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My dating website profile

Joined
Jan 18, 2018
Messages
31
#1
I'm an anthropology student. I consider myself to be dumb and uneducated and terrible in bed. Infact I have not done the wild thing in ten years. I like African and Caribbean studies. aiming to get masters in caribbean folklore from Kentucky or anthropology at fsu with my three favorite professors. Then it's on to a phd. I feel old and incompetent and embarrassed by the critical scrutiny of black women. Am not hung etc. I like cooking... Reading etc. My long term goal is to work in haiti. I am overweight. Want to get in shape. Love nature so if someone wants to go on nature walks with me then that would be lovely. Starting judo and karate classes soon so if you want a judo buddy let's give it a shot but I hear judo is dangerous. If you knew how much I know about Caribbean music, well you would be shocked in a good refreshing way. Hey zenyah. Dat you gal? I love to cook food from all over the planet. I African dance and drum every now and then. It is exhilirating. I'm half Austrian. My first language was German. I was born in Switzerland. I have been single for ten years lol. Ok thanks for reading..... currently reading: reading the last harmattan of alustine dunbar, guns germs and steel, darwins dangerous idea, pages from the book of the sun, human all too human, three ancient colonies (caribbean themes and variations), europe and the people without history, selected writings of Montesquieu .... favorite reading material.... western philosophy, afro centric stuff (maulana karenga, thephile obenga, molefi asante, basil davidson who is white but still afro centric, same goes for john k thornton, cheik anta diop, franz fanon, walter rodney, maurice bishop etc etc amilcar cabral etc), african and caribbean lit and african american lit. someone do yourself a favor and check out the writers chimamanda ngozie adichie, marlon james and amos tutuola and jacques stephan alexis. favorite thinker ever? thats easy carl jung all the way
 
Joined
Jan 18, 2018
Messages
31
#2
I need help. Mods... Not sure where this should go... This is what I have been telling people: Im not sure what to say without coming off like the biggest idiot in the universe... lol I am 34 and feel way to old to be a competent,success in academia, professor of anthropology etc. In fact I have no idea what kind of job I will end up having. I would like to learn french maybe, and Haitian Creole, and maybe an african language like yoruba or bambara. I do not know how to do that. I do not know how to do much of anything but read my books. I am half Austrian...My interests are Marx, Schelling, Hegel, Jacques Lacan, Freud, JUNG ESPECIALLY, and other german or pre socratic philosophers, plato, hindu and buddhist stuff, sufism, LOVE NIETZSCHE, LOVE AFRICAN AND CARIBBEAN LITERATURE. I have lots of african and caribbean literature and read a lot of the literary criticism about it. I am an undergraduate anthropology student with a piss poor gpa. My gpa is 2.4. I did well in school when I was younger but started to hallucinate and I had a psychic break and for a while wasnt adjusted to meds. unfortuantely for me I stayed in school and made piss poor grades, nothing can be done about that. SO NOW WHAT???!!! I also appreciate african and caribbean theorists and other people like herbert marcuse, noam chomsky, and people like CLR JAmes, George PAdmore, Sylvia Wynter, George Lamming, MG SMith and Walter rodney and Frantz Fanon, Wole Soyinka, Amilcar Cabral, Maurice Bishop, Lumumba, Kwame anthony Appiah, and Thomas Sankara... these are some african and caribbean theorists and writers. IV really hAVE no clue what to do. I would ideally go to grad school to study african and caribbean literature or african and caribbean religion from an anthropological and psychoanalytical lens. Also, want to go to haiti. scared of haiti. want to study vodun in haiti, not scared of vodun. have some connections in haiti but still worried. I also read and love anthropology books, and even catholic thinkers like Maritain and Chardin Do I still even realistically and reasonably have a shot at this. I am 34! Also like studying ma'at and ancient egyptian and african ethics. like afro centric people like ivan van sertima, maulana karenga, theophile obenga, cheik anta diop and molefi asante.

I used to think that myy biggest goals in life are to become a Jungian and nietzschean thinker, I think these two guys really understand life and thought better than 99 percent of the bs out there. cant forget marx and engels, leslie white and others. After that there is some African and Caribbean literature I really want to deeply grasp. I know reading can unground you, on the other hand i wil tell you about the lit, because it really is phenomenal and deep and an extraordinary glimpse into culture, history, aand different ways of writing english

Im thinking here of maryse conde, earl lovelace, chinua achebe, david daybedeen, ooma kempadoo, amilcar cabral, clr james, Thomas sankara, toni Morrison, amos tutuola, ben okri, kojo laing, Wilson harris, chimamanda ngozie adichie, cyril daybydeen, dionne brand, zora neal hurston, james baldwin, edgar mittleholzter, samuel selvon, roger mais, vic reid, andrew salkey, martin carter, christopher okigbo, George lamming, derek Walcott, vs Naipaul, kamau Brathwaite, leopold senghor, myriam chancy, oonya kempadoo, caryll phillips... jean price mars, jacques roumain, jacques stephen alexis, Yvonne vera, ngugi wa thiongo and Nuruddin Farah and wole Soyinka... people
 

baccheion

Active Member
Joined
May 2, 2016
Messages
163
#3
Women usually don't like bad grammar and spelling, or negativity. Men usually don't like ugly or crazy.
 

Serac

Prolific Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2017
Messages
1,030
Location
Stockholm
#4
As a woman once told me, they don't really read the text at all. The pictures is all that matters. In fact they can infer all kinds of things from the pictures, and with an uncanny precision at that, which are completely imperceptible to the average male.


So I would focus on the visuals and limiting the text length to one sentence at most.
 

