Life patterns

[Helvete]

What are some themes or patterns that you notice always happen to you in your life? Good or bad it doesn't matter but it has to stick out to you as something you notice. It could be common in others that you notice too, or they notice within themselves or something that others point out to you.

Mine would have to be finding myself in absolutely ridiculous situations. Often they're very bad in the sense that I know I'v fucked up in some way, or something changed to cause some catastrophic fuck up that I now have to deal with. Can't get out of and have to just move on and hope it works out sort of all right. Procrastination is usually the main contributor here but it could also be all manner of things.

For instance earlier today on my way to work I *accidentally got on the wrong bus, realised halfway through the journey when it branched off onto it's own route (the two buses have similar journeys to begin with) and had to walk for an hour and a half navigating my way through random villages. I got lost once on the way for a short period and found out afterwards I took a slight unnecessary detour; I was navigating with road signs and vaguely familiar place names and at work I checked the way I took on a map.
Anyway I was lucky in the sense that the bus journey is long and drawn out which takes me to work early due to how it's all timed and this little setback only caused me to be ten minutes late!

"Do you want the good news or the bad news?" - a regularly asked question from my boss which failed to surprise me when I came in. I usually opt for the bad news first but chose to good news option this time, which was: "We're not very busy tonight". "So?", "So the bad news is that you're not needed and can go home".

I honestly couldn't believe it. I'd already phoned to tell him the situation I was in. So I preceded to openly reject what he was saying as some massive joke (because I know it's the kind of thing he would do regardless as it would be absolutely hilarious).
I ended up staying in the end as in my disbelief I kept on questioning him. His reputation really didn't help him here as he's prone to keep jokes running for as long as possible. And I did really menial stuff... Lol.

*accident was due to the bus arriving early, with the bus number I was looking for. But what I didn't realise is that it changed the route before it left, as in switched the number on the front that you look out for. As I use ticket that runs for a month a go there was no verbal exchange with the driver to find this out.

These may be a slight extreme example of what is common for me, but I am very prone to finding myself in situations of this nature, just change the context every so often.

 

[Absurdity]

I compulsively plan my life trajectory only to completely disregard the plan once an unforseen development ruins the entire effort. Yet every time I start again with a new plan.

I find the process calming, like it gives me a foundation to stand on when I know where I'm going, which I guess is normal. I just think I take it to new and laughable heights.

I'm trying to stop, to become more comfortable with uncertainty and inscrutability, but it's hard. It takes a lot of strength, or perhaps madness, to embrace the unknown.

 

[Grayman]

I'm trying to stop, to become more comfortable with uncertainty and inscrutability, but it's hard. It takes a lot of strength, or perhaps madness, to embrace the unknown.

1) To lose oneself. To forget who you were and thus were you are going.
2) To break oneself. To be of many views forking like the possibilities of life.
3) To embrace weakness. To accept that there have always been limitless possibles of failure in your path but somehow you are still here and will still be here until it is time you are not.
4) To embrace death. To accept the greatest loss. To face it and know that you it comes for you. To embrace it knowing that that you cannot choose to always live. The only control you have is to choose to feel and see the world in a way that brings you peace.

 

[ddspada]

I have found myself completely falling for manipulative people, particularly Fe doms (not that all Fe doms are manipulative, but I fall only for the manipulative ones, much to my dismay afterwards). I tend to feel the need to be nearby the Fe dom, tell her (less often a him) my problems, have her/him tell me hers/his, show displays of friendly (non-amorous) public affection, then realize what's happening after one or two weeks and resume being my normal self. As I get older it has been happening a lot less.

Also, doing poorly in a class because of not doing homework. The teacher will see that I ace most of the tests but have few assignments turned in, but often will allow me to present the final exam/ turn in whatever assignments I'm missing at the end of the schoolyear/ semester. Again, this happens less and less with the passing of time (mainly because in college most of my teachers give us no homework).

 

[Jennywocky]

1. Want to have people in my life, but then when someone actually responds and wants to invest, I get cold feet and fear getting into something I won't be able to extricate myself from.

2. Leave time in the schedule to not be late / get up on time / get certain things done, then just waste the time on something else unplanned and end up in the same situation.

3. Either become a total workaholic and never finish things because I require a high level of perfection, or I just never get around to doing something at all in the first place so that I won't fail.
　
4. Successfully defuse a situation because I don't like stress, then feel frustrated that I didn't actually just say what was on my mind and possibly blurting out at a later date what I so adeptly avoided earlier.

