INTP's and ESTJ's?

[Mary]

Do they get along well? I've heard that a pairing of this sort can be both good and bad, so I'd like to get some real life experiences from some of you guys.

 

[Words]

Its been difficult for me. It's been hard to relate to that person but I try. Too different to have an even 5 minute conversation. But let's not give up.

 

[shoeless]

you know how they say that every girl wants to marry someone just like their dad?

well, yeah. fuck that.

i mean i guess it depends on who they are and everything, but a socially liberal free-thinking INTP + a socially and politically conservative braindead might-as-well-be-a-child ESTJ = lots and lots of bad times.

 

[Mary]

Hehehe
The thing is I'm considered politcally conservative by most people. In an odd way, of course.
But the whole 'always foolow the rules' thing really bothered me. I wouldn't want to even TALK with someone like that at all.. It would just disturb me too much.
I know an ESTJ in real life and they aren't like that at all.. I even doubt that they're actually that personality type at all, but I'm not sure. I guess I just can't imagine mindlessly obeying rules and regulations. It just, eughh. Disgusts me.

 

[Sparrow]

you know how they say that every girl wants to marry someone just like their dad?

well, yeah. fuck that.

i mean i guess it depends on who they are and everything, but a socially liberal free-thinking INTP + a socially and politically conservative braindead might-as-well-be-a-child ESTJ = lots and lots of bad times.

She speaks the truth.

 

[ashitaria]

I don't think that we'd get along with ESTJs.

They are assertive, dogmatic. A big no-no for us INTPs who need our space.

They like to do things by the book, they are narrow-minded, and people who generally think they are always right because of the rules. Another big no-no for us INTPs.

If everyone in the world was INTPs, it would have been a bad time for those leader-type personalities.

Like they say, "Thank god for the leaders that men don't think for themselves."

 

[fullerene]

same as shoeless... I only know one ESTJ for sure, and he still (at 55ish) throws what are basically temper tantrums when things don't go his way.

I honestly think they'd be pretty cool if you were their boss at a job, or something, and put out even a slight amount of effort to look like you knew what you were doing. Put them in some position where they think they have authority over you, though (even if that means you're a woman thinking of getting together with an ESTJ guy--because I'd bet that constitutes a position of authority in their worldview, being the traditional types), and I think your life would quickly become miserable.

That said, I did have one "math of physics" professor who may have been an ESTJ (definitely ExTJ... but hard to tell on the N/S) who was a beast teaching people. You could go to his office saying "I'm confused, and I don't even know where I'm confused" and he would have you out of there knowing exactly how this type of problem worked in less than 10 minutes. Nevertheless, I got the impression that his anger was always restrained, and if he thought you were 'questioning him' ("why does this method of solving the problem work better than this other one?" rather than "I don't understand this"), his mood would turn sour in a hurry.

I'm not gonna say all ESTJs are bad news, or anything... tbh, I don't usually try to type people I meet in real life very often... but since all you were asking for was experience, mine has been "not good."

 

[Robbaz]

I can go on for hours about this one. I am married to an ESTJ for 11 years now, and let me tell you it's been rough in a lot of ways but I can't tell you enough how much I have needed her as well. I have only recently discovered the MBTI, about a year ago, so prior to that it's been hell trying to make her happy as well as myself. We've been making progress year by year and becoming more adaptable, but that has only been by us observing each other and learning how to "tolerate" our indifferences.

Once I discovered the INTP world, in particular, Paul James essay, I realized that there really wasn't anything wrong with me, and the down-sides of being INTP (not being able to finish projects, procrastinating, not able to fit in with the "normal" crowds, having a little dark-side, over-analyzing everything, you know, all the normal INTP stuff), was actually a benefit in other ways. We offer so much to the world with all our ideas, intellect and other gifts, that we are such a needed part of society. However, getting back to the ESTJ topic, they are WAY different than us in almost every way possible. But here are the similarities and benefits of being married to an ESTJ that I've found:

