ISTJ = meanest?, ENFP = nicest?

[knight in battle]

I have a roommate who I type as ISTJ.

The reason why I typed my roommate in the first place was because he seemed so reserved when I saw him in group situations. He is, as we all discussed here, very loyal and consistent in his habits. Same demeanor and clothing everyday.

In the beginning we played sport and games together, but as time went on, I began to experience him as indeed a "wet blanket". Some of his statements are not only direct (as any NT would be) but also be made with the tone of making a command or demeaning judgment. I remember talking to a roommate about doing artwork. And he said, "Don't waste your time," with a tone of ridicule and absolute certainty, as if he was in charge of my life.

The thing with him is I experience this person as treating everyone in our house (including me) as some sort of irresponsible child or employee who needs to be scolded. But there are those silly unexpected moments when he is clearly vulnerable, tiptoeing around as if he were scared of interacting with me, when all I'm doing is reading something quietly.

So yes, "mean" is one way of putting it. "Controlling" and "power hungry" are also good terms.

 

[Jean Paul]

From my experience ESTJs and ESFJs can be pretty means..

 

[Words]

Hah, this thread...

I think I was simply looking for Fe here. ENFJ's are easily the social-flower, unless amidst a Ti-dom social context where subjective appeals are ignored and more likely frowned upon. Not sure about "meanest", either the stoic, aware Ti or the stoic, unaware Te.

 

[pjoa09]

From my experience, ENFPs are nice. But they have an equal chance to be bat shit crazy mean.

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

Generally speaking, Thinkers are more oriented towards the self in their judgements, so have a tendency to be cold. Feelers orient beyond the self with their judgements, so are the nicest, but also the meanest (as opposed to being selfish and inconsiderate). The higher the level of feeling, the higher the level of like/dislike towards things in their own right.

 

[Jelly Rev]

ENFPs are the bomb.
ISTJ's are icky, I have a roomate as well who is an ISTJ. They are ugh, no abstract thought and are asses. The worst thing you can ever do is put an ISTJ on equal footing, then they will start Berate you, acting like they are better than you. You must consciously pull out your power card just to make him knock it off when it gets him annoying.

They never blame stuff on themselves, but its always your fault when you mess up. And to top it off they blah blah about worthless sensory information.
With my INTJ friend many convos go, "Dude!, what if?!?!" while the ISTJ goes "Dude, what is!?!"
and "what is" is a boring objective statement. ask an N what if? its cool, ask an ENFP what if? its amazing.

What really irks me about ISTJ's though is how some convos are framed.
I asked roomate "How does that work?" he says "blah blah blah...or at least I think"
I'm thinkin u made me waste all that time for at the end to tell me you dont know!! arrggghh
I could have and did think that, u r timewaster.

PS: N's are superior, its science.

 

[thesmileybunny]

I'm currently dating an ISTJ and he does seem like a mean person due to his bluntness but really he's a nice guy inside... Although somewhat psychotic (He thinks too much about things).

 

[knight in battle]

The worst thing you can ever do is put an ISTJ on equal footing, then they will start Berate you, acting like they are better than you. You must consciously pull out your power card just to make him knock it off when it gets him annoying.

They never blame stuff on themselves, but its always your fault when you mess up.

Wow, Jelly Rev, I thought I was the only one who thought this. My roommate is just exactly that - Power Struggle! Honestly my ISTJ roommate is the same way. WhenEVER I place him on equal footing, the power struggle begins. Every action and sentence is this thick, wet blanket that makes me think, "I can't maintain my 'ground' with this guy, because equality doesn't work, even though I'm an NF."

One time, I didn't retreat or do small talk with him. I just maintained an "authoritative", non-playful, non-accommodating mood. He literally shivers whenever I use my assertive, authoritative stance. This guy is a total SJ. Everything is about rank. I feel sorry for his total lack of social grace, but even an INCH of empathy toward him is like a sign telling him, "You can treat me like your irresponsible child whom you can scold, control, and command." The only way to treat him is to be like his tough, no-nonsense superior at a workplace or military base.

