Men's Emotions

[Black Rose]

I am reading a book called "Masculinity in the Making".

It explains how men suppress themselves when they have depression.

That is to say, when men feel sad, they stop themselves from feeling it and rather express anger externally.

I think this is why I was feeling numb because I was angry and was doing nothing about it.

I do not know why but I was able to feel sad in some way after getting really angry.

This allowed me to clear up my sensory system.

It is not normal for me to feel things,

but I can follow where it is going inside me better than I did before,

rest seems to be more effective than it was before.

When my emotions were blocked it seemed that I was not getting the rest that I needed.

 

[SteppeWanderer]

A feeler who doesn't feel things?

I think it's important to be aware of your emotions and to allow them to be without suppressing them often by negative behaviors and actions that make it easier to numb yourself like eating too much for watching a lot of TV. A lot of behavior I think is a product of repressed emotions, I have read that emotions get stuck and blocked in the nervous system if they are not expressed. Before civilization people spent a lot of time outside being active and running for an example, which people would do to express or burn off negative emotions, now we don't really do that anymore, we sit inside all day and call that progress.

It's easier for men to experience anger in general then any other emotion, I'm not sure why. Ever since I was a small child I was taught to inhibit and suppress my emotions or feelings mostly because there was this constant fear of being feminine or a sissy and this is reinforced by virtually everyone around you.

The problem I have is that my emotions are all over the place when I do feel them, I think this is due to trauma, so it's another layer of suckage but trauma makes it harder to deal with emotions wherein from there I would almost recommend a psychologist. I probably need to see one but I never have actually, so i make due on my own, I read about how trauma effects a person and try to cope accordingly. It's not as bad as it used to be, so I've made a lot of progress.

 

[Puffy]

Sounds like character development. I used to be numb as well and now I’d consider myself a very emotional person and pretty much cry most days out of positive or negative emotions.

 

[dr froyd]

i personally dont subscribe to the idea that society synthesized a demarcation between how men and women should deal with emotions - that it's unhealthy for men to suppress emotion etc. Expressing sadness is a mechanism that is aimed at garnering emotional support from other people. Relying on the social environment for support is usually a female strategy, whereas men deal with things inside their own head. It would be a singularly rare occurrence in nature that two genders of a species use the exact same support mechanisms; such mechanisms are derived from the facticities of biological differences between genders. For example female lions grown up and live in large packs, whereas male lions grow up roaming around alone or with 1-2 buddies. Humans have a completely different social structure of course, but there are similarities.

we know what happens when men grow up in single-mother households for example - they become vastly more likely to engage in crime etc. Engaging in crime has to do with lack of impulse control - i.e. lacking control of one's emotions. It stands to reason that these are people who learned a female method for dealing with emotions - i.e. relying on the social environment - but being male and thus not actually having such an environment. The conclusion of which is that trying to make men adopt female coping mechanisms is actually an attempt at fixing merely the symptom of an underlying issue.

 

[Puffy]

i personally dont subscribe to the idea that society synthesized a demarcation between how men and women should deal with emotions - that it's unhealthy for men to suppress emotion etc. Expressing sadness is a mechanism that is aimed at garnering emotional support from other people. Relying on the social environment for support is usually a female strategy, whereas men deal with things inside their own head. It would be a singularly rare occurrence in nature that two genders of a species use the exact same support mechanisms; such mechanisms are derived from the facticities of biological differences between genders. For example female lions grown up and live in large packs, whereas male lions grow up roaming around alone or with 1-2 buddies. Humans have a completely different social structure of course, but there are similarities.

we know what happens when men grow up in single-mother households for example - they become vastly more likely to engage in crime etc. Engaging in crime has to do with lack of impulse control - i.e. lacking control of one's emotions. It stands to reason that these are people who learned a female method for dealing with emotions - i.e. relying on the social environment - but being male and thus not actually having such an environment. The conclusion of which is that trying to make men adopt female coping mechanisms is actually an attempt at fixing merely the symptom of an underlying issue.

I think suppressing emotions and having self-control are different things. Say I got really angry at something my employer did, it would lack self-control for me to show my anger towards them and it will likely lead to negative outcomes for me to do so. But say I find a way to have self-control and be tactful with them, I can still go home and punch a punching bag or have a cry to process what happened and maybe through the processing of it try to identify positive ways to deal with the situation.

I don't agree that crying is always about getting support from others. I pretty much can't cry around other people and only on my own, it's a way of internally processing situations to me.

 

[Black Rose]

I think suppressing emotions and having self-control are different things.

When I am with my therapist I need to think hard about what I need to say.

Normal interactions become difficult because I can't say what I really think.

This is because she judges everything and does not listen.

It is as if you talking to woke people. Everything you say is judged.

Since everything you say will go into the woke filter you need to learn that keeping silent is better and will help you survive, woke people can never be objective.