Jennywocky

guud languager
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,573
Location
Charn
#5
gee OP I can't understand why your mailbox isn't overflowing with dating requests.

... what it tells me (if I were someone looking at your profile as a prospective date) is that you don't know how to communicate well or connect well, so any relationship would probably also involve a bunch of misfires... hence, stay away.

I mean, I guess the profile is effective in that sense; it is helping readers to screen you out. It's just not effective for you.

You're 34. All your interests are basically just pursuing your academic career. There's nothing that really suggests you are interested in or want to have a relationship with another person. No "regular life anecdotes" or things that the average person can relate to; it just sounds like your current syllabus of interest only to a handful of people in the world. There's a full list of names most of which I have not heard of, despite being somewhat well-read, which means the average woman will really be lost.

It's rambling, it's unfocused, it's inaccessible, and lots of other things that will get you immediately ignored. You talk about a psychotic break -- you have my sympathy but on a dating pitch? This is guaranteed to put you in the "feel bad for the guy, but nope" list. you credit it with ruining your GPA... which means if you have another one, it could also mean you would not be able to support financially your half of the relationship (if you work.... do you hold a job or do you just go to school?)

Anyway, pretty much everything you shared makes you sound like someone not interested in a relationship but just interested in pursuing a very narrow academic school program. Why not just try to get coffee with a girl in one of your classes and discuss the course subject? You'd have much better luck.

.......

People are all different as far as the other comments go.

Text does tell me a lot about someone's focus, thinking, communication ability, and so on, but I parse language quickly and it's useful to me.

Picture can also be informative, it just depends on the picture. It's again something else to "unpack." You don't want to read TOO much into something, but it can be useful. What do people choose to put in their pics? How processed is the image (i.e., were they natural or an image that was obviously very controlled to present a certain way?) DO they have a crazy look on their face? Do they have clothes on? Are they holding a gun? The information in a mere visual image can be easier to unpack than a dense text block.
 

higs

My word is my bond.
Joined
Apr 3, 2012
Messages
1,616
Location
Armchair
#6
^ Wise accurate honest analysis full of common sense (as usual, A* grade XD)
 

Puffy

Demon Alpaca Overlord
Joined
Nov 7, 2009
Messages
2,756
Location
SOON
#7
I'd filter the academic stuff down to a sentence to reflect your current preoccupation and interests, and other things in your life outside that would be good to know about.

It's not very nice, and is generally why I haven't used dating sites, but your profile is basically a form of self-marketing. Everyone has positives and negatives but generally people come to accept the latter after becoming attracted to the things they like about you and having gotten to know you. Coming across as excessively negative at the first hurdle communicates you're likely more trouble than it's worth compared to other strangers I don't know.

What Jennywocky said.
 

higs

My word is my bond.
Joined
Apr 3, 2012
Messages
1,616
Location
Armchair
#8
I find this highly rational approach to dating using statistics and data and success rates coupled with marketing of the self on a social media platform highly dehumanizing and a massive turn off. Would certainly not date someone talking like this in their OKcupid profile XDDD. Don’t mind me though. I’m just an irrational hippy or something I guess ! :p


Jenny gave a personal response, what caught her attention when she used it personally, with a good deal of common sense, her response stands as useful as such. It’s the input of one person using it, she can’t speak for her entire sex in any case, different women will want different things and so your comment saying “don’t listen to women telling you how to find women.” Seems real obtuse @Serac unless you mean that most individual women are incapable of knowing what they actually like or look for ???? Not sure how to interpret this OFFENSIVE comment (yes yes SJW whatever whatever.)

I have to admit I do not like the whole dating site thing and this kind of attitude illustrates why to me, but if it makes people happier then whatever, just my subjective preferences.
 

Animekitty

World A.I. transfomantion is Near
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
5,127
Location
4D Archaeology computer grid
#9
I find this highly rational approach to dating using statistics and data and success rates coupled with marketing of the self on a social media platform highly dehumanizing and a massive turn off.
What you were saying in what women want is inadequately represented in dating sites. (and also what men want). I saw a youtube advertisement that said ninety percent of people lie on their profiles. So signal to noise ratio is quite high. And given your biological determinism psychometrics should be able to know how people will behavior around others similar and different in many subcategories of personality. The model just has to be accurate. There is no denying that formulaically similarities and differences produce all kinds of interactions. I take myself as an example. Sad, happy, angry, afraid, my behaviors will vary from other members on the forum.

So I am on a leg here trying to say if we understood psychometrics then it would not be a turn off because it would work. Eventually, it will work and it will happen on supercomputer clusters. I tried to use OKQupid but they wanted $150, I tried eharmony and match.com but they all wanted over 100 dollars. I spent too much time answering questions and then they charged me too much. I only had $50 on my card and was expecting 9 or 20 dollars a month. Maybe it was a computer bug.

So here I am dateless like chalkdust is. :slashnew:
 

Turnevies

Active Member
Joined
May 26, 2016
Messages
249
#10
I'm not a true master of hitting on women (yet), but here is my take nevertheless.

In general, women tend to be aroused rather by words than by visual information as opposed to men , e.g. generally speaking they value erotic novels over porn videos.

So, text should not be a bad thing by itself (I don't mean that you should neglect the pictures entirely). But you talk way to much, comes of as insecure. Make a few firm statements and a joke.
Strategically showing some vulnerability can make you more charismatic, but not too early.

Also, you don't have to 'maximize' your match-rate entirely. You only want to get in touch with women with who you align in values. So carefully balance out being socially acceptable and maintaining your own identity.
 

