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Looking for a friend

Robin

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I developed a chronic illness in my early 20s and have been desperately lonely ever since. Had a spouse, that took off when I got sick. I was pretty friendless before the illness, but I was an academic so I didn't really care. Talking to my fellow students every day was enough social interaction for me, and my books were my real friends. Lost that beautiful life when I got sick, and never learned the proper skills for making and keeping friends. I'm smart enough to realize that the problem is probably me (as opposed to high school where the problem was definitely them) so I started looking into what it is about my personality that makes me like-able enough, but not memorable enough for anyone to really care about. I still have no clue what that is, but I did a few personality tests again and found I've gone from an INTJ to an INTP. So I though I'd come on here and find out what's 'wrong' with me.

That said, I don't just want to talk about being an INTP and what that means. I'm hoping for some normal, plain old socialization as well. I desperately need that. And most of all, I'm looking for a friend. A real friend. A best friend. Because I'm pretty sure that's what I need more than anything (other than to miraculously become healthy again).

So hi guys, I hope I'll find what I'm looking for here.
Rob
 

Sinny91

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:twisteddevil: I'll be your friend

:angel: No, I'll be your friend

:twisteddevil: Hell to the muvafuckin no, ignore that looser, just sign on the dotted line and you'll find all the friends you'll ever need and more

Signature: ............................

Muhahhhahaha.
 

Robin

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Redshirt guys, really? Suddenly I'm thinking this might not be the best place for me :eek:
 

Animekitty

baby marshmallow born today
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Hello friend

but I can only be your internet friend

and I'm not a girl so I can't be your internet girlfriend

also I can't take care of you when you are sick physically

I've been here for like 6 years but don't expect late sept to oct, I need to pay bills so lag might happen but when I have money I am here all the time.

I tried to go to school but it did not work out. I wanted to make a self-aware robot and I am finalizing to core network right now, No not really but I do understand how imagination works. It's a feedback loop that stimulates the vision system when the eyes are closed. Understanding this is so simple I am surprised we don't have A.I. already. In about 2-3 years virtual agents will be almost like people. When virtual reality happens at the same time I might leave this place but by then A.I. will be the new best friend.
 

Ex-User (13503)

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Probably the most important key to friendship is shared interests and goals.

What are yours? :D There are 2 ways to make a friend this way: broadcast those interests and goals to entice them to make the move, or recognize them in others so you can. My interests are ecology, people, music, arguing with random people on the internet to learn and teach them things, non-traditional agriculture, and novelty/new things in general. I'm also a damned good listener.

And don't get caught up in the 4 letter labels, just use them as tools to help understand yourself and others.
 

Yellow

for the glory of satan
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We're mostly friendly, if that helps. You might find actual friends here too. :)
 

Grayman

Team Ignorant
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I dont make a good friend. My apathy toward most of what people find important makes people feel unable to connect with me.
 

J-man

Cobra Kai
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INTPs be like: what is... a friend?
 

davidintp

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Hi Rob,

This forum will help you find out more about yourself and find like-minded people. However, you won't get the emotional satisfaction that you would get from having a real-life friend. If I were you I'd turn to your family (if you have one). 95% of the time they'll want to help you. In order to feel good overall, even if you're an introvert, you need to have physical touch from another person. Also you need someone trusted that you can talk to about anything. Companionship is essential to one's well-being. It's wired into our DNA. Family is more important than friends because they're always going to be there for you. A friend can get married and get busy with life.

I'm not sure whether you have a mental illness or a physical illness. That makes a difference. Can you clarify?
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
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chronic illness can sometimes be a path to people who really appreciate life.

or a path to whining zombies who really appreciate their pills.

is your focus in life truly positive or just "problem solving" which is fear in disguise?

when we are trapped in a negative outlook, we are always isolated inside.
we may have merely shitty connections on the surface or not even that.

because positive connection happens in the present moment, in creativity, in positive states.

a lasting connection is not based in being a memorable character. hitler is a memorable character. but lasting connection is partially based in how joined positive states are memorable.

i find my self being the therapist in dialogues with my online acquaintances and for short moments my problem solving mind bears fruit and becomes creative enough so that a moment of positive connection is happening, but these moments or connections are automatically confined to the wrong side of the tracks, to the land of desperation of isolated individuals who seek therapeutic dialogues. if we can't do stuff together, i can't see how this could possibly change.
 

