Lack of Friends -> Therapy?

[Minuend]

So basically I'm wondering if one (<----ohhh subtle) have no friends to confide in, should one seek counselling from professionals?

Now, I do have certain internet frendzies, but I don't want to put unnecessary load on them.

 

[ApostateAbe]

I used to think it is a problem, but I don't think it is as much of a problem as most people think. Therapy didn't help for me. Time is what helped.

 

[digital angel]

If you'd like friends you could join a group that's centered around your interests and take it from there. For example, if you like board games, you could look for groups where people meet to play board games. If you like to hike or want to, you can find a hiking group. Then give yourself time.

 

[Minuend]

My greatest desire isn't getting new friends, I'm quite content on my own. But I do have some other issues that are pressing at me and I'm worried I'll eventually break... or something.

 

[Cavallier]

Speaking from experience I find it's good to have someone you can talk things over with. Someone to whom you can lay out your issues and get advice from. You do not necessary need this person to be a friend but they must be someone you can respect and trust as knowledgeable in whatever it is you need to talk to them about. That being said, it can be very difficult to respect and trust a therapist. I say this because for me it take a lot of time, understanding, and knowledge about a person before I trust/respect them. It can take me years. You don't want to pay for years of therapy just so you can reach the point of finally trusting them enough to respect their advice.

My advice is to consider the topic you need to talk about. List in your head the people in your life that you think will be comfortable with discussing and knowledgeable about this topic. (This could be anyone you know: Teachers, co-workers, family, friends, neighbors, the person you buy your groceries from. Anybody really that you know and see on a regular basis. Obviously you'll have to take into consideration how your topic/discussion might change your relationship because it probably will.) From this small pool of people take time and wait for a good low stress opportunity to breach the subject.

^That is one of those little skills I've taught myself so I can survive and adapt in a society of people with whom I generally don't want to be friends.

Edit: This isn't about your need for hugs is it?

 

[Awaken]

I think that it is always good to have someone to talk to. As much as we like being in our heads, there has to be an outlet for things that we tend to bottle up. Otherwise, it can become really bad.

If you do not have friends/family irl that you can go to about such things, then I do not see why therapy would be a bad thing. Of course, one would have to find a good therapist. Im sure the internet would help in narrowing down the choices of good therapists in your area.

On the otherhand, Im sure that there are plenty on the forum that would be willing to allow you to bounce your thoughts/ideas off of them and give you good advice/just listen.

 

[digital angel]

Speaking from experience I find it's good to have someone you can talk things over with. Someone to whom you can lay out your issues and get advice from. You do not necessary need this person to be a friend but they must be someone you can respect and trust as knowledgeable in whatever it is you need to talk to them about. That being said, it can be very difficult to respect and trust a therapist. I say this because for me it take a lot of time, understanding, and knowledge about a person before I trust/respect them. It can take me years. You don't want to pay for years of therapy just so you can reach the point of finally trusting them enough to respect their advice.

My advice is to consider the topic you need to talk about. List in your head the people in your life that you think will be comfortable with discussing and knowledgeable about this topic. (This could be anyone you know: Teachers, co-workers, family, friends, neighbors, the person you buy your groceries from. Anybody really that you know and see on a regular basis. Obviously you'll have to take into consideration how your topic/discussion might change your relationship because it probably will.) From this small pool of people take time and wait for a good low stress opportunity to breach the subject.

^That is one of those little skills I've taught myself so I can survive and adapt in a society of people with whom I generally don't want to be friends.

Edit: This isn't about your need for hugs is it?

I second this. Trust, respect and knowledge are very important. I'm fortunate to have friends/colleagues that fit the bill. I know that I can talk to them and they're really there for me. Good friends can fit the bill better than a therapist.

 

[crippli]

I think that's a good idea. You can ask your doctor pretty much anything, and could be a good place to start.

I think it makes sense to use professionals, and even better, specialists(I recommend the latter, the former mostly for common issues). Their job is to help others. That's why they are there.

Finding a specialist in the public care(so that this doesn't cost to much), that is the main problem. Last time I talked to a psycologist, I felt like I was teaching him, and payed him for it as well. So that was an depressive experience. I did get the stamp on the paper, mentally healthy. So I got what I came for.

I think a specialist is the way to go. There is less of a chance of throwing the money down the toilet. I've been seeing one, sometimes. But she is real expensive.

No experience with friends and complex problems. I think like you say, better not to put unnecessary load on them, although I'm sure they want to help, if they can.

