INTP and the Family Dynamic

[Sanctum]

How would you guys classify your relationship with your family (if you have one). I for one don't really like my family it full of emotions and irrational people. A lot of times I wish I was emancipated, but i digress. How Important is your family too you and do you think they know how you feel about them.

 

[Coolydudey]

My parents are divorced. My dad is also an INTP, so we see eye to eye on almost everything, which is great, but there isn't much communication between us in the end..... My mum is an ESTJ, but she really loves for me and cares for me (no, really really), and is also rational and logical (most of the time), and I really get along with her as well (in fact we have a closer relationship).

 

[Eido]

Father - He would probably be surprised if he found out how much I loathe his way of coping with his life. I respect and value what he's done for me and my brother, but I have a hard time forgiving him for being an absentee father. I love him, but I don't like him; which is kind of ironic given that I'm almost 100% sure he is an INTP, and very similar to me in many ways. I think he deeply regrets the decisions he made in his life, and was never brave enough to fix his mistakes. He serves as a near constant reminder of what I don't want to become.

Brother - I do understand him at all. We could not be more different. He resents me for my intellectual success, and believes I resent him for his social success. I'm not sure we'll ever see eye-to-eye.

Mother - Probably my best family relationship, but still not great. She "gets" me more than any other family member, but I still don't have much to talk with her about.


Despite all the apparent negativity I have towards my family, I still value them greatly. They are the only real support system I have.

 

[miggslives]

I grew up very distant from my family, and have over the years even gone as far as to say I have no family, even though in the literal sense I do have a family. But I do not have a family connection, not even with my parents/siblings, let alone cousins and aunts etc. As a child, I was so used to being on my own and keeping to myself, as I grew older I did not know what it meant to be close to my family. And as I am becoming an independent adult, it kills me inside to know that I have gone twenty years flying solo, even though in reality I DO have a family to turn to. And it sucks because I feel I am a whole individual, but they have no idea because I keep things hidden for so many years, so in reality, they have no idea who I am.

What bugs me is the idea that how you were raised with family affects how you work in every day life. Since I did not connect with my family for so many years, I have trouble allowing other individuals to get too close to me. My best friend and I have been inseparable for the last six years, but we are not emotionally connected. In any case, we are tolerable and comfortable, but not emotional. I do not let others know how I am feeling and revert to the "I am fine" or "nothing is wrong," even though things could have been bottling up and ready to explode for years of build up.

My solution in recent times was that in order for me to break this habit of distancing myself, I need to reconnect myself with my family, in order to become more successful in social situations. But my over-analyzing of the situation and constant fear of impending doom / failure and the want to avoid conflict and stick to "comfortable situations" prevents me from reaching out to them, even though I know how important it is to my future.

So I would say, family isn't too big a part of my life (so far), but I know/feel they will play a big part as I continue to grow.

 

[Ruvr]

Father [ENTJ] - Uh...kinda forgot he was there, since he would only be with the family if it was convenient to him. Hit people sometimes for 'incompetency'.

Mother [ENFP] - She talked...and talked...and talked...and argued every single thing to prove she was right, even though she was wrong from the very beginning (and everyone could see it but herself). Always thought of me as the prodigal child of come sort though. Which meant extra responsibilities when she wasn't around (and she wasn't around with the family much, considering the tons of friends she had and still has).

Sister [ISFJ] - Nice at times, dramatic most of the time, very chatty, would snatch me out of whatever I was doing at the moment to listen to her sob story. Will ask for advices and suggestions from me, but would ditch the said advices if she felt that I didn't give enough consideration (feeling?) towards her, her friends, the stuck up people at her school, etc.

Brother 1 [ENTP] - Think of me as his best buddy, actually said it. Went on jungle survivals and discuss about the fate of humanity a lot with him as well. Can be annoyingly extroverted and rebelling like there's no tomorrow at times...but mostly harmless and quite fun. Tell me most of the things he's thinking about, without necessarily guessing out loud what I was thinking about.

Brother 2 [ENTJ] - Not too close to him.

 

[intpz]

Mom's ESFJ or ISFJ. Not sure, since she doesn't have many friends, but she can talk literally for an hour with a stranger at a bus stop, which is extremely annoying when you're a kid and you're supposed to go somewhere. Horrible personality. Disagreeing on everything.

Never been close to a single family member of mine. Seems like I don't have a single N, and many T relatives, which obviously correlates incredibly with what an NT think - no rules, no authority, no traditions, no emotions, no religion.

 

[Jennywocky]

Father: Alcoholic ESTP, hasn't talked to me in three years because we had a "disagreement." Won't even go to gatherings where I am present. Even my kids think he's being a baby. (For the record, I was very polite with him, he just can't handle it when anyone disagrees with him.)

Mother: Very religious ISFJ, on good terms, talk weekly, but pretty much our conversation can't go any deeper than her world -- it stresses her out and/or can provoke conflict if try to take her in to my world much of the time. So the relationship feels empty to me, even if I know she's sincere.