Manipulator

analyse, manipulate
Joined
Sep 11, 2013
Messages
577
Location
my head is my home
#11
I really like Jenny wocky wisdom, it's like what I think, but more accurate and wrote gently, which I lack, because I'd don't consider how other people will feel.
In short: totally agree with Jenny, she is amazing
 

baccheion

Active Member
Joined
May 2, 2016
Messages
163
#12
If you're not that good in bed, for example, then do something to make that not the case. There are many tutorials/videos online and supplements that can be taken to increase endurance. Heck, even a good multivitamin (like AOR Ortho-Core or Life Extension Mix + Once-Daily Health Booster) will help. When that's not the case, you won't have to mention it.

If you are overweight, go to the gym. There are also weighted exercises that can be done at home. You can also lose weight without exercising (intermittent fasting, ketogenic/low-carb dieting, and iodine protocol).

If you are lacking motivation, then selegiline (1-2 mg sublingually with 5 mg memantine)! Add 50-100mg PEA on days you want increased mood. I also created a thread listing other suggestions and the cause of low motivation: https://intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=26632.

Neurotransmitter-level deficiency quiz and suggestions: https://intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=26344.

Here's something that was written for someone else regarding profiles on OkCupid:
Do you proactively send messages? Women seem to have better luck when they "make the first move," as seeking out and directly approaching minimizes the chances a great match will not see them, or will fail to send a message due to lack of courage ("she's way out of my league; I don't stand a chance"). If you can't think of anything to say, then something as simple as, "Hey, I'm interested. Shall we parlé?" will do, as males usually see a first message as an indication of interest, not a demonstration of personality. If you want to take it a step further, try to guess their personality type, then mention something someone with that personality type would find interesting.

I'm surprised you find accurate matches with 100 questions answered. A better approach would be to answer 300-500 (or 1000, if you dare) questions, then delete any that aren't very important, somewhat important, or one your matches would care about. And even with somewhat important questions, if one isn't really relevant, delete it.

Many (especially women on the site) use the very important option liberally, but making something that's not a core need or an absolute deal breaker very important only lessens the value of questions that really matter. For example, if you've answered 5 questions, and they are all very important, someone's match % is lowered by 20 with each "incorrect" answer; however, if you've answered 50, it's only lowered by 2 (I suggested clearing out a little important and irrelevant questions for the same reason).

If a question has an equivalent filter or profile field, answering it is likely a waste. For example, most mark "What's your deal with harder drugs (stuff beyond pot)?" very important, but there's already a "drug use" filter on the browse matches page.

If your answer to a question isn't in line with popular opinion (you think homosexuality is a sin, for example), or if it's to a question that's polarizing, then it's good to add an explanation.

With a good set of questions answered, it's likely you'll begin noticing a lack of compatibility when match percentages dip below 75% (or enemy percentages hit 20%).

You should give a short yet complete summary of who you are on your profile. You shouldn't necessarily use an adjective list (smart, quiet, easy going, etc), as those aren't very descriptive, but should instead tell a story (1-2 paragraphs) about yourself that demonstrates who you are. Or you can demonstrate who you are, then summarize with (up to 3) adjectives at the end. Many make the mistake of talking about what they like and what they do, as though that's who they are. Don't do that. Talk about yourself explicitly. It's great that you enjoy long walks on the beach, and traveling the world immersing yourself in new cultures, but you've essentially stated two interests, not who you are.

You should be explicit and direct about core needs and deal breakers when mentioning what you're looking for in a partner. After reading these 1-2 sentences, a potential match should have a clear sense of what you're looking for, and if it they need to bow out.

Your self-summary gives a sense of who you are, but the magic happens when you share interests, hobbies, favorites, and passions. Think about it. If you read through other profiles, you'll notice you reach the end, are interested, but have nothing to initiate a conversation with ("I'm interested in this person, but WTF am I supposed to say?").

While you want to state more than 1 or 2 interests, listing more than 5-10 is excessive, so try to pick your strongest interests/passions, especially ones that aren't common. For example, many like Game of Thrones, so stating it as an interest, unless you're obsessed with it like a Trekkie is with Star Trek, is almost like saying you're "outgoing, fun, and easy-going" (so generic it doesn't register when read). If a core interest is also very common/popular one, you should explicitly reiterate how serious you are about it, lest you sound generic.

Every section in your profile is an opportunity to share more of who you are, to show how you're unique/special, and to demonstrate your style of humor. Waste not. For example, in listing 6 things you can't do without, avoiding generic meaningless things like family, friends, air, cell phone, internet, etc. Everyone says that. Everyone knows you can't live without air. That said, if you can't come up with something good, it's better to leave a section blank, than to have it filled with crap.

When writing the "message me if" section, you should focus on showcasing humor, and on enticing potential matches to pull the trigger, not on making a bulleted list of negatives/turn-offs.

Pictures are another opportunity to show your personality, style, interests, and what makes you unique/special. They should be high quality, well-lit, and varied. Your first picture is shown on the match results page, so it should be your best and should clearly show your face. At least one picture should give an isometric view of your full body, so it's clear what you look like. If you're not certain which pictures to use, ask the opinion of a few people, as it will be obvious to them.

