My dating website profile (Split)

[Ex-User (14663)]

Text does tell me a lot about someone's focus, thinking, communication ability, and so on, but I parse language quickly and it's useful to me.

Picture can also be informative, it just depends on the picture. It's again something else to "unpack." You don't want to read TOO much into something, but it can be useful. What do people choose to put in their pics? How processed is the image (i.e., were they natural or an image that was obviously very controlled to present a certain way?) DO they have a crazy look on their face? Do they have clothes on? Are they holding a gun? The information in a mere visual image can be easier to unpack than a dense text block.

No offense but this just doesn't sound credible to me. It sounds like something you wish to be true, but is limited to that – an abstract ideal. It sounds weird that you would limit the information from the pictures to these crude, objective facts without any consideration of the intuition you get from a photograph. Are you talking from experience? E.g. how many have you met from online dating sitea where the guy had a long text vs a short text and how did they compare.

 

[Jennywocky]

Re: My dating website profile

No offense but this just doesn't sound credible to me. It sounds like something you wish to be true, but is limited to that – an abstract ideal. It sounds weird that you would limit the information from the pictures to these crude, objective facts without any consideration of the intuition you get from a photograph. Are you talking from experience? E.g. how many have you met from online dating sitea where the guy had a long text vs a short text and how did they compare.

You're a riot. "Doesn't fit with my idea of how I have put it all together, so you MUST PROVE YOURSELF TO ME." This is a typical pattern in your posting, you seem to have these constructions on how everything is supposed to work rather than giving others some credibility to articulate what they're actually thinking.... Usually I don't bother to respond. There's a difference between healthy skepticism and fear over being wrong resulting in a brittle pushback.

Just because I actually read the text people post doesn't mean everyone does. As well you know, there are a lot of people in the world -- men and women -- who make snap judgments from far more vague impression that aren't based on data.

I'm a fucking systems analyst who spent much of her life interfacing through a computer interface, so yeah.... I do actually place a little more value on the written word, even if I also get impression from pictures and other contextual clues. (Did I ever say I don't use pattern methodology to pick up impressions? But I also value what people consciously actually TRY TO COMMUNICATE.) It doesn't end with just what time I did spend on online dating sites, it's in general as well... but then I also try to be a bit flexible because MOST people are less precise with their language. Still, it doesn't mean you can't tease out patterns.

Frankly I don't use dating sites for a few years or more now, after just finding no one of interest and a few meh dates. I've reached a conclusion that I will do better just following my interests and if I bump into someone who shares them who I click with, that will be a much higher success rate for me.

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

Re: My dating website profile

You're a riot. "Doesn't fit with my idea of how I have put it all together, so you MUST PROVE YOURSELF TO ME." This is a typical pattern in your posting, you seem to have these constructions on how everything is supposed to work rather than giving others some credibility to articulate what they're actually thinking.... Usually I don't bother to respond. There's a difference between healthy skepticism and fear over being wrong resulting in a brittle pushback.

Well, when you are giving advice that to me sounds like a bunch of nonsense, I would be inclined to ask for the basis of your opinions. I am someone who actually has some experience with online dating, and better yet – I have had the chance to observe online dating from the female perspective and discuss it with them in a very in-depth and intimate way.

Frankly I don't use dating sites for a few years or more now, after just finding no one of interest and a few meh dates. I've reached a conclusion that I will do better just following my interests and if I bump into someone who shares them who I click with, that will be a much higher success rate for me.

I rest my case.


This just goes to show – never listen to women giving advice on how to find women, unless you can verify that their actions align themselves with their tawk.

 

[Black Rose]

Re: My dating website profile

What is the difference between objective facts from a photo and an intuition from a photo? Hand in hand is what I say.

Jenny mentions a girl with a gun. I think I could get a feeling from that kind of information, and photo. The way she is like.

 

[redbaron]

Re: My dating website profile

I rest my case.


This just goes to show – never listen to women giving advice on how to find women, unless you can verify that their actions align themselves with their tawk.

That's incredibly rude. Jenny could have a myriad reasons for her own choices, and you're implying an awful lot about her here and all but mocking her for it. Very nasty.

Consider this a warning.

 

[QuickTwist]

Re: My dating website profile

That's incredibly rude. Jenny could have a myriad reasons for not being successful and you're implying an awful lot about her here.

If that was rude, it wasn't the only thing that was rude in this thread.

