Male INFJs

[Sinny91]

I fucking despise sheepdogs. My wife has one, and it really is the biggest wanker.

Boo!!!

 

[The Gopher]

INFJs are good at people in general.

Dude.... you scared me. For a minute I thought you suggested INFJ's were good people. I've spent years not being an INFJ.

 

[dang]

Sheep are underrated - it turns out they're fairly intelligent creatures. Alas, I am allergic to wool. So they can still fuck off.

Dogs are ok, but I don't like owning them. They're smelly, dirty and annoying. I tolerate them for the wife's sake, but we have agreed that when they finally vacate their meat chariots, we shan't be replacing them.

Initially, INFJs and INTJs can be hard to tell apart. It has been my experience that you typically go down the Ni-rabbithole hand in hand, and this dominates interactions for quite a while. The first time I met an INFJ, we talked about all things metaphysical for eight hours straight. We finished up at about 3:30am - and truth be told, we only stopped because our throats were raw from all the talking. Neither of us had ever spoken at such length with another human being.

The differences arise when you come to know each other more intimately. The biggest one, for me at least, is how the INFJ will occasionally want to break away from discussing ideas to ask how I am, and what is going on with the people in my life. Even I don't care about how I am, or how the people in my life are doing (so long as nobody is suffering, whatever). This does on occasion become quite irksome, because I want to discuss far more interesting things than other meatbags and their state of affairs; I do of course honour this to a degree though, as it seems to be necessary for Fe to check up on this kind of thing.

I recall an argument he had at me () because one day he told me that he'd been mugged. He quite obviously seemed unharmed, and his demeanour told me that he'd brushed the issue off. I therefore didn't mention it, and continued chatting about other things. He also dropped some other feeling items on me, like health, fears, whatever. All went over my head.

Days later, I got a scathing email from him asking "What the fuck" is up with me, because he'd told me A, B and C and I hadn't even bothered to ask him how he was. I told him that I didn't perceive any real reason(s) to talk about the issues raised because he seemed fine. Turns out, he wasn't fine at all... which brings me to the next point:

INTJs are direct, almost always.

INFJs tend to beat around the bush - almost always.

I'm not saying that INFJs can't be direct (oh, they certainly can be!) but they'll first and foremost tip-toe around an issue because they are concerned about disrupting harmony, or causing offence, etc. An INTJ will straight up tell you that you're a cunt and why; the INFJ will still tell you such things, but only after they've tried (and failed) to push the matter in more subtle, non-confrontational ways.

Then there's how they are at home. INFJs, at least in my experience, care a great deal about creating a comfortable living space. The INFJs I know are exceptional at interior decor and the like. They care about furnishings, scents, fucking candles - you name it. Their homes are things of beauty - full of personality and warmth.

Meanwhile, I just want shit to be as sterile as possible. The only 'personality' I have is a single Sonic the Hedgehog poster above my computer desk (because I'm a fucking child) and I occasionally change the colour of illumination on my gaming mouse to match my mood. Currently, electric pink - because I'm fabulous, darling.

INTJs are good at reading people. I will cut through someone's bullshit with ease. I can weigh a person up in seconds.

INFJs are good at people in general. They are more overtly caring, amazing at giving gifts, etc. I've been surprised quite a few times by INFJs and their birthday gifts. Things they've picked up on in conversation. INFJs give the most meaningful gifts, in my opinion and experience. Meanwhile, I'm utter shit. I can't even remember my own birthday half the time, let alone anyone else's. Kids aside... but I tend to get those wrong on occasion. I typically have to rely on my ISFJ mother to tell me when birthdays are coming up. Ugh.

I'm sure there's more, but ultimately it boils down to:

INFJs are a lot warmer, and far better with people. They exude warmth and often are almost 'ethereal' in nature. They actually care about you, those close to you and matters of emotion/feelings/what have you. They demonstrate the more compassionate side of humanity. They are very family and friend oriented.

