Kids of INTP

[Stoic Beverage]

While I was flitting about between threads, I couldn't help but notice that many people here have ESFJ (or similar) parents. My mother is an ESFJ. I can't help but wonder why this trend is, as I imagine an ESFJ parent would be more likely to raise an ESFJ child.

It's obvious that the opposite of this is occurring, but why?
Also, do you think the children of INTP parents would be more likely to be ENFJ?

 

[Glordag]

I imagine that it's also a bit hard to get reliable numbers for this question, as typing your own parents surely introduces bias. I suspect that my father is INTJ and my mother is ENFJ.

I think there's already a thread for this somewhere, also. I recall reading about this someplace or another, and having a lot of INTPs pop up saying that they, in fact, had rational types for parents (NTs).

 

[Stoic Beverage]

Really? Hrm. I tried to search thoroughly. As far as I could find, it's only come up as side conversation.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I distinctly remember many non-ESFJ parents, the discussion was about genetics I think.

EDIT: http://intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=7860
I don't think it should be really considered as evidence for anything though. The process is too complex for pseudoscience to predict types from other types.

 

[Stoic Beverage]

Sigh. Oh, well.
I suppose I'll just let this thread wither, then.

 

[Cogwulf]

My entire family is introverts actually, but I've never really thought too much about what types my parents are, I know them too well to try labelling them. They are definitely introverts though.
My sister is an introvert, and I think all of my grandparents were probably introverts too. I actually think my grandad on my mothers side may have been an IxTP based on what I've heard about him, though I never really knew him.

 

[Architect]

My parents are ESFP & ESTJ. They produced all sensors and me.

I married an INFJ, and we have a (for sure) INTP son. Figure that one out.

 

[Solitaire U.]

How do you type a developing personality, and how does a parent type their own child without bias?

 

[Bird]

How do you type a developing personality, and how does a parent type their own child without bias?

You don't.

 

[Agapooka]

From my own biased analysis, my father is an ESFJ and my mother is an ISTP.

Oi.

 

[Andropov]

My dad is an ENFJ and my mom is an INFP.

 

[Architect]

You don't.

What is the basis for this assessment? Any kids yourself? You don't know until you have one.

Regarding bias, I never wanted an INTP, I expected a Sensor (statistically likely) and looked forward to somebody different. Being one I knew the difficulties and didn't wish that on my kid. As it was, early upbringing was a disaster, I tried parenting like he was a S (authoritarian, which I understand works with S's from my S friends), just caused him to rebel, to an uncontrollable degree. Just like me as a kid.

I didn't think he was one but couldn't figure it out, it was my wife that clued me in. After a long time watching and thinking I realized she was right. Then, as an experiment, I started to treat him like an INTP to see the results. Like, when telling him that something wasn't allowed, I explained the rational basis for it, and gave him a choice between minor alternatives, instead of saying it's because thats the rules. Other examples ... anyhow he loved it. Eventually tailored his upbringing to one for an INTP, for example he hates sports, especially team ones (barely lasted one half season of kid basketball.) But I got him into swimming, because otherwise if I let him he would never leave the computer and the legos, and the two of us go three times a week. It's perfect, much fewer 'attack of the shadow Fe blowups', and better stability and focus in general. Oh god, yes total lack of any emotional maturity but the brain of a super computer, anyhow ...

As to how you know, you'll find out when you're a parent. Type and personality is largely set in the womb. Sure a lot changes while they grow up, but the basic pattern is written in the genes. His cousin is an ESFP, and you literally could tell in the womb. He was crazy, kicking, moving around, punching. My kid slept all day ...

 

[cheese]

^That's how my parents raised me, and going off the majority of other childhood accounts here, I'd say it really made a difference - and is sadly rare. So yeah, kids who were raised by parents who sucked and/or didn't get you AT ALL, don't let that be the model for how you relate to the world forever, though it'll be really easy to slip into that because your head's been moulded that way.

On the other hand, being raised by people who sort of understand you indicates a high likelihood that they're slightly weird themselves. In which case you probably never learned how to socialise properly or sustain yourself in normal society. But at least you're happier with yourself and probably have a mindset better suited for success. (I should probably add that chances are you haven't learned enough normal tricks for success by normal standards, but you can't have it all. Cakes are for blind people and mantelpieces.)

I don't know what I'd do if I DIDN'T have an INTP kid. Weird raised by weird is fine, normal raised by normal is fine, but I could so easily be the weird parent the normal kid is embarrassed by, the useless one who forgets to pay bills (which reminds me, shit) and turns up at school meetings in bedroom slippers. Dammit, what's wrong with genetic engineering anyway? It's an opportunity for growth too - in a jar of jell-o and exactly to your specifications.

 

[Agent Intellect]

There is good evidence that the way our parents raise us has little to do with how we turn out as adults (The Nurture Assumption). There is a higher correlation between genetics (adopted children having personality traits of their biological parents) than to how we are raised (adopted children's personalities have very little statistical correlation with their adopted parents).

 

[Jennywocky]

As to how you know, you'll find out when you're a parent. Type and personality is largely set in the womb. Sure a lot changes while they grow up, but the basic pattern is written in the genes. His cousin is an ESFP, and you literally could tell in the womb. He was crazy, kicking, moving around, punching. My kid slept all day ...