1. Able to have logical conversations, (they just tune out quicker. You want to keep analyzing, they want to move on with something more important).
2. Able to maintain normal everyday routine tasks that we hate doing, (laundry, bills, clean house, etc.)
3. Able to create the social side that we desperately need.
4. Able to bring you back down to reality when your mind is out of the stratosphere with the next BIG idea.
5. Although normally harshly done, they are able to get you back on track with the important things in life that we have a tough time keeping up on,
6. They do the planning. I love this, because I am such a last minute person on almost everything. I like to keep things spontaneous and open, but that gets me into trouble a lot. She helps remedy that.
7. When you bring her ideas, she is able to make them practical and often able to help you carry them out to completion.
8. Even though they are social, they're not social butterflies. They are not obnoxiously over-extraverted show-offs. I really despise being around those people too often, so having her a little more reserved but still being your social plug-in is important.

There are more, but all of those benefits don't come easy. When we first got married, I was like an alien to her. She just did not get me at all and I really had a tough time with her. But we were committed to always work things out and change where needed. But be forewarned, they do not appreciate being labeled by any personality test and even though they match up PERFECTLY with the the ESTJ profile, they will have a real tough time admitting it and really have no desire in analyzing it. It took many months and attempts at slowly showing her things that fit, and she still to this day denies and looks for excuses how things don't match up. We all know the faults that they naturally have, (insensitive and condescending, expect perfection, think they are always right, hard time expressing any feelings regarding remorse or affection, you know the ones if your with an ESTJ), but once they are able to realize, truly realize who you are as well as who they are naturally, I see the ESTJ and INTP as a perfect complement to each other. I'm still working on creating that perfect partnership, and it's still a struggle occasionally, but even she says since I have discovered MBTI, she's seen that I've been more tolerant of other people and am able to put up with her better.

Bottom line, I think the relationship between the two is ideal, as long as you get past the rough stages of learning to work together. The two personalities will then complement each other and will be the perfect blend of making up for the other's weaknesses. There are definitely things that I help her on and there are definitely things, (perhaps even more), that she helps me with. She now understands that I do things because it's in my nature, but she's working on more than just accepting or tolerating it, but instead, embracing my differences and using them for OUR benefit.

Hope that helped.

 

[Mary]

Thanks!
That really does help.

 

[fullerene]

Thata was a really nice post. I don't think we have anyone else here who's been married to an ESTJ, but it's really cool to hear from someone who thinks that it can be a positive experience too.

my (ENFP) brother brought home mbti one day, because I was not getting along well with my parents (tested ISTJ and ESTJ. More likely ISFJ and ESTJ), and though my brother, mom, and I (dad wasn't around) had lots of fun laughing at how well the intp profiles fit me, my dad (when he got back home and tried it) was not in the least bit interested, and also seemed pretty pissy when he saw the results. He's been trying to keep his temper under control (in the past few years), because he saw how it messed my brother up pretty badly for a while, but all he said was something like a short "some of that seems to fit." I was just blinking thinking "some of that? Which parts didn't? The ones that said you were probably overbearing and might have problems being demanding and controlling? How you have no patience for people who don't value the traditions you do? Siiiiiiiiigghhh...." and that was the end of it.

 

[Robbaz]

Thata was a really nice post. I don't think we have anyone else here who's been married to an ESTJ, but it's really cool to hear from someone who thinks that it can be a positive experience too.

Woo hoo, I have broken all realms of possibility. The lamb has paired up with the lion (Not sure who's the lamb or the lion - I guess it depends on which PT one runs with). Yes, I think it can be a very positive experience, but it just takes work. Like any relationship, it takes the dreaded work ethic. For us INTP's, it's not hard to accept the way they are because we don't really want to push our ideals on anyone. We are all free to be who we want to be, that's an essential part of the way we think. For them, however, they are bent on the notion that everyone must conform to the "right" way, and do their part, and conform to the practical, tried and proven method. It's the fact that they can seem so condescending and cold to those who don't fit into the mold that they see is right. I said "seem so..." because remember, they can't help it. It's in their personality and they just don't naturally know any better. Sort of like us with our struggles. Until we know what we need to change in order to co-exist with others, which is so essential, especially in marriage, we will never make headway with any type.

