Need dating advice...

[Inquisitor]

So...

I like this girl, we're just friends... but I want to know her type as soon as possible...I want her to take one of the online tests like right now! How soon is too soon to bring this up?

k thx bi

 

[Black Rose]

first ask if she likes psychology

 

[Nihilmatic]

Hopeless romantic.

You don't need to make her take the test, the test itself is a joke anyway. Figure out which function she dominates with and how she interacts, analyzing people is easy.

 

[EditorOne]

Don't overanalyze.
Don't rely just on mbti for a relationship. Lots of people create deep bonds when myers briggs says they are usually sources of friction for each other.
Read up on pheromones. It will help you figure out what's going on if you find yourself inexplicably attracted to someone.
Yeah, we are still at the mercy of biological imperatives sometimes. Learn to live with it.

 

[Inquisitor]

first ask if she likes psychology

Good advice.

Hopeless romantic.

You don't need to make her take the test, the test itself is a joke anyway. Figure out which function she dominates with and how she interacts, analyzing people is easy.

Hmm..the tests all reliably identified me as INTP...Curious as to why you think it's a joke? Hard to figure out which function she dominates with...

"analyzing people is easy." That statement right there makes me skeptical...Someone who actually knows how to analyze people well probably wouldn't make that statement.

I appreciate your contribution though.

Don't overanalyze.
Don't rely just on mbti for a relationship. Lots of people create deep bonds when myers briggs says they are usually sources of friction for each other.
Read up on pheromones. It will help you figure out what's going on if you find yourself inexplicably attracted to someone.
Yeah, we are still at the mercy of biological imperatives sometimes. Learn to live with it.

I know that I'm attracted to her, but I'm trying to use Ti to make a sound judgment. This seems like the most expedient way to do it.

 

[Pyropyro]

Just spend some time with her. Ti is a natural when it comes to taking mental notes.

 

[Grayman]

Copy it into word and make it look official. Print it out. Sneak it in with her finals she is not looking. She may question it at first but depending on her level of assertiveness she may just fill it out instead of asking the teacher what it is. The hard part will then be intercepting it after she turns it in.

Copy the answers into the online test when you get home.

EDIT: this is probably the best dating advice I have ever given anyone...

 

[onesteptwostep]

Just spend some time with her. Ti is a natural when it comes to taking mental notes.

But don't spend too much time, or else it's going to uncover your position. But don't think about how much time you're spending, because that's going to make you nervous. But be aware of it, but not so focused on it. When you're with her, act like you care, when you really don't. Don't act like you care, when actually you really do care.

Oh god, do I really love her? Or am I just playing around with myself? What is love? What is reality? Who am I? What am I doing here? Why am I talking to myself? What is self? What is language? What is emotion? whuat is raif? whuathafoog;kdngskgsgsgsdhsdfh.sh.~!@#$1~42101010101010100000~~..!



okay I stop now~

 

[OptiMist_Prime]

So...

I like this girl, we're just friends... but I want to know her type as soon as possible...I want her to take one of the online tests like right now! How soon is too soon to bring this up?

k thx bi

I don't think any time is too soon, I mean it's just a fun test. People like to know themselves better and these tests are popular, so maybe just find a short one that she can take or that the two of you can take together and share your scores. If you're friends already I don't think it would be a big deal. She may have taken one already and know her score too, who knows.

 

[EditorOne]

I know that I'm attracted to her, but I'm trying to use Ti to make a sound judgment. This seems like the most expedient way to do it.

Very understandable, we like to know as much as possible before acting. Don't let a compulsion for research lead you to wait so long the question becomes moot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyU2pGWA6Jc

An alternative paradigm.

 

[EditorOne]

Footnote to history (Jeez I am so old):
The teen troubadours like Ricky Nelson were the only thing many of us had for social advice and for transmitting the norms of social conduct when I was a kid. Be glad there's an INTP forum.

 

[Jennywocky]

Don't forget the fingerprint scan (for the police background check) and a blood test for various anomalies. You can never be too sure.

---

more seriously, can't you just ask her some the typical test questions in a roundabout way during casual conversation? And figure out her type on your own?

