jrslbenn
Redshirt
- Local time
- Today 11:36 PM
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2010
- Messages
- 2
I am trapped in a viscous cycle of sorts, and the root of the problem is something that has been puzzling me for quite a while.
I just turned 20, and I am in my third year of college, still not very decided on what I am doing there. But my problem goes beyond what I am going to do in school or what I am going to do with my life, it governs what I do on a daily basis regardless of anything I have to do or have the opportunity to do.
The problem is that I can't get into any subject deeper than the surface because it doesn't seem interesting enough to learn that much about. Then I end up having a bunch of free time (during breaks at least) where I resort to doing the same old shit, defaulting to a game I have been playing for a while, and I'm sure this isn't helping me become interested in something. Most things my friends are doing or I am suggested to try out, either have such a high learning curve that it gets very dry to get into it enough for it to be fun or just seem very dry and pointless the moment I open a book on the subject.
There is nothing (that I am aware of) that I genuinely want to do. Some people just want to draw or play games or study some type of subject out of curiosity, but to me there is nothing that is interesting enough to actually draw me to act on it. Even the downtrodden have dreams, and here I am a suburban white kid that is wasting a life of considerable opportunity.
Looking back it seems like I have quite a history of similar behavior pretty much for as long as I can remember, I have only really passively gone to school (A's B's and a few C's) and came home to do the same type of time-killing activities.
Long story short, I have been treading water for 4+ years, besides thinking about what I would want to do. And I am at the point where it is getting very difficult to continue before figuring something out. I am taking 15 credits this upcoming quarter which should occupy me, but I predict I am going to feel the same feeling of emptiness and boredom. It is almost as if nothing is important enough to get deep into.
Feel free to ask any and all probing questions you may have, as I hope my answers might help you help me. I'm finding I don't have anything to wake up for in the morning.
Might be able to add more later but for now, this is all I can think of.
Edit: Now that I think of it a little more, one of my biggest interests is foreign language, but as there isn't really a job in that, nor am I going to travel soon, or don't have anyone nearby to speak the relatively uncommon languages that interest me most the motivation to learn is a tad low.
I just turned 20, and I am in my third year of college, still not very decided on what I am doing there. But my problem goes beyond what I am going to do in school or what I am going to do with my life, it governs what I do on a daily basis regardless of anything I have to do or have the opportunity to do.
The problem is that I can't get into any subject deeper than the surface because it doesn't seem interesting enough to learn that much about. Then I end up having a bunch of free time (during breaks at least) where I resort to doing the same old shit, defaulting to a game I have been playing for a while, and I'm sure this isn't helping me become interested in something. Most things my friends are doing or I am suggested to try out, either have such a high learning curve that it gets very dry to get into it enough for it to be fun or just seem very dry and pointless the moment I open a book on the subject.
There is nothing (that I am aware of) that I genuinely want to do. Some people just want to draw or play games or study some type of subject out of curiosity, but to me there is nothing that is interesting enough to actually draw me to act on it. Even the downtrodden have dreams, and here I am a suburban white kid that is wasting a life of considerable opportunity.
Looking back it seems like I have quite a history of similar behavior pretty much for as long as I can remember, I have only really passively gone to school (A's B's and a few C's) and came home to do the same type of time-killing activities.
Long story short, I have been treading water for 4+ years, besides thinking about what I would want to do. And I am at the point where it is getting very difficult to continue before figuring something out. I am taking 15 credits this upcoming quarter which should occupy me, but I predict I am going to feel the same feeling of emptiness and boredom. It is almost as if nothing is important enough to get deep into.
Feel free to ask any and all probing questions you may have, as I hope my answers might help you help me. I'm finding I don't have anything to wake up for in the morning.
Might be able to add more later but for now, this is all I can think of.
Edit: Now that I think of it a little more, one of my biggest interests is foreign language, but as there isn't really a job in that, nor am I going to travel soon, or don't have anyone nearby to speak the relatively uncommon languages that interest me most the motivation to learn is a tad low.
