My first post is a meaning of life thread.

[WRT54GL]

Hello. Before I start I want to say I signed up to both INTP forums and browsed for maybe 15 minutes and was debating which subforum this thread would be appropriate for. Unfortunately, I didn't figure it out so I'm posting here. Mods, please feel free to move it to the appropriate place.

I also want to preface this by admitting that I have taken personality tests before since my teens and later on (23 now), and I always come up as INTP. I will also admit that I have never paid much importance to the result and never researched or joined any communities related to it. I had browsed INTP forums before and I had gotten the feeling that I could relate to some. Although the same could be said about social anxiety forums. Except that I never liked them *cough*wrongplanet*cough* because they act like it's a disability.

Sorry for being wordy. I don't usually open up and I am trying to say what I think right now without over-analyzing. I know I may make myself look bad, and I am honestly not trying to get into any arguments.

Getting to the point (finally), lately I've had many thoughts questioning the meaning of life. I say lately, but I've honestly have had these thoughts for a very long time, probably since my early teens. I've always put these thoughts away and I have never been obsessive about them. But like I said earlier, lately they have been recurring often. I also question my sanity much more than before.

It's pretty obvious to me that I've been depressed for a long time and that now I'm feeling it even more than ever and perhaps that's whats triggering these thoughts. I wonder if I'll ever be a danger to myself. Yes I've had thoughts about sucide related to these meaning of life thoughts but it is not something I want or seriously considered. Please don't alert the feds. I don't want them making a scene and embarrassing me. I'm not going to kill myself.

I know everyone should find meaning in their lives however they want. I personally believe life is pointless. It is sad to think considering the people I love, my family but its what I believe. The closest thing to a meaning I can find is that life is meant to be enjoyed or to find happiness. For example, I find happiness by being a good person, helping people out, as well as in the selfish things.

Ok so thats my belief. So whats the problem? The problem is that I feel like I have to lie to myself to keep myself going. To keep myself going to my job. To keep myself trying to advance in life. To keep myself aiming for the typical goals that people have like having children, having a family, retiring. Etc.

Once again, these thoughts have just come up recently. Most of the time I feel like I'm living the cookie cutter life. Not that my life has been easy, but that I am playing into the hand of what society expects. I worked my ass off in school, I have a bachelor's degree, people say I'm smart, that I'm a hard worker, that I've been a model employee. I should be happy. But I'm not.

I find an escape in entertainment. Videogames, movies, media, diy projects, even my job is an escape. I don't know what my mind would come up with if I didn't have these outlets to get my mind off things. Maybe crap like what I'm writing in this thread.

Another thing I wonder about is what kind of parent I will be. I've always been mature for my age. Even as a teenager I always desired to have a family and have kids. I think it would add to my happiness. However, would I be a good parent?

How can I raise a kid and lead him down the path society considers is "right", school, college, cookie cutter life, if I don't believe it myself? Do I raise them telling them my belief in life? That its pointless and happiness is all that matters? Or do I raise them like my parents did me? Letting me decide my beliefs but leading me down the path of "success" by telling me to focus on school, etc.? Even if it's all meaningless when I die, I would not necessarily be happy knowing my kid is an uneducated gypsy suffering in the streets so I don't think I would be that irresponsible either.

I think it's time to wrap up. I've never been to a psychologist. So if you want to diagnose me with some kind of illness go ahead. I don't think I've ever let my thoughts out as much as I just did. I know I may have contradicted myself a lot but please don't make it into one of those threads where you point it out. I have always believed it is hypocritical to say you're not a hypocrite. I'm not perfect. I just want some opinions, guidance, something.

 

[TimeAsylums]

damn, you've got a case of the "perfectly normals." It's irreparable.

What was your degree?
What's your job?
What's your username mean?

 

[WRT54GL]

IT related

Retail (not related to IT at all) and I guess you could make a case about it being a reason for being depressed.