INTJs are a lot colder in appearance. We do care - quite a lot, and rather deeply - but we're far more interested in discussing ideas, and like to keep on the periphery of 'bullshit' people matters. We can still be quite charming when needs be, but 99% of the time we want to be left the fuck alone. Other meatbags tend to be (for me at least) obstacles to navigate around. I keep myself to myself and have no interest in talking about feelings, or whatever. Unlike the INFJs I know, I couldn't give less of a shit about keeping in touch with family. I seldom keep up with friends.

Generalising a bit perhaps, but I'm speaking from personal experience with myself and other INTJs I've known.

Great post. I will reply later. I bet we could discuss reality for 10 straight hours. Sometimes I feel like Neo. I need to know the truth. Fuck everyone else who doesn't care. You feel me?

 

[dang]

Dude.... you scared me. For a minute I thought you suggested INFJ's were good people. I've spent years not being an INFJ.

Say what you will about us, but show me someone more honest and genuine than I am. I do not bullshit or play games. Ever.

 

[Pizzabeak]

What are some things male INFJs do that female INFJs don't necessarily do?

 

[Bad Itch]

^Can one really provide first hand insight into that without first having existed for a time (knowingly) as each?

 

[dang]

What are some things male INFJs do that female INFJs don't necessarily do?

Grow beards?

 

[PmjPmj]

What are some things male INFJs do that female INFJs don't necessarily do?

Erect a facade of overt masculinity whilst in public.

Only when you are 'let in' do they open up to you, and you realise how caring and thoughtful they are. In my limited experience, of course.

Of course, 'real men' can be Fe dom or aux. This seems to be a problem with their own self-perception and confidence, more than anything. I find that there's actually a lot of 'strength' in owning your more caring and nurturing side. The real weakness comes from hiding it.

Own it, and enjoy it. Strength of emotion etc. is hard won for pricks like me. I both admire it and need it for valuable input on occasion.

 

[The Gopher]

Say what you will about us, but show me someone more honest and genuine than I am. I do not bullshit or play games. Ever.

Let me settle for someone more humble.

Edit: In case it's not clear I am actually kidding with the INFJ hate mostly. However I have found that most of the time a group isn't functioning well or people are breaking down with emotional trauma an INFJ is messing everything up.

It could be that only INFJ's that are unhealthy would type themselves as INTP's and end up here.

 

[PmjPmj]

Being honest, INFJs can be great to be around one day and an absolute clusterfuck the next. For the most part (in my experience) they maintain perspective and don't fuck up... but eventually they always have to get their two pence in. I see it coming a mile off, and it still makes me groan.

Something to remember for INFJs: Yes, you might well be good at reading people. You may quite frequently hit the nail on the head. Congrats - you have a talent.

Do not seek to replicate your success on an INTJ. It will fall flat, and we will inwardly seethe. Also note that we 'see' you far more easily than you see us. INTJs might not be good with people unless sufficiently developed, but we're just as perceptive (if not more) than you are. I often see ENFJs and INFJs touted as 'the best at reading people'. Bullshit. INTJs and ENTJs trump you every single time - trust me on that one. Slightly related, I have seen an EQ study which may tangentially support this. I believe it was ENTJs who were found to have the most developed EQ. My wife is fucking amazing with people. But, I digress...

I'm not into 'special snowflakes' or anything like that (Te: you're a number; shut the fuck up and get in line) but believe me when I say that you cannot, for the most part at least, get a good read on an INTJ. Even we don't seem to know what the fuck we're feeling. More often than not, it's a delayed reaction and we have to work to understand our inner emotional landscape. Sticking your oar in is disruptive to the process, and nine times out of ten, you're barking up the wrong tree entirely.

10/10 for effort, but really. No. Save your Fe shit for other feelers, or Fe users. Fuck sake.

>_>

This is my way of agreeing with Gopher.

In some ways, INFJs do cause problems. I have noted a few in my time. It has been almost exclusively INFJs who have actually offended me.

