I don't think she believes that I'm depressed. I don't really care, because I don't want drugs I just want to get into the 'accessibility services'. They do a lot, but mostly I just want to get in for the note-taking service. Otherwise I would give a fuck about improving my mood. She knows it's a bad idea, because it gives me an excuse to miss class.
My problem is that I can't allow myself to be candid. I feel I need to tone down my misery so I don't come off as a nutter. She's called me out though, told me I like to "minimize" things. She says I try to repress my negative emotions, but that a person cannot isolate and repress one emotion without reducing the entire emotional sphere, and that's why I have a constant low mood. I tick every box for a depression symptoms, except anger turned inward. My anger clearly is turned outward.
The one time I went to therapy I actually felt bad for the therapist. Because I knew I could expect tepid results by being evasive, and also because I had ceased to care, I laid out all of my existential hangups, alienations, anxieties, the whole shebang. He literally sat in his chair for five minutes speechless once I asked him for his diagnosis and prognosis, so to speak. This dude was completely in over his head. I wouldn't worry about coming off as a lunatic, in other words. These problems should be run of the mill to a competent/experienced therapist, unless you're incomprehensible and/or your therapist is a wanker. Therapy helps some folks and vexes others; I would fall into the latter camp. Do you think this is the best therapist for your time?
Meh, if I start switching now, it'll never end. I'll never be happy with any therapist. As long as they stay awake while I moan about the trivialities of my day, then it works for me. It's a free service through Uni, and she does seem good: she knows how to extract the main issue, I notice her noticing my body language, and calls me out on things she doesn't believe; that's a win.
Snafu, why specifically was it only one time that you went?
I agree that I shouldn't care about looking a little off, but I can't help it. A smarmyness takes over, and that's what allows me to go there in the first place. I'd otherwise never leave my room. I'm eight sessions in and we haven't even gotten to any real persistent issues because I'm too embarrassed to mention them.
Meh, if I start switching now, it'll never end. I'll never be happy with any therapist. As long as they stay awake while I moan about the trivialities of my day, then it works for me. It's a free service through Uni, and she does seem good: she knows how to extract the main issue, I notice her noticing my body language, and calls me out on things she doesn't believe; that's a win.
Snafu, why specifically was it only one time that you went?
I agree that I shouldn't care about looking a little off, but I can't help it. A smarmyness takes over, and that's what allows me to go there in the first place. I'd otherwise never leave my room. I'm eight sessions in and we haven't even gotten to any real persistent issues because I'm too embarrassed to mention them.
That's the mark of a good listener/therapist. The doctor I went to, at the behest of loved ones, had little idea of what to do with me. I mean, I realize that I have a fairly involuted personality and some quirks but at least leave me with some inkling that you know what's going on. To sum up what happened, I was sort of this candid atrocious-first-date emotional wreck when I went there, and I had this expectation of reciprocity and/or the therapist showing signs of intelligence, but the session proved to be a complete fiasco. I actually started crying in front of this guy because I realized communication with regular folks was going to be an ongoing struggle: this was a microcosm of things to come. We were just on wildly different wavelengths: he wanted this multi-session contract, I wanted immediate insight; he wanted medication, I wanted answers and acceptance; he, ultimately, wanted money, and I wanted to talk. Our fundamental paradigms of reality/ontology were too disparate to reconcile in conversation, in a nutshell. The reason I left was that I firmly believed future sessions would be squandered time. I would have stayed with therapy had I been vaguely convinced of its promise and my therapist's intelligence. The day that I left I essentially solidified this belief that I would be living an atypical lifestyle for the duration of my life, and that that would be all right.
@IssphitiKOzS This is the lone thread the OP has actually really put any effort into.
To summarize: I've been on a..... long list of meds, gone through a total of ~3 years of therapy of different varieties, have been briefly institutionalized, and was required to attend a... special school for a year of high school as a condition of reinrollment after having been expelled twice for violations including terroristic threats.