When I first read in the MBTI that one of the two suggested PT's that was a good match for the INTP was the ESTJ, I was really taken back....and relieved and proud that I found one inadvertently. I didn't know all the reasons why, but after years of analysis and learning the different PTs, I can clearly see what they mean. As with all relationships, you just need to figure out what you can do to make life easier for the other person. And also, to learn to respect the other PT for their strengths/weaknesses. Especially considering that it's just the way we're programmed.

However, I am fortunate that I found an ESTJ that was willing to change for someone that they considered lazy, non-conforming, indecisive, head in the clouds, unproductive, and don't seem to have much of a backbone. Think about how thy sense the world around them and that's just how we appear to them. They are doer's and that's why they are so successful. With such stark dissimilarities, I often wonder why we choose who we do in relationships.

OK, this is starting to sound too Dr. Phil'ish and it's annoying me. But I think you get the jist of what I'm saying. When two opposites learn how to coexist and accept AND embrace the other's strengths/faults, a great relationship can ensue. Even against all odds. Ok, really, I'm getting sick now...

my (ENFP) brother brought home mbti one day, because I was not getting along well with my parents (tested ISTJ and ESTJ. More likely ISFJ and ESTJ), and though my brother, mom, and I (dad wasn't around) had lots of fun laughing at how well the intp profiles fit me, my dad (when he got back home and tried it) was not in the least bit interested, and also seemed pretty pissy when he saw the results. He's been trying to keep his temper under control (in the past few years), because he saw how it messed my brother up pretty badly for a while, but all he said was something like a short "some of that seems to fit." I was just blinking thinking "some of that? Which parts didn't? The ones that said you were probably overbearing and might have problems being demanding and controlling? How you have no patience for people who don't value the traditions you do? Siiiiiiiiigghhh...." and that was the end of it.

Show's you how accurate the MBTI is. That sounds just like an ESTJ that I know..........
One tip that I got from another ESTJ online was to show them the practicality of the typing. No conceptual, theoretical, hypotetical, or experimental mumbo jumbo - that's how they look at it. The best way to show that practicality is to type others around them and show them the validity and accuracy of the descriptions. Once they see that, they will slowly start to realize that the typing is not so....."fluffy".

 

[Anling]

It is really nice to see someone getting along with an ESTJ. I've got one in my life and it hasn't been the most pleasant experience.
They're logical and fulfill all their perceived responsibilities. But heaven forbid you have a different world view.

 

[LucasM]

My sister is estj and we get along wonderfully. But then again, we grew up together and can thus understand each other better. I could see myself marrying an estj potentially. I need someone to drag me out socially and organize me up a little. I just don't have any idea how something like that could happen. First impressions aren't the greatest.

 

[Robbaz]

My sister is estj and we get along wonderfully. But then again, we grew up together and can thus understand each other better. I could see myself marrying an estj potentially. I need someone to drag me out socially and organize me up a little. I just don't have any idea how something like that could happen. First impressions aren't the greatest.

It's funny how things work out... if either one of us had read each others personalities before hand, I seriously doubt we would have said, "hey that's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with". I think we both would have ran quick the other direction. Yet, naturally, we were gravitated towards each other. It's an interesting study how we can involuntarily be attracted to someone so opposite. It's like our minds know what we need and almost ignore what we want sometimes. Then you get together and quickly start to think, "what was I thinking?" But after a while, you realize how much you don't want to be married to yourself. I think all of us, no matter what type, would go crazy with someone just like ourselves.

Looking at it from a logical perspective, our brains are pretty amazing chemically and biologically to innately decipher who would be ultimately compatible for us, especially when we might be looking for or expecting something else. I guess going back to what you were saying, I wouldn't worry about first impressions, just be yourself and let natural selection happen. If I didn't have an ESTJ in my life, my life in general would be even more disorganized, unaccomplished and somewhat deppressing. So, I would definitely choose "learning to deal with an ESTJ" and "learning to teach an ESTJ to deal with me", over finding another person just like me. I think they would drive me crazy. From a surface level, the ESTJ and INTP should not be with each other. But logically, it's a great package when you review the benefits of the companionship. I'm going on 11 years today, (anniversary today), so I've had a good case study going for many years now.

