New People

[DesertSmeagle]

How do intps deal with meeting new people. Im on this new college baseball team, and college in general, and am curious how id interact with new people without social anxiety. Im sure that all of you dont just sit there and keep to yourself and act retarded like i do becasue im scared of people...So if God decided to heal me overnight, which ive been wanting to happen for 6 years, what kind of of experience would i have with new people?

 

[Sparrow]

You're not an INTP. Why ask INTPs?

 

[DesertSmeagle]

What?

 

[bloozie]

Stay quiet.
Assess the situation.
Jump in and see what happens.

 

[snafupants]

Alcohol, preferably strong and in mass quantities.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

"What's up?" and just go from there.

 

[SilentChaos]

I guess I’m scared of people, I find its just such a struggle to force my mind to communicate with new people. Meeting new people is seen by my mind and ‘pointless’ so I find it’s not worth the trouble of forcing my mind into meeting new people. When I do meet someone new, I find it frustrating it takes lots of my energy to understand how they think and at least have some basic theory for how they will react I’m very sure socialising would be a lot easier if I didn’t analyse everything but I’m not sure what I can do to change about that.

My personal suggestion for communicating with new people would be to get straight into it, if you give your mind enough time to think, to consider the situation and way out possibilities you’re going to freak out and attempt to get away from the situation. I really not know what else you could do.

Just btw People tend to assume that being ‘socially awkward’ sucks, I thought so to be lately I’ve noticed that being the silent observer in new situations has its advantages not obvious ones true and maybe not things that the ‘overly social’ people would be able to understand. I love being shy and quiet it allows me to gain so much information and appear totally innocent.

Oh god i just kept writing, I’m not even sure what the question was anymore

 

[shoeless]

people are not scary. what would happen is you would... have a conversation.
you've had conversations with your family before, of course. it would be like that except slightly more uncomfortable because you don't know each other very well (and trust me, everyone is uncomfortable in the very beginning).

you need to psych yourself out. build up all your mental energies towards just talking to somebody, and eventually there will be a brief window of uninhibition, where you can finally let yourself go and just talk. it's the simplest thing in the world, but i understand how it can feel like moving mountains. i've been there.

but it's true what they say: the only person who can help you is you. mind over matter. people are not scary. worst case scenario, you meet an asshole, in which case you just leave and forget about them. or try to get to know them anyway, because the challenge can be fun.

fear is not that big a deal.
just jump right in.

 

[avanover]

Well, a group of people is essentially a chaotic dynamical system. So while the system is deterministic, small differences will yield widely different results in the long run. It's best, therefore, to just focus on the moment at hand. Also remember that your success is dependent on the decisions of others. Just being a general good person isn't enough. You have to tailor to their social rituals for them to accept you. If someone attempts to socialize with you, respond in a rational manner keeping these principals in mind. That's how I do it, haha.

 

[Words]

@Desert

I think "rationalizing" feelings at this point would be useful. Treat the "people" as subjects in your experiment. Although we know it's not really that "inhumane", you are just shifting your perception to better fit your situation and the goals you intend to achieve---which is simply socialization. This is what I usually do(in other words, completely ignoring Fe). It makes the entire initiation less draining.

Fe's uses comes later on and intuitively when the initial phase is achieved.

The drawback is that there will still be a tendency to be disinclined with people unless they say something you're interested in. The initial step is stimulating because of the perception of experimentation but after this, motivation(or stimulation) is dependent on the topic, the object of discussion(unless you're a feeler).

Note: I use Fe to just mean social understanding or something.

 

[Ermine]

Just stand back, observe to see if the conversation is worth joining, and if you have something to say on the subject. Then inch your way into the general vicinity of the conversation circle, respond to something, preferably in a witty way. Chances are, the people in the conversation will let you into the "circle", and you use Ne to bounce off other people's comments. Hopefully it's enjoyable. If not, be silent until people in the circle start ignoring you, and try another group.

It works for me, though I'm not too conscious of the impression I make. It's usually a good one though.

 

[DesertSmeagle]

Ok. Thanks for the feedback you guys....Fuck, i had something awesome to say but it got lost amidst mental chaos....oh yea.. Im just curious in trying to separate normal anxiety from bad anxirty. Everyones quiet the first few days, but it just keeps goin for me...I think part of the problem is that ive never really met anyone with the same interests as me. Not hobby interests like video games or even sports, but mental curiosities. And if someone did have the same curiosities, then they would probably keep it buried in their mind, instead of talking about it with people because of fear of rejection...Ya now to think of it, ive never really met anyone who i can just talk to...Well maybe one person, but he was a hilarious, probably entp.. His Ne was crazy and wed just sit and talk about complete bullshit. Like i remember one conversation that we had just talking about how cool itd be to ride fukin giant robotic raptors, or hiding in the hall way at school in a ghillie suit saying, "look at me im a bush".. ive never had someone make me laugh so hard.And everyone liked him.. That made me think, thats how i would be if i didnt have so much anxiety.

 

[blotfelt]

Capitalize on the opportunities to speak which don't require you to make an extraordinary effort (teacher saying sh*t at you, group activities, etc.) - it can makes things much easier. If, through doing this, you come to be reasonably happy with what you assume to be others' perception of you (they don't even have to actually have one - you just need to think they do), which they may or may not have formed from your showings in these instances, it'll lessen the strain/uncertainty of initiating communication with these other people OR SOMETHINGMAYBEARGH in more casual circumstances. ALTHOUGH, should you choose to act on this store of the [internally-derived] positive but unexpressed sentiments of your classmates, things could easily go very, very wrong; you might have been nurturing what is actually a false and completely unfounded sense of security/confidence and have set yourself up for heart-stopping, stupendously painful humiliation/death.

Also, commiseration. People love to bitch. I usually don't go very long without hearing someone say, 'fuck this teacher, man', or, 'fuck this test, man, amirite?' This can be a great time to play along and form a rapport [based on bitching and negativity!]. I don't do it, though. It seems disingenuous and like I'm dying inside when I do.

 

[shoeless]

is your anxiety bad enough that you actually have panic attacks when faced with the prospect of talking to people?

you don't have to answer if you dont' want to, but i've had a few in my day and i just thought i'd offer some advice. if you feel a panic attack coming on, i know your first instinct will be to run and hide in the bathroom or something, and that's fine. but you might want to consider just facing it instead, actually fighting with it to overcome it. it won't work at all, mind you, because it's extremely difficult to regain control on a will when it comes to anxiety and i understand that, BUT i've found that trying at all to fight it (especially around people/in a public arena) is actually very empowering after the fact. and, worst case scenario, somebody will notice and think you're weird. more likely, somebody will notice and try to find you some help, so it's actually a win-win. just a thought.

of course, if you don't have panic attacks at all, you might want to consider the possibility that you're really just shy and need a little nudging. if you can have a conversation with that one weird guy, you can have a conversation with anyone.

 

[Words]

Desert. You shouldn't judge anxiety to be of that much difficulty. I had anxiety disorder(panic attacks etc) and I probably still do but I managed to pull through and stretch my arms far and wide [with medicine].

In the case of normal anxiety, it's easier than you think it is. You say you fear being rejected? Pfft, let them fear you. Say all the things you have in your mind. Trust me, it'll always end positively. I once feared the same way. I hid my eccentric interests and despised academics simply because I'm "suppose" to. But that's just bull, the self>than others. muwahaha. Try a day of calling everyone "idiot". Exercise your freedom and you'll have hardened muscles to penetrate it all. It's ok if no one listened to you. It's ok if people judge you. Just keep shouting.