Sister: Another religious ISFJ. We get along well and can talk about things fairly openly, but because of her religious beliefs, she excludes me from much of her life -- I've only seen my three-year-old niece twice and never am invited to her place for the weekend, where I'd end up meeting all of her religious friends. After struggling with this and expecting more for the last few years, I've decided I need to move on, just maintain ties, but otherwise only really invest energy in people who care about me and want me in their lives and vice versa.

So.... big strikeout on natural family. Lost all my in-laws in the separation/divorce too. Hilariously, my kids and I do wonderfully well together, and I'm even still great friends with my ex. Go figure.

 

[Cognisant]

Father - He would probably be surprised if he found out how much I loathe his way of coping with his life. I respect and value what he's done for me and my brother, but I have a hard time forgiving him for being an absentee father. I love him, but I don't like him; which is kind of ironic given that I'm almost 100% sure he is an INTP, and very similar to me in many ways. I think he deeply regrets the decisions he made in his life, and was never brave enough to fix his mistakes. He serves as a near constant reminder of what I don't want to become.

Wow can I relate to that, except I don't hold a grudge for him being absent, rather he's like this older friend I really like, fun to have around but I don't want him around all the time and he doesn't have the clout with me to be fatherly, I only respect him enough to treat him as an equal, although admittedly I regret how cold I am to him at times, but the fact of the matter is I'm not his little boy, that time has come, gone, and he missed it.

My mother is a difficult and complicated person, we live together and we're close I guess, she's was the business suit mother and I was the slightly haughty gloomy child, its hard to tell if she didn't know what to do with a child or if I didn't know how to be a child from the start (seems more like the latter), so our interactions are friendly, civilized, but not as mushy as is apparently normal, when there's a conflict it's usually very short, with sharp words and level tones.

 

[RockinLollipop]

Mother: (INFJ) I'm closest to her and, although she can be irrational when she's having her bursts of anger, I love her very much, and I'm closer to her than anyone else.

Father: (INTP) Narcissistic manipulative asshole. Seriously, I swear he has narcissistic personality disorder.

Brother: (INTP) Butthurt lazy ego-defensive asshole.

Half-sister: (ENFJ) Don't ever see her, can hardly think of her as being a relative at all.

Grandparents (father's side): (????, ????) Dead, never really knew them.

Grandparents (mother's side): (ESFJ, INTJ) Grandma is an annoying attention hog, poor grandpa's brain is going to mush, but I still love him.

Everyone else: Don't really know them.

People who are complaining about not having an NT in your family, it's not always that great.

 

[Cognisant]

Brother: (INTP) Butthurt lazy ego-defensive asshole.

I can totally relate to that guy, why isn't he here... is he?

Ditto for your father

 

[Da Blob]

Hmm, never thought about this before...

ESTJ Father - Militaristic, cold and distant when not being abusive. I feared and hated him for most of my life

ENFP Mother - Mom very popular, loved by everyone who knew her, the attendance at her funeral was impressive and flowers sent as condolence filled the chapel

ESTJ Sister - could be cold and calculating, saw herself as my rival

ESFJ Brother - a genius suffering from ADHD, Successfully manipulated all around him, except for me, whom he hated for not being malleable

ENFP Brother - suffered from inferiority complex and full of anxieties

ESTJ Brother - greatly loved by everyone, even before he became a star athlete in high school. There was not a church large enough in town to house all those wishing to attend his funeral. He was dismembered and killed by a drunk driver at the age of 21.

So as the only introvert I was an outcast in my own family and the only one with a library card that was ever used... Although as firstborn son and grandson, I received more than my fair share of attention and opportunities.

 

[intpz]

People who are complaining about not having an NT in your family, it's not always that great.

It's not always that great, however having an SF in a family is always bad when you are an NT. Not a single thing in common. Especially if they are SJs, then they can be controlling. Controlling, irrational asshole with absolutely nothing in common with you is never good. Someone who's never around is much better.

 

[Architect]

It's not always that great, however having an SF in a family is always bad when you are an NT. Not a single thing in common. Especially if they are SJs, then they can be controlling. Controlling, irrational asshole with absolutely nothing in common with you is never good. Someone who's never around is much better.

My birth family are all S's, two SJ's and three SP's, two of them are SF's, I've had good relationships with all of them. My best friend presently is a SFP, I can't quite figure that out but there you go - a lot depends on the personality rather than the type.

I think it's important and good for an INTP to have a family, especially when they reach middle age. I, and I assume other INTP's, aren't articularly people orientated (it's hard to be when you're so different from others I suppose), but some degree of contact is necessary and good.

 

[Solitaire U.]

Family dynamics is just a miniaturized version of real world dynamics for me. Some of them are complete assholes, and probably think likewise of me, and some of them I get along famously with.

Unfortunately, the ones I get along with aren't the rich ones. Story of my life.

*Edit: How the hell do some of you know so much about the personality types of your family members? Did you all take a group test, or are you just making assumptions?

 

[Lot]

Father(ISTP): I like my dad a lot. The only thing I don't like is all the trolling. He loves devils advocate, and anything else that can annoy someone. Him and I usually have good talks though. After telling him how I felt, and moving out. He is very conservative, as am I, but he goes the Republican rout, where as I go the Libertarian rout. He's a "realist",and I'm an "Idealist".