On the other hand, you could just spend time with her and have some great moments... and if you don't enjoy the time, then you don't have to worry about her personality type if it isn't working out.

 

[Reluctantly]

If you barely know her, you need experience and time to get to know her; without getting that first, typing is at best speculative and at worst presumptuous.

 

[Alias]

Try observing her to see if she's Intuitive or a Sensor. Once you have that down, it's easy. If Intuitive, find a way to have a deep (or at least meaningful) conversation, and her image of you will improve. If Sensor, just have a good time and be down-to-earth. However, if you read through descriptions of each type, look for which one fits her best (it worked when I re-typed an ENFJ girl I know from ENTJ to ENFJ).

But still, type is not everything in a relationship. I might sound like an Idealist, but it's all about personal bonding.

The most concrete thing I can say is good luck. And if things fail with her, use it as an opportunity to learn and better yourself.

 

[Pyropyro]

But don't spend too much time, or else it's going to uncover your position. But don't think about how much time you're spending, because that's going to make you nervous. But be aware of it, but not so focused on it. When you're with her, act like you care, when you really don't. Don't act like you care, when actually you really do care.

Oh god, do I really love her? Or am I just playing around with myself? What is love? What is reality? Who am I? What am I doing here? Why am I talking to myself? What is self? What is language? What is emotion? whuat is raif? whuathafoog;kdngskgsgsgsdhsdfh.sh.~!@#$1~42101010101010100000~~..!



okay I stop now~

It's best to be honest even at this phase of the relationship. Playing relationship games is a bit silly in my opinion. You don't need games to make her attracted to you.

 

[Pyropyro]

Don't forget the fingerprint scan (for the police background check) and a blood test for various anomalies. You can never be too sure.

Don't forget the proper attire during dates. You can't be too sure.

Spoiler

[bimgx=250]http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/man-briefcase-protective-hazmat-suit-isolated-white-35333854.jpg[/bimgx]
Now just put all those questionnaires and lab tests in the briefcase and you're good to go.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

If you barely know her, you need experience and time to get to know her; without getting that first, typing is at best speculative and at worst presumptuous.

Yeah if you barely know her then you're getting the dating process reversed. you shouldn't be thinking of dating her when you don't even know her well. Get to know her well first then dating comes next

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

Don't forget the proper attire during dates. You can't be too sure.

Spoiler

[bimgx=250]http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/man-briefcase-protective-hazmat-suit-isolated-white-35333854.jpg[/bimgx]
Now just put all those questionnaires and lab tests in the briefcase and you're good to go.

Serves as proper dating attire+provides protection against the ebola zombie apocalypse...what more could you ask for?

 

[onesteptwostep]

It's best to be honest even at this phase of the relationship. Playing relationship games is a bit silly in my opinion. You don't need games to make her attracted to you.

Haha I know, I was just joking around.

 

[Jennywocky]

Don't forget the proper attire during dates. You can't be too sure.

I figured if I wear something like this, he'll only stick around if he really REALLY likes me.

Spoiler

 

[Rook]

Or perhaps he may have a fetish for crooked noses, old women and walking cauldrons of apples?

 

[Inquisitor]

I figured if I wear something like this, he'll only stick around if he really REALLY likes me.

Spoiler

OMG...so hot!!!

 

[Architect]

MBTI considerations are mostly important for long term relationships like marriage. For just meeting a girl and dating don't worry about it much. Experience is valuable.

 

[SpaceYeti]

Ask her if she wants the D. Usually gets 'em.

Also, how is asking how to convince a friend to take the MBTI "dating advice"?

 

[Inquisitor]

Copy it into word and make it look official. Print it out. Sneak it in with her finals she is not looking. She may question it at first but depending on her level of assertiveness she may just fill it out instead of asking the teacher what it is. The hard part will then be intercepting it after she turns it in.

Copy the answers into the online test when you get home.

EDIT: this is probably the best dating advice I have ever given anyone...

Very sneaky...me likey.

 

[Inquisitor]

Thank you all for the excellent advice. I received way more than I expected...which is awesome.