Robin

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Hello friend

but I can only be your internet friend

and I'm not a girl so I can't be your internet girlfriend



You know, I'm perfectly fine with an internet friend. 'Real life' friends tend to demand too much and return too little.
And this is the internet babe, so you not being a girl in no way prevents you from becoming my internet girlfriend. Especially since I know for a fact that all Anime kitties are girls. The internet told me so. ;) ;)

Thanks for the welcome.
 

Robin

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Probably the most important key to friendship is shared interests and goals.

What are yours? :D There are 2 ways to make a friend this way: broadcast those interests and goals to entice them to make the move, or recognize them in others so you can. My interests are ecology, people, music, arguing with random people on the internet to learn and teach them things, non-traditional agriculture, and novelty/new things in general. I'm also a damned good listener.

And don't get caught up in the 4 letter labels, just use them as tools to help understand yourself and others.

Thanks for the wisdom. You and I actually might get on pretty well. My interests are ecology (specifically animal behavior), arguing with random people to learn and hopefully educate as well, comic books, coloring books, and learning anything I didn't already know. I'd really like to know more about your ecology interests.

I'm a good listener, but a horrible talker. It is so hard for me to be the one to reach out, even just to start a conversation.

My main problem is that, although I get out there to meet new people with the same interests as me, I find those people generally have only that ONE interest and nothing more. So while they can be fun to hang out with to do/talk about that ONE thing, they're not really the stuff I need in a friend. I need depth. I've actually found that to be the most important factor. I've made great friends with people I originally thought I had nothing in common with but who, for one reason or another, decided they actually liked me and wanted to do things with me. After a while, we developed common interests or found that we shared several less obvious interests.
 

QuickTwist

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making friends takes time, namely, making positive connections with others on a scale that outweighs the negative ones over quite a while.

So while you can be "fast friends" with someone moments after you meet them, if there is no roots to the relationship it is deeply fleeting.

You should get a hobby to occupy some of the time you would otherwise be lonely.
 

Robin

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INTPs be like: what is... a friend?

Good to know. Is the I in INTP what gives us so much trouble, or do some of the other letters contribute as well? I feel like the T part is my biggest barrier, honestly. The I just makes the T so much worse.
 

Robin

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Hi Rob,

This forum will help you find out more about yourself and find like-minded people. However, you won't get the emotional satisfaction that you would get from having a real-life friend. If I were you I'd turn to your family (if you have one). 95% of the time they'll want to help you. In order to feel good overall, even if you're an introvert, you need to have physical touch from another person. Also you need someone trusted that you can talk to about anything. Companionship is essential to one's well-being. It's wired into our DNA. Family is more important than friends because they're always going to be there for you. A friend can get married and get busy with life.

I'm not sure whether you have a mental illness or a physical illness. That makes a difference. Can you clarify?

I have a physical illness. It's called POTS, if you want to look it up, but I've also developed a mysterious lung problem as well. I was diagnosed with emphysema, but since I've never smoked I'm refusing to believe it and looking for answers elsewhere.

Because of my illness, I have to live in the Pacific NW in order to function. My family lives in the deep south. Since I'm fully disabled, I do leave town for a couple of months every year to be with them. But that's the best I can do. And they almost never text or call without my prompting.

So I need friends. Permanent ones. But I think something about my personality is making this impossible (the illness doesn't help, but...). So besides making internet friends here, I'm hoping I can learn how to make friends out in the physical world as well.
 

