my Mom's cat died

[bvanevery]

while I was house sitting her. I love Louise very much. She grew up with her sister, my dog, and myself, as I spent some time under my Mom's roof for a few years and stayed in the geographic area. She was pure joy, nothing selfish about her at all, probably the purest being I've ever met in my life. Although she did kill butterflies.

She was an indoor-outdoor cat. The hard thing to take, is she disappeared for 3 days. I hope it wasn't 4 days and I didn't lose track of time. I didn't go looking for her at first because I thought, like the previous 9 years, that everything would be all right and it always ends up being worry for nothing. Not this time. When she came back, she had horribly labored breathing. I've never seen an animal's lungs move that hard. I rushed her to a 24 hour emergency vet. I did good in that regard, but it was not enough. In less than 24 hours my Mom had to euthanize her.

I still don't understand what killed her. We didn't get a good diagnosis from the doctors. There was pancreatitis, a swollen liver, and bronchial problems. She stopped being able to breathe on her own, and they didn't see any chance of recovery. A cat in this bad a shape, I've read the ER has to treat first and diagnose later. She didn't stabilize, that was that.

For several days I felt horribly guilty that I hadn't gone out to look for her, sooner and harder. Eventually I realized that despite rescuing her sister Thelma twice before, it had no relevance. Thelma was never sick or injured and in need of immediate intervention. She got trapped on a roof one time, and enticed with food by a horrible neighbor another time. It took quite awhile to get Thelma back, those previous times. I thought I was some great cat rescuer and knew what I was going, but I was actually a total amateur. Just a couple of notches under my belt from 2 previous jobs well done.

I had no frame of reference for a cat having a life threatening problem, and what one would need to do about it. 9 years had taught me that everything would be just fine in a few days.

Until it isn't.

The guilt is going away, but now sometimes I have fits of anxiety about the suffering she went through. I think about her out in the woods alone, abandoned, nobody helping her. And I not knowing how to help her.

I don't understand what killed her. We knew she had allergies that we couldn't determine, even with tests. We knew she was too skinny. Bloodwork was last done in April and hadn't turned up anything more. We thought she was stressed about eating because her sister would pick on her. I managed to solve that by feeding them at exactly the same time, and also feeding Louise by herself when she came in late at night, so Thelma wouldn't bother her. Not sure Mom continued that program, but there were solutions for putting on weight.

Had she really developed something long term, like pancreatitis or cancer? How did those get missed?

She had no evidence of external trauma. Only her swollen liver was tender. Could she have gotten some very unlucky "kung fu" hit straight at the liver, that bore no marks? The doctors thought it was infection or cancer.

How did she get the bronchial problem? She was fine when she went out the door.

I read a list of a whole bunch of poisons and their effects. They don't present this way. There's typically drooling, staggering, neurological dysfunction, stiffening limbs. Wasn't her problem.

Wasn't heat stroke either.

What happened to her out there? Was it sudden? Was it something building up long term, that finally escalated?

She deserved so much better than this.

I love you Louise.

 

[Puffy]

I'm sorry to hear this happened.

My cat went missing around the time we were moving house a few years ago. I put up posters and notified the neighbours pretty quickly but none of my efforts in finding her made a difference. We got a call from a farmer miles from our home saying he had her 8 days later, but he was only able to find us as our cat was chipped and he was nice enough to take her to a vet. It's possible you wouldn't have been able to find her even if you did do so sooner.

My cat has a pretty good home as she's surrounded by farms and wildlife and there are no roads nearby. But even then, she could get poisoned by the pesticides my neighbour uses, or get trapped in any number of places or machinery. I've moved away now and she misses me and is a constant worry to me. But I don't think its right to bring an animal to a place unsuitable for it, or to lock it inside, isolated from its natural instincts, out of fear of what could happen.

If there's anything you could've done differently then all you can do is refactor how you'd handle future scenarios. If you feel this strongly for her I'm sure you were a loving companion, and that she had a better home than many animals have.

 

[onesteptwostep]

Your sudden appearance probably broke the bond the cat had with its owner, your mother. Mammals tend to live off one another, as in there needs to be a bond in order to keep one living. If you had taken the time to bond with it it probably wouldn't have developed the liver/breathing problems. It's also possible you also have health issues yourself. Do you consider yourself healthy? Hope you don't take this post the wrong way. Much condolences. You learn as you age.