 

[redbaron]

Re: My dating website profile

If that was rude, it wasn't the only thing that was rude in this thread.

So use the report function and the mods will review it. Don't start cluttering the thread with he-said she-said. I don't see anything else warranting a moderator to warn someone for anything and if you ever do - use the report function. They do get reviewed and discussed.

 

[QuickTwist]

Re: My dating website profile

So use the report function and the mods will review it. Don't start cluttering the thread with he-said she-said. I don't see anything else warranting a moderator to warn someone for anything and if you ever do - use the report function. They do get reviewed and discussed.

I wasn't aware being rude was against the rules...

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

Re: My dating website profile

I find this highly rational approach to dating using statistics and data and success rates coupled with marketing of the self on a social media platform highly dehumanizing and a massive turn off. Would certainly not date someone talking like this in their OKcupid profile XDDD. Don’t mind me though. I’m just an irrational hippy or something I guess !


Jenny gave a personal response, what caught her attention when she used it personally, with a good deal of common sense, her response stands as useful as such. It’s the input of one person using it, she can’t speak for her entire sex in any case, different women will want different things and so your comment saying “don’t listen to women telling you how to find women.” Seems real obtuse @Serac unless you mean that most individual women are incapable of knowing what they actually like or look for ???? Not sure how to interpret this OFFENSIVE comment (yes yes SJW whatever whatever.)

I have to admit I do not like the whole dating site thing and this kind of attitude illustrates why to me, but if it makes people happier then whatever, just my subjective preferences.

The way things are going now, male sexuality is being reduced to some obscene, offensive disease – men cannot engage interactions in real life because that is deemed sexual misconduct. So they will have to find other ways, like online dating. But even here, apparently, doing anything besides being confined to "being oneself", listing one's favorite TV shows and other bullshit, is a turnoff. But I actually happen to agree that online dating is an insult to human dignity – especially on the male side. But, unfortunately, that is the direction things are headed now.

What I mean by women giving bad advice, is that I think they are very good at infusing that advice with their own self-interest. Men are too stupid to do such a thing. It is not advantageous for a woman that a man takes control of his chances with the opposite sex, because that tacitly reduces her own individual sexual value. So the advice a woman will give is typically something along the lines of "just be yourself and let women take care of the selection".

 

[Black Rose]

Re: My dating website profile

What I mean by women giving bad advice, is that I think they are very good at infusing that advice with their own self-interest. Men are too stupid to do such a thing. It is not advantageous for a woman that a man takes control of his chances with the opposite sex, because that tacitly reduces her own individual sexual value. So the advice a woman will give is typically something along the lines of "just be yourself and let women take care of the selection".

The statistic I hear is that more women have reproduced through history than men. It is in their favor to stay away from what would be bad fathers because women want surviving offspring. That in itself guides sexual selection for men that put the interest of women fist. I guess that is the reason that girl in 2009 asked me to the picnic party. She had the same mindset I did and in sexual selection, the more similar the partners are to each other the more likely they can surely raise children that do not die. I would like to find a person similar to me in the future. It does not matter which side is selecting who but most likely she will notice me first then I notice her. That has survival value. I am not that kind of guy that is super masculine, that takes charge and all that. I am more passive and submissive, normally some would say gentle and kind. Some women notice this and are not attracted to hyper-masculinity. Most likely since we would be similar no one person would be in charge but from meeting that girl in 2009 she would most likely be making the decisions because that is just how women are in the household. I do not believe a man's home is his castle. When I say this it is because I am very minimalistic and I hate football on widescreen television.

Saying that Jenny's description of how to use photos on dating profiles was not intuitive enough is kind of lame on your part. She was just being general in saying how to use photos. No need to say she was limiting information. And all she said was that if you use words that you communicate properly so that women get a sense of who you really are and not writing that would confuse them. Yet somehow you found a way to turn these positives into negatives.

 

[kora]

Re: My dating website profile

The way things are going now, male sexuality is being reduced to some obscene, offensive disease – men cannot engage interactions in real life because that is deemed sexual misconduct. So they will have to find other ways, like online dating. But even here, apparently, doing anything besides being confined to "being oneself", listing one's favorite TV shows and other bullshit, is a turnoff. But I actually happen to agree that online dating is an insult to human dignity – especially on the male side. But, unfortunately, that is the direction things are headed now.