An IT job would keep me entertained and maybe happy. But there is really no meaningful goal to what I am doing. Which makes me wonder if all the effort to get there is worth it if I could be just as happy maybe living on an isolated island and being self-sufficient. Not that thats what I want to do, just saying that I could be happy with a simpler life.

Wireless Router Model. Linksys WRT54GL. Sitting next to me.

 

[Absurdity]

Welcome to the forum.

Modern-ish existentialist thought would agree with your conclusion that life is pointless and that you should make the best of it. It is no surprise that you feel as though you are lying to yourself to keep up your morale because the pursuit of happiness is ephemeral at best and impossible at worst. Full awareness of the pursuit of enjoyment often makes it more elusive.

A quote by the (unapologetically) conservative philosopher Roger Scruton that I agree with emphatically is this: "The most evident result of our 'liberation' from traditional constraints has been widespread discontent with the human condition." The feeling of loneliness and rootlessness in this world is something that, to me, can be attributed to the large-scale destruction of "tradition" broadly conceived. Previous generations of humans often felt themselves as part of something larger, part of a people, or a faith, or a clan, that had predated them by centuries and would hopefully persist after their death for centuries more. It grounded their sense of who they were and made life bearable.

What do people today consider themselves a part of? Fans of a football team? Groupies of a boy band? (Members of a forum? ). The ties that bind are considerably weaker and infinitely more arbitrary, and thus the feeling of restlessness is not placated.

My advice, which I am in the process of heeding myself, would be to find a group to belong to (not to tightly though, us introverts do need copious alone time). I personally also have a strong interest in my family's genealogy, and it gives me a sense of pride for the blood that runs through my veins. Knowing where one comes from makes one more inclined to continue the bloodline, or at least that is how I feel about it.

I'm starting to ramble. But anyway, welcome, again.

 

[TimeAsylums]

Spoiler

wait, is this the plot to Fight Club?

Answer: totally start a Fight Club.

As Absurdity said, you'll belong to something. Maybe even go through a couple waves of your unconscious etc.

Sounds like a 1/4 life crisis.

 

[DelusiveNinja]

Welcome. I notice you named yourself after a Linksys router.

I have thought about the purpose of life also but in the end I came to the conclusion that my life has no purpose unless I make one. I don't want to live and I sure as hell don't want to die. I questioned if erasing myself from existence was possible but where I'm at right now I can't find an answer. I have no choice but to survive until death comes to me, in my eyes. Once I began to accept that, I had to figure out how I wanted to live, how I could improve myself, and what I want to do with myself.

I think my opinion of the meaning of life is as far as someone like me can go. I hope you get the guidance you are looking for at some point.

 

[Architect]

Welcome. I notice you named yourself after a Linksys router.

And I thought I was an intense techno nerd.

 

[Duxwing]

Life is not necessarily pointless; rather, proving that it has a point is impossible, just like proving anything else is. And why do we want perfect knowledge and truth in the first place? Wanting them is not wrong, but our reasons for wanting them often are far more human than we might imagine.

For example, the desire for an external, objective, undoubtable system of morals and personal purpose may indicate a desire for closure in judgment about the world and others along with an unshakable foundation for one's life. However tempting such things may seem, remember that they are just that: tempting. Proving their necessity is impossible. Hence, momentarily observe your own feelings while considering the alternative: a fluid, case-by-case system of morals that acknowledges new situations and constant change along with a deep, personal passion to drive you. In other words, the choice is between accepting your emotions and attempting to substitute an intellectualized rationalization for them.

How 'should' one therefore live? Adhere to one's values and passions, enjoyment included. Being aware of one's likely being a deterministic machine should not impede one's enjoyment of life because machines are not necessarily inherently worthless and because being aware of your nature does not change that nature: you may be a machine, but you still think and feel. In other words, do what you did as a kid--just be healthy and aware while doing it.