 

[The Gopher]

... so how do you feel about INFP's?

To me it seems they hit nails in heads but are blissfully unaware of the head they are hitting or the fact it is uncomfortable for the head.

 

[PmjPmj]

Fortunately, I have very little experience with INFPs... and I'd much prefer to keep it that way.

The handful I have encountered have been impossibly irritating and completely without perception of others. Verily, they are the masters of completely missing signals coming from another person. Not even the fucking INTJ deathstare works on them.

"Shut the fuck up and leave me alone" has been the prevailing thought during interactions. Amazingly, some of them I encountered at type conferences... so you'd think they'd be slightly better developed as individuals.

Wrong!

Irritating fucknuggets. Why do they exist? I would eradicate them all.

No. This is a dark path. Please never mention INFPs to me ever again >___>

 

[The Gopher]

Honestly I'm surprised the ones you met talked. Apparently I'm possibly INFP but honestly I can't stand them. Good to know we've both noticed the missed signals.

 

[dang]

Aren't immature versions of every type annoying? And aren't mature versions of every type potentially cool to be around? I am an INFJ (age 41), and I know another guy who is 43 and is probably an INFP. We have both done a great deal of personal growth. The typical stereotypes connected with our two types don't seem to apply much, if at all. Perhaps 20 years ago we were both annoying to be around, but people seem to like both of us as we currently are. If MLK and Hitler were both INFJs, I think it is rather foolish to say that all INFJs are wonderful or terrible. Or INFPs. Or any other type for that matter. Plus INFJs are the best at reading people (and themselves). Deal with it.

 

[PmjPmj]

Age does not beget maturation. A lot of the people I speak of were between the ages of 40 and 60.

>_>

 

[Sinny91]

Fortunately, I have very little experience with INFPs... and I'd much prefer to keep it that way.

The handful I have encountered have been impossibly irritating and completely without perception of others. Verily, they are the masters of completely missing signals coming from another person. Not even the fucking INTJ deathstare works on them.

I totally had this experience with an INFP, repeatedly.

He bored me to death, and was so depressive. 

 

[smithcommajohn]

The only known INFP I've dealt with was pretty awesome. She was quiet, thoughtful, and smart. I think INTPs and INFPs get along pretty well, provided both are "healthy".

 

[dang]

Age does not beget maturation. A lot of the people I speak of were between the ages of 40 and 60.

>_>

True. Immature old people really annoy me. If you are immature at 30 that is one thing, but if you are immature at 50 don't waste my time.

 

[dang]

Boo!!!

Hey Boo Boo. What do you have in your picnic basket?

 

[PmjPmj]

The only known INFP I've dealt with was pretty awesome. She was quiet, thoughtful, and smart. I think INTPs and INFPs get along pretty well, provided both are "healthy".

True enough, my INTP friend gets along very well with his INFP friend. I steer well clear, because the tales of his escapades alone drain me.

There seem to be a lot of people on this forum who claim to be INTP and say that they don't get along with INTJs. This is perplexing to me; the two types should go together very nicely - as evidenced by my closest friendship.

Again, I think it's a matter of maturity. Everyone butts heads with everyone when younger. Or maybe that was just me


;_;

 

[The Gopher]

Yeah I don't understand that. But I get along with everyone. You know in person where I'm being a normal human being.

 

[PmjPmj]

I'm pretty much the same here as I am in real life. Many are the times I've had comments like "YOU'D NEVER SAY THAT TO ME IN RL YOU PUSSY11!1!1" and I'm sat here thinking "Er... probably would, nobchops".

I'm quite a friendly person, really.

*snigger*

No, I kid. I'm a grumpy twat who hates everyone <_<

 

[Pizzabeak]

^Can one really provide first hand insight into that without first having existed for a time (knowingly) as each?

I meant more so in personal interactions, like what strategies they will take to get a message across to the target, and what they use. Just assuming the guys, via social standards, will do maybe different things than the gals. I don't have much experience so I'm asking.
But I'm just guessing the gals will be slightly more coy than the men, but basically do the same thing.

