasn't helped me thus far. It seems like I need to get reconnected to something. I do not care about being better than someone else, that I know of. I am not insecure about my position in the world within the next couple years at least.. should I be?

 

[EndogenousRebel]

Cooked this up a while ago and forgot about it. I think this kinda speaks to what someone should look for in their own behavior. Probably some lexical difference people should put on their own person graph. Necessary could be interchanged with responsibility/duty for example.

Take an inventory of everything you do, and plot them on this graph. Even within a task that is ultimately meaningful will contain some necessary things in it, so you I'm not entirely sure how every individual would break down their tasks.

Ideally everything is a meaningful experience, so as some people have been recommending one can in theory adjust attitudes, but you cannot fool yourself. Your suspension of disbelief can only go so far.

Realistically we are all caged by society, and it seems like having meaningful experiences is the ultimate act of rebellion, but that observation is biased.

I feel like for me, there has been some sort of emotional blockage regarding many tasks, even tasks that would be conveniently rewarding. I think that I may have put this wall up for "logical" reasons but that it has come back to bite me. Something about emotional processing thing constantly being a hassle? Not sure, that's just me though.

 

[ZenRaiden]

 

[EndogenousRebel]

But.. I'm supposed to have my fruits and vegetables before dessert....

 

[ZenRaiden]

This is my favorite.

 

[EndogenousRebel]

It would seem that in a desperate attempt to reach some sort of balance, you are creating some sort of internal environment where you are never truly comfortable. Perhaps this where this notion of balance fails.

You need control and insight into when you will likely need to "find balance" and how. If you do it all the time, you are creating some sort of habitual feedback loop that doesn't resolve itself.

There is benefit of endless seeking (for balance?), but it outlives its use when finding that thing your looking for is at the expense of other valuable things. Of course this is a learning oneself thing, which I have to make time for.