Mother(XNFJ): I love my mom, but it's hard to talk to her. She play a lot of WOW and Diablo 3, total video game addict (clearly running away from her marital problems.) She tries really hard to win the love of my younger brother, but ends up pushing him away. Then responds by being a bitch to him. I feel very comfortable sharing what's going on in my life with her and my father.

Older Brother(INTJ): I hated him until I was a teenager. Then we finally started to find things in common. He's 2 years older than me, so as soon as we were finally starting to get along he moved out. Now we get along famously. We have drastically different religious beliefs, but we always seem to find a common ground. He's very rational, and level headed. I wish I went to visit him more.

Younger Bother(EXFP): It's hard to find his personality type. Depending on which drug he took, he can be a totally different person. I have a very love/hate relationship with him. We were inseparable when younger. We both shared a room, so the 2 year age difference wasn't a deal. When he got to high school was when we started to drift apart. He got into drugs and I didn't find them all that interesting. By the time he turned 18, we didn't hardly talk ever. Recently we both had to move back in with our parents, for separate reasons, so we've been forced to spend more time together. He's manipulative, narcissistic, and arrogant. He's also very funny and can be very cold. All he really like to do is, talk about and take drugs, or troll people on the internet. Total /b/tard.

I like my family, but there are many times I'd like to just write them off, pay off any possible debt, pack my bags, and never see them again (minus my older brother). My parents marriage could be fixed if they would just humble them selves, and my little brother needs serious therapy. They really stress me out.

 

[electra]

Okay, I can't join the terrible family parade, I do like all my family, but there are a lot of things about them I wish I could change.
Mother [ENF...P?] Pretty nurturing, I guess. Can always talk to her about any problems. BUT talks all the time, rarely about anything of interest, and gets offended about the slightest thing. So messy she makes me look neat. WORKAHOLIC

Father [INTJ] We get on fine most of the time BUT can be controlling, irritable, etc. Always assumes my mum is a damsel in distress who needs his protection from me and my sister. WORKAHOLIC

Sister [INFJ] We're pretty close, really, have most of the same interests BUT she's a very forceful personality, can be domineering and scarily emotional, hard to reason with, and beat me up a lot when we were little. NOT a WORKAHOLIC though. Yay!

 

[Sigma Octantis]

hmmm.

the only ones im close with.

some of my cousins but tbh im all "if i see them, its cool, if i dont, thats cool either."

only close with 2 aunties.

used to be my grand ma before she passed away...



as for immediate fam.


mum - not really close, can't really feel anything from her, to me i feel like shes only fulfilling her financial duties.

step dad - same with mum.


older sister - not really fond of her, grew tired and gave up on trying to show her that I care about her and that i want to have a close relationship with her.

younger sister - sort of close to her, shes probably the only one that i'd miss from my immediate fam members once i leave.



step sister- hate it, dont even get me started. I wont even dine with them on the same table if shes in the dining room.

 

[cheese]

Ruvr, for some reason I love this phrase of yours: "rebelling like there's no tomorrow"

It's just great.

My family dynamic is pretty good. Don't see how it could be much better. Everyone's at least alright to talk to, immediate family is great to talk to, everyone means well, only (perhaps) one or two genuinely nasty or troubled people in the family. They're all intelligent, mostly open-minded and quite reasonable, and almost all kind/generous. (Note: This is how they all are to *me*. To each other they're terrible and awful at times. They've had their fair share of drama and fighting and pain.)

ENTJ Dad, ENFP Mum, ENTP brother, some kind of Fe sister-in-law, and then a bunch of other types. My family knows how I feel about them and they about me; parents are quite effusive (oddly father is the far more effusive one; mother's the colder fish) and it's rubbed off on their mostly undemonstrative spawn. They're a very important part of my life and communication is equally important. It's an incredible, incredible tool. I'm still terrible at keeping in contact though.

It's funny, although my brother and I have very different lives, and don't necessarily talk all that often about the 'deeper stuff', when we do I invariably find we've reached the same conclusions. Sometimes it's staggered - one of us will get there first - but generally, we each come to the same place, and by the same route too. It's as if our natural mental geography is almost identical, even though with all the artificial structures built on the surface it'd be hard to tell. We even clash a fair bit and disagree quite a lot, and are constantly misreading each other. A lot of the same biases in perception I suppose.

