lesliesrussell
Redshirt
A few weeks ago something amazing happened. I took a really long test. The site generated a report detailing my personality type as INTP-A. I usually think of these sorts of tests as noting more than mumbo-jumbo akin to those astrological blurbs one reads in the newspaper in that they are so vague that they can be applied to any situation--something for everyone. However, as I read the profile generated for me, I found myself nodding in agreement, and at one point saying aloud, "How the hell else are you supposed to live?" Thinking that there might be something in the assessment I set about testing its efficacy.
To that end, I took the test again, and again, first from the view points of the few people I knew well, and later as a liar. After taking the test multiple times, from multiple sites, and at various times of day, I concluded that there was indeed merit in the methodology. Next, I began to interview others about their personality types. Had they taken the test? If so, did their results jibe with what they knew about themselves, did their results jibe with what I knew about them ; if not, would they take the assessment and be willing to explore, and discuss their results? The last few weeks have been both exciting and enlightening, if a little disheartening.
I am excited because, through my limited experimentation, this seems an accurate description of the constituent parts of the human race. I am almost depressed that I have found this so late in life. Had I known at twenty, what I learned last month at fourty-seven, how much different my life might have been. I have always considered myself to be abnormal, rather than rare. I have always been this way. I was never young. I have always wanted to move to the next level in whatever my endeavor--be it schooling, or work. While some are accused of thinking inside the box, and others are praised for thinking outside the box, I have spent my life thinking about the box, what it contains, what it is made of, and its function in the universe. I have applied the scientific method to every aspect of my life, from religion, to relationships. I feel more capable behind a keyboard, than beside a partner. I'd rather be alone, but I need people as sounding boards.
My wife calls me a collector of hobbies. But I am a collector of knowledge. I need (and need is not a strong enough word) to be an expert in anything that interests me. Until I am qualified in my own mind to speak, or act on a given subject...I don't. People tend to love me, until they get to know me. After that, the most they can stomach is a grudging respect. I am, and have always been the guy you come to when you need a solution. At any of my many jobs, I have somehow become the defacto analyst/detective. My wife hates me because I make sudden judgments based on (what to her, seems) limited information. For instance, when watching a movie, within the first five minutes I have discerned the entire plot, outcome, and often the denouement. However, my judgment is not based on guessing or mere intuition, rather it is my extensive research into plot structure and types. If I read an article in a newspaper about a recent crime, I can generally tell the culprit, and the motive with scary accuracy.
I don't say all this to brag, but simply to describe the hell I have lived in my entire life. I have attempted may time to find an explanation for these aspects of my mind. I have researched occultism, mysticism, possession, autism, savant-ism, and a plethora of other avenues. None has come so close to a sort of "grand universal theory," as has the result of that simple series of letters, INTP-A
To that end, I took the test again, and again, first from the view points of the few people I knew well, and later as a liar. After taking the test multiple times, from multiple sites, and at various times of day, I concluded that there was indeed merit in the methodology. Next, I began to interview others about their personality types. Had they taken the test? If so, did their results jibe with what they knew about themselves, did their results jibe with what I knew about them ; if not, would they take the assessment and be willing to explore, and discuss their results? The last few weeks have been both exciting and enlightening, if a little disheartening.
I am excited because, through my limited experimentation, this seems an accurate description of the constituent parts of the human race. I am almost depressed that I have found this so late in life. Had I known at twenty, what I learned last month at fourty-seven, how much different my life might have been. I have always considered myself to be abnormal, rather than rare. I have always been this way. I was never young. I have always wanted to move to the next level in whatever my endeavor--be it schooling, or work. While some are accused of thinking inside the box, and others are praised for thinking outside the box, I have spent my life thinking about the box, what it contains, what it is made of, and its function in the universe. I have applied the scientific method to every aspect of my life, from religion, to relationships. I feel more capable behind a keyboard, than beside a partner. I'd rather be alone, but I need people as sounding boards.
My wife calls me a collector of hobbies. But I am a collector of knowledge. I need (and need is not a strong enough word) to be an expert in anything that interests me. Until I am qualified in my own mind to speak, or act on a given subject...I don't. People tend to love me, until they get to know me. After that, the most they can stomach is a grudging respect. I am, and have always been the guy you come to when you need a solution. At any of my many jobs, I have somehow become the defacto analyst/detective. My wife hates me because I make sudden judgments based on (what to her, seems) limited information. For instance, when watching a movie, within the first five minutes I have discerned the entire plot, outcome, and often the denouement. However, my judgment is not based on guessing or mere intuition, rather it is my extensive research into plot structure and types. If I read an article in a newspaper about a recent crime, I can generally tell the culprit, and the motive with scary accuracy.
I don't say all this to brag, but simply to describe the hell I have lived in my entire life. I have attempted may time to find an explanation for these aspects of my mind. I have researched occultism, mysticism, possession, autism, savant-ism, and a plethora of other avenues. None has come so close to a sort of "grand universal theory," as has the result of that simple series of letters, INTP-A