 

[redbaron]

RIP Louise the cat.

She might have had undiagnosed pancreatitis for a while that affected her long-term, it's hard to know with cats unless you get specific check-ups for them. Could have fell awkwardly while climbing something (it happens) or almost anything really. Cats are a mystery sometimes.

Sounds like she had a loving home. Many feels for you homie.

 

[cheese]

Sorry this happened. You sound like you're struggling. Internet hugs.

 

[bvanevery]

Your sudden appearance probably broke the bond the cat had with its owner, your mother. Mammals tend to live off one another, as in there needs to be a bond in order to keep one living. If you had taken the time to bond with it it probably wouldn't have developed the liver/breathing problems. It's also possible you also have health issues yourself. Do you consider yourself healthy? Hope you don't take this post the wrong way. Much condolences. You learn as you age.

I guess I didn't explain our relationship. I've known Louise since she was a kitten and she grew up with a solid first 2 years of her life with me. My dog and I were under my Mom's roof at that time. Then I moved away, but we've stayed in NC and have been 2 hours away most of the year. Then I started living out of my car, so there have been periods of months, not years, that I've been under my Mom's roof again. We've had lots of bonding time over 9 years. Not as much as if I lived here permanently, but by her displays of affection, we had a bond that I have no reason to question.

Actually before she disappeared, we were having the best time ever! Somehow the territorial dynamics between Thelma and Louise had reversed. Louise was mostly hanging out in my room with me, not Thelma. I had a laptop bag under a nightstand that she was using as a bed. It would sag under her weight, like a nest. I'm not going to move it for awhile, maybe never.

"Losing the emotional reason to live" is an interesting theory but it isn't what happened here. At least, she didn't lose any bond with me. I'm not so sure about regular life with Mom.

I'm going to spend some homework time on rabbit diseases, because there are a lot of rabbits in the neighborhood lately, and she did eat the leg of one a couple of weeks ago. Doesn't have to be relevant, but checking off things on a big list of possibles, is one way to try to deal with this.

 

[bvanevery]

It's possible you wouldn't have been able to find her even if you did do so sooner.

Yeah, I know that trying isn't finding. I do have experience with that. Thelma got roofed by a dog a long time ago, and it took a good number of days with a postering campaign to find her. Later, the drama with the neighbor enticing her lasted weeks and months. These things gave me a false sense of the pace you deal with problems, and also wrong ideas about tactics. I had read the right tactics a long long time ago, but it had been years since I had thought about them, and I never actually used them. Thinking you sorta know what to do and how things go, is deadly.

Here's what actually should have been done. http://www.missingpetpartnership.org/recovery-tips/probability-categories/ lists 8 things that could be happening to your cat:

5. YOUR CAT IS INJURED, SICK, OR IS DECEASED – Injured or sick (or displaced, panicked) cats will hide in silence. We call this “The Silence Factor” and this behavior KILLS CATS EVERY DAY! Hiding in silence is a protective mechanism that cats use to protect themselves from predators. What this means is that before you print up lost cat posters or drive down to your shelter to look for your lost cat, SEARCH under and in every conceivable hiding place on your own property and on your neighbors’ property! It is quite possible that your cat is injured and in need of medical attention and you will need to use a flashlight and crawl under your house in order to save his or her life!

Even knowing all this, many years ago when I was searching for Thelma that first time, I didn't manage all that. I searched my Mom's house, I searched storm drains in the streets, I searched the woods. That was lots of time searching right there and it yielded nothing. Banging on neighbors' doors asking to search their property is a pretty big emotional barrier to overcome, when you don't know your neighbors and aren't even sure where the cat went. If it were my cat and my neighbors, I'd have a proactive relationship with them in advance. But in the present instance, this is my Mom's cat and her neighbors. The search area is simply vast anyways.

A friend of mine told me a story about looking for her cat. She pounded the woods, couldn't find the cat for 2 weeks. Turns out it was hiding in her next door neighbor's shed. So I guess you do have to bug your neighbors.

Also "search your neighbors" means YOU search your neighbors. If you leave it to them, they're just gonna keep their eye peeled for when your cat shows up on their front porch! You need to look under everything, it's high intensity.