Spoiler

I've actually found this with a lot of Ti people. I can tell we're so clearly using the same software, and so there's a sense of eerie familiarity, yet we can't help clashing. Let's call the standard xNTP Tom. I think as a result of our similarity Tom and I have each got the same pitfalls and suspicions about everyone other than ourselves, and the same countermeasures to those suspicions, with all the same mental checks and balances for being 'accurate' and 'precise', and are always quite certain we've done all we can to secure our certainty. So whenever there's a disagreement, it's as if the other person is an imperfect copy of ourselves. They must be doing something wrong. They're not who we thought! It's like looking at a distorted reflection of yourself. Or like having a reflection who doesn't move where you do, but does whatever the hell he wants. It's unnerving and unsettling. And a lot of the time you can't connect properly, because Ti is so detached by necessity Tom becomes convinced he is as well - detached, objective, independent, individual... the perfect analytical weighing machine. Everything *I* say has to be phrased in the most stringent terms to be accepted, even though if the same thoughts occurred in Tom's head the qualifiers and disclaimers would be axiomatic and therefore unnecessary to voice. So everything is received from me as an Other with suspicion because it didn't arise in Tom's head, which is the final arbiter of truths (he is willing to accept). Because Ti has to weigh it up before Tom will accept it as 'worthy'. It's this very independence of mind that makes us in some ways so hard to connect with, because we don't extend the benefit of the doubt to others. This can make it hard for Ti users to talk to each other without feeling overly pressured to add a bunch of qualifiers unnecessary for the conversation and offended that the other doesn't realise they mentally assume all the same disclaimers the other is now demanding as a matter of course - and at the same time feeling suspicious of the other person's mental clarity because of *their* imprecise language! As a result each goes away dissatisfied, thinking the other an intellectual fraud and somehow worse than a stereotypical ESFP who can just be (so they think) dismissed out of hand as worthless - as well as an unpleasant conversationalist.

For Ti users, an important Next Step in our constant attempt for mental progress would be incorporating not only the very natural "I may be wrong" counter, but also the "They may not be talking out their ass" counter. Extending the benefit of the doubt, giving them a proper chance to prove themselves (utterly and gloriously wrong ) rather than jumping on every hint of imprecision. Just as a useful development of genuine connective ability, maybe, not our usual kind of connection where we pretend to be into it but keep a small part of ourselves wary and watchful and... cmon, admit it - silently judging.

(I think.)

It's more a problem when you're trying to share an idea or an interesting thought. There are definitely those occasions when sparring/debate/attempts at perfect expression are fun.

 

[Dapper Dan]

I'm also in the "good family" camp.

Mom and Dad are ESTJ and ISTJ respectively. Mom is a matriarch, plain and simple. Dad is the soft-spoken workhorse. My best guess for my younger brother is INFJ.

Surprisingly, the most frequent clashes occur between my parents. They are so freaking oblivious to each other's emotional states that any disagreement between them will immediately (almost hilariously) cascade out of control. Yes, you read that right. An INTP just called two people emotionally oblivious. That's how childishly ridiculous the situation is.

I don't really know what to say about my brother. We get along great, though we don't really spend a lot of time together. When we do see each other at family functions or whatever, it's remarkable how well we click. Even if we are just sitting on a couch laughing at our extended family.

Honestly, I wish I was more like him. He actually does things. He hasn't even graduated from college, but he's already been to like 5 different countries. China twice now.

 

[MizKodomo]

I'm adopted and I live in a family of musicians, so they're all ESxx at least- I'm usually left to my own thoughts at family get togethers- face palming and biting my tongue through most of it. My father is an ESTx, and he and I can have good discussions when he's up to it

 

[GYX_Kid]

Without naming which is which right away: INFJ, INFP, INTJ and ESTJ (interesting when placed as the anomaly).

I'd say that I'm the least "loyalty" minded of all of them, in that I never take sides on anything or anyone. I appreciate each of them for their individual strengths.

Only issues to work through, off the top of my head: I've thought that the TJ combined with generosity of both parents may have contributed to a type of "defy or accept" binary mentality, and slow development in providing for myself. And that the IxFx of the others adds a default wall of distance between us, which takes effort and motivation to break through.

We're all highly creative people, and need to use it

 

[Wasp]

It's not always that great, however having an SF in a family is always bad when you are an NT. Not a single thing in common. Especially if they are SJs, then they can be controlling. Controlling, irrational asshole with absolutely nothing in common with you is never good. Someone who's never around is much better.

Ugh. Tell me about it. I was raised by grandparents for the first six years of my life, I only saw my parents on weekends. When that ended, I things went to hell.

Mum-ESFJ: A narrow-minded, manipulative, attention seeking, witch. I honestly sometimes doubt she's my mother. Even when she helps someone it's a reflection of her own desire to be on good terms with that person.

Dad-ISTP: Three words: the town whore.

Middle Brother-I?TP: We get along fine. Never seem to argue. We seem to understand each other and get that we like that leaves us alone.

Youngest Brother-????: To young to type but I can already tell he's gonna make my life a nightmare.

Grandpa-INTP: I love this man. He makes life easier and when he sees that I'm depressed he always has a book to give me. He sees that his children are screwups but he's there for them anyways.

Grandma-ISTJ: Very manipulative. Very vengeful. Not even the powers of Satan, Jehovah, and Jesus combined could help you if you cross this woman. She hates her daughter's kids for some reason but has a soft spot for me and my brothers.Scariness
aside she can be very loving. Too bad she plays by favorites.

 

[Dapper Dan]

It's not always that great, however having an SF in a family is always bad when you are an NT. Not a single thing in common. Especially if they are SJs, then they can be controlling. Controlling, irrational asshole with absolutely nothing in common with you is never good. Someone who's never around is much better.