 

[MKuma64]

Hello, I'm an new to this forum but I would like to chime in. My fellow sibling is an ESTJ/P and he is the worst possible MBTI match for me. Yesterday, he came back for Christmas break and we have already had three feuds in such a scant amount of time. He does not seem to listen to logic and reason and uses the power of BS to "win". Generally, I believe they are the biggest A holes to ever walk the face of the earth.

 

[Zionoxis]

As it turns out, my father is ISTJ instead of INTJ. The function list lines up perfectly at that point. From my experience, ISTJ's really do have a heart, but I notice that he has more social trouble than I do (INTP). He talks occasionally, but he talks less than me...and gives far less feedback to whatever idea I am toying with at the time (I know I sound like an ENTP, I'm not, I promise).

I don't believe they are mean, they are just more socially challenged than we are...and I have found that to be...interesting. Mind you, while with my mom signing up for college, my social anxiety was at a peak...so it may be best not to judge.

 

[knight in battle]

As it turns out, my father is ISTJ instead of INTJ. The function list lines up perfectly at that point. From my experience, ISTJ's really do have a heart, but I notice that he has more social trouble than I do (INTP). He talks occasionally, but he talks less than me...and gives far less feedback to whatever idea I am toying with at the time (I know I sound like an ENTP, I'm not, I promise).

I know a girl who is ISTJ, and I can see that she doesn't say things to be mean, even when she's not always warm and fuzzy. She laughs at my jokes.

In principle, I see a lot in my ISTJ roommate that I see in myself. There is a very strong reclusive, isolationist tendency. He's not a mean person unless it comes to household rules. He is preeminently incapable in social situations, whereas I usually find a way to fake it or interact with familiar friends. He has indicated that he has friends, yet I see him looking like he's severely lonely, which indicates to me that his friendships aren't satisfying or deep.

 

[Jelly Rev]

he is preeminently incapable in social situations, whereas I usually find a way to fake it or interact with familiar friends. He has indicated that he has friends, yet I see him looking like he's severely lonely, which indicates to me that his friendships aren't satisfying or deep.

Same story yet again. I though ponder the depth of Sensor relations.

 

[knight in battle]

Same story yet again. I though ponder the depth of Sensor relations.

I'm glad we agree on ISTJ's.

Sensor relations are wonderfully curious, and I want to emphasize the interactive/conversational aspect of such relations.

My ISFJ brother prioritizes all his conversations to the matters "at hand"; ie. practical concerns. when my father (whom I type also as ISFJ) brings up some practical issue about car maintenance, where we should have lunch, finance issues, etc, my brother will immediately ignore what I am saying and talk to our father until he deems that he has satisfactorily resolved the matter. (I usually talk to him about relational issues, people, institutions, politics, religion, random topics of interest, etc, generally with a future possibility/oriented style of thinking of course. I tend to place immediate concerns in the background of my mind, once I see that those concerns are being taken care of by someone.) The depth of his interaction seems to center on "practical concerns", finances, etc.

My ESFJ friend is loyal to his religious group, fraternity, and institutions. His relationships are deep to the extent of regular interaction within these groups. Even the activities which he himself instigates are group-oriented and centered on the common goals of these communities. Again, the interactions and depth have less to do with the persons - although he does have his best friends (being an extrovert) - as much as they have to do with the institutional/group values and goals. His interactions have the depth of reinforcing his institutional values.

My ESFP classmate, a playful, artistic, and alert individual, seems to center all the "depth" of his interaction on his activity-oriented friendship circles. There is again a level of loyalty, not to an institution or value per se, but to the activity-defined friendship group... whether it be video games or card games. The depth of his interaction comes from the common activity; eg. in our interactions in regard to our class subject/activities. Even our playful and humorous conversations with each other spring specifically from what we "do" within the class or what he "does" or "experiences" at work and have less to do with the actual people involved. This is the extent of the depth.