Bottom line: ESTJ's don't always = EVIL

 

[Unique]

I don't think the bottom line in this thread is ESTJs are evil it's to find how they mesh with us INTPs

I've known about 3 and one of them is my father

All I can say is they do somewhat mellow out over time... but the conversation... oh my god... no I don't care what's outside the f**king car window and no I don't care about the weather or whatevers on the bloody radio

Very uncreative and boring and if they haven't learnt how to chill you get added annoyance of them controlling little details of your life, imposing and in general pissing you off... the worst part is they think they are helping

I've got news the the ESTJs, been doing it my way all my life and nothing bad has ever happened

Yes that coke can has been sitting there for a day, and I will leave it there for another, why? because I see no decent logical reason to move it yet

Lucky for me I'm older and don't put up with that crap anymore

 

[vash22]

you know how they say that every girl wants to marry someone just like their dad?

well, yeah. fuck that.

i mean i guess it depends on who they are and everything, but a socially liberal free-thinking INTP + a socially and politically conservative braindead might-as-well-be-a-child ESTJ = lots and lots of bad times.

I gots me an estj Dad aswell. Ill just list the traits to save time. Controlling, spiteful, narrowminded, stubborn, long winded, distrusting of other people's competence,and most frustrating, when frustrated or sad he would rather sulk & not try to solve his problems. So ya, like a child. On the other side my particular estj is also caring, a "doer", immense willpower, and charismatic. I think of them as the knight of immense personal strength & duty who is undone by their own stubborness & inability to control or understand their emotions. Classic archetype.... Kind of.

 

[Translucent]

I'm an INTP dating an ESTJ & I've found the same benefits. I don't care or have opinion about most of the stuff he does or wants to do so our differneces dont usually clash. He enjoys doing things I have no interest in doing vice verse.

He can be stubborn and has a bunch of rules that I don't understand but If I object about not wanting to do something and speak up about it he will jump on board- otherwise he takes the lead and gets things done his way.

Most people I have to filter myself for or i hurt their feelings which is exhausting. I don't have to worry about being straight forward with him and I can expect the same from him.

He makes decisions quickly and has a logical reason for why. This is helpful when a decision needs to be made and im over anyalyzing it from every angle looking for every possibility. I think this gives us a nice balance in helping him to see possibilities and helping me commit to something.

He watches sports all the time which is cool because because he's content. that gives me the freedom to do my own thing without having him feel like he's not getting enough attention. I can read and do whatever on my laptop with him while he watches sports and invites people over.

Sometimes it's annoying that hes constantly wanting to do things but he motivates me to do things that need to happen and I slow him down from exhausting himself. He thinks I'm weird and I think he's weird. we seem to be on different pages and I don't really understand his motivations. It usually strikes me as comical that despite all that some how we still work. I'm able to overlook things because the benefits of the relationship out weigh the other.

He's really simple and his needs are obvious so I don't have to waste time playing games and constantly trying to figure out how to make him happy. Although i don't like being tied down I hate dealing with the messiness of social situations even more. Its comforting that if the situation calls for it he can take control and make everything run smoothly.

I can see how another dynamic with an ESTJ would be frustrating but a romantic relationship seems to work somehow. I have a lot of friends and dated people more like me- things are always disorganized and causing problems. it's a relief to be with someone where there are less problems. There is a recipe for relationships regardless of your personality having the right ingredients from both people makes it work. In my previous relationship I had to step up and do ESTJ things to make things run smoothly, I didn't enjoy it and it was exhausting. The ESTJ im dating now wants and enjoys doing those things that need to be done.

 

[lynch]

I can go on for hours about this one. I am married to an ESTJ for 11 years now, and let me tell you it's been rough in a lot of ways but I can't tell you enough how much I have needed her as well. I have only recently discovered the MBTI, about a year ago, so prior to that it's been hell trying to make her happy as well as myself. We've been making progress year by year and becoming more adaptable, but that has only been by us observing each other and learning how to "tolerate" our indifferences.

