INTP's and New Friends

[MuddyWaters]

For most of my high school experience I have surrounded myself with very good, very N friends. However, almost all are a year older than me and have left for college, leaving me stuck with mildly-to-severly annoying high schoolers, most of whom are ESFJ's or ISFJ's. Not necessarily bad, but very different.

What is your experience with thriving and even making new friends in a predominantly S high school environment? How do you make friends with extroverted coworkers? And, just out of curiosity, how long did it take you to become good friends with your closest group of friends?

 

[Architect]

I've rarely found iNtuitives in my environment. Growing up - zilch (except possibly one grade school teacher who really liked me, the rest sucked.) My family are all S. In High School I dated one probable INFX, who I still see around town, but it didn't work out at the time (which was OK as found my INFJ soul mate later). My high school buddies were all S (ESTJ, ESFJ, ESFP), who I eventually abandoned as I couldn't stand it anymore. College and grad school contained more iNtuitives, but we were so busy ... Work is 95%+ Sensor, and my present work is 100% I believe.

Other than my immediate family (INFJ wife INTP son) I've unfortunately found N's hard to find. The Sensors eventually bore or piss me off so I don't have a lot of old friends hanging around. My present two best friends are an INTP and an ISFP.

So anyhow I do like this ISFP I hang out with, and I enjoyed the S friends at the time. While I wasn't able to keep the friendships up over the long haul generally, I found shorter term S friendships worked out.

 

[intpz]

Why not be alone instead of feeling fucked up because of it? I spend my time alone, and I'm over 20. I doubt that 1% of my life I have spend talking to people if we exclude my mom (because we live together, unfortunately). Even if we would exclude the hours spend sleeping. Hell, probably wouldn't be .5%!

I didn't have a single friend in high-school until 6th grade, then spend some time with a classmate of mine in the 7th and 8th grades. After that, me going out was a rare event, and when I did, I always hated it. Though I wanted a break from the bullshit at home. After 10th grade I stopped going out at all, maybe once in a month or two. In 11th or early 12th grade I started taking walks alone, I still do to date. Rarely though. I didn't speak to any classmates except two guys who I hated anyway in 7th and 8th grades. So 10/12 years of not speaking to anyone except "do you've a pencil?"

I'm okay with that, and I believe I feel much better than I would've if I had hung out with SF/SJ types. I really don't understand the need to be social...

 

[Etheri]

I have quite a few S friends. While i'll never get as close to them as I would to N's, they're still fine to hang out with. They tire me, annoy me and hopelessly misunderstand me at times, but it's not TOO bad. You just learn to talk about meaningless subjects that don't concern you whatsoever. You're physically around them, but only 5% of your brain is actually there.

While the subjects aren't your favorite, and they don't truly understand you, you can have mindless fun together. You can laugh about the same stupid jokes. They can be supportive without understanding the problems. They can genuinly care for you, and in the end, most of the time that's enough. Just be careful with what you say to whom. Know what to expect.

 

[intpz]

I have quite a few S friends. While i'll never get as close to them as I would to N's, they're still fine to hang out with. They tire me, annoy me and hopelessly misunderstand me at times, but it's not TOO bad. You just learn to talk about meaningless subjects that don't concern you whatsoever. You're physically around them, but only 5% of your brain is actually there.

While the subjects aren't your favorite, and they don't truly understand you, you can have mindless fun together. You can laugh about the same stupid jokes. They can be supportive without understanding the problems. They can genuinly care for you, and in the end, most of the time that's enough. Just be careful with what you say to whom. Know what to expect.

I don't see much fun in that.

 

[PhoenixRising]

My best friends from high school were definitely introverts, a couple were also N types. Most of the people I knew were extroverts though, only one of these friendships lasted outside of high school. I spent a lot of time alone in the forest around my school during lunch. That's what I preferred.

Making friends is something that takes conscious effort for me. I've always made friends quickly though. Although I tend to be exceedingly introverted, if I like someone, I make a forward effort to make it obvious I want to be friends. People generally like me a lot, so I almost never get rejected. There were a few times though, when I had joined a group due to peer pressure, that they straight up told me I was weird and they didn't want me around. Kids are mean sometimes, best not to take it seriously.

 

[PhoenixRising]

I have quite a few S friends. While i'll never get as close to them as I would to N's, they're still fine to hang out with. They tire me, annoy me and hopelessly misunderstand me at times, but it's not TOO bad. You just learn to talk about meaningless subjects that don't concern you whatsoever. You're physically around them, but only 5% of your brain is actually there.

While the subjects aren't your favorite, and they don't truly understand you, you can have mindless fun together. You can laugh about the same stupid jokes. They can be supportive without understanding the problems. They can genuinly care for you, and in the end, most of the time that's enough. Just be careful with what you say to whom. Know what to expect.

When hanging out with the type of people you're talking about, I don't usually join conversations I'm not interested in. Instead, I provide comic relief; satirical commentary on their conversations, jokes, even let them laugh at my weirdness. This makes them laugh, and I enjoy it as well. I find it a better solution than "small talk".

 

[Etheri]

I don't see much fun in that.

For lack of better alternative. And, they genuinly care. They're true friends, they just simply cannot provide what I need. I can laugh and have fun with them, I cannot have deep intelligent conversations with them. It's all fine as long as you stay aware of what you're talking about to whom. Saying the wrong things near the wrong people causes 'trouble'. I'm not sure how to explain this, but ask on if you wish to know, I've just often felt capable of 'leeching other peoples happiness'. Being happy by being around happy people. Who cares if they're happy sensors, I just need to be near them for the effect.

When hanging out with the type of people you're talking about, I don't usually join conversations I'm not interested in. Instead, I provide comic relief; satirical commentary on their conversations, jokes, even let them laugh at my weirdness. This makes them laugh, and I enjoy it as well. I find it a better solution than "small talk".

I don't really mind smalltalk. It bores me, but i've learnt to go with it, and at times (rarely) even talk about random stuff myself. Obviously the topics are (subtly) diffrent, but it's still fun chatter. If i'm not up for it, I'll change subjects. It's honestly not that hard to change the subject unless they're in some emotional mood and need someone to share their hearts with. (Which rarely happens as I will start logically answering to everything even tho I know I shouldn't...)

I let them laugh at my weirdness, but that's not the only thing we laugh about. I'm honestly not too bad at making random, admittingly sometimes offensive, funny remarks about whatever subject they're talking about, and we'll all laugh. I'll admit, even then, sometimes I'll be silently grinning at jokes i'll never tell in their prescence, cause they wouldn't understand, but is that so bad? Is it inherently diffrent from smalltalk?

When i'm near sensors I basically have an additional filter on what i'm saying. As an introvert, I feel it comes somewhat naturally to think about what i'm saying. When i'm near sensors, i'll be saying diffrent things than when i'm near intuitives. While I'm more interested in the talks with intuitives, laughing about random stuff is the same with both kinds, regardless of the jokes being diffrent.

 

[intpz]

For lack of better alternative. And, they genuinly care. They're true friends, they just simply cannot provide what I need. I can laugh and have fun with them, I cannot have deep intelligent conversations with them. It's all fine as long as you stay aware of what you're talking about to whom. Saying the wrong things near the wrong people causes 'trouble'. I'm not sure how to explain this, but ask on if you wish to know, I've just often felt capable of 'leeching other peoples happiness'. Being happy by being around happy people. Who cares if they're happy sensors, I just need to be near them for the effect.

To me a better alternative is to read a book or take my PC apart. It isn't necessary for me to be with a bunch of people. I don't see another reason why you would want that.