I like the investigative aspect of this whole situation...I think it's fascinating that I could potentially be strongly attracted to someone who is not a good fit for me relationship-wise long term. Evolution really does only care about offspring viability and not whether or not two human beings are psychologically compatible...And yet...I'm sure that there is a powerful psychological component to raw attraction and yet, it seems that just as often as not, that component leads people astray. They end up breaking off the relationship after x amount of time. Since learning more about type, I've just looked at this whole relationship business as something that is best approached with at least somewhat of a cool head if you want long-term happiness.

 

[SpaceYeti]

It's just pheromones, dude. If you like hers, she likes yours.

 

[Oddity]

It's just pheromones, dude. If you like hers, she likes yours.

I don't think that liking someone's pheromones means they like yours.

 

[Gabby21924]

It's not just about your type, although it does play a part. A lot of people who don't match according to MBTI can have perfectly good relationships.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Inquisitor]

It's not just about your type, although it does play a part. A lot of people who don't match according to MBTI can have perfectly good relationships.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

good or great? I would rather just take the easy path and be with someone who is highly compatible. I'm sure there are lots of couples who are not recommended matches according to MBTI and who have good relationships, but...why risk it?

Also according to Ayurveda, for long-term relationships, it's better to date someone who has the same body type. So if you're Vata, you date a Vata, Pitta with Pitta and Kapha with Kapha. Similar lifestyle preferences, similar diets, similar problems and so on...Makes things a lot easier if the foods you cook are optimal for both of you as opposed to only one of you. Basically, don't go ectomorph + endomorph.

 

[EditorOne]

Well: Most relationships involving romance have phases. Infatuation, what old novels used to call "smitten," doesn't last more than 18 months, if I'm remembering what I've read correctly. There's research on this somewhere, you might want to probe that aspect of it - the phases of a love relationship - to, oh, I don't know? normalize your expectations? Get a reality check 18 months before you need it? There are various points in a relationship where either person can make a decision; sometimes you get unfortunate situations where one party is done but still harbors enough affection for the other that he/she just endures rather than cause pain by terminating. Much to think about, but you're probably going into this better equipped than many.
Generally, the less time invested before a breakup, the easier the breakup on everyone. Tough in the first phase no matter what, because emotions tend to be high along with expectations.
I wish I'd known all this when I was young. Life would have been very different.

 

[Oddity]

good or great? I would rather just take the easy path and be with someone who is highly compatible. I'm sure there are lots of couples who are not recommended matches according to MBTI and who have good relationships, but...why risk it?

Also according to Ayurveda, for long-term relationships, it's better to date someone who has the same body type. So if you're Vata, you date a Vata, Pitta with Pitta and Kapha with Kapha. Similar lifestyle preferences, similar diets, similar problems and so on.

What is this?

 

[rainman312]

The best course of action would be to analyse her yourself and determine her type that way. If you want to, introduce her to the MBTI saying it's "just some cool test I found." I wouldn't reveal that you're analysing her personality in order to determine whether or not she'll be a good romantic partner; this tends to freak people out. If you want my actual dating advice, it would be to not date someone unless you know them very well; don't date/invest time into/become obsessed with people solely on the grounds of physical and mild personal attraction.

 

[Inquisitor]

Well: Most relationships involving romance have phases. Infatuation, what old novels used to call "smitten," doesn't last more than 18 months, if I'm remembering what I've read correctly. There's research on this somewhere, you might want to probe that aspect of it - the phases of a love relationship - to, oh, I don't know? normalize your expectations? Get a reality check 18 months before you need it? There are various points in a relationship where either person can make a decision; sometimes you get unfortunate situations where one party is done but still harbors enough affection for the other that he/she just endures rather than cause pain by terminating. Much to think about, but you're probably going into this better equipped than many.
Generally, the less time invested before a breakup, the easier the breakup on everyone. Tough in the first phase no matter what, because emotions tend to be high along with expectations.
I wish I'd known all this when I was young. Life would have been very different.

This all sounds good to me. Thanks. Care to talk about your life story?

 

[Inquisitor]

The best course of action would be to analyse her yourself and determine her type that way. If you want to, introduce her to the MBTI saying it's "just some cool test I found." I wouldn't reveal that you're analysing her personality in order to determine whether or not she'll be a good romantic partner; this tends to freak people out. If you want my actual dating advice, it would be to not date someone unless you know them very well; don't date/invest time into/become obsessed with people solely on the grounds of physical and mild personal attraction.