Robin

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I guess I should add something that I thought was obvious but I realize now really wasn't. I have a painful, chronic health condition. Going out is HARD. Really hard. A lot of the time it doesn't seem worth the extra pain and fatigue it brings with it. And 'friends' just stop inviting me places once they realize I'm gonna cancel on them last minute half of the time, or I show up but am no fun because I'm just too damn tired/hurt. It's unpleasant for them; I get that. Hell, to be honest past me would probably also avoid present me because present me would make past me uncomfortable, because I would have darkened her simple, happy view of the world. So I get why people treat me the way they do, for the most part, but it doesn't really make it hurt any less. And it doesn't solve the problem of me not having anyone to really talk to.
 

Cognisant

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Welcome to our asylum, I think you'll find plenty of friends here irregardless of your physical condition.

So what are your interests?
 

Ex-User (13503)

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Thanks for the wisdom. You and I actually might get on pretty well. My interests are ecology (specifically animal behavior), arguing with random people to learn and hopefully educate as well, comic books, coloring books, and learning anything I didn't already know. I'd really like to know more about your ecology interests.

I'm a good listener, but a horrible talker. It is so hard for me to be the one to reach out, even just to start a conversation.

My main problem is that, although I get out there to meet new people with the same interests as me, I find those people generally have only that ONE interest and nothing more. So while they can be fun to hang out with to do/talk about that ONE thing, they're not really the stuff I need in a friend. I need depth. I've actually found that to be the most important factor. I've made great friends with people I originally thought I had nothing in common with but who, for one reason or another, decided they actually liked me and wanted to do things with me. After a while, we developed common interests or found that we shared several less obvious interests.
Heh... I tend to flop around between 4-5 interests. I once was a field researcher in population, landscape, and restoration ecology, but I can't do that anymore, so now my ecology interests have flowed into integrated agriculture and taken a back seat until I buy a hunk of land, and then it'll be "ZOMG!!!! Blank canvas!!!" But I always have some people interests (teaching/volunteering/peer support), and some in art (alternative photography), and whatever's novel (I bought a huge artifact collection in April that I've been reselling ever since, and had to learn to ID them all). And of course there's always world domination. :twisteddevil:

Conversation is a two way thing. You aren't going to get any better by not saying anything, sure, but you also can't be disappointed in yourself if you try. At that point they failed to respond, which is beyond your control. Why worry about their overlooked opportunities? :p

Maybe try meetup.com? My strategy would be to find people or a club with one general shared interest first and then look for more common ground. The less specialized, the better. You're probably not getting far in a stamp collecting club, for example. :D Or, given your physical limitations, maybe you can get involved in online communities centered around artwork or music if those fall into your interests.
I was diagnosed with emphysema, but since I've never smoked I'm refusing to believe it and looking for answers elsewhere.

So I need friends. Permanent ones. But I think something about my personality is making this impossible (the illness doesn't help, but...). So besides making internet friends here, I'm hoping I can learn how to make friends out in the physical world as well.
There's actually a gene responsible for normal tissue repair in the lungs and a mutation in it prevents complete tissue repair and predisposes one to COPD and emphysema. I actually have that mutation myself.

And I seriously doubt it's your personality. It seems like the biggest obstacle if your disability and finding ways to cope with it.
 

Robin

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My disability is a problem, but also, I simply don't know how to reach out and get people to want to add me to their 'friend list', metaphorically speaking. At my age, people seem set in the friends they have, so I feel like unless I bump into someone like me, then I'm going to keep striking out. People seem to like me, but they're not really interested in getting to know me because they already have the friends they need. Unless I'm missing something? I've used meetup, but even people that say we should DEFINITELY do something again often never actually text me, or don't respond if I get the courage to text them. Why ask for my number if you don't want to talk to me? It's all very confusing and frustrating.
 

Robin

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I dont make a good friend. My apathy toward most of what people find important makes people feel unable to connect with me.

Do you have friends? Do you want friends or do you prefer being alone? I mean, you are on a forum so you must want SOMETHING.
 