 

[warryer]

My greatest desire isn't getting new friends, I'm quite content on my own. But I do have some other issues that are pressing at me and I'm worried I'll eventually break... or something.

Or something, eh? I believe I understand. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

I'm willing to listen if you need to say something.

 

[Melllvar]

So basically I'm wondering if one (<----ohhh subtle) have no friends to confide in, should one seek counselling from professionals?

I recommend not. Personal experience is that "professionals" tend to suck really badly, for one reason or another. They have no special magic ability to help you, maybe they'll say something useful and maybe not, but it's basically just like paying for a friend (at best). Not to mention the disgustingness of the concept of having to pay someone to listen to your problems.

I had to visit many psychologists when I was under 18, and even saw one or two while in college. Those experiences ranged from useless and unhelpful to horribly disastrous. IMO, stay away, I can't emphasize this enough.

Now, I do have certain internet frendzies, but I don't want to put unnecessary load on them.

I recommend doing it anyways. Surely you have at least one who wouldn't mind or would want to hear, if they are actually your friends.

 

[A22]

So basically I'm wondering if one (<----ohhh subtle) have no friends to confide in, should one seek counselling from professionals?

You mean... Because you think one's lack of friends is an issue or so one can have someone to confide in?

Either way I think it is only necessary if one thinks it is.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

So basically I'm wondering if one (<----ohhh subtle) have no friends to confide in, should one seek counselling from professionals?

Now, I do have certain internet frendzies, but I don't want to put unnecessary load on them.

I'm with using forums, but irl is even better, if you have people* close to you to do it with.

* - Ones you can trust and are comfortable around of course

 

[Vrecknidj]

My greatest desire isn't getting new friends, I'm quite content on my own. But I do have some other issues that are pressing at me and I'm worried I'll eventually break... or something.

That sounds like a good reason to consider therapy.

The difficulty is finding a good therapist. If money isn't an issue, or if you're exceedingly lucky, find yourself an analytical psychologist.

Dave

 

[Words]

we're social animals, so yes there is something biologically unstable there.

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

I don't want to put unnecessary load on them.

Minuend, that is your problem then. You are afraid of putting a load on others so you end up keeping to yourself. You need to understand that sometimes you must take control of a friendship, or else it dies.

 

[Cognisant]

Therapy is fun

Of course you don't need it.

And if you need someone to talk to, take your pick, everyone here would be more than happy to discuss whatever you happen to have on your mind, myself included.

 

[Minuend]

Thank you, this was all very helpful.

And scary

Minuend, that is your problem then. You are afraid of putting a load on others so you end up keeping to yourself. You need to understand that sometimes you must take control of a friendship, or else it dies.
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You know that dude in your class that is weird, talks annoyingly and behaves in such a way that you want to beat the crap out of him? I'm that person.

 

[SpaceYeti]

So basically I'm wondering if one (<----ohhh subtle) have no friends to confide in, should one seek counselling from professionals?

Now, I do have certain internet frendzies, but I don't want to put unnecessary load on them.

If I'm one of those intarwebz friends you mention, feel free to unload your problems on me, for a good friend is always there and I'm told I'm a good listener (because I don't talk a lot, I bet).

And if I'm not one of your friends then screw you! What, I'm not good enough? Well you're not good enough!

 

[Minuend]

I don't feel like having sex right now

 

[SpaceYeti]

I don't feel like having sex right now

I good for more than sex, like eating. I'm fantastic at eating.

 

[Melllvar]

I don't feel like having sex right now

I never understand how people can say things like this...

 

[SpaceYeti]

I never understand how people can say things like this...

Sometimes, you're tired or you already had sex recently, and some people prefer quality to quantity. Twice every three days is pretty ideal.

 

[Melllvar]

Twice every three days is pretty ideal.

Tsk. Sounds like somebody's getting old.

 

[SpaceYeti]

Tsk. Sounds like somebody's getting old.

Old, young, I don't give a shit. The sex I have now is ten times better than the sex I had a decade ago.

 

[Melllvar]

Old, young, I don't give a shit. The sex I have now is ten times better than the sex I had a decade ago.

I don't doubt it, but that's probably not specifically because you're having less of it.

(somehow this is turning into a serious conversation, when I'd really just intended the initial remark as a joke, plus this seems fairly off-topic)

 

[SpaceYeti]

I don't doubt it, but that's probably not specifically because you're having less of it.

(somehow this is turning into a serious conversation, when I'd really just intended the initial remark as a joke, plus this seems fairly off-topic)

Your mom's off topic!