Not sure how I missed this the first time. Massive generalizations and just plain bad typology. This post basically shows how not to use MBTI.

 

[intpz]

Actually I can apply that to *most* people with that personality type, therefore I use it this way. Just like other generalization terms.

 

[jsn0x]

The only person I really connected to in my family was my dad. I had him take a MBTI and he tested INTJ. We are very similar, but we butt heads on some things. One thing I just noticed about him recently is how massilvley introverted he is- like me. He goes to work, comes home and watches TV, then goes to sleep. On the weekends he never goes out and sees anyone, he finds something around the house to do or something to fix on his car/pickup/boat. He only really hung out with his girlfriends, other than that the only people he would hang out with were people who came over to see him. (I just described my own introversion if you replace TV/stuff around the house with the internet.) The only thing we bump heads about is he wants to make me into someone, and that just doesn't help. "Go get a job, go join the service if you aren't getting a job, etc." The NT-NT dynamic is great, though. We can communicate easily and it's refreshing.

Now for the rest of my family...

Mom- She's more introverted, but she is a feeler for sure. She has strong family ties and really pushed that on my sister and I. Family camping trips, family dinner on thanksgiving, family christmas (on x-mas eve), etc. I didn't particularly care for her too much because she put me on ritalin/sleeping pills when I was younger because she didn't understand me, divorced my dad and decided she was a lesbian (after having 3 kids), and other weird F stuff that I don't understand. I've came to terms with all of that recently, though, and just let it go because she's the only mom I get. She is more N than S, so we can have deep conversations, but she is a bit illogical and comes to decisions based on feelings, though, and that frustrates me.

Sister- I fucking hate her. Most likely ESFP. She ignores all logic and makes all decisions based on feelings and interpersonal reasoning. She is conceited as hell, and LOVES to push that on me because she thinks I'm inferior for some reason. Classic case of book smart, but has no common sense or sense of logic. She took college classes throughout high school and is going to be graduating next year with a BS in psychology and wants to work with child development or some shit. Where as I've been to college for two years (next year will be her second) and only have 35 credits and 10 grand of debt to show for it. She loves to point that out. Basically it comes down to what we regard as successful- for me it's the pursuit of knowlege and understanding- for her it's a piece of paper and how big her paycheck is.

Non-immediate family- it's full of EXFX's, hate most all of them. I have one uncle who is most likely an INTX, and I can get along with him well, as can my dad. I have one cousin who is most likely an ENFJ and she's the only one I like out of the bunch. I've had 2 long term relationships with ENFJ's and I find them to be the only E's I can stand that I've came across so far.

 

[Jennywocky]

*Edit: How the hell do some of you know so much about the personality types of your family members? Did you all take a group test, or are you just making assumptions?

I've known my family for over 40 years... far longer than I've known anyone on this forum, and yet people here still try to type each other.

For the record, my mom and sister are pretty textbook ISFJ, it wasn't difficult.

My dad, I used to think was more an ENTP, but things just didn't make sense... and once I reexamined him as ESTP, everything fell into place, including the difficulties he and I have had in communicating.

 

[perkins]

Mom (ISFP): Artsy, flower child. She let me grow up and learn through experience. I can't remember ever getting reprimanded as an adolescent. She was very good at giving me my space. She never pressured me to talk about something if I didn't want too. Gives me the "deer in headlights" look if I go on one of my philosophical rants.

Father (IXXJ): Vietnam vet with psychological disorders, which make him hard to type. Abusive (more mentally and emotionally than physically). I maintain distant communication with him through letters/email.

Mom's boyfriend (ESFJ): Nice guy. Not very educated. Routine oriented. Lacks sense of humor. Likes to gossip with his friends, watch television (Yankees, Nascar, news). Obsessivley mows the lawn, vacuums, washes dishes, eats & showers. Our communication is usually limited to "hey".

Grandfather (I/E S F/T J): WWII Marine. Tends to complain and condemn. Typically nags me to get a haircut/shave. Conversations are usually quite enjoyable due to his malfunctioning hearing aids. All in good fun.

 

[ObliviousGenius]

My parents are HIGHLY conservative.

My Dad (ESFJ) is extremely annoying to say the least. He is the prototypical authoritarian and is constantly assigning me mundane and useless chores to fulfill his excessive need to just do stuff. He and my mom are uber-religious. He is a minister at my church and religion is the focus point of everything. He drags me to church every Sunday even though I ask not to go every week. He's also aware of the fact that I am the church heretic and the other members are aware of it as well, but because he doesn't wanna look like he doesn't bring his kids to church he drags me along anyway.

I do have a solid relationship with him though even though it is impossible for us to have a deep conversation.

My mom (ISFJ) is usually very loving and caring...when she's calm that is. When she's upset (and she angers very easily) she is the most evil witch on the planet Earth. I've actually started watching her behavior for disorders because its that big of a difference. Don't judge me, but I've actually punched her in the face at a mini-golf place for her antics. You really don't wanna know some of the things she's said. She has gotten a lot better as of late, after the last incident where she crossed the line with my dad with some of the most evil comments the devil himself could not come up with. I still regret having such a moment of weakness, especially since I've never done something violent like that before.