 

[Puffy]

I think suppressing emotions and having self-control are different things.

When I am with my therapist I need to think hard about what I need to say.

Normal interactions become difficult because I can't say what I really think.

This is because she judges everything and does not listen.

It is as if you talking to woke people. Everything you say is judged.

Since everything you say will go into the woke filter you need to learn that keeping silent is better and will help you survive, woke people can never be objective.

If you feel judged by your therapist I doubt it will work, might be better to explore working with other therapists.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Best of luck exploring yourself and emotions.
It takes time and work, but its worth it.
You can feel your anger, without actually doing something, just takes time.
I tend to think men can feel rather deep strong emotions, albeit having narrower pallet than women.
Truth be told its probably also individual.

I think the best way to approach this is to ask one self what the feeling is.
Numbness apparently can be considered feeling too.
Unfortunately feelings happen the way they happen whatever that means.

 

[Black Rose]

If you feel judged by your therapist I doubt it will work, might be better to explore working with other therapists.

1. I have been seeing her for a year, we barely started talking about emotions three weeks ago. Mostly we talk in the men's group.

2. She is ESTJ and worked as an investigative attorney in law enforcement.

3. She would be a better social worker/manager than a therapist (can get things done)

4. I cannot afford a better therapist and the program I am in won't allow it.

Things are ok for now. What bothers me is that being a therapist was not what she was trained for and does not fit her personality. I can talk to her about other things I would with a social worker about but the deep stuff I must keep to myself.

I think the best way to approach this is to ask one self what the feeling is.
Numbness apparently can be considered feeling too.
Unfortunately feelings happen the way they happen whatever that means.

I saw the 2023 movie "Stray's" in one group I attended.

At the end of the movie the kid called the dog a good boy and I almost cried.

Because he was not loved before and now he was.

But I was in the group so I only felt like choking a little as I held back.

Movies make me feel negative emotions, this was a comedy so it was not that bad.

It makes me uncomfortable to be in public and embarrassed to show emotions.

If I do have strong emotions I go into shutdown mode, that is when I can conserve energy that would otherwise go into the negative emotion.

I can shut down pretty fast if need be.

Not doing anything allows me to take control back.

The framework I made for myself is (Stop Pause Listen)

A person I know has told me they have told others: "When he becomes silent, things get scary".

Things can go different ways but when I become quiet, I first will say things in a way that will make known what I really think. I will try to leave. And if you stop me from leaving things get really bad for the other person. By saying what I really think I mean that I will use all cognitive resources in that moment to protect/defend my character. Anyone lying about me in real life or anyone threatening me in real life did not end well for that person when they refused to let me leave.

One time in 2016 I almost left a therapy session because I said the wrong word in describing myself. The therapist started to attack my character so I started attacking hers. All I said was that I was "word x" she said but you are not "y", I said but I am such and such, she said x cannot be such and such, I said but I am such and such, she said y is such and such you are "z", I said forget xyz I am such and such. --- something something something --- you are not listening to me, I am not y or z you insisting I am making you a bad therapist I specifically said such and such is what I am ---offended therapist says she cannot be wrong---me and her go on a random tangent on what a therapist actually is and why she is not one and all the times she did not listen before---eventually she understands I am such and such because I redirected the session by to definition x as such and such not y or z

This is the problem with any therapist. Anyone who does not use words correctly is by definition wrong to the therapist. But people who cannot express themselves will be at a disadvantage. In 2016 I was the one who was correct. I used the word correctly and she had to be brought back again and again to define x as not what I am because I said I was such and such nothing else. Piss on all definitions concerning word x, I am such and such you cannot fool me with your fucking word games. Always bring the topic back to the point and they will lose. She was 63 at the time but I am smarter than all her years of being a therapist because I stayed on topic. The average person would have been completely character assassinated because she would misdirect everything against them. She would turn it on you and you would fall into her trap of not remembering the original reason you started to fight. I remembered all the conversation from beginning to end. That means I remembered why the fight started and she had to backtrack. And she could not get me to say anything that was not completely true of the session. That is another trick they have with word games, make them say something in anger that can be used against them. That is what word games are for. That is what therapists get people to do. It is what the therapists do to protect their egos, learn word games, get them angry, and get them the assassinate themselves. Mostly this works on men so therapy is bad for men because of low verbal intelligence.

 

[dr froyd]

I think suppressing emotions and having self-control are different things.

that's a good point, there is a distinction between translating emotions into social actions and accepting/expressing one's emotions in a controlled way

 

[SteppeWanderer]

Numbness is usually considered to be a coping mechanism when something is too much for us to cope with on our own, it is generally not considered an emotion in itself, since itself is a state that exists to dampen or avoid and disinhibit other feelings or emotions altogether. But that's a well worn road, arguing or questioning the validity to inner experiences.


Also, why is reddit spacing so popular?

