Not Autism

[Black Rose]

Not Autism
instead
(PTSD)

 

[Black Rose]

I was taught at one year old that I should not cry because when I did my father would hit me on the head. I have not seen him since I was six years old.

At 12 years old is when my mom stopped playing with me and stopped talking to me. She lacks the cognitive ability to understand adult things.

So I had to do things by myself and mostly I never had any friends in school. After high school I went to a group home and after that an apartment where I did nothing for a long time.

Currently, I am on ADHD meds and others.

I do not think I have much purpose in my life.

I might be stupid or something.

Because I don't do anything.

 

[Black Rose]

energy is important

some people do drugs to feel good or just be normal

but depression is not so bad for me

I am just disconnected

and that is supposed to serve a biological function

there is a set of behaviors I am not allowed to do anymore

meaning I need to adjust to a new set of behaviors

losing a way of doing things is about not knowing what to do

that is depression

 

[Black Rose]

Humans are energy systems.

So as energy systems humans need to do things.

That is where learned helplessness happens.

When you can't do things.

 

[Black Rose]

 

[birdsnestfern]

You have good energy they’ll notice. And Much smarter than you think.

 

[Black Rose]

Look how cute you are when you smile though!

Thanks

I was only kind of depressed because I need to do stuff I am not used to doing.

That is the problem with depression I was trying to express.

A loss or just being defeated will make your energy go down.

Because part of you is gone that allows you to know what to do.

I can do stuff but it takes more energy to build up.

Thinking about what to do when you do not know, drains you so much.

I can see where I can do some things but not other things.

Mostly I see this as a mechanism.

So I would not say that I have clinical depression.

I think it is more about learning new things.

I feel attached to my routine but I lost that recently.

It comes down to sitting in bed all day or doing something else.

And it is the reason I think the mechanism is important.

Knowing why energy works the way it does helps me.

Because I am inquisitive as to the brain and body.

It makes sense that humans work by attending to certain areas of life.

This means we develop through what we do, by finding a niche

To reinvent this is a process that takes time.

 

[Black Rose]

I do not know what causes depression.

I will google it later.

I just know that loss will do it.

Loss means the brain will need to function in a new way.

That recovery is the reason we take longer when big losses happen.

How do you function when all your efforts took so long to build up?

Failure in this way means you need to think really hard about what to do next in case you fail again.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Maybe your environment keeps you feeling like that. Singing bowls or bells might break that stuck energy. If you can take a walk and get out ideas might come easier.