When browsing matches, I highly recommend selecting "located anywhere" in addition to searching locally, as great matches tend to be all over, rather than concentrated in any specific place.
There's also an OkCupid subreddit with condensed tips (links on the right of the page): https://reddit.com/r/okcupid.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2013
Messages
6,434
Location
A hut in the woods
#16
Joined
Jan 18, 2018
Messages
31
#17
Guys. I really need some life advice. I had a psychic break. My resume is shit. My grades are shit. I like reading the stuff I mentioned. I'm living on disability. My youth my youth I barely got any women in my precious youth. I used to have a circle of friends that was mostly black Caribbean and African. Dude they welcomed me into their culture. We had jokes. We traveled the north east chocolate cities. We were all convinced I would marry some African woman. I even was invited to and accepted into a prestigious historically black college. But I guess I didn't go. And I guess I had a psychic break and I guess none of the black sistas liked me when I was all alone on my Austrian arse. Now I have one black bestie one white bestie and one Chinese Trini comrade. I'm disappointed I wasn't able to procure or charm any Caribbean or African women or comrades since those early days. I have lost friends because I became obsessed with these certain ethnic ex friends of mine succeeded, traveled and ended up with oodles of women and ivy league educations. I am aware that the professors I have discovered here in Tallahassee Florida have taught me so much. Still if I am analyzing the past it gets pretty unreasonable. So I African drummer. I read my books. I graduate in a year. I only take two courses a semester and my GPA is shit. Sure who wouldn't want to be a professor of Caribbean anthropology. It is relevant. It is fascinating. And who wouldn't want to learn a black Atlantic language and go native. But I'm not qualified for that. I went nuts when I realized I was cut off from both grad school and accordingly never going to have sex again. I started to hate the multitude of Caribbean who had ignored and rejected me. Thanks to the immature sex tails of my former comrades, porn, rap music, and what's worse black folks who ride the bus I became absolutely convinced that the reason these girls rejected me was the size of my zozo. And you know what? This world is a messed up place. It would take five thousand bottles of oj and peanut butter to replenish the amount of the sweat lost in the wild agony inducing sex I didn't get and need to compete with all the lovemaking and stolen kisses and whispered sweet nothings in the ear of a woman who tastes like seawater and pepper for me to convince myself otherwise. What upsets me the most is I was a virgin and didn't know better and chased women like a pathetic German romantic fool. I didn't know what Jung or nietzcshe was. I just knew I liked black culture and black women. And it would take a lot of sweating oiled up camphor abd antimony blessed women and a harem of plum skinned beauties to convince me that I am desirable and fun to get horizontal with. Well that's one thing.:elephant:
 
Joined
Jan 18, 2018
Messages
31
#18
Sometimes I get the impression that all we know really, is who we want to sleep with. So u see what I am doing here I'm aiming to offend both sides of the debate here. LOL
 

Turnevies

Active Member
Joined
May 26, 2016
Messages
249
#19
Guys. I really need some life advice. I had a psychic break. My resume is shit. My grades are shit. I like reading the stuff I mentioned. I'm living on disability. My youth my youth I barely got any women in my precious youth. I used to have a circle of friends that was mostly black Caribbean and African. Dude they welcomed me into their culture. We had jokes. We traveled the north east chocolate cities. We were all convinced I would marry some African woman. I even was invited to and accepted into a prestigious historically black college. But I guess I didn't go. And I guess I had a psychic break and I guess none of the black sistas liked me when I was all alone on my Austrian arse. Now I have one black bestie one white bestie and one Chinese Trini comrade. I'm disappointed I wasn't able to procure or charm any Caribbean or African women or comrades since those early days. I have lost friends because I became obsessed with these certain ethnic ex friends of mine succeeded, traveled and ended up with oodles of women and ivy league educations. I am aware that the professors I have discovered here in Tallahassee Florida have taught me so much. Still if I am analyzing the past it gets pretty unreasonable. So I African drummer. I read my books. I graduate in a year. I only take two courses a semester and my GPA is shit. Sure who wouldn't want to be a professor of Caribbean anthropology. It is relevant. It is fascinating. And who wouldn't want to learn a black Atlantic language and go native. But I'm not qualified for that. I went nuts when I realized I was cut off from both grad school and accordingly never going to have sex again. I started to hate the multitude of Caribbean who had ignored and rejected me. Thanks to the immature sex tails of my former comrades, porn, rap music, and what's worse black folks who ride the bus I became absolutely convinced that the reason these girls rejected me was the size of my zozo. And you know what? This world is a messed up place. It would take five thousand bottles of oj and peanut butter to replenish the amount of the sweat lost in the wild agony inducing sex I didn't get and need to compete with all the lovemaking and stolen kisses and whispered sweet nothings in the ear of a woman who tastes like seawater and pepper for me to convince myself otherwise. What upsets me the most is I was a virgin and didn't know better and chased women like a pathetic German romantic fool. I didn't know what Jung or nietzcshe was. I just knew I liked black culture and black women. And it would take a lot of sweating oiled up camphor abd antimony blessed women and a harem of plum skinned beauties to convince me that I am desirable and fun to get horizontal with. Well that's one thing.:elephant:
My advice to you: first and foremost, calm down. You seem to have a lot of inner energy. That is a good thing by itself, but you're overwhelmed by it.
Then, build some structure in your life. Set your alarm to wake up early, drink plenty of water, exercice... and you can dedicate a fixed amount of time each day or week to self-help/philosophy (or alternatively go seeking professional help).
Also, write down your own thoughts on a regular basis in order to get them structured. Set yourself clear, realistic, goals; break them up in concrete tasks that you execute accordingly.
Last but not least, I doubt becoming a succesful professor of Carribean antropology or whatever will instantly make your life balanced. On the contrary, in general people first need to feel psychologically ok before they can achieve something large and not the other way around.
 

Serac

Prolific Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2017
Messages
1,030
Location
Stockholm
#21
- Maximize caffeine and nicotine intake during weekdays, alcohol in the weekends
- Maintain erratic sleep- and eating habits
- Distract yourself with various stimuli as the sole method for dealing with unpleasant emotions
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2012
Messages
73
#22
Oh man, Chalkdust, you remind me of myself when I was a teenager. Except that you are now 34, so it is even worse. Honestly, I empathize with you. I was pretty depressed when I was young too, but I'm going to talk about this subject from the perspective of someone who broke out of that endless cycle. And I am going to be pretty harsh, so if you aren't looking for that kind of thing, you can stop reading about now.