What I mean by women giving bad advice, is that I think they are very good at infusing that advice with their own self-interest. Men are too stupid to do such a thing. It is not advantageous for a woman that a man takes control of his chances with the opposite sex, because that tacitly reduces her own individual sexual value. So the advice a woman will give is typically something along the lines of "just be yourself and let women take care of the selection".

So Jenny is just protecting her own self interests and instinctively protecting her own sexual selection power and value when she gives this advice on a forum lmao ? Man what a conniving manipulative bunch we all are.

Well I think you’re just protecting your own self interests or sexual selection I GUESS THIS MEANS ITS BIOLOGY GENDER WARS

When you say it is currently being portrayed as toxic in the zeitgeist or whatever I hope you are not assimilating male sexuality as essentially Weinsteinish sorts of things ? I mean I know there’s a whole load of extreme stuff but portraying the recent quite justified backlash against sexual aggression as putting males down is insulting to most of the men who do not do this sort of thing. I don’t think you are qualified to speak on behalf of all of them just as you are not qualified to say Jenny speaks generally for all women.

The guys I know get it on with females and flirt and have girlfriends just fine without offending anyone, they are not feeling emasculated. Perhaps more conscious of their behavior and some gender dynamics in general But that makes for interesting discussions not terrible repression of their instinct and self hatred.

Edit : you know, I guess I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think we were in a rather paranoid period about the relations between the sexes, so it’s not like I’m blind to what you’re saying. but I don’t think the answer is just to say that male sexuality is being repressed, that’s just simplistic and wrong, and I’m sure you know it.

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

Re: My dating website profile

So Jenny is just protecting her own self interests and instinctively protecting her own sexual selection power and value when she gives this advice on a forum lmao ? Man what a conniving manipulative bunch we all are.

I don't think what she wrote here was a decisively overt case of that, but that is my general claim regarding female advice on this topic, yes.

Well I think you’re just protecting your own self interests or sexual selection I GUESS THIS MEANS ITS BIOLOGY GENDER WARS

Obviously I am protecting my self-interest in being a man without having to apologize for it. Not sure what is wrong with that.

When you say it is currently being portrayed as toxic in the zeitgeist or whatever I hope you are not assimilating male sexuality as essentially Weinsteinish sorts of things ? I mean I know there’s a whole load of extreme stuff but portraying the recent quite justified backlash against sexual aggression as putting males down is insulting to most of the men who do not do this sort of thing. I don’t think you are qualified to speak on behalf of all of them just as you are not qualified to say Jenny speaks generally for all women.

I am not doing that assimilation. I do the exact opposite. The recent "backlash" against male sexuality is doing that assimilation, which is exactly what the problem is. People are riding the wave of the Weinstein case to further this assault on male sexuality, and I see it as an immense insult to the women who have experienced rape and serious sexual offense. When I read about how some woman considered her date with Aziz Ansari as sexual misconduct, I'm thinking about that 17-year old girl in Sweden who was brutally gang-raped by refugees, to the point where she was subsequently hospitalized. In the Swedish media, it was barely possible to find any reporting on this case, which sort of illustrates the absurdity of the situation.

There is some improvement happening, however. The woman who went to the press with her Aziz Ansari date is getting some backlash, as people finally start to realize what this trivialization of sexual offense and misconduct actually does in the end.

The guys I know get it on with females and flirt and have girlfriends just fine without offending anyone, they are not feeling emasculated. Perhaps more conscious of their behavior and some gender dynamics in general But that makes for interesting discussions not terrible repression of their instinct and self hatred.

It's not about whether it's possible to get laid without offending anyone. I know that is possible. It's about the tacit assumptions that are being instated about the male gender as a whole.

Edit : you know, I guess I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think we were in a rather paranoid period about the relations between the sexes, so it’s not like I’m blind to what you’re saying. but I don’t think the answer is just to say that male sexuality is being repressed, that’s just simplistic and wrong, and I’m sure you know it.

There is obviously some generalization, but without generalization it is impossible to analyze anything.

 

[QuickTwist]

Re: My dating website profile

Male masculinity is being repressed and the countermeasure (from the men) isn't doing them any favors.

