when all of a sudden something rogh starts crawling up my throat, I started shaking and in a torrent of raw emotion I cried my fucking eyes out for what it felt like a very long time.
It kept coming in waves and I was fucking scared... I couldn't stop, it was out of control.
Wtf was that? Did I really feel all that for my uncle?
This reminds me of what sociologists call something like "voice from the unconscious." It happens when conscious part of yourself can't appropriately respond or cope with the situation, and you you hear a very clear voice say something in the back of your head tell you what you need to do. i know that's not what you experienced, but its alone the same lines of the aware, thinking part of you being taken by surprise and overwhelmed by something you didn't think you felt.
If he was one of your favorite people, its no wonder you suddenly starting crying. You probably still felt it, but weren't completely aware of it, so it ended up throwing you for a loop. After all, you can keep it compartmentalized a death much better before you actually
see it.
Did any of you guys experience something like this?
Yes. I'm not equating this whatsoever to you, but when I was in middle school, one of my animals died a little suddenly. I overheard my father telling my mother about it from by bedroom early in the morning, and the only thing I could say I'd
felt was really still. I never got sad, I just got
still at that age. My parents were very gentle with the information, looking to comfort any adverse reactions (it was "my" animal), but I'd thought that I didn't deserve to feel bad because I hadn't spend enough time with my animal. I walked out of breakfast and into the bathroom, and as soon as I shut the door, I just started bawling. I was kind of mad at myself, because I thought I was crying because I wanted to "feel bad for myself" instead of actually being sad that my animal was dead. I thought it made me selfish and shallow. I didn't understand how emotions worked back then, so the crying felt like a separate entity from what I "felt." It is so strange to be so convinced and think one thing, but you look in the mirror and see tears down your face.
It's almost guaranteed to happen whenever I go to a classical music performance.
Seriously, what is it about horse hair rubbing on pigs guts? So I bought a piano instead. Piano = controlled emotion. I can play it without getting all
Probably because, for you, violin/symphonic works get you to get out of your own head and truly be completely one with your sense, no inhibitions. Completely vulnerable, because it allows you to open yourself up to whats currently happening without it first going through all the "regular filters" that is our thinking.
i think it's probably a suppression thing, at least for me. i once identified as being unemotional, because i'd "feel nothing" majority of the time, and then eventually have a big outburst (excitement, anger, sadness, whatever)
i think im a bit more aware and react more naturally to things as they come now
not sure which i prefer
I relate a lot...the working explanation I have for myself is that an emotion/lack thereof is a choice of how we will react to something that effects us. If something truly doesn't effect us emotionally, it's because we've already dealt with whatever the situation is before and we're equip at quickly recognizing our own responses, and thus able to quickly devise how best to respond to get on with our day. When we just don't react, it doesn't just dissipate; we first use our thoughts to try to reason with ourselves why we don't feel anything, and it goes one of two ways:
1. It becomes bottles, and fuel for an inferno of emotions at a later date...
or
2. it takes a huge wack at our sense of self: self-confidence, motivation, trust, etc, damaging us gradually.
Probably why human emotions are colloquially considered to be made of energy. (i.e., we usually agree that people have a sort of general "vibe" or "presence" that is also subject to effect our own self).