Once I discovered the INTP world, in particular, Paul James essay, I realized that there really wasn't anything wrong with me, and the down-sides of being INTP (not being able to finish projects, procrastinating, not able to fit in with the "normal" crowds, having a little dark-side, over-analyzing everything, you know, all the normal INTP stuff), was actually a benefit in other ways. We offer so much to the world with all our ideas, intellect and other gifts, that we are such a needed part of society. However, getting back to the ESTJ topic, they are WAY different than us in almost every way possible. But here are the similarities and benefits of being married to an ESTJ that I've found:

1. Able to have logical conversations, (they just tune out quicker. You want to keep analyzing, they want to move on with something more important).
2. Able to maintain normal everyday routine tasks that we hate doing, (laundry, bills, clean house, etc.)
3. Able to create the social side that we desperately need.
4. Able to bring you back down to reality when your mind is out of the stratosphere with the next BIG idea.
5. Although normally harshly done, they are able to get you back on track with the important things in life that we have a tough time keeping up on,
6. They do the planning. I love this, because I am such a last minute person on almost everything. I like to keep things spontaneous and open, but that gets me into trouble a lot. She helps remedy that.
7. When you bring her ideas, she is able to make them practical and often able to help you carry them out to completion.
8. Even though they are social, they're not social butterflies. They are not obnoxiously over-extraverted show-offs. I really despise being around those people too often, so having her a little more reserved but still being your social plug-in is important.

There are more, but all of those benefits don't come easy. When we first got married, I was like an alien to her. She just did not get me at all and I really had a tough time with her. But we were committed to always work things out and change where needed. But be forewarned, they do not appreciate being labeled by any personality test and even though they match up PERFECTLY with the the ESTJ profile, they will have a real tough time admitting it and really have no desire in analyzing it. It took many months and attempts at slowly showing her things that fit, and she still to this day denies and looks for excuses how things don't match up. We all know the faults that they naturally have, (insensitive and condescending, expect perfection, think they are always right, hard time expressing any feelings regarding remorse or affection, you know the ones if your with an ESTJ), but once they are able to realize, truly realize who you are as well as who they are naturally, I see the ESTJ and INTP as a perfect complement to each other. I'm still working on creating that perfect partnership, and it's still a struggle occasionally, but even she says since I have discovered MBTI, she's seen that I've been more tolerant of other people and am able to put up with her better.

Bottom line, I think the relationship between the two is ideal, as long as you get past the rough stages of learning to work together. The two personalities will then complement each other and will be the perfect blend of making up for the other's weaknesses. There are definitely things that I help her on and there are definitely things, (perhaps even more), that she helps me with. She now understands that I do things because it's in my nature, but she's working on more than just accepting or tolerating it, but instead, embracing my differences and using them for OUR benefit.

Hope that helped.

Excellent way of describing The INTP-ESTJ relationship. I'm an INTP married to an ESTJ. The marriage was very difficult in the beginning, but now that we understand MBTI, it's been wonderful. He helps me remember to do my laundry, he takes care of the bills, and fixes things around the house...as well as tons of other practical stuff I'd definitely forget to do without him there (even puts gas in my car...yes, I'd actually forget to gas up). I provide creative ideas, unique, though sometimes complicated, ways of saving us money, and I take care of the "outside-the-box" stuff that he would usually not think of. I'm very book-smart which also comes in handy in our relationship. He's the common-sense police officer married to the History professor-geek. Definitely opposites.

I find that we have "rebelliousness" in common. Because he's a typical ESTJ (speaks his mind and thinks his way of doing things is best), he's usually up for rebelling against anyone or anything he considers to be "stupid" or lacking in good judgement. I may rebel for completely different reasons, but either way, we meet in the middle and end up united against the same institutions/people. He also finds pranks fun, so we tend to have lots of fun together torturing our friends. Our morals and beliefs are usually similar, though his are always much more conservative than mine. He helps keep me from being too liberal as to be unrealistic, and I keep him from being so conservative as to be too closed minded (I'm not just referring to politics).

