Facetia
Redshirt
- Local time
- Today 9:24 AM
- Joined
- May 9, 2013
- Messages
- 11
I’m obviously not the only one who goes through this, but I’m going to speak as if I am for comfort purposes.
I have big ideas and realizations on an everyday basis, or at least they feel big in my head, but as soon as I say them out loud or try to explain them to someone, they lose their greatness. It’s like there’s an extra element to them that I can’t easily communicate, or as if they only seem great in my head, because of the way my brain works. The point is, they don’t translate well to tangible mediums, and that’s frustrating.
I’ve always been like this, and the only thing that’s changed over time is the complexity of these ideas. I’ve always had a feeling that I’m wasting my life away, because in comparison to what goes through brain my actual life is too simple, too insipid. People around me don’t realize that I spend a lot of time thinking of a bunch of stuff (I won’t go into the contents of these thoughts, simply because that’s not relevant to this post) because I don’t even know how to incorporate these thoughts, ideas and epiphanies into my daily life; sure, they affect the way I go about certain things and my decision making process, but people don’t get to see the gears turning in my head, they just see the results, which aren’t very remarkable at all.
It’s easy to go with the flow and get stuck in it, and that’s always been my fear. I never wanted to live the overly simplistic life I lead, but breaking the routine, getting out of my comfort zone and actually doing stuff worth living for takes motivation, which
I severely lack. It’s like I’m stuck between wanting to do great things with my life and wanting to live comfortably, which apparently don’t mix well and translate into wasting oxygen. One of the things that make me me is that I don’t shy away from my mortality: I have no religion, no illusion of an afterlife, and I’m hyper aware of the fact that I’m an organic being that will eventually wither, die and decompose. I live like this by choice, because I see no point in going through life as if I’m going to live forever, but this choice also makes me stupidly scared of not using wisely the little time I have. I’ve been like this since my very early teens, and if my teenage self saw me now, pushing 30 and having had achieved nothing, she would probably bitchslap me.
I never necessarily wanted traditional “success”. Career, family, stability... those are all things that I thought would come on their own (lol), so I never really cared about those, and to an extent I still don’t. What I did want, and still want to this day, is to produce something that translates at least one of my ideas successfully, to be able to share a little bit of the contents of my brain with the world, not out of vanity or anything similar, but to feel I have a chance at being understood and remembered.
I have no doubt at least some, if not most of you go through something similar, but I wonder how many of you found the motivation to achieve something. Doesn’t matter what, different people have different priorities, but something that made you feel like your life wasn’t a complete waste.
Now, for the real question: those of you that have actually achieved something, how did you do it?
I have big ideas and realizations on an everyday basis, or at least they feel big in my head, but as soon as I say them out loud or try to explain them to someone, they lose their greatness. It’s like there’s an extra element to them that I can’t easily communicate, or as if they only seem great in my head, because of the way my brain works. The point is, they don’t translate well to tangible mediums, and that’s frustrating.
I’ve always been like this, and the only thing that’s changed over time is the complexity of these ideas. I’ve always had a feeling that I’m wasting my life away, because in comparison to what goes through brain my actual life is too simple, too insipid. People around me don’t realize that I spend a lot of time thinking of a bunch of stuff (I won’t go into the contents of these thoughts, simply because that’s not relevant to this post) because I don’t even know how to incorporate these thoughts, ideas and epiphanies into my daily life; sure, they affect the way I go about certain things and my decision making process, but people don’t get to see the gears turning in my head, they just see the results, which aren’t very remarkable at all.
It’s easy to go with the flow and get stuck in it, and that’s always been my fear. I never wanted to live the overly simplistic life I lead, but breaking the routine, getting out of my comfort zone and actually doing stuff worth living for takes motivation, which
I severely lack. It’s like I’m stuck between wanting to do great things with my life and wanting to live comfortably, which apparently don’t mix well and translate into wasting oxygen. One of the things that make me me is that I don’t shy away from my mortality: I have no religion, no illusion of an afterlife, and I’m hyper aware of the fact that I’m an organic being that will eventually wither, die and decompose. I live like this by choice, because I see no point in going through life as if I’m going to live forever, but this choice also makes me stupidly scared of not using wisely the little time I have. I’ve been like this since my very early teens, and if my teenage self saw me now, pushing 30 and having had achieved nothing, she would probably bitchslap me.
I never necessarily wanted traditional “success”. Career, family, stability... those are all things that I thought would come on their own (lol), so I never really cared about those, and to an extent I still don’t. What I did want, and still want to this day, is to produce something that translates at least one of my ideas successfully, to be able to share a little bit of the contents of my brain with the world, not out of vanity or anything similar, but to feel I have a chance at being understood and remembered.
I have no doubt at least some, if not most of you go through something similar, but I wonder how many of you found the motivation to achieve something. Doesn’t matter what, different people have different priorities, but something that made you feel like your life wasn’t a complete waste.
Now, for the real question: those of you that have actually achieved something, how did you do it?