5. Buy/Start the book, then don't finish it because I've moved on to something else that I find interesting.

 

[The Introvert]

I'm trying to stop, to become more comfortable with uncertainty and inscrutability, but it's hard. It takes a lot of strength, or perhaps madness, to embrace the unknown.

Absurdity, would you consider yourself a scientist? The question may not seem to be relevant right now, but it is.

If yes, what kind of scientist? Are you one that is continually piqued with interest in this or that, developing ideas to explain the phenomenon you're seeing?

Or, are you one that prefers structure in your experiments, carefully developing your hypothesis and null to cover as much ground as possible?

(Are you an experimental scientist or a classical scientist?)

If you're not a scientist, then what are you?

 

[lightlazer]

1) I am a semi-pro procrastinator so I usually end up either avoiding tasks until the latest moment or simply multitasking during others. For example, I usually read but I pause and just play a videogame for a couple of minutes and then I resume reading. Or I just browse the web after 5 minutes of a coursera lesson, to return 30 minutes later. I feel temporarily refreshed when I return to the task at hand but afterwards I get angry at myself for not making good use of my time. If only I could flip a couple of switches in my brain...

2) I jump between feeling socially awkward when around friends to just blending in and feeling well among them. However this is changing a bit since I have a new girlfriend (btw I was shocked to find she is an ESFJ). I am feeling warmer and friendlier than ever now, I think this new status in my life (never had a serious girlfriend for more than a few months) is helping me develop my Ne part (extraverted intuition).

 

[Absurdity]

Absurdity, would you consider yourself a scientist? The question may not seem to be relevant right now, but it is.

If yes, what kind of scientist? Are you one that is continually piqued with interest in this or that, developing ideas to explain the phenomenon you're seeing?

Or, are you one that prefers structure in your experiments, carefully developing your hypothesis and null to cover as much ground as possible?

(Are you an experimental scientist or a classical scientist?)

If you're not a scientist, then what are you?

I wouldn't consider myself a scientist by any conventional definition. I guess the "classical scientist" label would fit better if I had to choose one.

Oddly, this series of questions aligns synchronistically with recent purchase of Nietzsche's "The Gay Science." I think the archetype he presents of someone who fuses passion and truth-seeking, Dionysian and Apollonian drives, is something worth striving toward.

 

[The Introvert]

I wouldn't consider myself a scientist by any conventional definition. I guess the "classical scientist" label would fit better if I had to choose one.

Oddly, this series of questions aligns synchronistically with recent purchase of Nietzsche's "The Gay Science." I think the archetype he presents of someone who fuses passion and truth-seeking, Dionysian and Apollonian drives, is something worth striving toward.

Then I'm sure Nietzsche can say much more eloquently whatever it was I was planning to say.

 

[Absurdity]

Then I'm sure Nietzsche can say much more eloquently whatever it was I was planning to say.

I'm interested in hearing your thoughts nonetheless.

 

[Reluctantly]

I think about everything. People often tell me to stop thinking, but I can't help it. I think this has been a large factor in my needing more sleep on average to feel fully mentally rested.

I also very easily can retreat into my mind to the point that if I'm driving, I'll miss my turn because I was on auto-pilot while thinking about something else. I can do this while walking somewhere, where I don't notice someone I knew walking by me because I was so focused on a thought that I entertained. For driving, GPS navigation has helped me a lot to not miss turns.

I'm also often told that I'm tense and should relax when I thought I was relaxed.

I struggle with emotions and feel greatly comfortable with the morbid. I'm not sure why; maybe it's because with morbidity, it allows me to be the weirdo that I am without having to worry about the social consequences, because it is me, so to speak. I imagine it has something to do with accepting the abnormal and with curiosity, whereas the average person perhaps rejects it as disagreeable, for one reason or another.

I really enjoy music, in general. It motivates me to think with my imagination and/or steps me into a world of reflective thought. I don't know why, but it does. So I'm kind of baffled when some people say that they don't enjoy music and see little to no purpose in it, but to each his/her own I guess.

 

[The Introvert]

I'm interested in hearing your thoughts nonetheless.

Ok then. For reference:

I compulsively plan my life trajectory only to completely disregard the plan once an unforseen development ruins the entire effort. Yet every time I start again with a new plan.

I find the process calming, like it gives me a foundation to stand on when I know where I'm going, which I guess is normal. I just think I take it to new and laughable heights.

I'm trying to stop, to become more comfortable with uncertainty and inscrutability, but it's hard. It takes a lot of strength, or perhaps madness, to embrace the unknown.

To which I said:

Absurdity, would you consider yourself a scientist? The question may not seem to be relevant right now, but it is.

If yes, what kind of scientist? Are you one that is continually piqued with interest in this or that, developing ideas to explain the phenomenon you're seeing?