Pizzabeak

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Friends don't exist
 

E404

Obsessions of an INTP
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My disability is a problem, but also, I simply don't know how to reach out and get people to want to add me to their 'friend list', metaphorically speaking. At my age, people seem set in the friends they have, so I feel like unless I bump into someone like me, then I'm going to keep striking out. People seem to like me, but they're not really interested in getting to know me because they already have the friends they need. Unless I'm missing something? I've used meetup, but even people that say we should DEFINITELY do something again often never actually text me, or don't respond if I get the courage to text them. Why ask for my number if you don't want to talk to me? It's all very confusing and frustrating.

I think joining a forum was a good place to start. :)
 

0neKiwi

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...Define friend.

I never really knew what was the difference between acquaintances and friends.:confused:
 

Robin

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...Define friend.

I never really knew what was the difference between acquaintances and friends.:confused:

For me an acquaintance is someone you hang out with, but a friend is someone you can trust. Of course my definition makes having friends difficult, especially since I have trust issues. And to me a best friend is the equivalent of a spouse minus any sexual/romantic aspect (unless your spouse is your best friend)

I don't want a spouse, cause I like my space. I just want a best friend and that'd be enough. But that'd be really hard for me to come by so I'm just trying to make a few good friends.
 

bvanevery

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Good to know. Is the I in INTP what gives us so much trouble, or do some of the other letters contribute as well? I feel like the T part is my biggest barrier, honestly. The I just makes the T so much worse.

It's probably not the 'I' unless you are extreme in that regard. I have often tested on the cusp of E and I, although I'm definitely I, by such indicators as "people / parties usually wear me out, they do not energize me." "I need my alone time, a lot." There have been a number of times in my life where I've exerted enormous amounts of effort to overcome 'I' issues, just going and attempting to socialize with people by sheer force of discipline. Because I perceived myself as an anti-social nerd, I knew it made me unhappy, and I was damned if I was just going to leave things that way. I was ruthless about eliminating imperfections in my character; that's how I saw it, at any rate.

It's the NT, I think. I think tons more than most people do. Even if I try to restrict my mouth to the usual social graces, I'm simply interested in a lot of things that "normal people" are not, and vice versa. Most random people in the real world bore me. I'm not 'E' enough to be inherently interested in people for their own sake, for their own varieties, not at all. They are a strain. Dealing with people who don't understand or get what I'm talking about, are a strain. I can do it, I've amassed plenty of insights and survival skills over the years, but I'm going to be happy when I'm not having to bother with some tedious interaction anymore.

I don't think common interests and hobbies are enough. That's merely a starting point. I think shared values are more important. For instance, I got kicked out of a board gaming group a few years ago. My NT sort of "hardcore" way of utilizing board games as intellectual exercises, probably offended some 'F' in the group and then they wanted to get rid of me. They didn't say much about it either, they were pretty two-faced and sprung it on me, fairly suddenly from my perspective. Guess they didn't get any memo about talking to people about problems you're having with them, instead of bottling and resenting. Whatever. I learned the hard way that those people were not actually my friends. They were just people I was playing board games at the same time with them, occupying the same proximate physical space together.

My board game culture is 'old school', back from the time as a kid when I was a real nerd and few people did that sort of thing. So it's my board gaming culture to accept that people might be sorta weird or socially stunted. There's a group I've played with down in Melbourne FL when I visit in the winter, that's more like "nerdy board gaming as I remember it". Someone's seriously autistic, someone else is trying to do all the moves on behalf of a newbie because he can't keep his ego in check, whatever, it's all good. I might say something, in fact I did say something, but it's nothing I'd try to kick someone out for. And it did lead to an interesting battle over attitudes towards rules once.

Anyways... that chapter for me is 'done' and I don't look for board games as a hobby outlet in recent years. I learned some game design things from it and that was fine.

Most of my face-to-face intellectual stimulation has come from the Asheville Skeptics and the Western NC Humanists. People are pretty rational in those venues and that really helps. I don't quite get a complete social life out of that stuff, and for reasons I don't quite understand and somewhat irk me, I never get a date. No eligible women showing up to these groups for some reason. It's been a problem with almost all of my hobbies, actually. Martial arts, breaking necks? Eh, no women. Go figure. I don't know.