Sounds good in theory, but hard to do in practice. You gotta invest something in order for the thing to grow and (I hate using the cheesy flower metaphor ) bloom.

 

[Inquisitor]

What is this?

We all agree on this forum that in the most general sense personality type falls into distinct clusters.

Jung was definitely not the first to make observations about human nature and he won't be the last. He was actually influenced by Ayurveda when he wrote Psychological Types.

What I was talking about is that people's body types also tend to fall into distinct clusters and these body types also have an influence on personality. This aspect of personality tends to be more centered around temperament than purely one's psychological orientation. It's valuable stuff and has excellent predictive value just like JCF. An INTP is well-matched with INFJ from what I have read. Physically though, if the INFJ happens to be a different body type, this is going to be less ideal.

I have looked at this chart:

I no longer think Ayurveda and Somatotyping are similar. And I'm too lazy to explain why b/c I need my beauty sleep.

 

[SpaceYeti]

I don't think that liking someone's pheromones means they like yours.

Maybe not, but the best relations I've had were with the people who I was irrationally attracted to, the ones where it's chemistry. I'd bet that pheromone matching goes both ways.

 

[EditorOne]

"This all sounds good to me. Thanks. Care to talk about your life story?"

I do, occasionally, in this forum, when it involves sharing insights with INTPs who might be able to avoid a few of the potholes I bounced through. Generally, though, just imagine you don't know you're an INTP or that such a thing even exists until you're 35 or so, when a management self-analysis seminar comes up with "architect" (the non-jargon analog for INTP in that particular system). That's late in the game for normalization. I got by to that point on will power, defiance and alcohol.

 

[Inquisitor]

"This all sounds good to me. Thanks. Care to talk about your life story?"

I do, occasionally, in this forum, when it involves sharing insights with INTPs who might be able to avoid a few of the potholes I bounced through. Generally, though, just imagine you don't know you're an INTP or that such a thing even exists until you're 35 or so, when a management self-analysis seminar comes up with "architect" (the non-jargon analog for INTP in that particular system). That's late in the game for normalization. I got by to that point on will power, defiance and alcohol.

Ok...off to read some of your past posts/threads...

 

[Architect]

I have looked at this chart:

I think there's a lot of meat in the idea, if you watch you'll see that often types do fall into body classes*. And it's been noted in the MBTI literature too. I don't know how to read this chart, and as far as I can it seems wrong. I'd guess that farther out is more of that class (but what do the numbers mean?) However INTP's are more ectomorphs than ISTP's in my experience, and the theory backs that up. INTP's don't like to be physical where ISTP's do.

* It's no mystery as to why. My ESFP nephew loves Sensation activities - eating, sports, socialization. So he eats not because he's hungry but just for the sensation hit and plays lots of sports. So he's got the typical S fat layered over muscle. Whereas my INTP son (same age) is a stick figure.

 

[Inquisitor]

I think there's a lot of meat in the idea, if you watch you'll see that often types do fall into body classes*. And it's been noted in the MBTI literature too. I don't know how to read this chart, and as far as I can it seems wrong. I'd guess that farther out is more of that class (but what do the numbers mean?) However INTP's are more ectomorphs than ISTP's in my experience, and the theory backs that up. INTP's don't like to be physical where ISTP's do.

* It's no mystery as to why. My ESFP nephew loves Sensation activities - eating, sports, socialization. So he eats not because he's hungry but just for the sensation hit and plays lots of sports. So he's got the typical S fat layered over muscle. Whereas my INTP son (same age) is a stick figure.

Yup...that's been my experience as well. My father is ISTP and is also a Kapha. He looks endomorphic. My ISFP mother otoh, is Pitta-Vata and looks meso/ecto. You mentioned your wife is INFJ...does she look ecto/meso/endo? According to the chart she should be endo, but somehow that doesn't seem right...

 

[Oddity]

when a management self-analysis seminar comes up with "architect" (the non-jargon analog for INTP in that particular system)

What system was it?