First thing first, tough shit. You are depressed/an intp/really intellectual/like history or philosophy? Nobody actually gives a shit. The world only really cares about results/status/wealth and most women, including INTP women, like men who achieve results. This is supported by many empirical studies, and it is shown that in modern times women are actually less inclined to date below their socioeconomic status than ever before. In other words, you need to have the $$$/success/status if you want to be attractive.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencet...-man-woman-emphasis-place-attractiveness.html

http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tan...-providers-even-as-womens-contributions-grow/

So if you don't have a steady income, that's 74% of women that would be turned off right there. And you aren't slim either, so that's another 58% of women that would be turned off from that. And that's the optimistic numbers. So yes, statistically the odds don't look good for you at all, and you are shit out of luck. Even if you go to the gym, lift weights, and get fit, if you continue the way you are you are still going to be fucked.

So yes, you were probably rejected because you were fat. But what is more likely is that the women rejected you because you have no future. You have no aim, no ambition, no earning potential. You do not seem to be achieving success in anything. That is a much more likely reason. Being fit will fix some of your problems, but not all.

So here's some harsh facts:
First. Your studies in African Studies is extremely niche and completely useless. No one really cares about historical figures and their accomplishments because it is very hard to apply them to anything. You can't design airplanes by knowing about Jungian theories. You can't fill out tax forms with your knowledge about Plato. In this society, such things are useless. These are great things to know about sure, but it is a HOBBY. A hobby is not a job. ****I looked up the underemployment rate and unemployment rate for people who graduate with your major. It really doesn't look encouraging. Did you know that over 50% of students who graduate in liberal arts end up back in retail? And that 75% of those end up in a job that doesn't even require a college degree? Those people have GPAs in the 3.5 range, and you have a 2.4, so things are not looking good for you at all in this category.

Second. You need to have the discipline to go to the gym. If you have the discipline to go to the gym, you gain the discipline to do other things. Again, the world only cares about PRODUCTION. What do you produce? You need to find something you are good at, and then produce that.

Third. Self-pity and depression are extremely unattractive to women. You need to work on this, or at least become good at convincing others that you aren't a pathetic piece of shit. Fake it until you make it, because woman sure won't give you a chance otherwise. When it comes to the dating market, there are no creatures more ruthless than women. Of course, you need to get a steady income first, then get fit, before the confidence will come.

Sounds cynical? Sure. I went from a skinny nerdy depressed teenager in my youth to a fit, solid middle-class worker. Women say that they like sensitive, nice guys, but that is a load of crap. They like what they can't have. My success skyrocketed when I stopped putting them a pedestal and acted like they were an accessory of my life instead of a core component. Let me tell you, going from a r/niceguy teenager to a cocky piece of shit in my mid-20s really taught me a few things about life. That 1) everyone is shallow as fuck and 2) people care about their appearance to society in general. Women especially, when they date a guy, ask, "Will dating this guy elevate my status in front of my peers?" This is the same reason why I only date slim, pretty girls. As I am in a leadership position, I want to look good to my subordinates, portray myself in a way that they don't look down on me and lead effectively. Romantic relationships nowadays are as much an economical exchange as they are a convenient way to satisfy a human's base urges.

So yeah, I'm not you. So it's not like I can tell you exactly what you should do. But hitting the gym is a good start. If college isn't working for you, trade schools are a good option. Honestly, if I were you, I'd give up on chasing girls altogether. There's more to life than chasing girls anyway, and having a girlfriend is honestly overrated.
 

QuickTwist

Soothsayer
Joined
Jan 24, 2013
Messages
6,434
Location
A hut in the woods
#23
You don't lose weight by going to the gym. You lose weight by not eating as many calories as you burn.
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2012
Messages
73
#24
You don't lose weight by going to the gym. You lose weight by not eating as many calories as you burn.
The problem is losing weight isn't enough. Women dislike skinny guys as much as they dislike fat guys. You need to be toned/muscular. Having stick arms is in my opinion is just as bad as being fat. A flat stomach with no abs impresses no one.

EDIT: Of course, if you have money/status, you don't really need to be fit, just slim. To give you perspective, since I've gotten my job earning near 6 figures, the amount of p00n i have slayed in the past year is far more than I ever expected to get, considering the fact that I was a kissless virgin until i graduated college. It might be the fact that I stopped giving a fuck, or might be the money, or might be the confidence from the money, but I'm pretty sure they are all inter-related.
 

QuickTwist

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#25
The problem is losing weight isn't enough. Women dislike skinny guys as much as they dislike fat guys. You need to be toned/muscular. Having stick arms is in my opinion is just as bad as being fat. A flat stomach with no abs impresses no one.

EDIT: Of course, if you have money/status, you don't really need to be fit, just slim. To give you perspective, since I've gotten my job earning near 6 figures, the amount of p00n i have slayed in the past year is far more than I ever expected to get, considering the fact that I was a kissless virgin until i graduated college. It might be the fact that I stopped giving a fuck, or might be the money, or might be the confidence from the money, but I'm pretty sure they are all inter-related.
I mostly think it is because you care about that stuff, honestly.
 

higs

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#26
Yourmother sounds like he needs a good dose of romantic poetry or something
 

Serac

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#27
The problem is losing weight isn't enough. Women dislike skinny guys as much as they dislike fat guys. You need to be toned/muscular. Having stick arms is in my opinion is just as bad as being fat. A flat stomach with no abs impresses no one.