I'm an INTP dating an ESTJ & I've found the same benefits. I don't care or have opinion about most of the stuff he does or wants to do so our differneces dont usually clash. He enjoys doing things I have no interest in doing vice verse.

He can be stubborn and has a bunch of rules that I don't understand but If I object about not wanting to do something and speak up about it he will jump on board- otherwise he takes the lead and gets things done his way.

Most people I have to filter myself for or i hurt their feelings which is exhausting. I don't have to worry about being straight forward with him and I can expect the same from him.

He makes decisions quickly and has a logical reason for why. This is helpful when a decision needs to be made and im over anyalyzing it from every angle looking for every possibility. I think this gives us a nice balance in helping him to see possibilities and helping me commit to something.

He watches sports all the time which is cool because because he's content. that gives me the freedom to do my own thing without having him feel like he's not getting enough attention. I can read and do whatever on my laptop with him while he watches sports and invites people over.

Sometimes it's annoying that hes constantly wanting to do things but he motivates me to do things that need to happen and I slow him down from exhausting himself. He thinks I'm weird and I think he's weird. we seem to be on different pages and I don't really understand his motivations. It usually strikes me as comical that despite all that some how we still work. I'm able to overlook things because the benefits of the relationship out weigh the other.

He's really simple and his needs are obvious so I don't have to waste time playing games and constantly trying to figure out how to make him happy. Although i don't like being tied down I hate dealing with the messiness of social situations even more. Its comforting that if the situation calls for it he can take control and make everything run smoothly.

I can see how another dynamic with an ESTJ would be frustrating but a romantic relationship seems to work somehow. I have a lot of friends and dated people more like me- things are always disorganized and causing problems. it's a relief to be with someone where there are less problems. There is a recipe for relationships regardless of your personality having the right ingredients from both people makes it work. In my previous relationship I had to step up and do ESTJ things to make things run smoothly, I didn't enjoy it and it was exhausting. The ESTJ im dating now wants and enjoys doing those things that need to be done.

...Sounds so much like my relationship with my ESTJ.

 

[Architect]

I've known a number of ESTJ's, including my Dad who I have a great relationship with. As long as they are relaxed (they usually are) we can get along.

 

[PhoenixRising]

I've never tried a relationship with an ESTJ, but I've been really close with several ENTJs. In my opinion, it's necessary for people to have at least the middle two functions in common, otherwise communication is really difficult. From my experience, being close to a J type is kind of a nightmare. They do balance the scatter brained tendencies of a Perceiver, but if you don't like rules they will drive you up the wall.

 

[TriflinThomas]

I have no problem with mature types, I can hang out with any type as long as they're mature. However, a lot of people (intuitives and sensors) never mature past a certain point, and that's where problems arise.

 

[parallel]

I suspect my father to be an ESTJ as well as one of my good friends. One of my biggest gripes is whenever I let my Ne fly off into the deep-end, they will tease me in a playful manner. Whereas my father will tease me often implying that my ideas are unfounded, ridiculous and in contrast with how "the real world works", my friend will do it, not necessarily because he disagrees, but so as to tune the conversation into a conventional frequency in which we can both communicate with ease.

I think INTP's and ESTJ's are capable of being great friends. I don't know about a romantic match up as I haven't had the opportunity to get to know an ESTJ woman...I'm inclined to think the lack of a preference for intuition would be a deal-breaker for myself.

 

[aknight007]

I am an INTP & married to an ESTJ, she is an absolute bee eye tea she H. She is also 8 years older than i am, The level of naivete i had in the beginning looking back from where i am now, 4 years later, is staggering. I could never put my finger on it in the beginning of our "relationship", but somehow had the feeling that something was "off" with her. Only after moving in together, did i realize how banal quasi evil she is. (after a while...)

One word of advice, with an ESTJ. Get out, get away, If you need to spend money to buy a space capsule & live the rest of your life in outer orbit... do it... do it NOW!!

I have been broken down, bent out of shape mentally in so many ways. No personal space, fights & threats & various forms of verbal abuse from her. I am thinking she might be a bi-polar ESTJ with a hint of borderline personality disorder in need of an emergency exorcism. And even then the Rabbi will say "Eh" & climb back into the taxi he arrived in.