Or, are you one that prefers structure in your experiments, carefully developing your hypothesis and null to cover as much ground as possible?

(Are you an experimental scientist or a classical scientist?)

If you're not a scientist, then what are you?

Your problem is that you're too attached to being in control; this correlates with the classical scientist hypothesis. Speaking hyperbolically, you view your life as something capable of being controlled to your will. You probably feel a considerable sense of accomplishment from tasks like filling out and completing a planner.

Ultimately, the enjoyment you get (and anyone gets from that matter) is from feeling accomplished, feeling like you did something well. An easy way to corral this feeling is to plan ahead and attempt to achieve the goals you have set for yourself. In most instances, this is healthy and normal. In others, perhaps like yours, it becomes a habit that doesn't allow for proper enjoyment of the other end of the spectrum, the experimental scientist.

The experimental scientist enjoys change and uncertainty, viewing it as a sort of beauty inherent in the universe. This scientist enjoys new and exciting material or ideas, and often disregards planning in the wake of pursuing a newer, shinier toy. This scientist probably does not plan things very well, is disorganized, and is generally incapable of setting long-term achievable goals.

Spoiler

Of course, as briefed above, there are pros and cons to each side of the spectrum. An ideal scientist would have the most beneficial aspects of both scientists without any of the detriments; for all intents and purposes this scientist does not exist, or exists very rarely. And, of course, there are those that have almost nothing to do with either scientist (agnostics, etc.); these people fall into other categories by which they can be classified on either end of the spectrum (or somewhere in-between).

Your goal then, in short, is to become more accepting of adversity and to embrace the unknown. To do this, you must embrace the idea that change and uncertainty are the forerunners to the known and the certain. The appeal of a new idea or uncertainty within a subject is the possibility to be the person that implements the changes that converts it into a known and certain subject. Part of the fascination with seeming inscrutability is that it is only inscrutable because it is misunderstood, not that it is inherently incapable of being understood. As a scholar yourself, I assume that part of your enjoyment of schooling stems simply from learning something new.

With this tiny shift in ideology, what was once scary can become enticing; you can begin to understand the method behind the seeming madness of those able to embrace uncertainty and change. Or, it might do nothing. I can't say I've tried it myself, seeing as I'm one to naturally embrace change and in fact suffer from the exact opposite condition as you.

Hope this was of some value.

-BWB

 

[Absurdity]

Your problem is that you're too attached to being in control; this correlates with the classical scientist hypothesis. Speaking hyperbolically, you view your life as something capable of being controlled to your will. You probably feel a considerable sense of accomplishment from tasks like filling out and completing a planner.

Ultimately, the enjoyment you get (and anyone gets from that matter) is from feeling accomplished, feeling like you did something well. An easy way to corral this feeling is to plan ahead and attempt to achieve the goals you have set for yourself. In most instances, this is healthy and normal. In others, perhaps like yours, it becomes a habit that doesn't allow for proper enjoyment of the other end of the spectrum, the experimental scientist.

This is true to an extent but it is really more about the sense of security that the planning process gives than the actual accomplishment itself.

Your goal then, in short, is to become more accepting of adversity and to embrace the unknown. To do this, you must embrace the idea that change and uncertainty are the forerunners to the known and the certain. The appeal of a new idea or uncertainty within a subject is the possibility to be the person that implements the changes that converts it into a known and certain subject. Part of the fascination with seeming inscrutability is that it is only inscrutable because it is misunderstood, not that it is inherently incapable of being understood. As a scholar yourself, I assume that part of your enjoyment of schooling stems simply from learning something new.

This isn't really about academic subjects. It is about life trajectory and destiny.

Hope this was of some value.

It was. Nothing earth-shattering, but it's a message I don't think I can ever hear too much of.

 

[freebaser]

I think about everything. People often tell me to stop thinking, but I can't help it. I think this has been a large factor in my needing more sleep on average to feel fully mentally rested.

I also very easily can retreat into my mind to the point that if I'm driving, I'll miss my turn because I was on auto-pilot while thinking about something else.

I can identify with that. I drive on a major highway with lots of forks. I'm so absent minded I miss the right turn and find myself in the wrong place. One time at night all I could do was follow the headlights in front of me. He made a gradual turn I didn't realize as I followed him. I found myself off the highway at night and lost. I had to stop three times to ask how to get back on the highway. I was in a neighborhood of varying nationalities. I was surprised everyone was so nice to help me. When I finally found the highway I mistook the exit for the entrance. I could have been killed. Daytime now I try to stay on the highway but can't identify which was the wrong exit I took. A terrifying experience.