 

[SteppeWanderer]

If you feel judged by your therapist I doubt it will work, might be better to explore working with other therapists.

1. I have been seeing her for a year, we barely started talking about emotions three weeks ago. Mostly we talk in the men's group.

2. She is ESTJ and worked as an investigative attorney in law enforcement.

3. She would be a better social worker/manager than a therapist (can get things done)

4. I cannot afford a better therapist and the program I am in won't allow it.

Things are ok for now. What bothers me is that being a therapist was not what she was trained for and does not fit her personality. I can talk to her about other things I would with a social worker about but the deep stuff I must keep to myself.

I think the best way to approach this is to ask one self what the feeling is.
Numbness apparently can be considered feeling too.
Unfortunately feelings happen the way they happen whatever that means.

I saw the 2023 movie "Stray's" in one group I attended.

At the end of the movie the kid called the dog a good boy and I almost cried.

Because he was not loved before and now he was.

But I was in the group so I only felt like choking a little as I held back.

Movies make me feel negative emotions, this was a comedy so it was not that bad.

It makes me uncomfortable to be in public and embarrassed to show emotions.

If I do have strong emotions I go into shutdown mode, that is when I can conserve energy that would otherwise go into the negative emotion.

I can shut down pretty fast if need be.

Not doing anything allows me to take control back.

The framework I made for myself is (Stop Pause Listen)

A person I know has told me they have told others: "When he becomes silent, things get scary".

Things can go different ways but when I become quiet, I first will say things in a way that will make known what I really think. I will try to leave. And if you stop me from leaving things get really bad for the other person. By saying what I really think I mean that I will use all cognitive resources in that moment to protect/defend my character. Anyone lying about me in real life or anyone threatening me in real life did not end well for that person when they refused to let me leave.

One time in 2016 I almost left a therapy session because I said the wrong word in describing myself. The therapist started to attack my character so I started attacking hers. All I said was that I was "word x" she said but you are not "y", I said but I am such and such, she said x cannot be such and such, I said but I am such and such, she said y is such and such you are "z", I said forget xyz I am such and such. --- something something something --- you are not listening to me, I am not y or z you insisting I am making you a bad therapist I specifically said such and such is what I am ---offended therapist says she cannot be wrong---me and her go on a random tangent on what a therapist actually is and why she is not one and all the times she did not listen before---eventually she understands I am such and such because I redirected the session by to definition x as such and such not y or z

This is the problem with any therapist. Anyone who does not use words correctly is by definition wrong to the therapist. But people who cannot express themselves will be at a disadvantage. In 2016 I was the one who was correct. I used the word correctly and she had to be brought back again and again to define x as not what I am because I said I was such and such nothing else. Piss on all definitions concerning word x, I am such and such you cannot fool me with your fucking word games. Always bring the topic back to the point and they will lose. She was 63 at the time but I am smarter than all her years of being a therapist because I stayed on topic. The average person would have been completely character assassinated because she would misdirect everything against them. She would turn it on you and you would fall into her trap of not remembering the original reason you started to fight. I remembered all the conversation from beginning to end. That means I remembered why the fight started and she had to backtrack. And she could not get me to say anything that was not completely true of the session. That is another trick they have with word games, make them say something in anger that can be used against them. That is what word games are for. That is what therapists get people to do. It is what the therapists do to protect their egos, learn word games, get them angry, and get them the assassinate themselves. Mostly this works on men so therapy is bad for men because of low verbal intelligence.

I know how you feel, therapy sucks, when I was facing probation I had to see a shrink, it was absolutely terrible.

Also, it sort of sounds like you are making excuses for yourself and spinning your wheels. If you don't like your therapist, there are many alternatives usually, for example there are many non-profit organizations and psychologists who work on a sliding scale annually.

 

[SteppeWanderer]

i personally dont subscribe to the idea that society synthesized a demarcation between how men and women should deal with emotions - that it's unhealthy for men to suppress emotion etc. Expressing sadness is a mechanism that is aimed at garnering emotional support from other people. Relying on the social environment for support is usually a female strategy, whereas men deal with things inside their own head. It would be a singularly rare occurrence in nature that two genders of a species use the exact same support mechanisms; such mechanisms are derived from the facticities of biological differences between genders. For example female lions grown up and live in large packs, whereas male lions grow up roaming around alone or with 1-2 buddies. Humans have a completely different social structure of course, but there are similarities.

we know what happens when men grow up in single-mother households for example - they become vastly more likely to engage in crime etc. Engaging in crime has to do with lack of impulse control - i.e. lacking control of one's emotions. It stands to reason that these are people who learned a female method for dealing with emotions - i.e. relying on the social environment - but being male and thus not actually having such an environment. The conclusion of which is that trying to make men adopt female coping mechanisms is actually an attempt at fixing merely the symptom of an underlying issue.

R U Human