 

[kora]

Re: My dating website profile

Oh I really can’t be bothered with another gender debate, or biology/culture explanations that are so complex to disentangle that no one really knows what they are on about. women don’t want to get their asses grabbed or pressured into sex, men don’t want to be thought of as terrible ass grabbers and rapists, no one wants prejudice. both sexes/genders have been conditioned into these problems. Both want healthy relationships (hopefully). People are more aware of everything in general now which is good, we are in a period of conversation and realization, it’s destabilizing and should settle at some point into the correct view. if people can’t find the correct understanding between the two perspectives and the line they should take by themselves it’s not my problem. I suggest more listening and introspecting and empathy and charity of interpretation and self respect for everyone, (and also try not to think of extremists as the norm). It’s generally not proven to be a good idea to categorize a set of humans as mentally fundamentally and naturally “other” to oneself.

I just thought it was insulting and silencing and pernicious to dismiss what Jenny said as just a product of her instinct of sexual power because of her sex. It’s reducing her thoughts and personal preferences as a rational agent to some base instinct. It’s a ridiculous sophist refutation in fact.

 

[kora]

Re: My dating website profile

Also I would like to point out that your advice was based on what one female told you, from which you extracted a generalization. So you are in appearance cherry picking yourself that which confirms what you wish to be true (in this case that one woman instead of Jenny deserves to be more representive of XX)

“As a woman once told me, they don't really read the text at all. The pictures is all that matters. In fact they can infer all kinds of things from the pictures, and with an uncanny precision at that, which are completely imperceptible to the average male.”

I would certainly look at the text personally. If they made loads of mistakes or just went DUHDUHRUDHUDIJGZN I would be quite put off. I would certainly make sure it was charismatic and coherent. The woman is plain wrong.

Not exactly backed up empirically any more so than Jenny’s post + seems to include some cool feminine perception superpowers (which I am totally not against being real.)

 

[redbaron]

Re: My dating website profile

My real question is this Serac:

If you don't think anyone is actually doing it in this thread, why are you making personal arguments by conflating your general issues with what you see as an overall cultural zeitgeist?

How many threads are you going to turn into whining about how male sexuality is attacked by certain specific groups and use that to justify attacking women both generally and specifically on the forum?

Male sexuality is demonized? Welcome to what women have experienced personally and historically for milennia. In many ways, male culture and attitudes toward sexuality ARE disgusting. It's not inherent to men, but it's very widespread.

Also no one on this thread, let alone anywhere on this forum demonizes males or thinks their sexuality is inherently disgusting. So stop using it as a vehicle for justifying being reductionist and personally insulting someone, or generally demeaning women.

Splitting thread when on a PC.

 

[baccheion]

Re: My dating website profile

The statistic I hear is that more women have reproduced through history than men. It is in their favor to stay away from what would be bad fathers because women want surviving offspring. That in itself guides sexual selection for men that put the interest of women fist. I guess that is the reason that girl in 2009 asked me to the picnic party. She had the same mindset I did and in sexual selection, the more similar the partners are to each other the more likely they can surely raise children that do not die. I would like to find a person similar to me in the future. It does not matter which side is selecting who but most likely she will notice me first then I notice her. That has survival value. I am not that kind of guy that is super masculine, that takes charge and all that. I am more passive and submissive, normally some would say gentle and kind. Some women notice this and are not attracted to hyper-masculinity. Most likely since we would be similar no one person would be in charge but from meeting that girl in 2009 she would most likely be making the decisions because that is just how women are in the household. I do not believe a man's home is his castle. When I say this it is because I am very minimalistic and I hate football on widescreen television.

Saying that Jenny's description of how to use photos on dating profiles was not intuitive enough is kind of lame on your part. She was just being general in saying how to use photos. No need to say she was limiting information. And all she said was that if you use words that you communicate properly so that women get a sense of who you really are and not writing that would confuse them. Yet somehow you found a way to turn these positives into negatives.

But women go for the sht in the room, even with the awareness that they'll likely cheat. Then they go to great lengths to try to keep them around, knowing that they'll leave anyway. Then they end up pregnant, then the male leaves, then they try to find someone else to raise the child. That is, I think the predisposition is toward whoever is "king of the group" and whoever gives a high. They could almost be said to not care about any offspring.

 

[Black Rose]

Re: My dating website profile

I just thought it was insulting and silencing and pernicious to dismiss what Jenny said as just a product of her instinct of sexual power because of her sex. It’s reducing her thoughts and personal preferences as a rational agent to some base instinct. It’s a ridiculous sophist refutation in fact.