Anyways, my intellectual colleagues with shared values keep me sane. We don't end up having a lot of unstructured fun together though. I have my own limitations in that regard, very little money to go out and about to do anything.

I live out of my car with my dog. I have some friends that have lived in similar circumstances to myself. We were all hanging out around Harris Teeter, a grocery store that is permissive about our use of their electricity and wifi. I think of us as the "good ones" who aren't causing any problems, as opposed to the drug-addled "skeezers" who were making an eyesore of the place, or even offering some threat value at times. Store had to get rid of those and I don't blame them. None of my friends are riffraff and I don't want those people around, because they will ruin my good situation down at Harris Teeter. They already took out a picnic table last year, the one that had the best wifi signal, because the skeezers were getting too comfortable over there. They could do things like that again, if they had to. Surveillance on the other half of the store is better though, so I think mostly they're scared off and don't want to hang out. Good!

Anyways that's intended as an example of "similar values" where I've made friends. Yeah, I do have friends. I'm just not having enough fun, and I've never got a date.
 

Sinny91

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My disability is a problem, but also, I simply don't know how to reach out and get people to want to add me to their 'friend list', metaphorically speaking. At my age, people seem set in the friends they have, so I feel like unless I bump into someone like me, then I'm going to keep striking out. People seem to like me, but they're not really interested in getting to know me because they already have the friends they need. Unless I'm missing something? I've used meetup, but even people that say we should DEFINITELY do something again often never actually text me, or don't respond if I get the courage to text them. Why ask for my number if you don't want to talk to me? It's all very confusing and frustrating.

Go to the pub and get pissed, the next day you'll wake up with a post it note stuck to your head saying your new friends stuck you in a taxi and sent you home. You'll find 3 peoples numbers in your phone, 2 friend requests, and a text of some chick who reckons she snogged you last night.

I dunno about where you are, but here in the UK, if you wanna make friends - you just pop to the boozer. A community or sporting event brings the crowds out, if you use your eyeballs, you will spot "your people", and all you do is strategically sit next or near to them.

Then before you know it..

And I would say that Ti is the double edged sword which makes life so difficult for INTPs. My Ti is a hindrance in this SJ dominated world.

I'm constantly stuck in my head, meanwhile the rest of he world is out there actually living their lives, as opposed to just sitting around thinking about living their lives... You're not the only one.
 

Joe13414

ENTPlease kill me
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You're looking for hope in the wrong place, look for people who will give you mental help, (in a friend way, not a scientific way.) Take the time you have in bed to discover shit, I frankly don't care what, but I'd try to find shit that interests me in Wikipedia and other online websites, and study it, and think of ideas and hobbies that might last longer than the next action I attempt/do.
 

leezthebunny

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Probably the most important key to friendship is shared interests and goals.

What are yours? :D There are 2 ways to make a friend this way: broadcast those interests and goals to entice them to make the move, or recognize them in others so you can. My interests are ecology, people, music, arguing with random people on the internet to learn and teach them things, non-traditional agriculture, and novelty/new things in general. I'm also a damned good listener.

And don't get caught up in the 4 letter labels, just use them as tools to help understand yourself and others.

I completely agree. There will always be someone out there who will still be interested in creating a relationship with you. As INTPs, we have certain quirks that many people don't seem to understand or appreciate, but as long as you keep reaching out (which I'm glad you did in this forum) anywhere, you'll eventually find these special people who you can even call family. ;)
 

leezthebunny

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And hey, if you need a friend, i'm here too XD

Though I did not have a chronic illness, I can relate to feeling as if something is "wrong" with myself. My entire life, I felt like I was "lacking" because people seemed to treat me that way. This is what 'they' want, for me to be more extroverted, to be more open about my thoughts, to be more charismatic and jovial (like my ENFJ friend).

