My Dark Thoughts, are they a problem?

[Ex-User (4771)]

Often when i am left to my own thoughts (i work as a dishtanker at a restaurant so i am left to my own thought A LOT) i think of suicide or more frequently murder. So my question is "Do you guys also sometimes think about this? Is this just a normal thought of the intp? Am i just some crazy, fucked up son of a bitch? Might it have something to do with being single for all but 3 weeks of my life?" Be brutally honest i cant stand it when people are indirect to "spare" my feelings in which i can assure will not be affected by well thought out criticism.

P.S. When i think of murder it usually involves a girl. Sometimes its me catching a girl that I'm dating cheating on me and i kill both of them right there with a shot between the eyes or i wait and tie up their entire families and kill them in front of them before i kill them, other times it is me and a girl getting robbed by multiple attackers and i kill them via martial arts(to dodge attacks and subdue them) mixed with a knife (Hero type situation).

 

[Melllvar]

I think occasional murder fantasies are just a standard way of dealing with frustration and stress, and most everyone (or at least a large portion of people) has them and just won't admit it because they're afraid of how they'll be viewed if they're open about what thoughts occasionally pass through their head. The particular form they take probably depends on the person and the issues involved, as I can't really relate to yours much myself. (e.g. you imply women troubles and that your fantasies involve women too) Of course, if you're thinking of this stuff as anything more than a "fuck this shit, wouldn't it be nice to gut that person" kind of thing, like a "I could really see myself doing this someday" kind of thing, you might want to be a little worried about that.

I really hate bullies and such myself. One thing I've dreamed about would be waiting for someone to try and start shit with me, thinking I'll be a complete push over and they can use me to get their kicks, then choking them unconscious and breaking every part of their body that I'm capable of breaking (knees, ankles, wrists, elbows, shoulders, hips, split certain muscles, fibulas, radii, etc., maybe other stuff if there's a rock around), smash their face up so badly that no one would ever be able to look at them again without cringing, and then finally, as the coup de grâce, break their spine to ensure that they spend the rest of their life in a wheelchair (hopefully it wouldn't kill them), always regretting having ever made the mistake of fucking with the wrong guy. If that's not enough, they can also spend the rest of their life living in fear of the fact that I'm fucking crazy and might come back to finish the job any day now. And hopefully word would spread to all the other bullies and so called alpha males in the world, who would then think twice about trying to push around random strangers.

That being said, I wouldn't actually do that. I usually can't even kill a spider and have to throw them outside instead. It's just a nice thing to think about when one of these people is pissing me off. So yeah, I don't think it's really that abnormal to think about such stuff when you're frustrated. It's just a problem if you're actually crazy and might hurt someone to live out your twisted fantasies.

 

[Ex-User (4771)]

First off thanks for the post. Second, i would never do any of things above mentioned unless pushed and yes i have had "relationship troubles" (20 years old and have never had a romantic relationship last longer than 2 weeks) . For some reason every time i crush on a girl or think of myself with a girl i always think of something bad happening. It is also somewhat of a comfort to reinforce the fact that it is not rare that someone would have such messed up thoughts, although i could see myself doing such a thing if properly pushed hard.

 

[Meer]

I don't understand the nature of your romantic troubles. It seems like you're frustrated because you haven't checked off some box in a list of things to do by a certain age. It seems like you're measuring yourself with the standards that you think others hold... maybe?

Being single isn't usually such a huge problem that it drives people to violent thoughts...

The misogynistic murder fantasies are weird.

 

[Agent Intellect]

It could be OCD. Most people mistake OCD for Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, but OCD is often marked by repeating thoughts. For instance, I have OCD/Tourettes and one of my repeating thoughts is that I've hit someone while driving my car. I've been to the point where I was so paranoid I hit someone (say, after hitting a pothole or something) that I have to go back and check to make sure. I know it's completely irrational, but the nagging doubt will consume my thoughts and make me very anxious. I will also have recurring thoughts about getting injured, where if I do something potentially dangerous (eg walking on wooden pallets at work), afterwards I'll keep running the scenario in my head in which I get hurt (I have a big thing (phobia?) about falling forward and hitting my teeth on something hard, and the repeating thoughts can get so bad that I can actually feel the physical pain and the release of endorphins because of it).

 

[SkyWalker]

If the girl thing isn't working like you want it to, then just get training on the subject, read "mystery method" or books like that.