EDIT: Of course, if you have money/status, you don't really need to be fit, just slim. To give you perspective, since I've gotten my job earning near 6 figures, the amount of p00n i have slayed in the past year is far more than I ever expected to get, considering the fact that I was a kissless virgin until i graduated college. It might be the fact that I stopped giving a fuck, or might be the money, or might be the confidence from the money, but I'm pretty sure they are all inter-related.
Arguably one of the most misguided collection of propositions ever

Toned and near 6 figures ftw
 
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#28
Arguably one of the most misguided collection of propositions ever

Toned and near 6 figures ftw
I don't like it but it is the truth. You say it is misguided because you don't like it, and the truth is nobody on this forum does. That's why it's a harsh truth.

I'd like to see a study that says women aren't attracted to wealth. I've been looking for years, yet to find it.

Also, I'm not proposing him anything. Again, I'm not him, so it's not like I know exactly what he should do or what is best for him. I just laying down two facts:

1) Women care about money and status, a lot.
2) Society only cares about your worth and what you produce.

You can look at those two facts and adjust accordingly. You wanna continue doing what you are doing currently, disregarding the above two facts? Up to you. It doesn't affect me at all, and I hardly visit this forum anyway so I have nothing to prove.
 

Serac

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#29
I don't like it but it is the truth. You say it is misguided because you don't like it, and the truth is nobody on this forum does. That's why it's a harsh truth.

I'd like to see a study that says women aren't attracted to wealth. I've been looking for years, yet to find it.

Also, I'm not proposing him anything. Again, I'm not him, so it's not like I know exactly what he should do or what is best for him. I just laying down two facts:

1) Women care about money and status, a lot.
2) Society only cares about your worth and what you produce.

You can look at those two facts and adjust accordingly. You wanna continue doing what you are doing currently, disregarding the above two facts? Up to you. It doesn't affect me at all, and I hardly visit this forum anyway so I have nothing to prove.
I'm already doing it, dude. There's nothing harsh about it, it's just not true. I'm in the gym every day (except Fridays) and make actual 6 figures. It's just that I know for a fact that women don't give a damn about that. I'm doing that stuff for my own sake.

If getting in shape ang getting a decent job allowed you to be comfortable in your own skin and cimfortable with women then that's great. But I suggest you lost your virginity because of the change in you as a person and not because of the things that caused the change
 
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#30
I'm already doing it, dude. There's nothing harsh about it, it's just not true. I'm in the gym every day (except Fridays) and make actual 6 figures. It's just that I know for a fact that women don't give a damn about that. I'm doing that stuff for my own sake.

If getting in shape ang getting a decent job allowed you to be comfortable in your own skin and cimfortable with women then that's great. But I suggest you lost your virginity because of the change in you as a person and not because of the things that caused the change
I like you. You're cool.

I always wondered if women are attracted to driven, focused, capable men who go on to earn money, and not the other way around. Is still stands that the OP is not driven, focused, or earned anything in anyway, so he's still fucked.

Also you say that women don't give a damn about that...but do you have any empirical evidence to support that? Again, from my own anecdotal experience and also scientific studies, women love money or at least a stable job, full stop. I would like to have the same view as you, but the contrast between my adulthood and teenage years is so apparent that I simply cannot hold that view.

But yes, I do agree that if a man does go to the gym and kick start his career, he should do it for his own sake. The women are just a bonus, and if you are fit and have your shit together, the girls will come. Paradoxically, dating is the one area in life I do better in the less fucks I give about it.
 

Serac

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#31
I always wondered if women are attracted to driven, focused, capable men who go on to earn money, and not the other way around. Is still stands that the OP is not driven, focused, or earned anything in anyway, so he's still fucked.
Well, with that I do concur, sir

As for empirical evidence, I guess I can only speak from personal experience. I have gone out *a lot* at this point, though, with varying levels of personal economy and physical shape. I think I must have talked with several hundred women at this point (I imagine this doesn't sound particulary charming or whatever, but whatever). There is only one thing that matters, in my view, which is being able to vibe. Talking about one's job and similar nonsense consistently kills the vibe. And probably my best experiences happened at times when I didn't work out at all and was skinny as fuck, and generally didn't focus on any of the exterior, material stuff.

It's all about the vibe, baby
 

QuickTwist

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#34
lol this is obviously so fake and inconsistent that you all got trolled.
I am glad that I am not the only one to consider this.
 
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#35
Don't know what to say really except that I'm reading Montesquieu... Guns germs and steel... Jung.... And Sidney mintz. Learning a lot. Starting judo classes soon. My mother thinks your mother sounds like an immature middle schooler the way he talks and his general esprit. Honestly I would rather not slay and get p00n. I'm glad I know who Marx and amos tutuola are and look forward to fieldwork in Haiti.
 
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#37
Science isn't true. Money isn't true. That was one of nietzcshe and Marx many points and Jung too. I am an oracle of radical truth. Take heed:elephant:
 

higs

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#38
@Yourmother My loved person has neither status nor wealth and unless a career in philosophy suddenly starts making people millionaires in the future I do not foresee the wealth and the status.

I am with him because I can't talk to anyone else in such depth about things, (and also the sex is really good.)

I think he is with me because (apart from the fact that I am obviously super hot) I understand what he is on about, I understand his interests and I make him laugh. Idk, we just have fun together, we are both a bit mad. I think we are psychologically compatible, like both off the charts in "openness" on the big 5 perhaps. But complimentary as well, like he is primarily analytical and I intuitive.

I remember I wanted to talk to him badly because he had super lit-up clever eyes and looked self confident as hell.