I have had best friends who were high in the "cool kids" group, and I had been surrounded by many of these 'cool kids'. From the edge, it looks kind of enchanting. They all seem to be having glamorous lives, having fun and laughing and doing cool things, being reckless. But its a fake world. A world where everyone has to watch their step because everyone else is watching; everyone is trying to impress each other, so much peer pressure, so much drama. To an INTP, such a lifestyle would be devastating because of the constant pressures to conform and emotionally invest in the drama.

I like to think that because I'm an INTP, i wasn't able to immerse in this world because I was too observant/intuitive. I was aware of the pressure to be an extrovert to people I don't really care about and who I knew didn't give a shit about me.

This "rebellion from conformity" also existed in my relationship with my parents and with many adults. They constantly whisper to each other about how scary I am because I'm not as forthcoming, because i'm "shy", because I ignore them when I feel like it (only because i feel they do not deserve respect because of their actions to me or other people I care about).
Even when I was little, my view of other human beings were equal to myself. Age and gender did not matter to me, but how you treat me or other people is how I determines how I treat you. So being forced to show considerable attention or respect to adults I barely interact with is beyond my logic, therefore I become quite awkward. It's like my mind is a computer that doesn't respond to a math equation that you typed in because it doesn't recognize the function it should perform because it isn't logical.

Haha, anyway, sorry for the long story. Being the black sheep in almost all settings is really tough and lonely, especially when you can't escape the criticism for not being the way that others want you to be.

But i realized that "DIFFERENT" DOES NOT = "WRONG"
You are not a mistake. You cannot please everyone when they are forcing you to be someone you can't, and that's the problem. YOU are NOT the problem. It's just that society wants it easy, wants things comfortable, and so they want to interact with people who are easy to understand, easy to manipulate, easy to get along with.
These are the people who mock others who think or act differently, only because these "freaks" are either brave or free.

So there is nothing wrong with you. Don't conform into a society who wants to enslave you through peer pressure, where you always have to put a fake smile to make others happy when they clearly don't appreciate you or give you the attention you deserve. But don't stop reaching out, don't hide what excites you, because your passion will eventually find others, and there you can find a friend.
 

bvanevery

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It's just that society wants it easy, wants things comfortable, and so they want to interact with people who are easy to understand, easy to manipulate, easy to get along with.
These are the people who mock others who think or act differently, only because these "freaks" are either brave or free.

Heh! Then one ends up on the "super fringe". Living out of a car, that one learned how to fix oneself, foregoing a job or any kind of standard monetary input that wastes time, trying to invent a programming language, trying to come up with great works of Art that haven't been done before, yadda yadda... and then wondering why one is not getting a date, for having done things so differently with so much risk.

Certain species of risk takers are more in the mainstream, such as 'entrepreneurs'. But their risks are typically about manipulating money, and I don't think that's all that risky in the scheme of things. I take the risks of some kind of mad scientist or mad artist. Wonder where I'd find more of those?
 

Tannhauser

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Everyone is thinking too mechanically about friendship.

There is one thing to know about friendship (and other various social relationships) – if you seem dependent on an outcome, that outcome will never happen.
 

bvanevery

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There is one thing to know about friendship (and other various social relationships) – if you seem dependent on an outcome, that outcome will never happen.

Um, for those of us who aren't quite so abstract about such things... can you give a concrete example of this panning out in this way?
 

Tannhauser

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Um, for those of us who aren't quite so abstract about such things... can you give a concrete example of this panning out in this way?

You show up at a chess club. Your primary goal, however, is not to enjoy chess and have fun, but to find a friend because you feel lonely. You don't make that obvious of course, but while everyone else is having a great time, discussing chess, playing chess etc, you are there with your agenda and the sum of your behaviors reveal, in very subtle ways, that you need a certain social outcome. Probably nobody is going to know, on a conscious level, what is going on, but some instinct in them will make them cautious of forming bonds with you.