It's time consuming and exhausting, both physically and emotionally. That's why if I ever owned a cat and a house, I'd try to "prime the pump" with as much intel on my cat's habits as possible, and already have relationships with the neighbors so they won't think it's creepy for me to search their property. You need a lot of things to go right, to find a cat that's silently hiding.

 

[Minuend]

She's not suffering anymore, you don't have to worry about whether she was suffering before she died. She's fine now. Most of her life was a happy one, try to refocus your thoughts on those memories when you remember the bad ones. Because it was such an bad experience, you're putting a lot of weight on what was a tiny part of her life.

When having pets, losing them is usually part of it. But we can't run after them every second and watch over them constantly. She might've been fine and it was only when she started feeling weird she returned to you. I don't think any good will come of thinking the worst happened to her before she died. It might be all wrong. You got her to the vet quickly and it was soon over.

A few months back I heard my cat meowing loudly and I went to him. He looked a bit weird and when he walked towards me, he was dragging the hindpart of his body. It was late at night, so we weren't prepared to go anywhere. It was a 20 minute drive to the closest emergency vet. At one point while my partner was finding his wallet and I was looking for the car keys, the cat was left alone for a bit and he dragged himself to me, meowing and being scared. It was a very stressful and scary last hour for him. It turned out it was a blood clot and towards the end he would clutch his paws around my shoulder and rub his head against my neck.

It's not fun when your pet gets sick, even if you're kinda prepared that they are getting older. But I know my cat had a good life and was usually happy (except when he was angry because we didn't get up quickly enough to let him out or feed him in which case he would sit down and stare at us in an "angry" way ; ). It was 1 hour of pain, the other 9 years he had a good life. That's what you should focus on, really. We and those close to us might die, but when someone has died they feel nothing anymore. Even if they had a bad ending, they are at rest and can't feel bad about it. They are safe from suffering.

 

[bvanevery]

Thanks, that might help in time.

 

[EditorOne]

Sometimes bad shit just happens. Sorry it happened to you, but all you should be feeling is sadness, not guilt. I'm quite familiar with cats, you can diligently take them to the vet, feed them properly, all the right stuff, and then they inexplicably sicken and die. An increasing number of cats and dogs are going down for cancer these days, but that's partly because more of them are living long enough to develop cancer.
I second the thought that it is helpful to think of the contributions you made to her years of happy living rather than the end-of-life events that are worse because you can only imagine what they were. Manly hugs and stuff.

 

[Pyropyro]

Sorry to hear that OP

I hope you and your family will recover from this tragedy soon.

 

[bvanevery]

Sometimes bad shit just happens. Sorry it happened to you, but all you should be feeling is sadness, not guilt.

I think I'm mostly past guilt. But I've moved into anxiety instead, about her suffering.

I'm quite familiar with cats, you can diligently take them to the vet, feed them properly, all the right stuff, and then they inexplicably sicken and die.

This I am finding so hard to swallow. It's the cruelty of seemingly random death.

An increasing number of cats and dogs are going down for cancer these days, but that's partly because more of them are living long enough to develop cancer.

10 is not that old for a cat though. Mom's last cats lived to be 17ish.

I second the thought that it is helpful to think of the contributions you made to her years of happy living rather than the end-of-life events that are worse because you can only imagine what they were.

I'm trying. Part of the problem is I'm atheist and can't talk to dead spirits or other forms of carrying on a relationship. What I can do is replay my memories. That's valid because I know they are memories. Visualizing her with me again, rubbing heads, isn't a fantasy. It's a recollection of an experience we had together, many times. So I feel happy for the part of the experience I remember, and I cry my eyes out at the same time, because she's dead and this isn't happening anymore.

Manly hugs and stuff.

Thanks for that.

 

[Polaris]

I am sorry for your loss.

There is not much that I can say to comfort you, I am not good at these things. I can share a story as a clumsy act of sympathy though.

Our family has had a few cats and the last cat lived till 19 years of age. I have lived overseas for quite a few years, but he would remember me every time and greet me by circling around my legs and hopping on my lap as soon as I put my suitcase away and sat down. Otherwise, he wasn't a lap cat - he preferred to sit on his own little chair next to us. He would also be waiting in the middle of the road for the car to come back from the airport. My mum said he never did that unless I was coming home - he must have picked up on mum's excitement, or that is the only logical explanation I can think of.