Agreed, both of my bio kids were evident pretty early -- my eldest was obviously INP by age 1-2 (his T because evident after he could talk for awhile), and my ESFP kid I had guessed shortly after birth. he was a nurse magnet, extremely extroverted, happy, and loud, and got into everything.

He was also born on opening Olympic night in 1996, and popped out before any of the nurses were ready for him, wrapped in his cords as if he were performing on the arial rings. That pretty much describes him now at age 14: You can never keep that kid in a box.

Kids show their wiring pretty early, although the internalized functions might be harder to discriminate (like Ti/Fi) until they get language skills.

There is good evidence that the way our parents raise us has little to do with how we turn out as adults (The Nurture Assumption). There is a higher correlation between genetics (adopted children having personality traits of their biological parents) than to how we are raised (adopted children's personalities have very little statistical correlation with their adopted parents).

Yeah, they can acquire learned behaviors, but it doesn't really change type -- it just helps determine how it is expressed or channeled. Different types of parents try to control various types of personality. All of our family except for the ESFP is an introvert, and by the time he was five, we were clamping down far too hard on him, and he got depressed, unsure of himself, ashamed, withdraw, etc. We realized we needed to ease up and let him be louder and freer to express himself, and within a month or two, he was back to himself. I think since kids do acquire 'skills,' the typing of the parent impacts that; my life is far different for having an ISFJ mother than it would have been with an ENFP mother, for example.

 

[cheese]

There is good evidence that the way our parents raise us has little to do with how we turn out as adults (The Nurture Assumption). There is a higher correlation between genetics (adopted children having personality traits of their biological parents) than to how we are raised (adopted children's personalities have very little statistical correlation with their adopted parents).

I don't think "how we turn out as adults" is the same as "personality". I'd relate it more to general outlook, manner of relating and attaching to people (eg the three attachment styles), dealing with conflict, etc, all of which have been strongly associated with the home environment iirc, though I can't think of any references off the top of my head. Although perhaps none of that is relevant to the level of understanding and the degree of successful relation a parent has to a child.

 

[descendant]

my mother is ISFJ and my father is ESTP
there are a lot of factors to think of that may influence someone's personality
perhaps genetic is only a very small percent in there somewhere and the rest are from the surroundings while growing up

 

[Architect]

^That's how my parents raised me, and going off the majority of other childhood accounts here, I'd say it really made a difference - and is sadly rare. So yeah, kids who were raised by parents who sucked and/or didn't get you AT ALL, don't let that be the model for how you relate to the world forever, though it'll be really easy to slip into that because your head's been moulded that way.

On the other hand, being raised by people who sort of understand you indicates a high likelihood that they're slightly weird themselves. In which case you probably never learned how to socialise properly or sustain yourself in normal society. But at least you're happier with yourself and probably have a mindset better suited for success. (I should probably add that chances are you haven't learned enough normal tricks for success by normal standards, but you can't have it all. Cakes are for blind people and mantelpieces.)

I don't know what I'd do if I DIDN'T have an INTP kid. Weird raised by weird is fine, normal raised by normal is fine, but I could so easily be the weird parent the normal kid is embarrassed by, the useless one who forgets to pay bills (which reminds me, shit) and turns up at school meetings in bedroom slippers. Dammit, what's wrong with genetic engineering anyway? It's an opportunity for growth too - in a jar of jell-o and exactly to your specifications.

My parents were/are perfectly normal, as much as I complain about my upbringing I was pretty lucky. Here's the trick - I was the youngest of four. By the time they got to me there were already too many kids to handle, so they gave me (as I demanded) more freedom. They were worried, sure about the weirdo, but I made it clear as a baby that I had to be independent. It worked out pretty well. My mother still tries to convert me to religion, and worries about my oddities, but my Dad totally gets me. Good parents overall.

Anyhow on your other point, yes I suspect that some of the really deviant and/or unsuccessful INTP's were raised in a mismatched household. My wife worries about our kid going off the rails like a lot of (apparently) INTP's, but I think it's very unlikely. Different story if we were S's and didn't get him. As for balancing him out, I remind her that the school system is doing a good job of that. He had one ENFP teacher (whom he loved), the rest are these intense sensors, XSXJ mostly as you'd expect in the lower grades. Combined with the stupid No Child Left Behind, he's learning to get his work done on time, something I wouldn't be able to do very well.

 

[Architect]

Kids show their wiring pretty early, although the internalized functions might be harder to discriminate (like Ti/Fi) until they get language skills.
...
Yeah, they can acquire learned behaviors, but it doesn't really change type -- it just helps determine how it is expressed or channeled.

Agreed. What threw me with mine was the extraversion - he loved being with other kids, and loved being outside. Then, one day, didn't care about being outside much. He 'got it', and was on to other things (the computer - I had to get him his own with Parental Controls.) On extraversion my wife pointed out that's normal for kids, and for him it was intense as he really explored it. Then one day, again, he got it. No more extroversion, and he went into more of a contemplative shell.

Fortunately his teachers (SJ's) are bright enough to get him. Beginning of the year they were ready to put him in the Special Learning program (autistic etc.) I worked with him to get over the anger of having to do by rote work. The other day one of the teachers said "he's one of those students who looks like they have no clue, but in reality know exactly what is going on" and moved him to an advanced learning track. Thank god ....