That's the mark of a good listener/therapist. The doctor I went to, at the behest of loved ones, had little idea of what to do with me. I mean, I realize that I have a fairly involuted personality and some quirks but at least leave me with some inkling that you know what's going on. To sum up what happened, I was sort of this candid atrocious-first-date emotional wreck when I went there, and I had this expectation of reciprocity and/or the therapist showing signs of intelligence, but the session proved to be a complete fiasco. I actually started crying in front of this guy because I realized communication with regular folks was going to be an ongoing struggle: this was a microcosm of things to come. We were just on wildly different wavelengths: he wanted this multi-session contract, I wanted immediate insight; he wanted medication, I wanted answers and acceptance; he, ultimately, wanted money, and I wanted to talk. Our fundamental paradigms of reality/ontology were too disparate to reconcile in conversation, in a nutshell.
I've been very fortunate with the few therapists I've attended; even the worst was still a decent listener, and when she realized she probably couldn't help me, she knew someone else on staff there who she thought would be a wonderful fit and she was right. She also was careful about medicating me, even though it was probably the part of the therapy she felt more comfortable with, and we were restrained in our medical approach.
I never had gone to therapy until my 30's because I thought there was nothing a therapist could tell me that I didn't already know about myself. I was right, actually; the thing, though, was that I didn't need insight, I needed affirmation and a sense that I was valuable enough for someone else to care about and listen to. The entire role my second therapist played was to provide a safe place for me to just talk freely and "be me" without feeling like I had to impress someone, or not let them down, or fit within a particular box. A lot of how I've presented myself all my life was just to fit in and be approved of, yet I was very aware of it and felt like I was a fraud, which was leaving me miserable.
I also just needed a place to "play" where I could explore myself and figure out what I needed to do next... and also just not feel so lonely all the time. She really seemed to take pleasure in who I was, and it gave me confidence.
The reason I left was that I firmly believed future sessions would be squandered time. I would have stayed with therapy had I been vaguely convinced of its promise and my therapist's intelligence. The day that I left I essentially solidified this belief that I would be living an atypical lifestyle for the duration of my life, and that that would be all right.
Which stinks in one way, but interesting enough is a form of catharsis in itself. I think one of my big issues with my shift in religious faith was worry that I would always have this stigma attached to me, and then coming to grips with the idea that it was okay and that I'd be happier anyway. IOW, often the problem revolves around what we personally are willing (and not willing to accept), not necessarily just the issue in question about ourselves. How are you feeling now about it?
My problem is that I can't allow myself to be candid. I feel I need to tone down my misery so I don't come off as a nutter. She's called me out though, told me I like to "minimize" things. She says I try to repress my negative emotions, but that a person cannot isolate and repress one emotion without reducing the entire emotional sphere, and that's why I have a constant low mood. I tick every box for a depression symptoms, except anger turned inward. My anger clearly is turned outward.
Why are you afraid of being candid? Maybe if you're honest about what you think you need, you still might not get it? or that you'll be laughed at? And that's too much to deal with? Or what exactly?
@IssphitiKOzS This is the lone thread the OP has actually really put any effort into.
To summarize: I've been on a..... long list of meds, gone through a total of ~3 years of therapy of different varieties, have been briefly institutionalized, and was required to attend a... special school for a year of high school as a condition of reinrollment after having been expelled twice for violations including terroristic threats.
That's the problem, I don't want meds. Really, I don't even want the diagnosis, just to get into accessibility services. So I tiptoe around issues so as not to end up with the label.
