INTP double game

[rondelle]

I met an INTP online, after lots of work and patience, we finally got to meet and things are good. Before we met, he said he was seing someone casually, that they weren't dating, but seeing often.

Now, we talked everyday, he's very sweet with me, ask me questions and all and when we see each other, he's physically close without being ever too close. I'm wondering if he's not dating this other girl by now, which is about 2 months after he told me he was casually seeing her.

1- Every time I suggest we met at his place or at my place (which obviously involves more than friendship), he doesn't really answer it, or avoid it

2- we haven't kissed, but he hugs me a lot

3- I asked for a get away week end, he refused

4-it seem that meetings more than once every two weeks if too much for him. I know, university life can be busy, but still.

He tells me a lot about him, say I'm interesting, knows I'm interested, but still no moves? Now, he may be really slow to process things.

Should I directly as him?

 

[washti]

Sounds like affectionate friend. What you mean by lots of work and patience? Did you meet on a dating app?

 

[rondelle]

Sounds like affectionate friend. What you mean by lots of work and patience? Did you meet on a dating app?

yes and that's the thing, I want more than just friendship. But I think he stucked me in the friend zone, isn't it?

 

[washti]

hm, maybe virgin?

 

[rondelle]

are you asking if he is a virgin or if I'm? neither of us are

 

[washti]

better say him directly what you want - if you dont wanna run your mind into endless wondering:
" maybe he caught something, or is not exactly into girls or just looking around? or could lie?"

 

[Rebis]

If I want to see a romantic partner I usually just say it straightforwardly
It's worth considering I've been drunk in this state.

Pester him, say stuff like "I wanna see you x"
"You should visit me"

If he doesn't see you that night because you're drunk and you don't backtrack the next morning, he knows you're on the plate. Hell if you're feeling confident when he asks "Good night? haha" you could say "It'd be better with you ", "should've came! insert comedic insult"

just keep mentioning him coming to yours, drunk text him and outright say
"I want you "

you'll know if you leave less-ambiguous bread crumbs. He may be on the rails but leaving these sexually-assertive breadcrumbs really force him into a decision. Nothing's wrong with forcing people to make a decision, you're not necessarily imposing on their freedom.

 

[Polaris]

This sounds familiar.

Same guy?

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

It sounds like he doesn't have a clue what he's doing

Or maybe he's afraid of getting #metoo'ed

 

[Kormak]

I have an unwritten rule, which I made through a string of negative experiences throughout the years... never date anyone you met online. Its a very good rule to follow. Ppl I met online always ended up being nuts, deceptive or both.

It is my recommendation to date friends of friends :P, ppl connected to ppl you actually know, like and trust.

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

I have an unwritten rule, which I made through a string of negative experiences throughout the years... never date anyone you met online. Its a very good rule to follow. Ppl I met online always ended up being nuts, deceptive or both.

It is my recommendation to date friends of friends :P, ppl connected to ppl you actually know, like and trust.

I’ve had some good experiences with online dating. It’s a numbers game and one has to go through a lot of people to find people one likes, but that’s just how life works.

 

[Rebis]

I have an unwritten rule, which I made through a string of negative experiences throughout the years... never date anyone you met online. Its a very good rule to follow. Ppl I met online always ended up being nuts, deceptive or both.

It is my recommendation to date friends of friends :P, ppl connected to ppl you actually know, like and trust.

Dating friends of friends can be a danger zone, if yous break up or have a disagreement it's "who wants to be the ostrich?" insert pun ostracized. Maybe it's good for you because you're older. I don't mind friends of friends but I like people where there's less risk involved, I hope that doesn't sound too predatory. After all, it's easier to date someone with less conditions attached.

Tinder kinda sucks it's rare to get a good conversation. Thirsty boys sending out their copy pasta to the girls, so they're bombarded with messages non-stop. Then they may turn off their notifications and respond to you two days later. It's hard to grab their attention, it's like a time trial: "You have two minutes, say the funniest thing you can think of"

"Wow so h0t"

Preferably IRL Dating but online dating is a necessary evil in this busy world.

 

[Kormak]

Dating friends of friends can be a danger zone, if yous break up or have a disagreement it's "who wants to be the ostrich?" insert pun ostracized. Maybe it's good for you because you're older. I don't mind friends of friends but I like people where there's less risk involved, I hope that doesn't sound too predatory. After all, it's easier to date someone with less conditions attached.

Tinder kinda sucks it's rare to get a good conversation. Thirsty boys sending out their copy pasta to the girls, so they're bombarded with messages non-stop. Then they may turn off their notifications and respond to you two days later. It's hard to grab their attention, it's like a time trial: "You have two minutes, say the funniest thing you can think of"

"Wow so h0t"

Preferably IRL Dating but online dating is a necessary evil in this busy world.

Hmm, never used tinder or dating sites. I met women online unintentionally tbh. It just developed from chatting. Offline it is kinda the same, I meet women through friends and areas of interest, where I'm socially active.

I'm old fashioned like that. I'm always serious about the relationship, one night stands and such I just don't want to have to deal with.

I also don't have a Facebook or any presence on social platforms that is my irl identity outside of business-related. e_e I don't get younger Millenials who use their real IDs, grew up during the wild west years of the net. Having real pics up, names, dates and all that is risky af & not private.

 

[Montalbanov]

I met an INTP online, after lots of work and patience, we finally got to meet and things are good. Before we met, he said he was seing someone casually, that they weren't dating, but seeing often.

Now, we talked everyday, he's very sweet with me, ask me questions and all and when we see each other, he's physically close without being ever too close. I'm wondering if he's not dating this other girl by now, which is about 2 months after he told me he was casually seeing her.

1- Every time I suggest we met at his place or at my place (which obviously involves more than friendship), he doesn't really answer it, or avoid it

2- we haven't kissed, but he hugs me a lot

3- I asked for a get away week end, he refused

4-it seem that meetings more than once every two weeks if too much for him. I know, university life can be busy, but still.

He tells me a lot about him, say I'm interesting, knows I'm interested, but still no moves? Now, he may be really slow to process things.

Should I directly as him?

Honestly as Im INTP I would assume:
1)He is not into you but he likes to have an open option which is you.
2)Virgin ( I would exclude tho)
3)If he really would be into you he would literally be almost sticky and excited to stay with you anyway everyway etc which is rare feelings of INTPS and it appears only when we have strong interest aka dating?!

Apart those stuff, I used to be on Tinder on and off and I consider it frustrating. You chat with thousands of people everyday and between this thousands you will meet 1. For get this one you need hours and hours and selecting pictures and be yourself on the app. However, not enough as the big leap, to meet in presence, always takes extra offert. I agree with the guy before, friends by friends is the best. My online experience so far was with crazy people with some strong strong problems. Without app sucks but I believe you will benefits in quality!