Manipulator wants break college - need your opinion

[Ex-User (8886)]

Hi. I'm currently in college in computer science, but I'm not really interested in these topics. I was thought that programming would be cool, because many people here said it. But hmm, I don't really like programming at college, when I was learning at home, without any compulsion it was interesting. But as a duty it really sucks. Also I don't like learning style - learning schemes and repeating them... BORING.

There is a lot of math, which I hate and I don't want to learn (math is also boring, because there is nothing revealing, again repeating schemes). I can't use my best ultimate power - imagination, so I feel really bad and depressed.

There are some problems - if I break college, all my family will be against me, and they will stop be supportive. I still depend on them.
Next, what will I do? Wait next 6 months doing nothing?
And after theese months, I can go to physics or on other specialization, there will be boredom also, but I won't be limited by compulsions.
[since I'm INTP, I'm very independent, nonconformistic and rebellous person, who don't like hear he have to do something, because this is my life, this is my body, my time, and don't want fucking people telling me what should or must I do]
I have to do something, because my father won't support me financional. So I need to have work or learning at college.

What option is the best for me? I want to create video games or work in bioinformatics field, but don't met anyone who would tell me the way to reach my dreams.

 

[Nick]

Perhaps you should invest in a college English fresher-upper course.

 

[Brontosaurie]

i got the impression that "someone who would tell me the way to reach my dreams" is the last thing you'd want. that's what they're doing in school. they're telling you how to reach your dreams and that's when you learn that your dreams are mistaken. the true nature of a subject is revealed and it pales in comparison to your imagination.

i think there are two sides to this independent, stubborn behavior (which i recognize from myself and many friends in younger years and, to some extent, still today in our mid 20's). one is denial, being comfortable in holistic ignorance while ruminating aimlessly on the mystical and enigmatic facets or counter-intuitive mindfuck boundary conditions of one subject or the other. this is a coping strategy, a defense mechanism. the other is the imaginative mind who rejects external authority in favor of personal exploration. this one is a positive, affirmative, constructive mentality - a kind of hyperfocus/flow/peak experience.

these particular struggles are common to all IN types i think. to a lesser degree, ENP's.

 

[nanook]

>but don't met anyone who would tell me the way to reach my dreams.

is anxiety preventing you from researching how that works online? by asking people who did it. i'm thinking, if you can hack a computer, you can find these people, unless the problem solving part of your brain is frozen/limited by anxiety. for me (INFP) this anxiety about using Te is the default state. i feel like "i am not allowed to subscribe to a message board just to ask a question, if i don't honestly want to become a member of the community". both Fe and Te voices appear to become angry at me, in response to my Fi attitude. instead of helping out. it may be similar for intp.

don't know where you live, but english is relevant for computing everywhere, so Nick is on to something. my english has improved from what it was in school (C grade), through seeing a million of pirated movies and shows, listening to audio-material, like alan watts, next to expressing myself online.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

one is denial, being comfortable in holistic ignorance while ruminating aimlessly on the mystical and enigmatic facets or counter-intuitive mindfuck boundary conditions of one subject or the other. this is a coping strategy, a defense mechanism. the other is the imaginative mind who rejects external authority in favor of personal exploration. this one is a positive, affirmative, constructive mentality - a kind of hyperfocus/flow/peak experience.

I like to think about myself like in the red text, but honestly I'm closer to what you wrote before it :/

is anxiety preventing you from researching how that works online?

don't know where you live, but english is relevant for computing everywhere, so Nick is on to something. my english has improved from what it was in school (C grade), through seeing a million of pirated movies and shows, listening to audio-material, like alan watts, next to expressing myself online.

I feel a little anxiety, I am generally afraid of defeat and always want to be perfect. I know I should learn how to lose and lower a bit my ambition, but it's a long process.

Sorry about my english mistakes, I watch movies and write here on the forum, but unfortunetly I'm not linguistic person.

 

[Teax]

when I was learning at home, without any compulsion it was interesting

That's what it's all about. Do it yourself and ride the wave of the ackquired competence to pass all exams. Anything else would be torture...

Math and CS are like a canvas for your imagination. College only gives you the half-baked canvas part. often not even in an assembled form. you have to supply your own imagination, a lot of it, to make it interesting.

Your dreams are CS related and you even got a financial incentive, I'd say perfect circumstances to stick to it. By "'stick" I don't mean "force". Depeding of your teacher I'd even advice to skip the lectures entirely where possible and study independently. Study lol, I mean play around, write a small game using the stuff you just learned, look for shortcuts(even cheat if the exam is reaaaly boring, who cares?).... study the INTP way and win.

 

[Brontosaurie]

I like to think about myself like in the red text, but honestly I'm closer to what you wrote before it :/

i think most people are. but we like to identify with who we are in the flow and we should. it manifests our potential, and leads the way to harnessing the power of these states.