My little brother (XSTJ) used to be unusually immature for a kid his age. He also used to be mean and evil. Now he is very influenced by his friends and mimics his environment a lot. He's also extremely judgmental even more than my dad. My brother and I get along well enough now mostly because he's matured as I haven't changed much.

My family isn't "bad", it's just not the ideal situation for a person like me. I'll be gone to the military in two months and I'm leaving behind everything.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I remember already describing something similar but:

I don't relate to anyone at all in the immediate circle. Me and my father(ESTJ) get along in person somewhat, but mostly because of my independence, otherwise I'm certain there are a lot of things he'd like me to be subject to. We 're pretty distant in communication. My brothers I'm distant towards to also, don't live with them.

My sister(ESFP) I'm usually either annoyed by or indifferent to. We've been able to depend on each other sometimes though in subtle ways. She cracks me up with her jokes, it's really hard to keep a straight face around her, and other times I can understand what she's going through, sometimes I wonder if she understands me.

My grandmother(ESFJ, possibly ENFJ) I have zero tolerance for. I can't stand her insincere, overbearing, and intrusive nature and she can really make me furious and resentful. It makes me look ridiculous because "she's my grandmother", it's a contrast to my usual coolheaded state, and nobody is as disapproving of her behavior as I am. My grandfather is distant, but I have a lot of unspoken respect for him.

My mother(ESFJ) is a less intense version of my grandmother. Everything still applies but nothing is enough for anything to surface(outbursts are rare, but grave). I honestly sometimes see her as a grownup child. I try not to feel like she is to blame though, we have different lifestyles, strengths, values etc, we're just naturally incompatible, victims of circumstance.

Also:

There's no one I've related to better than my cousin, who I've typed ESTP. We think alike so much sometimes we say the same things, and we have similar approaches to life, except notable differences in initiative and social expectations. Our biggest similarities are self-reliance and aloofness, big enough that we could seem identical at times.

My uncle (ENTJ) I relate to similarly like my cousin. I feel like we are identical at times, but he has greater initiative and all that extravert stuff. We can have and have had interesting discussions but usually don't which I think is because it's probably awkward to take initiative.

 

[PartyPoison]

I haven't typed my family, but my mom is an ISFJ I think.
We have a decent relationship as long as I conform to her opinions. It's mostly agreeing with what she says or just listening to her. I feel she is not listened to enough so when I can I try to let her vent to me. Other than that we either don't talk or argue until I get grounded. People tell me i am rebellious, it's not a conscience act. It just happens. So my lack of willingness to conform to how she wishes I was (just like her) sort of makes everything hard. I love mom, but she is quite controlling.

Dad, no idea about his type. He and I...have an interesting relationship. He constantly makes me second guess, and even hate myself. He puts me down a lot. He switches between being nearly accepting and emotionally abusing. We don't have much in common at all. My parents are devout Christians, and are extremely right-wing. They are all about tradition and religion and conformity. So I try to keep quiet around them because I will be punished for anything that is not exactly as they are.

Also, if it helps them live their lives, then be my guest. Follow whatever tradition you want. And their religion makes their life worth it, who the hell am I to take that away?

I have two older brothers. Sort of. They have only ever let me down. One of them is homosexual. I have no problem with it but my family does. I tried to let him know I accepted him and still loved him, but he pushed me away. Then he tried reconciling with my father. All I wanted was for him to know I did not hate him or his choices. Maybe one day I will be okay with what happened, for now I try not to remember either of their existance.

I would have my family take the test, but my father disbelieves in psychology. He thinks all psychologists do is put kids on drugs.

 

[ascii]

I haven't had any trouble with my family, which is something I'm more and more grateful for as I'm reading these stories.

Mom (ISFJ) -- She's a good person, very giving and kind. However, she can be insanely irrational and go on and on with ridiculous rants about her job where the entire time I want too interrupt and explain that her problems are her fault and if she had common sense could easily be avoided. She suffers from a lot of anxiety (something I can't understand at all) and is incredibly sensitive (which I also can't understand, and frustrates me).

Dad (ENXP) -- He's an intelligent and reasonable guy. The only part of him that ever frustrates me is when he acts too extraverted.

Brother (ISTP) -- 3 years older than me. Probably the person I'm closest too in life (though that's not saying much, we don't share any details of our personal lives with eachother, but we still talk pretty frequently) He's very intelligent, more rational than I am and keeps me grounded. He plays video games way too much, which dissapoints me, but he still stays super fit, so it's not much more than a time waste.

Me (INFJ or INTP) -- I don't really know how my family sees me, but I think/hope I'm well liked. None of them know me that well, but we all, at the very least... coexist.

Overall it seems I'm pretty lucky.

