Never materializing any visions

[ruminator]

Can anyone relate to this and maybe explain why this happens:

I don't have that many tangible goals, instead I have these fantasy-visions of what I want to experience. (It's all based on experience, and not on accomplishing anything really).

For example, there was a time in my life when I was obsessed with electronic music, and my vision was that I wanted to live a life where I could just go to shows every single weekend and live for that.

When I got a new apartment, I had a vision of inviting people over for dinner parties and having wine and listening to music and talking about things.

I guess I have these idealized versions of my life that I see in my head.

But these are not unrealistic idealizations, they are entirely possible as long as I make it happen!!

But the problem is, I never make them happen.

I rarely went to any shows. I didn't invite a single person to my apartment during the year I lived there....the list goes on.

And I find myself looking back in deep regret and hating myself for not doing the things I wanted to do. & I just don't understand it. If these are things I don't care about, it would be entirely understandable that I put them off. People put things off if they don't care that much. But if someone wants something so bad, they would do it! It makes no sense.

This regret is really debilitating. I feel like I've wasted my life sitting at home and doing nothing instead of actually living my dreams. There is no second chance, there is no "well do them now", time is of the essence, as we get older we lose more and more time and I have lost so much time and so many stages of my life I can never re-live.

 

[Tannhauser]

Definitely

But I view it in terms of a concept borrowed from mathematics, called a Markov chain. A Markov chain never remembers its past and is never affected by it. Its direction is only determined by its current state.

 

[Absurdity]

You don't actually want what you think you want, you just want to want it. Desire itself is pleasurable.

 

[Pyropyro]

You don't actually want what you think you want, you just want to want it. Desire itself is pleasurable.

^ This

One should also embrace the negative aspects of an ambition and not just the rewards. For example, one might like to be like the Facebook dudes but one isn't keen on subjecting themselves to hundreds of hours of computer programming.

 

[flare]

Total agree with Absurdity. Most of the times we appreciate the good stuffs of some experiences/life. This happen to me, for example, when I read about people who work while traveling. It sounds amazing at the beginning, but after some time I start to realise: I would have to met new people every week, I lose contact with all my closest friends and family (people I feel confortable around), I would not be able to go to practice sports, etc.

On the other hand, there are things that we actually want, but the fear of "killing the fantasy" may stop us to make them true. That many times happen to me with books, when I think I have a book that will resolve "X" problem, but I dont read it, fearing that I woud not solve the problem.

Finally, sometimes we need tu put us in uncomfortable situations, where we are obligated to move forward. I give an example: You want to invite people to your apartment but you dont manage to do that (I have similar problems all the time), then for example when you are in good mood (a little drunk is also good ) and text some potential guesses that it would be good to have a dinner in your apartment next week. Maybe the next day (or next hour) you will regret, but you will have to maintain your word.

And maybe, you will not have a GREAT time with this dinner, but I can assure you that this feeling of having uncompleted visiosn will dissapear and it really feels great.

 

[ruminator]

Thanks for the responses.

I feel like a lot of it might be laziness... because I truly do want to do those things, but I never get around to actually doing it ... and just feel comfortable laying in bed and doing what I'm used to doing ...

I wonder if this might be related to INTP laziness, whatever that is?

Or if it might be a Si thing of being stuck in what you are used to doing?