You are just 20. I've never had a steady girlfriend until I was around 25, OK I dated some girls before, but it never lasted long and I guess most of those "short affairs" where between 20-25 anyway. But I never accused the world of it when I was 20? Why do you feel so "wronged"?

Sorry to say, but your dreams are scary man. It means you lost all trust in the world, that you hate the entire world for what you perceive as "what they have done to you" and that you must get even with them. Your suicide ideas are a wish to make a statement to show that you are there. It is like "see, see, see what you have done to me!! now deal with my death motherfuckers!! its your own fault!!" (or your wish of killing everybody else, which is also death of yourself, because your life will be over too as well if you do that).

You are willing to take yourself down, to take others even further down.

But whatever has been done to you, it was NOT the entire world population who was against you.
How terrible that you think that there are no good people anymore, sorry if you have never met them, but they are really there!
But also good people can make mistakes sometimes.
Girls can make mistakes too, especially if they are young.
When you meet a new girl, if she does one little bad thing to you, and you cant forgive her, then you may have your revenge and do exactly that same little bad thing back to her. But never more! It is wrong to do more damage to her, then she did to you. Revenge must be exact, eye for eye, not 4 eyes for 1 eye.
Because if you do 4 eyes for 1 eye, then she is allowed to do 16 eyes for 4 eyes as well. If everybody would do that, then we will all die.

And 1 eye for eye is only valid for THE SAME person.
But you are making it even worse. You seem to want to take revenge on a NEW person, over pain that an OLD person inflicted on you!
You may never have revenge over a new person, while the new person has nothing to do with the original person that caused you pain.

If don't follow that rule and distrust every new person, then those new persons will feel "wronged" by you, just like others did to you. Then you are actually the same as the ones who made you feel like this. Logically then you would have no right to act like that. Then you are just a virus of hate that is spreading itself. So do you want this mind virus to control your life? (They used to call this demons.)

 

[aaaw]

You sound a bit fucked up to me. I can't relate to your fantasies of killing girls in the slightest. I think you need to take some control over your life. Find something to give your life some more meaning.

 

[Kurious Kat]

I, too have had "casual fantasies" about killing somebody when I was really, really frustrated. But I have never obsessed about killing any one particular person. To me, the positive thing here is that you are worried about it. Hopefully, that means, you know it's really messed up and you won't really do it. You seem to have a problem with powerlessness to which I can totally relate, but if you act on these fantasies, in reality, you will only become more powerless. This might help. It will take discipline and real desire to get out of that thought process, but if you're really and truly worried about yourself give it a try.

Be careful what you think, because what you think, you will eventually say (which you already have). Be careful what you say, because what you say, you will eventually do. And what you do is ultimately who you are. (I read this somewhere years ago, and it really helped me to stop criticizing myself all the time)

You have to will yourself to think about something positive - something you can change to be more to your liking. You need to take some control of some part of your life whether it's your job, your health, where you want to live, something - anything. Focus your thoughts on improving your situation. You seem to feel like your fate is at the mercy of others, but it isn't. It's all up to you and only you. Nobody can fix everything about your life that you don't like, and being in a relationship with the girl of your dreams wouldn't make you happy if you're not satisfied with who you are by yourself. You're very young. Don't give up on yourself.

 

[Jesse]

I have had the suicide thing. I think it's a dangerous path to take even thinking about it as it becomes a spiral. The more in-depth and real the thinking becomes the worse it is. If the fantasy is just I can't take this and suicide seems nice I don't think it's that bad. I have stopped that line of thinking and I don't think I will ever go down that way again, so I hope that happens with you.

I've never thought of the killing thing. I'm not that emotional towards others so much as I am towards the situation.

I think you should get some help as you are obviously not happy at the moment. I have no idea what help that would be though.

 

[Ex-User (4771)]

It seems like you guys are focusing too much on the girl thing, i was using that only as an example of the crazy ass thoughts i have. They account for maybe 40% of the thoughts i was talking about. As for skywalker, i may have used to think that the world was out to get me when i was younger but i no long think that way. I realized along time ago how irrational it was to think that way, although i am constantly watching out when im in public as where i live is not exactly the lowest crime area. These thoughts are not constant, its usually when someone dose something to piss me off, and its rarely the same person all the time.

Edit: I think it may have a little to do with the television shows that i watch such as criminal minds and shows of that nature, they show just how easy it is for someone to snap which i am trying to prevent (although i do believe that i have the will power to prevent such actions if the situation would arise).