 

[Brontosaurie]

this post will be a bit self-centered but I will concentrate on their relations to me as INTP and elaborating further on the whole picture would require some detail I'm not prepared to publish :P

I haven't introduced MBTI to any of them but my guesses are as follows

mom: ESFJ
dad: XSTJ
brother: ESTP
sister: ENFP

so my mother is the one that most clearly clashes with me. she panicks frequently, starts asking me what's wrong when I don't look happy even though she well knows I am depressed, keeps ranting about how I should have more "drive" and "go" without ever specifying those terms, sees everything in an emotional black-and-white, seemingly unable to bypass that for some rational consideration. she complains that I never communicate - even though I communicate, just not the stuff she expects, and she frequently suppresses or forgets "odd" things I tell her, allthewhile letting me know she expects me to share more of my inner life. paradoxical and frustrating. she talks and talks and elaborates minute details that go without saying, in a painfully clear, shrill, cutting voice. nevertheless we can have some good moments together and seem to agree about some things. she has told me she had to fight to become extraverted - implying that I should do the same to overcome my mental problems - but that I believe is bogus.

my dad is a bit of a control freak. his world is rational, concrete, definite assessment, rigid rule systems and canonized culture. overall we can unite when there's a common antagonist but usually things are shallow.

my brother is quite a funny guy. he's been a major pain before but he's grown and has a girl now, so much less aggressive and ventilating.

my sister is the only one of these that I deeply genuinely care about. she has an effortless intuitive understanding of most things (others simply eliciting some equivalent of"wtf I don't get this lol!" rather than prestige) and an easygoing approach to most of life. I see myself as an extra parent to her as our real parents are kind of misled and confused about their values.

 

[Introspective]

My mom: Took the test and scored ISFP, however I'm pretty sure she isn't a Perceiver or an Introvert. I think ESFJ. Needs affection, never asks me about my own feelings and problems (nobody I know thinks I have any, and I don't blame them) but talks constantly about hers. We get along okay, except for one thing: she's, IMO, very holier-than-thou (though an agnostic) and a control freak, dictating what I should do (stop being an introvert, choose X instead of Y for a job). Also, she absolutely hates when I play devil's advocate.

Father: Hasn't taken the MBTI test, but I'm guessing INTP or ISTP. Often lazy, stubborn, antisocial, but I somehow don't have many problems with him. (Surprising, because, as you can see, I'm extremely critical.) He's distant and reserved, but usually takes my side in arguments.

Younger brother: The baby of the family and too young to type.

Others: I have a cousin on my mom's side. I think she's an ESTP. Immature, nonconformist, artistic. I enjoy her company, but don't see her a lot.

 

[addictedartist]

I cant be specific without attacking their personalities, sometimes I feel like each one of my family members treated me as if I was important because I was a firstborn son and grandson and they are mostly extraverted and constantly ask me questions because I have always been a source of answers even when asking questions, They considered me inquistive in my early years and intuitive meow, however indescisive which is all primarily true, I believe that my being a INTP was heavily influenced by my family dynamic as I may be the coldest most calculated apathetic person in my family,yet also bordering on the nicest and having the warmest soul, approaching my life with objectivity even since grade school. My mom was a dancer and is now out of work, she had a hard upbringing with an adopted family my dad is a drummer and now works his ass off, they split when I was 6 months;lived with my mother. and my mom gave birth to twins when I was two and a half and we were split from her when I was 9, my brother and sister went to foster care and I was with them for two weeks before my grandparents on my dads side took custody of me, I stayed with them until my dad could afford to acquire joint custody of me with my grandparents, then I went and lived with him and would regularly see my grandparents, now; my grandfather passed away a little over a week ago, and my grandmother passed at the end of october. so now I am out on my own, my dad and I have a better relationship which has had to experince growing pains and he has a four year old daughter now who loves how I can answer all her questions so that she understands. I still see my mother regularly and my brother is extraverted but hes having a rough go and I see how he cant cope with introversion in the same respect I can because hes staying with my mom even though shes not legally entitled to even see him and he doesnt have the same peer group as when he was living in group and foster homes where he was free to express himself. my sister is an introvert and cant stand my brother for long periods of time even though they are twins, she is now living with her boyfriend. we get along but sometimes my thinking functions over bear on her feeling functions and we end up at odds on different subjects. I love my mother who seems to be the litmus test of my sanity, because she drinks everyday and is subject to nervous breakdowns and violent outbursts to which she believes I am the only one who understands, which happens to be the closest thing to the truth that anyone has ever said about our relationship because I have seen things in life which would scare any rational thinking person half to death.

I see my family as loving caring individuals and myself as the one they can always count on to reciprocate there feelings in an unexplored light. It is important to understand the universe as much as my journey into self discovery on the road to changing the world and the universe into one that would be better with me having lived in it, because I felt my very existance was not a mistake but a necessity, I was planned however unexpected
I love my family because they are all contenders regardless of personality type which makes me practically the diamond in the rough and their pressure has fused my soul which is to say, I can see clearly when a person is hard or soft; inside and out

 

[redbaron]

Only child, parents are split but are very good friends still.

Mum [INTJ] - We get along incredibly well, she's always been very supportive of my individuality. She respects my space. At times can be a little irritating, she has her way of doing things and she gets annoyed when I do something else. She's aware of the humour in it though, and we often poke fun at each other for our flaws.