In the beginning, @ the start of the "relationship", nothing was as it is today. VERY slowly, did the true nature of this female entity start to show. And i cant just leave, i HAVE to stay for various reasons that might or might not make a lot of sense & is way too complicated and lengthy to discuss here.

In short..., be vewi vewi careful, when hunting wabbits..., with an ESTJ...

be prepared to have 9/10 of your thoughts shot down. No sense of humor, constant atmosphere of dread, careful where you tread. no personal space, no quiet time, no gaming, nothing fun... Manipulation, lies, & editing of reality,
never wrong, ALWAYS right. Even if PROVEN wrong, will find a way to alter reality to make you out like you are the one that just committed a crime...
Its like the venus INTP fly trap. What are the odds, the chances of this having happened...?

she spotted me a MILE away, and i was too naive and stupid to notice before it was too late.

Get out of your comfort zone they said..., meet new people & especially girls they said...,

Inventing an ESTJ magnatron app for every smart phone to detect these "entities"
never visit a party,,, without it..., it will even be FREE, on any app store that would host it...

 

[Obsidian]

I would say that ESTJ girls should be avoided, because they will probably be too masculine for an INTP to handle. But that said, I am not sure I know of any ESTJ girls personally.

Male ESTJs and ISTJs I usually do alright with.

 

[Ink]

I am an INTP & married to an ESTJ, she is an absolute bee eye tea she H. She is also 8 years older than i am, The level of naivete i had in the beginning looking back from where i am now, 4 years later, is staggering. I could never put my finger on it in the beginning of our "relationship", but somehow had the feeling that something was "off" with her. Only after moving in together, did i realize how banal quasi evil she is. (after a while...)

One word of advice, with an ESTJ. Get out, get away, If you need to spend money to buy a space capsule & live the rest of your life in outer orbit... do it... do it NOW!!

I have been broken down, bent out of shape mentally in so many ways. No personal space, fights & threats & various forms of verbal abuse from her. I am thinking she might be a bi-polar ESTJ with a hint of borderline personality disorder in need of an emergency exorcism. And even then the Rabbi will say "Eh" & climb back into the taxi he arrived in.

In the beginning, @ the start of the "relationship", nothing was as it is today. VERY slowly, did the true nature of this female entity start to show. And i cant just leave, i HAVE to stay for various reasons that might or might not make a lot of sense & is way too complicated and lengthy to discuss here.

In short..., be vewi vewi careful, when hunting wabbits..., with an ESTJ...

be prepared to have 9/10 of your thoughts shot down. No sense of humor, constant atmosphere of dread, careful where you tread. no personal space, no quiet time, no gaming, nothing fun... Manipulation, lies, & editing of reality,
never wrong, ALWAYS right. Even if PROVEN wrong, will find a way to alter reality to make you out like you are the one that just committed a crime...
Its like the venus INTP fly trap. What are the odds, the chances of this having happened...?

she spotted me a MILE away, and i was too naive and stupid to notice before it was too late.

Get out of your comfort zone they said..., meet new people & especially girls they said...,

Inventing an ESTJ magnatron app for every smart phone to detect these "entities"
never visit a party,,, without it..., it will even be FREE, on any app store that would host it...

I would love if you made your own thread and updated us more on your relationship...

 

[aknight007]

I would love if you made your own thread and updated us more on your relationship...

Thanks, i have many a multitude of interesting facts & theories about this.

Read up on an amino acid which is naturally found in green tea...

L-Theanine

ESTJ coping mechanism NR.1

more human mechanics & mechanisms coming soon,

 

[Pyropyro]

I can tolerate ESTJ friends. ESTJ bosses on the other hand drives me crazy.

 

[Brontosaurie]

many a multitude

 

[Ink]

???

 

[C.Hecker88]

ESTJ friends can be quite frustrating at times.

