INTP+Love=Cynicism&Depression

[Demonic Flamigo]

Soz for the long post, I put in a spoiler to save your eyeballs.

Spoiler

Here are some fundamentally flawed expectations about relationships that I have heard from both INTPs and ISTPs and my take on them... These may or may not have been mentioned in this thread, but I've seen them in other threads like this:


-Must provide intellectual stimulation: Intellectual stimulation can come later as you get to know someone deeper and learn about their complexities, and you can find it by applying your intellect to help your mate grow in ways they couldn't alone. Why would they need you if they're already brilliant and independent?

-Can't be too clingy, too dependent, or too emotional: No offense intended, but grow up! We all have emotions and we all depend on people. Don't be scared if someone does more so. They're only human and something you have to eventually learn from a relationship is that you are too.

-Must let you be yourself: To varying degrees, pretty much no one does. Especially if you're like us and spend a lot of time alone examining yourself, no one will ever meet that standard of comfort. Again, you have to MAKE it by establishing a level of communication and trust such that you will eventually feel perfectly at home with the person. That takes a lot of time and sacrifice, including sacrifice of the ego. You don't know yourself as well as you think and if you believe you really do, you may be blind to everything you can become. Fear of "losing yourself" is irrational.

-Commitment, etc.: You never have to commit, and in my opinion it is better that you don't if for its own sake. Commitment without unquestionable love is a vain attempt to appear responsible or successful at something. People commit to relationships often because they think they have to prove something to others or themselves. A relationship can be started, maintained, and kept on the basis that it's simply good for both people and they know it.

I fully understand the general disillusionment that many INTPs feel about relationships. The primary error is in letting yourself become bitter because of it when you could become stronger, more patient, and more understanding. This means no longer looking desperately for an ideal relationship, but rather for some kind of change within yourself that will lead you to one.

(I apologize if my tone here all comes off as contrary. I'm speaking from the experience that I used to hold these assumptions myself, and shall never return to them.)

Yeah ok, basically what Moocow said was ideal partner;
- intellectual stimulus
- Lack of clingy-ness/btchy-ness/tears
- communication/trust/be yourself/etc.
- commitment etc...

I would be proud to inform you that this species actually does exist, people may have just not looked in the right places. In many cases, relationships are largely formed on the mutual agreement that one day, intercourse will inevitably occur. Which has proved a great stressor for me as I, and many of the others that share the above characteristics, have no desire for any physical intimacy at all. The more of the above characteristics we possess, the less likely we are to have a high libido, much less high enough to satisfy someone diagnosed with hypersexuality.

 

[ChainsofAssery]

These people, as Demonic said, do indeed exist. Just don't be like me and break up with the person because you're a moron. Moreover, don't bump into the person at a club and then sleep with him when he's in a committed relationship with someone else. *The More You Know gif*

But yeah, screw love. The people that do adhere to my strict criteria are generally unattainable considering my criteria generally coincides with people way too old for me. At least in 10something years I'll be able to satisfy my stupid requirements. For now, bitterness it is.

 

[baccheion]

I don't know about you, but this is what's happened to me.
I've given up on finding a nice teenage girl to be romantic with and still have intellectual conversations with. I just can't relate to those I fall in love with, and often they can't relate back to me either. It seems like all my past teenage love follies ended up with a meaningless sexually based relationship where love wasn't present.

There are other issues ofcourse, I classify as having moderate sociopathic tendencies and have been diagnosed with hypersexuality. (I don't believe shit about ADHD so I won't list it here). So. My issues with relating emotionally and lack of social skills usually set me up for folly anyway, but with this other pieces of the puzzle, I'm just as attractive as a tuna sandwich which has been rotting in the sun for three hours.

Why can't girls like politics, science, or literature? WHY!? All they want to talk about in my city is fashion, pop music, and drugs+sex. I just... I feel ultimately surrounded by unintelligent fools, which makes me sound egotistical I know.

Sometimes I think I am. Sigh. Another issue. :\ And my blatant sarcastic comments during my critique of people tend to not go over well either.

When you turn 18, there'll be sites like OkCupid and Tinder, and more freedom to move around. For now, maybe talk to others online, improve your awareness of the other sex, etc such that you don't mess it up when you meet someone you're interested in. That is, perspective is good to have, so while you wait/suffer, you can see what types of women exist, what they are like, and which you like best. It could be great, as you'll better be able to recognize "the one" if you randomly bump into them.