When I left last time, he circled my suitcase and meowed for a couple of days before I left - he hated that suitcase. When I dragged the suitcase out to the car and bent down to pat him as a goodbye, he ran away and hid under the stairs. It made me feel sick because I knew I probably would never see him again as he was quite old.

When mum told me he had passed away, he had been dead for a year. She could not bear to tell me or my sister, and she was still choking up over the phone as she was the one who had to take him to the vet to get him euthanased.

To this day I still feel terrible thinking about the last time I left - him running away all upset because he maybe sensed or knew from experience I would be gone for a long time again.

When dad passed away two years later, it was the second important thing in my life to disappear for good. He died just days after I had visited him. I went back to the house where he had lived a week or so later to clear up all his stuff - and to get away from family. While I was there alone in his house for ten days, I discovered trace by trace how he had died and pieced it all together. They hadn't cleaned up properly and I found broken adrenaline cartridges and blood stained clothing, shit and urine.

It hit home really hard how lonely we are in the hour of death and how brutal death is. I couldn't stop thinking about how he had suffered in the last hour - and that I hadn't been there to hold his hand. This plagued me for at least a year.

But the thought has less impact now than before.

I think about my dad's last hour - I think about my cat's last hour, and it is painful, but the pain has faded. I have learned to live with the pain - it becomes part of you and makes you grow older.

It made me more human, because I now understand the pain of loss. It doesn't matter if it is human or animal - we lose them and we love them just the same.

I don't know if this is helpful at all - all I can say is that I understand how it is to feel guilt, anxiety and regret over someone's passing - it is normal to feel these things, and there is nothing you can do but just feel it so you can process it naturally. We are all different, and there is no recipe for feeling better, other than to give yourself time to grieve.

RIP Louise the cat.

 

[bvanevery]

I totally understand regrets about your last moments with your cat. Mine were poor quality because I was rushing to an ER trying to save her. Didn't take time to say kind things, I love you, hug you. But I forgive myself for that, because I was acting in the moment to save her life, and I had no experience with it. I also didn't know she would die. My last conversation with the vet before she was put down, was about her staying through the weekend and what that was going to cost. Not death. But they called my Mom later when Louise went into respiratory arrest and she made the only really makeable decision at that point. I found out 4 hours later. All of that happened faster than my ability to do optimal emotional things. I was happy with myself that I had gotten her to the ER without her being dead yet. Emotionally that may have sucked for her, and been lonely and frightening, but I could not have cared for her on her own and it was her best chance of surviving. If I were to do it again, I would remember to hold, and cuddle, and reassure.

The story of your Dad helps some. I have wondered if my anxiety about her suffering, will fade as replays in my mind. Sort of wearing out the channels, becoming familiar. Will it stop blocking the experience of good memories of her? Good memories, being memories, remind me that she is dead. And right now that reminds me most of her suffering. But maybe in time this will change.

 

[Yellow]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

It still sounds to me like she was poisoned. If any other local pets die similarly, I'd strongly suggest a personal investigation.

 

[bvanevery]

I read a list of ~30 poisons. None of the symptoms matched what I saw. There's typically drooling, staggering, incoherence, weakness. She moved around fine, but her lungs heaved like hell. We know that her pancreas, liver, and bronchial tubes were affected. I hammered the doctors about poison but they have been saying infection or cancer. Initially they said internal physical trauma like a bad fall could do it, but they never found evidence of trauma. If it is a poison, it isn't one that acts like most of them do, and it isn't on common lists of poisons.

I don't think it's from any food she ate here. Louise was fine when she left, and Thelma eats the same food.

I'll get on with researching rabbit diseases. Thought Mom was going to talk to the vet today about what happened, but that's going to be Thursday. I'll keep reading about poisons just in case I've missed something.

 

[bvanevery]

The vet says Louise died of acute asthma. In 38 years of practice he's seen 2000 cases of this. It can kill in as little as 5 hours. Her failing lungs were the driver. The liver and pancreas problems were consequences of that.

We knew Louise had allergies, to things we weren't able to determine. We don't know what specifically triggered this. If we had been lucky enough to have this happen when she was indoors, maybe something could have been done. As it was, I had no idea this could happen to her, and neither did my Mom had she been here instead of me.

It's cruel. Louise was all kindness and love, there was nothing selfish about her.