 

[RED652]

My Dad is an ESTJ and we get along pretty well. Out of me and my siblings, I get along best with him but I think thats just because I don't really care to question him because he'll get upset if someone thinks he's wrong. Though if I do think he's wrong, I typically try to explain practically why I think he's wrong and then he will be more open-minded. Although I do get annoyed with how he thinks he's always right and is very narrow-minded when it comes to what he knows to be true. My sister, on the other hand is an INTJ and she is always questioning everything he says and since both him and her think they are always right, they do not get along very well. My brother who is an INTP like me(but more immature and more introverted than I) is either in complete agreement with my Dad or in complete disagreement with him there is no in-between. My mom is an ISFJ and being the only feeler, feels really out of place when we are all arguing. She doesn't understand why we can't just get along. All of us get along really well with my Mom but Im really the only one of my siblings who sort've understands my Dad and gets along well with him.

Hope this helped!

 

[RED652]

Also I forgot to mention, one of my best friends is an ESTJ and we get along well, though she does get on my nerves once in a while its not too bad. I think that if an INTP and ESTJ work hard enough to understand each others differences, they could work well together. I think that two well developed people of any type can work well together, as long as they work at the relationship, try their best to understand each other and learn to embrace their differences.

Once again, I hope this helped!

 

[Hadoblado]

It didn't.

Not because your post wasn't interesting, but check the time-stamp on the OP

Necromancy most foul

 

[Nebulous]

I've had to spend a month sharing a room with my two ESTJ cousins
Was NOT fun.

 

[cake124]

I would say that ESTJ girls should be avoided, because they will probably be too masculine for an INTP to handle. But that said, I am not sure I know of any ESTJ girls personally.

Male ESTJs and ISTJs I usually do alright with.

okay! first i'd like to state that, that is sexist!! intp girls are more masculine and probably smarter. have you ever met an intp girl? it's usually their intelligence that make them appear more masculine. but that doesn't make us any less womanly! and how does being a smart women too much to handle?? are u to stupid?? after all you are an intp, wouldn't you understand the struggle women with "NT" personality go through?

I personally have experience with both male and female ESTJs.
i find female ESTJs okay. and if not more feminine than my intp self!! but male estjs are horrible! my step dad is one, and hes a brain dead narrow minded loser with serious ass control issues!! i can't stand him!!
smfh!!

 

[OminoeseOmimoese]

My bist friend since the 4. grade in primary school is an ESTJ. I really don't know how to describe our realationship, he is like a big brother but mybe also like father, becouse I had none after the age of 10; he was allways there for me, got me on the right track and helped me making decisons etc..

 

[Alias]

Really I've met very few ESTJs. Not much I can say, other than to avoid avoiding them. Avoid someone if they're a bad person, not a 'bad' type.

 

[something]

It can be

 

[PeopleDoSuck]

From what I've come to understand, if someone is typed as ESTJ, then it implies that Fi is a prominent aspect to their personality or they aren't ESTJ. And the INTP personality doesn't have Fi in it or they aren't INTP. So the notional problem between these personalities are when Ti clashes with Fi.

Ti doesn't respect the ESTJ's Fi personal values, if they don't make sense. And Fi doesn't respect the INTPs need to validate values through some logical/analytical approach. To the ESTJ type, any reasoning that supports Fi is valid because it is experiential, ergo it doesn't have to be mathematically or logically consistent. It is more simply evident to the ESTJ. Both personalities will get annoyed with each other.

 

[sushi]

No, it will most likely fail

 

[birdsnestfern]

ESTJ and ISTJ bristle the INTP. Stupid judgemental values and selfish,
rude and cold hearted about humanity in general. This is the type that
manipulates and even spreads false rumors in an effort to be popular.

Trump is ESTJ. Immature emotional values. Won’t consider new information or change when new times call for change. Stuck In a time warp or hard headed.

INTP needs to stay open and is constantly tilling the soil and turning things over to stay on top of the latest. It’s much more open to change And sees things anew every day.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Te - get the job done.
You get the job done, Te people will kiss your ass and crown you the king.
Trouble is if it can happen in reverse.
Te people rarely value anything, but clear output.
Anything short of that puts them into major tailspin.
We still live in Te world.