As for the OCD, i MAY have a minor form of it. I know there a few things that i will bug the hell out of me if i dont do (such as wash my hands after the using restroom or petting my dog) but i doubt that is a form of a mental disorder. I always thought it was a strong desire to stay healthy, be clean, and smell good.

 

[pjoa09]

It seems like you guys are focusing too much on the girl thing, i was using that only as an example of the crazy ass thoughts i have. They account for maybe 40% of the thoughts i was talking about. As for skywalker, i may have used to think that the world was out to get me when i was younger but i no long think that way. I realized along time ago how irrational it was to think that way, although i am constantly watching out when im in public as where i live is not exactly the lowest crime area. These thoughts are not constant, its usually when someone dose something to piss me off, and its rarely the same person all the time.

Edit: I think it may have a little to do with the television shows that i watch such as criminal minds and shows of that nature, they show just how easy it is for someone to snap which i am trying to prevent (although i do believe that i have the will power to prevent such actions if the situation would arise).

As for the OCD, i MAY have a minor form of it. I know there a few things that i will bug the hell out of me if i dont do (such as wash my hands after the using restroom or petting my dog) but i doubt that is a form of a mental disorder. I always thought it was a strong desire to stay healthy, be clean, and smell good.

If you get thoughts like what if I grabbed this girls tits and pulled out that police officers gun and shoot him blank that is okay.

I think the girl thing is a very thorough contemplation.

Don't fret on your 20 year old shit. I am nearly 20 and I haven't even talked to a girl face to face for more than 15 minutes. Several girls 1 hour one time but that was when I was too drunk and self-centered.

Never anything romantic.


If they are brief then you need excitement. I have a lot of them. When I walk I am always imagining something falling down and crushing people and what not just for entertainment.

That I believe should be okay unless if I need help. Can't be too sure that I don't need help but I am alive with all my limbs.

 

[xbox]

Like Mellvar said, It could be just some unconscious way of dealing with frustration with relationships. I suggest you find something you enjoy doing, and train yourself to keep those thoughts away. It might take some time to put those intruding thoughts to rest, but will require some effort on your part.

 

[GYX_Kid]

I really hate bullies and such myself. One thing I've dreamed about would be waiting for someone to try and start shit with me, thinking I'll be a complete push over and they can use me to get their kicks, then choking them unconscious and breaking every part of their body that I'm capable of breaking (knees, ankles, wrists, elbows, shoulders, hips, split certain muscles, fibulas, radii, etc., maybe other stuff if there's a rock around), smash their face up so badly that no one would ever be able to look at them again without cringing, and then finally, as the coup de grâce, break their spine to ensure that they spend the rest of their life in a wheelchair (hopefully it wouldn't kill them), always regretting having ever made the mistake of fucking with the wrong guy. If that's not enough, they can also spend the rest of their life living in fear of the fact that I'm fucking crazy and might come back to finish the job any day now. And hopefully word would spread to all the other bullies and so called alpha males in the world, who would then think twice about trying to push around random strangers.

in real life, this situation will either involve

A) a sociopath who's easy to beat the shit out of, but clearly out of his fucking mind and will probably fight back by spreading lies and trying to use the law against you
B) some short-fused roidmonkey who you got really pissed off, will be harder to pulverize in battle and less risk of post-battle chaos
C) an alligator
D) ???

hero's adventure! live exciting!

 

[pjoa09]

in real life, this situation will either involve

A) a sociopath who's easy to beat the shit out of, but clearly out of his fucking mind and will probably fight back by spreading lies and trying to use the law against you
B) some short-fused roidmonkey who you got really pissed off, will be harder to pulverize in battle and less risk of post-battle chaos
C) an alligator
D) ???

hero's adventure! live exciting!

I'd go with Alligator unless if Palpatine was on the menu. Just watched Star Wars and really that guy is the only guy that reached out to me emotionally. I felt an urge to peel his skin slowly.

 

[Melllvar]

in real life, this situation will either involve

A) a sociopath who's easy to beat the shit out of, but clearly out of his fucking mind and will probably fight back by spreading lies and trying to use the law against you
B) some short-fused roidmonkey who you got really pissed off, will be harder to pulverize in battle and less risk of post-battle chaos
C) an alligator
D) ???

Lol. You need to get out more*.

*actually I wouldn't really recommend it.