I'd be interested in your findings or thoughts.

 

[Owfin]

I HATE YOU ALL!

I'm not the sterotypical ISTJ. I'm fun, I'm animated, and I doubt authority. I think no type is all mean or all nice. Some ENFPs can be right b**ches.

 

[BigApplePi]

I HATE YOU ALL!

ALL? You must be a person of vision. How deep does this hatred go and is it equal for everyone?

 

[Owfin]

ALL? You must be a person of vision. How deep does this hatred go and is it equal for everyone?

It is equal for all who do not get my jokes.

 

[BigApplePi]

It is equal for all who do not get my jokes.

I believe in equality. When I tell a joke either it has a punch line or it does not. If it does not, it's because I've forgotten it. If it does, I don't get it either.

 

[Lobstrich]

I doubt ENFP is the "nicest"

A lot of people on this forum insist on me being ENFP (despite the fact that they do not know me) while their argumentation for this is that I'm basically an asshole.

 

[HDINTP]

They don't mean to be mean.

I also think so

 

[Wu Flung Dung]

Okay, I just want to say...

ENFPs and ENFJs have Fi, which often (especially if uncontrolled) makes them think of their own feelings first before others'. They dwell on themselves and their wants. (... Maybe not all ENFPs are like that, but all the ones I've met (including those to whom I am related) all fit this description.)

Yes, ENFPs are people-lovers, but it's usually because people make THEM feel good, not because they genuinely want to help others. And if anyone makes them feel BAD, especially about THEMSELVES... well, then watch out.

... And ISTJs are just sarcastic. *laugh*

... But I guess anyone can be a boob, no matter the Type. Except ESTJs. ESTJs are pretty boobish.

I kinda hate to agree with this but I do. I do not know about ENFJs but the ENFPs I have known are all about how you make them feel. If they do not like you because who you are does not make them happy or is not in agreement with their values they can get very, very mean and nasty without provocation...all the Fi types seem to have this trait to some extent. However, let me say as well that all the ENFPs I have known did seem to have some type of personality disorder especially borderline PD so that might have influenced things negatively.

 

[GYX_Kid]

I vote for meanest people I've seen, as ISTJ and INTJ.

So much Pi, then followed by Te and Fi can definitely create a recipe for the perfect asshole. It seems to be more likely for the introverts than extroverts to build up repression, unreleased hostility, less practice socializing appropriately, etc.

I've seen really really overly "nice" ENFPs, but nice in kind of a dumb and indiscriminate-ish way.


It's interesting to see stories up there, of people who have had ISTJ roommates who were not necessarily "mean" on purpose; but would constantly berate according to their personal god called the Rules, felt 100% justified in imposing it onto others but would never acknowledge other values, believed a little too much in a power-dominance hierarchy via every random interaction for no reason, etc. Because I had the exact same situation, as well.

So at the time (which now I'm not so proud of), I basically lowered myself to animal-standards since that was what I viewed my roommate as residing in, and did something pretty damn mean. Then later I met an INTJ (who was a really fucked up person), who showed me real evil unlike my or my roommate's lame shit.

If that INTJ by some minute chance happens to be reading this, you know who you are, you know who I am; I'm not hurt by your poison anymore, and understand that you will for life be trapped in states of misery and fear far worse than anything you gave me a taste of. If that's a facet of your "competition," good luck being surrounded by people hopelessly better off than you...even when your greatest attempts at terrorism do barely anything in comparison. How much raging envy can one handle, on top of all the other agony you face? Not my game, (well it was temporarily since I got to witness your failure), sucks for you!


*mentally notes to practice faux-Fi some more*

 

[GYX_Kid]

To be real, the (actually) meanest person who needs to be destroyed that I've had contact with, was probably an ESFx (could be P or J).