That's the mark of a good listener/therapist. The doctor I went to, at the behest of loved ones, had little idea of what to do with me. I mean, I realize that I have a fairly involuted personality and some quirks but at least leave me with some inkling that you know what's going on. To sum up what happened, I was sort of this candid atrocious-first-date emotional wreck when I went there, and I had this expectation of reciprocity and/or the therapist showing signs of intelligence, but the session proved to be a complete fiasco. I actually started crying in front of this guy because I realized communication with regular folks was going to be an ongoing struggle: this was a microcosm of things to come. We were just on wildly different wavelengths: he wanted this multi-session contract, I wanted immediate insight; he wanted medication, I wanted answers and acceptance; he, ultimately, wanted money, and I wanted to talk. Our fundamental paradigms of reality/ontology were too disparate to reconcile in conversation, in a nutshell. The reason I left was that I firmly believed future sessions would be squandered time. I would have stayed with therapy had I been vaguely convinced of its promise and my therapist's intelligence. The day that I left I essentially solidified this belief that I would be living an atypical lifestyle for the duration of my life, and that that would be all right.
If you really only went for one session than you were expecting too much out of the first session, which shouldn't be anything more than a diagnostic. You probably will be living a life outside the norm, but if that's who you are, then apologize when you need to and move on. Fuck these niggas.
You seem like one of the better posters here: you don't tend to natter on pointlessly with irrelevant opinions. Nothing wrong with therapy, even if it doesn't give you tangible solutions, at least you'll get a sounding board. Personally, I like going in there and moaning. It's covered through my school fees for twelve hours, so I figured I'd take it since I'm technically paying for it.
Quit your whining. You'd have banned me? for what? posting a couple stupidness threads in the off-topic area. I haven't force fed anyone anything. I made a couple of threads, people came in, missed the point, derailed it, and got some abuse for doing so. Who the fuck made gave this whingey, emotional, puss his MOD powers? Stuff your ban threats.
Yes, I am unwilling to communicate, that's the INTP personality. Any more answers, doc? I never said I didn't leave my room, nor that it was difficult to talk to people. I, like most introverts, would just rather not, but you wouldn't give me the satisfaction of reading my posts, would you.
I've been very fortunate with the few therapists I've attended; even the worst was still a decent listener, and when she realized she probably couldn't help me, she knew someone else on staff there who she thought would be a wonderful fit and she was right. She also was careful about medicating me, even though it was probably the part of the therapy she felt more comfortable with, and we were restrained in our medical approach.
I never had gone to therapy until my 30's because I thought there was nothing a therapist could tell me that I didn't already know about myself. I was right, actually; the thing, though, was that I didn't need insight, I needed affirmation and a sense that I was valuable enough for someone else to care about and listen to. The entire role my second therapist played was to provide a safe place for me to just talk freely and "be me" without feeling like I had to impress someone, or not let them down, or fit within a particular box. A lot of how I've presented myself all my life was just to fit in and be approved of, yet I was very aware of it and felt like I was a fraud, which was leaving me miserable.
I also just needed a place to "play" where I could explore myself and figure out what I needed to do next... and also just not feel so lonely all the time. She really seemed to take pleasure in who I was, and it gave me confidence.
Which stinks in one way, but interesting enough is a form of catharsis in itself. I think one of my big issues with my shift in religious faith was worry that I would always have this stigma attached to me, and then coming to grips with the idea that it was okay and that I'd be happier anyway. IOW, often the problem revolves around what we personally are willing (and not willing to accept), not necessarily just the issue in question about ourselves. How are you feeling now about it?
Why are you afraid of being candid? Maybe if you're honest about what you think you need, you still might not get it? or that you'll be laughed at? And that's too much to deal with? Or what exactly?
Yes, exactly: it took me about 5 sessions to realize that I wasn't going to get any answers, or even advice, only that she would lead me with some provocative questions to finally unleash emotional burdens.
It's still difficult to be open, because, I think, she's still somewhat a stranger, she's very nice, and she's good looking. Whereas I'm just irrationally bitter, crude and tired of dealing with bullshit. I do manage to get my point across, but it's very subdued. I'd rather go in semi drunk and let the tongue slip. Although, drinking, she recons, is one of my problems, and she's right.