We can get into some pretty heated arguments, but we're both pretty level-headed and we don't take things personally. Recovery from an argument usually only takes about 5 minutes before we're back to cracking jokes again.

She's had a couple boyfriends over the years, and they've always been great guys. One of them was an animation artist. Hilarious and a lot of fun. We'd sit around and play Colin McRae and the conversation never got boring. Was also a musician. Don't know his type.

The other flew hot-air balloons, unfortunately he moved country on a really good job offer. He had a good sense of humour and was pretty down-to-earth. He liked to discuss philosophical things and he was pretty artsy.

Probably spent 3-4 years in contact with them each while growing up, so they were father figures in their own way.

Dad [ISTP] - Spend our time together doing stuff, as it's when he's most relaxed. He's very knowledgeable about a lot of things, but he doesn't really understand people at all. He's a musician, and inspired me to take up music as well. We have very open and useful communication, as long as we're doing something - servicing a car, building a computer etc. he's a very hands on person and we work well together.

Can be frustrating to deal with at times. H's very particular about details and such when I want to just move on to a bigger picture. Never answers questions succinctly and takes a long time to think about things that my mum and I understand already.

If we have an argument he can get frustrated and withdrawn. Seems to take him a while to come to terms with things and thinks I'm annoyed at him when I'm not.

I visit him once a week or so to hang out. Usually I'm helping him out with something, and we talk while we work. He also likes the same music as I do, which is cool. He's a bit of a hermit, but has a few friends he sees regularly.

Other [cousins etc.]

I have seven cousins on dad's side that I see pretty frequently. I like all my aunties and uncles for different reasons, and my cousins are a wild bunch. We play backyard sports at family gatherings. We're a bit older now - early to late 20s the older of us, but we're all big kids really. It's a lot of fun.

I enjoy conversation with my aunties and uncles, they're quick-witted and they all have an intelligence of their own.

I sometimes feel a bit guilty that I don't really return the affection they seem to have for me, but I do love them. Strangely I don't consider them overbearing even though sometimes they can be ridiculously 'gooey'. They're all light-hearted and laid back. It's a pretty 'live and let live' environment.

Overall I'd say I cherish and value my family pretty highly, not necessarily because they're family but as individuals I respect them. I consider them close friends more than I do relatives.

 

[intpz]

An update here, my mom seems to be ignoring more and more of what I say (I/ESFJ, I believe). She asks me something, I tell her the answer, she tells me her preconception and keeps believing in it. Why ask then? To see if the truth matches her truth?

Another nuisance that's happening more and more is when I ask her something, she keeps silent for half a minute before she answers the questions. Sometimes she doesn't answer at all, if the my question implicates that her [preconception] is a preconception and not the truth for example... It's like talking to a wall.

If I continue asking questions like that, she tells me to shut up and that she's gonna have a stroke. In other words, more and more avoiding the truth.

And yet she still, over 20 years, keeps telling me that I fail at everything I do and am not doing anything or am doing something that in reality I'm not doing. I will fail at everything in the future and my thinking is "not normal," quoting here. But hell, she's told me more than once that most people on the planet are abnormal, their opinion doesn't match her opinion.

In addition, she's getting more manipulative with those around her, and she's been VERY manipulative prior to that.

Seems like the older an I/ESFJ gets, the worse he gets.

 

[kaisaki1342]

Hello, new INTP member here
I have a calm family mostly, I am also their first born child.
My Father as far as i know is an ENFP - I am not certain about that, he has strong principles he adhere and I like debating with him as he is very good at explaining his point. Even though I keep a distance I can say I am closer to him than my Mother.
My Mother I pressume is an ESTJ she thrives on perfection and when I am younger will scold me for everything I am not. Will send me clothes that I hate to wear just because they look good and does not care if I am uncomfortable in it. It is just lately that I think she understand my fashion taste (which can be summarize as anything comfortable and simple). I maintain a huge distance from her.

Between them are three -NT- children INTP, INTJ and an ENTP

My First Brother - is an INTJ, he appears to me as an arrogant kid which me and my youngest brother can't understand. He have a rather pretty big personal space he does not want to be invade and yet he constantly invade our personal space. He is noisy but does not want us to be noisy. He is not very good to start a debate to because he only holds that only his version is true even if you give all resources that tells otherwise. My father would say just nod and walk away as it will not be resolve. I am not very close to him. Either way he sometimes is sweet but is annoying nonetheless.

My Youngest Brother is my favorite brother an ENTP - I spoilt him and I am closest to him. He is like me except that he enjoys talking to people have a huge friend circle. He is like me in the way we obsess in project we are interested, on how our room are arrange and how we don't care on what we look and how we both like cats. Big sister spoiled him.

So Hello everyone, nice seeing other INTPS - I always thought I am alone .

 

[Moolyissooriginal]

Well my family is pretty busy always doing something while I have the things I need to do. We fight sometimes but we can resolve things. We always show that we love one another, and thats what family's need. Your family is your family and you always have an obligation to them. Nice question