Why? I subscribe to the idea that if you sense someone needs your validation, that individual, evolutionary speaking, reveals a lot about their status. In a way, they are there to exploit you – otherwise they would not need anything from you.
 

bvanevery

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Probably nobody is going to know, on a conscious level, what is going on, but some instinct in them will make them cautious of forming bonds with you.

Why? I subscribe to the idea that if you sense someone needs your validation, that individual, evolutionary speaking, reveals a lot about their status. In a way, they are there to exploit you – otherwise they would not need anything from you.

Perhaps true if someone wants to avoid needy people. They can sense it, especially cues of social awkwardness.

However, some people actually like needy people. They may see it as their project to 'nurture and save' someone. I don't think those people are in the majority, I think most people bolt when confronted with the socially inept. I thought it was worth noting that such people do exist though.

I'm not sure anyone likes irritating people though. I had a friend of mine who just didn't have enough perception and social graces. Example: he sees a woman at the swimming pool of our apartment complex. Her tan is a bit orange, obviously fake / from a tanning booth. He actually asks her about it! "Hi, nice tan. Is it real?" Or some such. Good grief dude, way to alienate. Since I'm patient with people like that and have a long fuse for it, he became my friend. But I made other friends in the complex. One of them point blank took me aside one time and told me, "We like you just fine. But this other guy, we don't care for him and don't want to be around him." I totally understood where they were coming from. His ineptitude would manifest as unkindness and it was irritating.
 

Ecclesiastic

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Welcome to our asylum, I think you'll find plenty of friends here irregardless of your physical condition.

So what are your interests?

You said "irregardless"! Dangerous to say in a room full of dreamy professors and architects. Joking, but the very nature of INTP says I had to point it out.
 

Ecclesiastic

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For me an acquaintance is someone you hang out with, but a friend is someone you can trust. Of course my definition makes having friends difficult, especially since I have trust issues. And to me a best friend is the equivalent of a spouse minus any sexual/romantic aspect (unless your spouse is your best friend)

I don't want a spouse, cause I like my space. I just want a best friend and that'd be enough. But that'd be really hard for me to come by so I'm just trying to make a few good friends.

If I might share a quote that may assist in your efforts Robin.....

"Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another 'What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

If friendship is your aim, find those with the most similarities and let it occur naturally.
 

bvanevery

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You said "irregardless"! Dangerous to say in a room full of dreamy professors and architects. Joking, but the very nature of INTP says I had to point it out.

Actually I'm going to boost my 'P' cred by pointing out that irregardless is a word and means the same thing as regardless. I also had to look this up, because the prefix ir- doesn't result in sensical language. Nevertheless, language doesn't have to be sensical, it can have exceptions.
 

Ecclesiastic

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Actually I'm going to boost my 'P' cred by pointing out that irregardless is a word and means the same thing as regardless. I also had to look this up, because the prefix ir- doesn't result in sensical language. Nevertheless, language doesn't have to be sensical, it can have exceptions.


The prefix "ir" denotes "not" or "opposite of". The suffix "less" means without or lacking. "Regardless" then means "without regard". When you add the prefix "ir" you are now stating the "opposite of without regard". This means you are saying "with regard" and thus changing the meaning of the statement being made. Effectually, it accomplishes the same as the double negative. Makes sense, but depends on whether one is communicating the positive while intending the negative.
 

bvanevery

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This means you are saying "with regard" and thus changing the meaning of the statement being made.

Except that's not what the dictionary says the word actually means. It's a variant of 'regardless'. I did say, language can be illogical and have exceptions in it. It seems Americans added a stylistic 'ir-' in front of a perfectly good word for some reason.
 

Ecclesiastic

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Except that's not what the dictionary says the word actually means. It's a variant of 'regardless'. I did say, language can be illogical and have exceptions in it. It seems Americans added a stylistic 'ir-' in front of a perfectly good word for some reason.

Then we are agreed. This is an improper word. Merriam-Webster's also agrees that even though this word is in existence, it is not quite generally accepted.
 
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