Quit your whining. You'd have banned me? for what? posting a couple stupidness threads in the off-topic area. I haven't force fed anyone anything. I made a couple of threads, people came in, missed the point, derailed it, and got some abuse for doing so. Who the fuck made gave this whingey, emotional, puss his MOD powers? Stuff your ban threats.
Yes, I am unwilling to communicate, that's the INTP personality. Any more answers, doc? I never said I didn't leave my room, nor that it was difficult to talk to people. I, like most introverts, would just rather not, but you wouldn't give me the satisfaction of reading my posts, would you.
I found that therapists almost never rush a diagnosis no matter how obvious it may be. If they sense you're being candid i'd assume this would be more so. I've always seen therapy as a tool. It's important to know what you want to use it for, or ultimatley acheive from it before you start each session. With me I found it was easy to get off track during a session and follow some tangent that wouldn't relate to the issues I wanted to resolve. I do know how difficult it can be to open up in that setting though. Used to hate it when they ask me "what are you thinking right now?"... Well I was thinking about how to explain what i'm thinking about, but now I thinking about how to keep you from interupting my train of thought everytime I'm trying think about what to tell you I'm thinking About!
Anyway, Have you ever been tested for any learning dissabilities? With ADD I was able to get class notes and unlimited time on tests and such. Even if you don't have a L.D. I'd imagine you could fake one enough to get the services. I'd be careful not to brag about it though. Your classmates would prob take offense
yes, exactly: it took me about 5 sessions to realize that I wasn't going to get any answers, or even advice, only that she would lead me with some provocative questions to finally unleash emotional burdens.
It's still difficult to be open, because, I think, she's still somewhat a stranger, she's very nice, and she's good looking. Whereas I'm just irrationally bitter, crude and tired of dealing with bullshit. I do manage to get my point across, but it's very subdued. I'd rather go in semi drunk and let the tongue slip. Although, drinking, she recons, is one of my problems, and she's right.
An actual problem, or just a somewhat ineffective way for you to self-medicate to get over your issues? There's various behaviors people use to try to beat a particular issue on their own; drinking heavily (aside from actual physical addiction) is usually a way people use to get past an issue they don't know how to deal with otherwise.
That kind of distinction is important in knowing how to get to the roof of the matter and also focusing on the issues that "count" versus those that diminish/disappear if the actual root problems are treated.
That's the problem, I don't want meds. Really, I don't even want the diagnosis, just to get into accessibility services. So I tiptoe around issues so as not to end up with the label.
1. You won't wind up on meds unless you actually want them or are underage, and you're neither. I'm med-free for almost 5 years now.
2. Who exactly would this label be viewed by? You, your therapist, your instructors who are a. bound by confidentiality laws and b. probably don't give a fuck anyway, which I know from personal experience being on both sides of that equation. The only harmful aspect is labeling yourself, but hey, you're free to call bullshit on yourself as well.
3. It's difficult to get yourself committed, if that's what you're worried about. I've made an outpatient visit while under extreme stress after partaking in arrest-worthy thoughts and actions, admitting said thoughts and participation and asking to be admitted, and was sent home with no follow-up and a prescription that I didn't fill.
You're unlikely to get any access to services unless you're both diagnosed and actively undergoing treatment, meaning that if you're uninsured you'd essentially be paying for a note-taker via prescription. Personally I'd either shoot for that dual diagnosis of ADD and depression that would warrant a note-taker or just pay off that annoyingly organized ESTJ in the front row for quality notes at a lower cost that a script.
I do manage to get my point across, but it's very subdued. I'd rather go in semi drunk and let the tongue slip. Although, drinking, she recons, is one of my problems, and she's right.
Stick-up-ass syndrome is normal. You don't drink because of that. You risk walking in during that 12th hour, remaining mum, and letting your last (free) chance slip away.
This site uses cookies to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies. We have no personalisation nor analytics --- especially no Google.