I bet £1000 that we are happier than Trump and Melania.

I take it upon myself to personally educate you in romantic poetry from now on. This nonsense cannot be allowed to continue.
 
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#39
@Yourmother My loved person has neither status nor wealth and unless a career in philosophy suddenly starts making people millionaires in the future I do not foresee the wealth and the status.

I am with him because I can't talk to anyone else in such depth about things, (and also the sex is really good.)

I think he is with me because (apart from the fact that I am obviously super hot) I understand what he is on about, I understand his interests and I make him laugh. Idk, we just have fun together, we are both a bit mad. I think we are psychologically compatible, like both off the charts in "openness" on the big 5 perhaps. But complimentary as well, like he is primarily analytical and I intuitive.

I remember I wanted to talk to him badly because he had super lit-up clever eyes and looked self confident as hell.

I bet £1000 that we are happier than Trump and Melania.

I take it upon myself to personally educate you in romantic poetry from now on. This nonsense cannot be allowed to continue.
Honestly, I'm happy for you and your husband. I'm glad to know that people can continue to be idealistic and have a rosy view of the world. If the whole world was a debbie downer, life would suck more than it already does.

Honestly though, it sounds like your husband has a steady job. I never said that a man had to be rich per se, just have a stable job. Furthermore, there are many other factors that affect attractiveness. For example, how tall is your husband? What is your husband's race? You said your husband was self confident, but do you know how hard that is for the average person? Self-confidence doesn't come easily, and for many it has to be earned. Some people are also more socially swauve, like Serac, as many people I know simply don't have the courage or energy to talk to hundreds of women. Short men typically struggle the most on the dating market as well as minorities and introverts; factors that are most easily compensated for through muscles and money. Statistically, a tall white man is one of the most desirable individuals sexually, and thus don't need as much money or fitness to do well.

One study stated that an asian man had to earn over a hundred thousand dollars MORE a year to compete with a white man sexually.

You and Serac have differing experiences. But I don't know the full picture, and that doesn't really mean anything. Statistics are statistics. Outliers exist. Yes, some women are taller than men, but can you infer from those cases that women and men are equal in height overall? Of course not.

Forget about anecdotes, even mine. They mean absolutely nothing. You could live in the middle of the Nanking Massacre and go, "Well my family didn't killed..."

Regardless, I'm pretty happy where I am currently. It's true that I have a very cynical view of the world but I have also achieved far more success than I ever expected or deserved. When you grow up dirt poor and see enough deaths in the military, almost every day as a middle class worker is a good day. Romance are for the lucky who were born in the right circumstances. I'll settle for having sex with as many girls as I can before I hit my quarter life crises and ponder the pointlessness of my existence.
 

QuickTwist

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#40
Sorry, but I just can't take someone serious with a username like "Yourmother."
 

higs

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#42
I am not married and we are still struggling students.

I know self confidence is hard, so ? It’s not ressources or status, ergo your ´materialistic’ reduction is false and does not apply universally. Also self confidence is a universally desirable trait across gender you will find I think, like beauty, intelligence, humor, kindness, health or charisma in general. I think physically attractive people tend to pair up with each other, and people similar in charisma, especially since women have been able to support themselves. The fact of the matter is most couples are not hot women with old rich guys, but people of similar ages of similar intelligence who have interests in common and find each other sexy. This is the norm. You are the biased one, people choose each other because they enjoy the experience of one another, this is the fundamental of it. I do not find my view «*rose tinted*» I think your view is bullshit. You’re the one going off unreliable statistics in the fucking DAILY MAIL the shittest scientific source of all time and using it to confirm your world view. People are all extremely different and you’re the one acting like there is a formula, as a result you only meet people who also believe the formula or you have a confirmation bias that if they are attracted to you it’s because you are correct. There is no formula. Most of the women I know honestly have close to 0 interest in muscular builds or prospects of riches. Stop saying «*everyone is shallow as fuck*». No they are not. You are shallow as fuck.

I have always found males and females in various ethnicities beautiful, when I went to HongKong as a teenager I crushed on many boys. I crushed hard on tupac because beautiful spark in eyes bright smile, high wired energy and passion, on Kurt Cobain because of...his voice first if I recall correctly ? Sense of humor and deep capacity to feel. Plenty of classically "good looking" raise no interest in me. I think Feyerabend and Wittgenstein are sexy as well. People need to get rid of their own racial biases with beauty, idk, it’s not hard, people are just Gorgeous everywhere. I mean, it’s not so much a moral necessity, it’s just a shame.
 

Manipulator

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#43
I take offense to that. I placed a lot of thought into my username. Only high IQ people will get the reference.
Maybe you're too confident about your IQ, because I also think your nickname sucks.

About dating: I lastly use tinder and I think you can't find there anything. These dating websites are made for women and you need to put huge amount of energy and creativity to attract any female. In the end you can get laid, but you won't create long lasting and deep relationship. For such purposes you need to belonge to some group and there meet people. It's more deep topic so I finish here.
 
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#44
I am not married and we are still struggling students.

I know self confidence is hard, so ? It’s not ressources or status, ergo your ´materialistic’ reduction is false and does not apply universally. Also self confidence is a universally desirable trait across gender you will find I think, like beauty, intelligence, humor, kindness, health or charisma in general. I think physically attractive people tend to pair up with each other, and people similar in charisma, especially since women have been able to support themselves. The fact of the matter is most couples are not hot women with old rich guys, but people of similar ages of similar intelligence who have interests in common and find each other sexy. This is the norm. You are the biased one, people choose each other because they enjoy the experience of one another, this is the fundamental of it. I do not find my view «*rose tinted*» I think your view is bullshit. You’re the one going off unreliable statistics in the fucking DAILY MAIL the shittest scientific source of all time and using it to confirm your world view. People are all extremely different and you’re the one acting like there is a formula, as a result you only meet people who also believe the formula or you have a confirmation bias that if they are attracted to you it’s because you are correct. There is no formula. Most of the women I know honestly have close to 0 interest in muscular builds or prospects of riches. Stop saying «*everyone is shallow as fuck*». No they are not. You are shallow as fuck.