We need Bronto, hopefully he can give some input because if I recall he was good friends with CC, who I think was infj.

 

[Bad Itch]

I meant more so in personal interactions, like what strategies they will take to get a message across to the target, and what they use. Just assuming the guys, via social standards, will do maybe different things than the gals. I don't have much experience so I'm asking.
But I'm just guessing the gals will be slightly more coy than the men, but basically do the same thing.

We need Bronto, hopefully he can give some input because if I recall he was good friends with CC, who I think was infj.

I recentlyconcluded that one of my close female friends is one... keep in mind the only thing backing that up is an online test and some gut feelings based on long term observation and what I think or pretend to know about myself (fwiw she also scored way higher than I did on an sensitivity test). We were across the hall neighbors for about six years with lots of daily interaction.

A few weeks ago we had our first one-on-one time in years, and over the course of what turned out to be just shy of nine hours of catching up it finally occurred to me that we do and think a LOT of the same things the same way (hence I got her to take the test).

So with requisite huge grains of salt taken along with any of this because for all I know I could be wrong and neither of us are the appropriate type to comment on the matter... the following comes to mind:

My female INFJ friend tends to be more nurturing or "motherly" towards others in her environment than I am. For example during an interaction I might conclude that the person I am interacting with is in some kind of distress. I will not necessarily acknowledge this - maybe just note it in my mind and let the person go on without interfering. This depends on how I am feeling and how well I know and or accept the person. If my female friend makes the same conclusion she will almost consistently raise it in her discussion with the person and go into a sympathetic/fix-it mode. If a co-worker in distress walks past her it's almost like my friend can smell it on them- by this I mean she tunes into it very quickly (also, she can probably smell it on them... we both have pretty keen sense of smell ). I might see it in someone's body language after brief observation but my friend seems to be faster at deciding someone is under the weather.

Her home is always way more tidy than mine. Frig what am I even saying... mine is not tidy at all and could benefit from I don't knew... a bulldozer. Her's is very warmly arranged and orderly vs my cave of chaos.

Again, maybe neither of us are what I think we are and I just lit a bunch of your pixels for nothing.

 

[dang]

I'm pretty much the same here as I am in real life. Many are the times I've had comments like "YOU'D NEVER SAY THAT TO ME IN RL YOU PUSSY11!1!1" and I'm sat here thinking "Er... probably would, nobchops".

I'm quite a friendly person, really.

*snigger*

No, I kid. I'm a grumpy twat who hates everyone <_<

Even sheepdogs?

 

[PmjPmj]

Especially sheepdogs.

Fucking dirty, irritating fluffballs.

 

[dang]

Especially sheepdogs.

Fucking dirty, irritating fluffballs.

In a post apocalyptic scenario, if you were to discover a sheep dog, would it become your pet, next meal, or something else?

 

[PmjPmj]

I'd politely ignore it and move along.

 

[Sinny91]

I'd politely ignore it and move along.

Well then you're never going to be legend.

 

[dang]

I'd politely ignore it and move along.

You wouldn't pet it, feed it, kill it, eat it, or fuck it? What discipline!

 

[Cherry Cola]

this is not true what you say

intjs are a lackluster specimen with horns for antennae, they cannot tell without hurting; moreover they know not the nature of their own spirit and as such are constantly shackled by the inept responses it produces

infjs on the other hand win at most everything since they can control their emotions and are able to know themselves, their long range strategizing always underrestimated, also intjs are dicks and have little artistic skill

 

[Grayman]

this is not true what you say

intjs are a lackluster specimen with horns for antennae, they cannot tell without hurting; moreover they know not the nature of their own spirit and as such are constantly shackled by the inept responses it produces

infjs on the other hand win at most everything since they can control their emotions and are able to know themselves, their long range strategizing always underrestimated, also intjs are dicks and have little artistic skill

Fuck you. Being a dick is an art!