 

[Vecho]

Well I don't see a problem with killing thoughts. We kill animals all the time. We see babies being born all the time so the opposite would be to think of killing them instead of them being born. If such is the reason than it's okay but it was tl;dr so I have no idea if I am accurate

 

[warryer]

Dark thoughts = dark actions.

You don't need any girl to justify who you are. Be yourself and I gaurantee there is a girl out there who will see you for what you are and appreciate you for what you are.

Life is fucked up isn't it?

 

[Ex-User (4771)]

Dark thoughts = dark actions.

You don't need any girl to justify who you are. Be yourself and I gaurantee there is a girl out there who will see you for what you are and appreciate you for what you are.

Life is fucked up isn't it?

yeah man i agree, life is fucked up and i hate it. I see the "balance" in life. You can never have most, just little to middle. You gotta pick and chose ( at least in my life)

 

[Dimensional Transition]

You're definitely not the only one, although these thoughts don't really dominate my life. It depends on my mood, too. In class I sometimes think of what would happen if I would beat some kid up and walk away screaming fuck you all or something... Back in elementary school when I was bullied a little occasionally, I would fantasize about crushing this bully's skull against a table a lot.
Suicidal thoughts come in waves for me, sometimes I don't have them for weeks, sometimes I have them quite a lot for a few days.

 

[Panopticon]

I used to have these kind of thoughts more often back in High School. Like for instance I had to make up a freshman elective coarse my senior year(I was a horrible student, unless it was interesting to me..). I would get so annoyed with these fuckin kids, good god I couldnt stand how immature they were. I couldnt believe I was as bad as them once. Anyway, I was pretty into WWII, Nazi war crimes, the holocaust, and war history in general. I would get so ticked off(and since im sick in the head apparently) I would imagine myself leading a group of SS officers rounding up all the ones I couldnt stand and shooting them in the back of the head, throwing them into a ditch. Biatch. If I was ever smiling in class I may have been inflicting pain and harm on an enemy

These days I work a customer service job and holy jebus do I think some dark shit in there. I love people, most of the time. But consumers? Bosses? Completely different animals. Lets just say I am pretty afraid of my capacity for anger, and brash outbursts. I always have to keep my anger and emotions at bay, because I can be a pretty rude motherfucker sometimes. The abuse of welfare and public assistance is pretty frustrating. People popping out little miracles left and right for one more grand a month per kid. I love seeing them with blackberries, Iphones, Cadillacs, nice clothes, using their actual money for alcohol and tobacco, god forbid their cash and lottery winnings go for food for their kids!
Anyway, I get kind of mad at this sometimes. People are free to do whatever they want but when you make "stuck in the rut(welfare)" a pretty comfortable situation for glutony and breeding, its tough for the next generation(their kids) to get out poverty. But thats the point I guess. Aside from that some people are pretty stupid(sad but true) and I hate dealing with their bullshit everyday. I can get angry and frustrated to the point of wishing some pretty horrible shit on them.

Just have to always remember that the vast majority of the people I interact with on a personal level(not business related) are always pretty cool in my book. I can relate to anyone on at least a little things and that is enough of a reminder to bring some positive light back into me. I value my life, and the assumption that everyone else values their own gives me energy to treat them how I would want to be treated. I can usually see good in everybody....sometimes these are naive assumptions though. Dark thoughts come from extended isolation(in my case), interactions with people can help.

But again(the tug of war in the mind).......man do I feel disappointed and hopeless for humanity. I honestly dont care what happens to some people.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?page_id=9804
YouTube - ‪2012 Social Chaos | Theory or Fact?‬‏

 

[EditorOne]

Sounds like your inwardness is festering on itself. Use some of your other qualities to break the cycle.

Does a dispassionate analysis really reveal that the entire world is to blame for your condition? Or is it that you are a round peg in a square world that is pretty much oblivious to you and your condition? There's a difference between a malicious world and an indifferent world.

All the fantasy violence stuff is just emotional immaturity compounded by the usual INTP inability to use emotions as tools. I hope the thinking part of your brain is drawing a big black line between thoughts about your feelings and actions. It's an important distinction. Edgar Allen Poe had some of the darkest thoughts imaginable, as have Stephen King and other folks, but so far as I know they harnessed the darkness and put it to work for them, they didn't act on it.

Girls? Phooey. Hey, whose fault is it you only have 15 minute conversations? Do they spit on you and walk away after 15 minutes, or is it your brain telling you things that aren't true about what's happening?