I have always found males and females in various ethnicities beautiful, when I went to HongKong as a teenager I crushed on many boys. I crushed hard on tupac because beautiful spark in eyes bright smile, high wired energy and passion, on Kurt Cobain because of...his voice first if I recall correctly ? Sense of humor and deep capacity to feel. Plenty of classically "good looking" raise no interest in me. I think Feyerabend and Wittgenstein are sexy as well. People need to get rid of their own racial biases with beauty, idk, it’s not hard, people are just Gorgeous everywhere. I mean, it’s not so much a moral necessity, it’s just a shame.
Woah woah, no need to get too salty. This is a debate, so don't get too offended that people disagree with you. It makes you look bad and undermines your points.

So first thing first, I like how you said the daily mail is the shittiest news source but completely ignore the pew research center link right below it, which all but agrees on the importance of income in males (71% of Americans think males being the provider is very important). The Pew Research Center is, to my knowledge, quite legitimate. However, for your sake I will provide more studies to stave off the "unreliable" accusation. I find it hilarious that you have been sprouting off claim after claim and assertions of the world but refuse to consider or provide empirical studies. I wonder who is the biased one here?

http://www.ehbonline.org/article/S1090-5138(17)30315-X/pdf
http://bigthink.com/dollars-and-sex/do-women-really-value-income-over-looks-in-a-mate (Download the pdf for the legitimate study, which was published by two researchers from The University of Chicago and one researcher from MIT.)


There, it should be basically undeniable that wealth and status play a very large role in the attractiveness of a male. All of the studies agree, and there is nothing more concrete that multiple data sets agreeing over long periods of time. If you provide any scientific studies that state otherwise however, I would be happy to reconsider. I find it odd that for a forum dedicate to INTPs, logic and rationality, no one here is willing to consider data over personal, subjective feelings.

Yes, people are shallow as fuck, and yes, the data supports it. I wasn't wrong when I said you had rose-tinted views or you were selectively oblivious. When you said people are all different, well no shit lol. This has been a spewed platitude since the beginning of time, but it means absolutely nothing. I didn't say all women value money, I say MOST value money. Again, the data supports this. That shallowness IS the norm. All you've been doing is saying that "most of the women I know..." or "I...", for all I know you could be lying your ass off. For all you know I could be lying my ass off. Also it means absolutely nothing too. For example, in college all my friends around me had a GPA of 3.7 and above in a program where the average GPA was 2.5. If I looked around and said, "NO! All of my friends and I have very high GPAs, so it isn't true that engineering students have low GPAs!", I would be labelled stupid and delusional faster than someone could say F=ma.

I haven't seen you cite a single legitimate empirical study or research. Honestly, it makes me feel like everything you've said so far is bullshit. I am aware out there there are unicorns that exist which would date men regardless of income, looks, height, or body type. The chances of me meeting that unicorn and the chances of that unicorn being single are 0.0000001%.
 
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#45
Maybe you're too confident about your IQ, because I also think your nickname sucks.

About dating: I lastly use tinder and I think you can't find there anything. These dating websites are made for women and you need to put huge amount of energy and creativity to attract any female. In the end you can get laid, but you won't create long lasting and deep relationship. For such purposes you need to belonge to some group and there meet people. It's more deep topic so I finish here.
Oh no, somebody thinks my nickname sucks. I'm sorry. I made this nickname back I was a depressed teenager in 2012. But if you really want I can change it to yourfather to demonstrate my obviously high IQ. (My IQ is so high that if you stacked Albert Einstein and Steven Hawking on top of each other it would only reach 0.0001% of my total IQ.)
 
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#48
Don't know what to say really except that I'm reading Montesquieu... Guns germs and steel... Jung.... And Sidney mintz. Learning a lot. Starting judo classes soon. My mother thinks your mother sounds like an immature middle schooler the way he talks and his general esprit. Honestly I would rather not slay and get p00n. I'm glad I know who Marx and amos tutuola are and look forward to fieldwork in Haiti.
Sorry man, no offense with my words. It doesn't seem likely that you will ever get what you want with your current path. But if you do succeed somehow despite the odds, good for you. I like underdog stories.

I guess you can say I'm an immature middle schooler/ high schooler. I'm compensating for my sexless adolescence with a fuckboi attitude. I hope to grow out of it once I fuck at least 100 girls.

Anyway, nobody on this forum is going to change their minds, so not much point in me continuing. But, I do suggest all of you go back and read the articles I cited. Who knows, all of you might learn something.
 

Manipulator

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#50
Oh no, somebody thinks my nickname sucks. I'm sorry. I made this nickname back I was a depressed teenager in 2012. But if you really want I can change it to yourfather to demonstrate my obviously high IQ. (My IQ is so high that if you stacked Albert Einstein and Steven Hawking on top of each other it would only reach 0.0001% of my total IQ.)
You have really bad taste of sarcasm.
About your other post:
It was too long, I don't want to waste my time reading, but one thing: Intps have problems with mood, once you piss off anyone don't expect them to be polite and logical. Also you can look so stupid so someone can react emotionally, because talking rationally is considered pointless. So go away with your fucking pride.