As persons yes the dismissal of what one thinks based on any number of factors is to say a person is not autonomous and capable of rational thought. I just spent 27 minutes listening to an excerpt by Jung about the anima and animus and one thing I found interesting based on the degree to which people are both male and female proportionately. Men have irrational moods and women's have irrational opinions and the more you suppress your anima and animus the more your irrationality begins to reflect you opposite gender inside you. I have definitely seen this happen in both my sister and her boyfriend. They both show irrational moods and irrational opinions. Serac was most likely by his irrational mood to see what Jenny said as an irrational opinion when it was not. It is not the case that women nor men act irrationally all the time but we can project it being that way just by our tendencies to remember the past and our experiences that affect our views in the present moment vehemently.

The Syzygy: Anima and Animus, by Carl Jung (full-audio)

 

[Black Rose]

Re: My dating website profile

But women go for the sht in the room, even with the awareness that they'll likely cheat. Then they go to great lengths to try to keep them around, knowing that they'll leave anyway. Then they end up pregnant, then the male leaves, then they try to find someone else to raise the child. That is, I think the predisposition is toward whoever is "king of the group" and whoever gives a high. They could almost be said to not care about any offspring.

As a general pattern, we can say people can be monogamous or abandoning. You have to look at it on a spectrum. And also on the maturity of two people. Also, you have look at it from the options women and men have. My dad was shit but I am not. I would take care of my kids if I had any but that totally depends on the girl I mary to not be shit herself. She has to be like me for it to work out for us both to be responsible adults.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

threadsplit

 

[QuickTwist]

Re: My dating website profile

Also I would like to point out that the advice was based on what one person said, from which you extracted a generalization. So you are in appearance cherry picking yourself that which confirms what you wish to be true

FTFY

I think this is the problem with the human race, yeah?

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

Re: My dating website profile

My real question is this Serac:

If you don't think anyone is actually doing it in this thread, why are you making personal arguments by conflating your general issues with what you see as an overall cultural zeitgeist?

How many threads are you going to turn into whining about how male sexuality is attacked by certain specific groups and use that to justify attacking women both generally and specifically on the forum?

Male sexuality is demonized? Welcome to what women have experienced personally and historically for milennia. In many ways, male culture and attitudes toward sexuality ARE disgusting. It's not inherent to men, but it's very widespread.

Also no one on this thread, let alone anywhere on this forum demonizes males or thinks their sexuality is inherently disgusting. So stop using it as a vehicle for justifying being reductionist and personally insulting someone, or generally demeaning women.

Splitting thread when on a PC.

Please show me where I have demeaned or attacked women in general.

 

[redbaron]

You literally attacked Jenny, and when higs pointed out that your comment was offensive you doubled down with some absurd almost victim complex-like thinking about how male sexuality is demonized - even though literally no one here was doing so, least of all Jenny.

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

You literally attacked Jenny, and when higs pointed out that your comment was offensive you doubled down with some absurd almost victim complex-like thinking about how male sexuality is demonized - even though literally no one here was doing so, least of all Jenny.

Did you read my response to higs? If anything, it should be offensive to men, not women. Once again - show me a quote where I attacked or demeaned women. You made an accusation. Let's see the evidence.

 

[Black Rose]

Re: My dating website profile

What I mean by women giving bad advice, is that I think they are very good at infusing that advice with their own self-interest. Men are too stupid to do such a thing. It is not advantageous for a woman that a man takes control of his chances with the opposite sex, because that tacitly reduces her own individual sexual value. So the advice a woman will give is typically something along the lines of "just be yourself and let women take care of the selection".

Yeah, Jenny was totally doing that. (sarcasm)

women suck at advice, sure dude.

 

[QuickTwist]

Re: My dating website profile

Oh I really can’t be bothered with another gender debate, or biology/culture explanations that are so complex to disentangle that no one really knows what they are on about.

Someone should get on this with some game theory.

 

[redbaron]

Re: My dating website profile

Yeah, Jenny was totally doing that. (sarcasm)

women suck at advice, sure dude.

Bless your heart AK.

 

[chalkdust]

Gosh I really don't know what to say. As an anthropology student I will declaim that being well read doesn't exist. If you mean that you have been reading from some Canon. There are many cannons out there. Yes I don't like women. Women don't like me. All of these statements I am making are propositions... Jokes really. At anyrate I suppose I have initiated all of you into the study of the black Atlantic world. I do allright with women but it's been ten years since I sealed the deal with the exception of a few "night women" who all like me.