-Duxwing

 

[Rook]

I have struggled with exactly the same problems as you(Still actually) If there is no apparent purpose, why should I live? The conclusion was interesting: Altough no purpose is apparant, this is the only existence we humans know. We have no evidence for a fluffy sky city, for reincarnation, for paradise or Nirvana. This life may be without purpose, but if we choose to end it, we have something worse: complete uncertainty, most probably nothing. We may not have purpose, but we certainly can have passion.
Think of it this way: your child has his own conciousness, he/she has an improbalistic gift, given partly by you and partly by your partner. This child may not be the one true purpose of the universe, but why can it not be a purpose for your life?

 

[Cognisant]

I've done the whole existentialism thing.

Why do we philosophise? To understand.
Why seek to understand? Understanding enables action.
Why act? To maximise pleasure and minimise pain.

Of course that's not as easy as it sounds, there's still the matter of pride to consider.

I think there's no right answer, I can't tell you the method to being happy, to being satisfied that you made the right choice, that's for you to decide, beyond our basic needs happiness is self actualisation and since people are what they do that means you have to do something, it doesn't matter what you do just do it, you'll find yourself in the process.

 

[christina64]

When I first came to the "life is meaningless" conclusion, it felt profoundly important. It still dictates my attitudes towards my life. I had never heard anyone talk like that. I looked at the people around me, and I assumed that they had either never realized it or that they had dismissed it. In any case, I felt more isolated than I had ever felt before.

Reading about existentialism helped. I moved away from it, though, as soon as I no longer felt (I know...I've used a lot of feeling words) emotionally connected to the idea. The meaninglessness of life was no longer a revolutionary idea to me.

Of course, it still, once in a while, comes back to depress me, to make me anxious--mostly it forces me to revisit my old thoughts of not belonging/ not being wanted/ not being good enough.

As for parenting, I have no experience with it. I would at least talk to your child/ children realistically. Don't lie, don't exaggerate, but don't be a pessimist either. Just because life has no otherworldly/ destiny-ish meaning, it doesn't mean that life isn't important/ profound to us while we're here.

You sometimes have to ignore "society." Society is hard on INTPs. Try to make up your own rules, and do it in a positive, less demoralizing way.

Hope that wasn’t too commanding! I needed to hear (read) it myself.

 

[WRT54GL]

I am just letting you guys know I have read and re-read your posts. I am taking them into consideration. Thank you all for the welcome and response.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Why do we philosophise? To understand.
Why seek to understand? Understanding enables action.
Why act? To maximise pleasure and minimise pain.

I.... actually agree with this. So my question, then, is what happens if one combats these natural urges? Stops moving, embraces all possible positions as equally painful, and simply stops running; Stops "thinking," cognitively becoming as close to death as possible without physically dying.

Does such activity promote other phenomena (you fill in the blank) associated with death?

I am just letting you guys know I have read and re-read your posts. I am taking them into consideration. Thank you all for the welcome and response.

See? You've already got 12 responses and 250 views. How many "normal" intros do that?

 

[Minuend]

welcome O/

And that's all I will write until I see evidence this person didn't leave forever.

I.... actually agree with this. So my question, then, is what happens if one combats these natural urges? Stops moving, embraces all possible positions as equally painful, and simply stops running; Stops "thinking," cognitively becoming as close to death as possible without physically dying.

It means you're actually an NJ

Sorry to break the news to you, I will cry for your soul as you rot in NJ hell ),=

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

And that's all I will write until I see evidence this person didn't leave forever.

It means you're actually an NJ

Sorry to break the news to you, I will cry for your soul as you rot in NJ hell ),=

Yes, it's true. I've become so NP that I've absorbed the whole of NJ.

 

[Minuend]

Yes, the science of The Ending Graph: The point where you are something so much you fall off the edge of the scale and end up in the beginning of the other end


Attached evidence

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

You see, the trick is that the little Jness is inside the huge Pness.

Spoiler

Custom graphs. I don't know what to do with myself.

 

[WRT54GL]

Still here

I just have too many forums to lurk. It's getting out of hand.