No REAL friends in High School

[shamanking]

Hi! I am a girl, still in high school - just started 10th Grade. I'm from Romania.

I have a few issues and I want to know if you guys had them.

First, I will to tell you things about myself. I was really shy but now I kinda got over it. The only problem left is too little energy for socializing - that is really awful when you're in highschool, as you probably know. Question: Anyone there got headaches in school from all the noise and people and too much socialization? 'Cause this is a big problem for me.

I am really, really good at maths - in the 9th Grade I went to the National Olympics and got a Silver medal, and also I made it to the Senior National Team. That means I was among the first 20-something students in the whole country, from Grade 9 to 12. I was really proud especially because I was possibly the youngest.

As you can see, I am mainly oriented towards science. That means I have less interest in people (as INTP points). However, there's something really bugging me. Though I am not shy (but also not naturally charming or sociable), it's really hard for me to find friends. I mean, I want real connections, not just acquaintances - I have enough of those. Actually, I have NO REAL FRIENDS. None. Nada. And I feel that a real, deep connection with someone my age is missing A LOT.

I can make a connection. I managed to do that before, in the real world, but the problem is I made it with people from other cities. I told you I was good at maths - people I liked are also good at it so we became friends (but live in different cities. The irony...).

I am picky when choosing friends. I don't want to put the effort into making friends with people I don't genuinely like. I really wish I could find more people interested in philosophy, sciences, maths, psychology and less interested in Facebook and events and people. I hope you "feel" me, given the fact that you are much like me.
And also, I see the vast majority of people in my school as shallow. Yeah, I know why it happens. They also don't know how to listen and I rarely find someone who can. I like to listen. I REALLY listen, you know, and I also work on it...

Recently I distanced myself from some people because I didn't quite like them. By choice, because it's better for me. I once thought they were friends, but they weren't. And I prefer being alone than pushing myself to be in touch with someone who isn't my friend.

So, yes, that was quite long. To sum up, I feel and maybe am alone. But I'm not that bad, because I chose it. The bad thing though is that I can't seem to find what I am looking for. I just hate this.
Do you ever feel like that? And have you ever had moments when you were alone, but by choice and because you couldn't find your own people?

Did you get over it?

 

[Cognisant]

Ah school, worst time of my life.

The problem with a microcosm is that there's very little room for diversity whereas once you get out into the real world, well it's like being on the internet there's a practically endless number of people out there many of whom are like you and will gravitate to the same things you will and end up on the same rung of society's ladder as you will, so you'll soon (relatively speaking) find yourself surrounded by people you want to be friends with.

But until then you're screwed, sorry.

 

[wilsonwatson]

I think this is a decent general summary of every INTX's early life.

Yes this is normal, yes the majority of people only want superficial relationships (not even saying that's necessarily a bad thing) and it's hard to find "real" friends as you call it.

But it does happen, it just takes longer and may only happen a few times in your life. As Cog said, it also has to do with age. Finding similar people to yourself becomes much easier the older you become.

So...be patient.

 

[BrainVessel]

Welcome to the forum! I think you'll quite like it here.

Do you ever feel like that? And have you ever had moments when you were alone, but by choice and because you couldn't find your own people?

Did you get over it?

That's basically an INTP's entire life. Being lonely in a crowd, having little energy to go out and invest in people. However, it doesn't have to be, of course.
There are more people that share your views/lifestyle out there than you think, but they, are also probably alone by choice.
There are creative benefits to self-isolation-- you don't think like others.
There are also relatability issues-- you don't think like others.
It's an innate need to be loved and accepted so I wouldn't continue this self isolation, it is commonly the path to depression, I can speak from experience.
I know it's difficult finding your crowd, most people around you likely seem superficial and addicted to their social construct but there are some people like us laced into it.

From my experience, I can tell you to just go out and do something. Join a club, something where people can converse freely over a common interest. You just have to spark up the right conversation, a point of interest for both of you, and it's not uncommon for even the most uncommon of people to find that they are similar to someone else. Similar bases create similar patterns.
Good luck!

 

[Grayman]

So, yes, that was quite long. To sum up, I feel and maybe am alone. But I'm not that bad, because I chose it. The bad thing though is that I can't seem to find what I am looking for. I just hate this.
Do you ever feel like that? And have you ever had moments when you were alone, but by choice and because you couldn't find your own people?

Did you get over it?

I sought out tables that had no students to sit by myself in a crowded room.

I didn't want people, friends etc... I only made connections because deep down I knew that not doing so would lead to questions. If you don't integrate, you can get into trouble.

Friends are rarely forever. High School friends are less so.

My opinion. Go to college to make friends. You will all likely be going into college to learn things you are interested in. Teh people in your class will have at least that interest in common with you. Highschool students rarely even know who they are or what they want, only what they want right this second. You cannot have a real relationship with someeone who doesn't even know themselves. They will not even be the same person when they finally grow up, which will make staying their friend difficult.

 

[Vrecknidj]

So, yes, that was quite long. To sum up, I feel and maybe am alone. But I'm not that bad, because I chose it. The bad thing though is that I can't seem to find what I am looking for. I just hate this.
Do you ever feel like that?

Sometimes.

And have you ever had moments when you were alone, but by choice and because you couldn't find your own people?

Yes.

Did you get over it?

Yes.

It all takes time.

 

[ChouMasamori]

That's our way of life.
See my signature pic will you ? lol
And, don't bother not having real friends, you will find it sooner and later.

 

[Pyropyro]

I think everyone here went through that phase one way or the other.

Don't worry about having friends though. They usually happen naturally. Just work/volunteer with other people and you'll soon have likeminded people with you. I think most of my close relationships simply came to be due to my ministries.

 

[EditorOne]

^ this

 

[Architect]

The friendships you describe are hard to find for intuitive types. S types prefer small talk and a wide friend base, for the most part. Even when you meet another intuitive they might be so anestisized from the culture that they've more or less given up.

I had three close friends in High School, but they were highly incompatible (ESTJ, ESFJ, ESFP). I had to hide my essential nature. It either didn't get time, or was the butt of jokes (they thought my searching questions sometimes odd and funny) or too disturbing. I guess they weren't really that close.

I have found somebody who I'm close to though, and a sensor, ISFP maybe? Religious to boot (Mormon), so it can happen. I have a INTP friend too, but I wouldn't describe the friendship as deep exactly, though we do talk about all sorts of things.

The ideal is if you can find a mate who is your best friend. Romance and friendship is the best combination, friendship is more fickle.

Oh and the headaches? My INTP son has that problem with school. Seems to be getting better though.