Maintaining friendships

[Ink]

For me it really doesn't matter how long I go without talking to someone, it continues from where it left off the minute I talk to them again... I'm starting to think this is really an INTP thing though, how often do you think is normal to keep in touch to remain "friends" with other types? I like being friends with all different types of people to enjoy their different view of things, still maintaining those relationships is a bit tiring it turns out... Other INTPs want to share your experiences?

 

[Tony3d]

If that is your definition of friend, then I have 100s of friends. But to me, if someone is not willing to make time for you every once in a while, not willing to invest a little bit into seeing you, then they are not your friend at all.

Being able to pick up conversations like that is totally an Ne thing, but my Fe would never accept having people in my life that simply didn't value my existance enough to make time for me.

 

[kora]

I've frequently fallen out with friends who I apparently didn't e-mail often enough and this made them angry. The thing is when I was there I would always make time to actually see them irl. I think a truel friend is someone you don't have to keep in touch with constantly and when you see each other, it's like you never left them. I can count my real friends on one hand.

 

[SpaceYeti]

I've had the same friends since mid elemntary-ish. I saw them about as often as I could after high school. They were mostly in the same city. After a while, we all started leaving that shit-hole city. I still consider these people my best friends in the world, even though I haven't seen many of them in a few years.

 

[creep]

I kind of agree with Tony3d. I have a lot of 'friends' like that, but I prefer to think of them as simply people I know and occasionally, if the time is right and the mood strikes, speak to. I don't really consider them friends, regardless of how long I've known them.

I've found out, that when I'm really into someone, I don't disappear for months on end(like how I love to do with others) - I make an effort to keep in contact, not because I feel as if I have to but because I'd like to. Communication is near constant. I don't mind only having 2 friends like this. I'm not a social person by nature, so.

 

[The Lost One]

I have got in trouble with a few friends for not "keeping in touch". I dunno, I think they get frustrated with my emotional distance and inability to call or text.
I have a couple really close friends and I enjoy their company. They find me quite quirky because I don't ever say hi or goodbye. It just doesn't cross my mind that it is important. As soon as I see them I will have something to say about some political problem etc.

But yea, unfortunately I depend on *them* to do the friendship maintainence. I think I miss them as much as they miss me (we are in different parts of the country most of the time) but I have trouble expressing it.

Regardless, I think once you find the right group of people to call your "best" friends they will understand that some people struggle with the whole calling and texting things just because of how they are. Fret not (if you are even fretting)

 

[Cybeny]

For me it depends on the type of friendship.

Most of my close friends we end up talking quite a lot without any sort of effort required. This is usually because I'm quite interested in what they have to say, and I think its reciprocated.

Other friends I can go for months without talking, because we both get quite busy, and we can pick up whatever conversation we were having last time, without any problems.

But some friends, it feels like whenever I make the effort to talk to them, they quickly get disinterested, and refuse to make any sort of effort back. Yet, whenever I give-up on them and stop trying to talk to them, after a while they get upset that we haven't talked in ages. It always confuses me to no end.

 

[Coolydudey]

I am only young, but I have 2-3 best friends that I have known for a year, two years and five years respectively. For me, friendships aren't something that are there to be impersonally "maintained" , they are organic and complex relationships that may have a sell-by date. For a period, I stopped talking so much with the guy I have known for five years, simply because the conversation ended up at "what shall we talk about now?"