INTP and banality

[eudemonia]

Do INTPs do banality?

Sometimes I just feel like posting on the forum nothing much really. Like saying 'hi, I'm here. What are you up to?'

But all the threads are either very deep (I can't be bothered to think atm) or humorous (I enjoy but can't contribute).

I suppose I am beginning to recognise the beauty of small talk

 

[preilemus]

banality is much less out of place in a conversational communication style. try the irc channel some time.

 

[Tunesimah]

I don't think I can. Even simple topics I'll find a way to overthink it.

My small talk is asking someone else questions to satisfy my curiosity.

 

[Weliddryn]

I used to suck at socializing (still do, but online I've gotten better) but due to recent experiences, including the IRC, I can now post dumb shit, relatively easy.
This place has become more of a home to me than my own house and I can bring myself to relax a bit, now.
Before, I would refrain from posting or even speaking in the IRC much unless it had an intellectual purpose/moderator responsibility.
So, for my part, this place has contributed in my growth on multiple levels.
(however, does anybody else have difficulty speaking to anyone who is not an INXX?)
*also, I noticed for myself that I socialize much better after a satisfactory intellectual discussion- I come to respect those I converse with more after a demonstration of their intellect. It's even better if they can rip my ideas to shreads and show me the error in my thinking, without being an asshole about it.

 

[Cogwulf]

I avoid banality wherever possible, if there isn't anything I want to say I usually don't say anything

(however, does anybody else have difficulty speaking to anyone who is not an INXX?)

I think I find it easier to talk to people who are at least either N or T

 

[RubberDucky451]

I usually utilize smalltalk when I'm texting. I recently realized i hadn't turned my phone on for 3 days and currently I'm waiting a month to reply to one of my texts for no reason.

I'm always trying to break banality in conversations, although people see the effort as weird.

 

[NoID10ts]

I hate small talk, it freaks me out. I usually end up looking for the fire exit or I consider inflicting bodily harm to myself so that I have an iron clad reason for a rapid exit.

But nonetheless, I do it with a smile, never letting on that I'd rather have a pencil jammed through my eye than go one second longer with it.

We also have those quick visitor messages on the forum now, so that counts as a small talk friendly kind of deal. Many a threat to my life has come via those messages, thank you loveofreason.

EDIT: How's the weather there today, Nia?

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

Hi Nia.

How are you?

I'm fine.

Lovely weather we are having today dontcha think?

Think it might rain tomorrow?

That's a wonderful outfit you have on.

^^okay, that last one went from banal to creepy

 

[Yellow]

I am passable at the small talk and random greetings, but it is draining... and it makes my face hurt. Any kind of banality, while occasionally necessary, is moderately painful to me. There are times when I don't feel like contributing to deep discussions, and times when I don't feel like conversing at all, but I have never experienced a desire for small talk.

 

[eudemonia]

Some great points!

Firstly, I went on IRC and met Anthile and others. That was nice!

Secondly, I agree I used to 'over-think' things but eventually I developed the skills of smalltalk. Being skillful is useful but you can, if you are not careful, lose sight of who you are. It's a balance; I think you need to be skillful in order to make OTHER PEOPLE feel comforatable in your company. Too often, we don't htink about how others feel (most people hate smalltalk) we only think about how we feel. However, like Weliddryn, its easier to do small talk once you have established a basis of respect with someone - whatever basis that might be (intellectual or simply shared experience). But in order to establish that basis of respect, there has to be something (whatever that might be) in common. I have spent too much of my time swimming in someone else's pond where I never felt comfortable.

The txting thing is interesting. My daughter has over 500 friends on FB; I have 30. And they're not all friends either. Its about the quality of the people you text to. I can go on FB (and I do) but the quality of interaction on FB is in no ways comparable to what I get on here. So I keep coming back - damned forum

The messaging thing - well I've never quite got the hang of

IB - why thank you! I've always thought you had such taste too Your classical avatars demonstrate a thoughtful, discriminating judgement. These things cannot be bought or even cultivated, you know. There is small talk and small talk

Now here's some small talk. My son (14) has just come back from school having been out with the CCF (combined cadet force). he loved it - doing mock army exercises, camouflage, rifles etc. Not only that, he was outstanding in all the exercises and, for the first time, felt 'at home', confident and unselfconscious (he's not very academic and probably an ENFP). He would never join the army - he;s seen too many horror stories and documentaries - but there's something in him that would be very at home in that environment - I know it and I dread it. What do I do?

See what I mean by small talk? Just like I would chat with the girls

 

[Chimera]

I don't think I can do small talk. . .I'm perfectly content sitting in silence for who knows how long, even in the company of others. In the event of their lame icebreakers, I bring "random" topics into the conversation to keep my interest in talking, and it satisfies their need for socialness. I guess that's why conversing can be draining to me with a lot of people; I have to work harder to keep from just falling silent, and sometimes it just isn't worth it. ​

Do you guys find yourselves shying away from deliberately delving into deeper topics when the oppurtunity arises if the person you're talking to is...er...not interesting? I don't know how to put it. Sometimes I recognize that I could push the conversation into things like religion or fate or human nature, but I hold back because I don't think the person I'm talking to would be interested and/or I doubt they would understand my viewpoint and don't feel like explaining it. ​

Hi Nia, good to see you again. ​

edit!:
Your son is only a year younger than me. o.o
Anyway, our age (his and mine) is one where we should be exploring anything that interests us, anything that makes us feel good or "at home". Even if he doesn't go into the army, I'm sure there are similar things out there--I'm just uneducated and don't know about them. xD
Paintballing is fun, by the way. If he hasn't tried it yet, he should. (:

2nd edit!:
Why do I use so many more smilies when I'm "small-talking"? D:

​

 

[Agent Intellect]

All talk is small.....

My notorious hatred of small talk has alienated me from a lot of people in life. I can't stand going to any family functions and being asked the same damn questions about how work is going or what I'm up to - if I had something going on that needed their input, I would contact them.

I have a tendency, when forced into social situations, to try and turn the conversation into something interesting or bizarre, usually by asking questions from left field ("why is there something instead of nothing?" is a favorite of mine) just to confuse them. Or, if someone asks me how I'm doing, I tend to answer "compared to what?" Anything to break away from their expectations of how the conversation is going to go.

 

[Beat Mango]

I can't stand small talk and the presumption that you're not normal if you don't choose to engage in it or that it's a "skill" to be learnt. It's not a skill, it's just a function of brain stupidity. Dumb yourself down and it should become second nature. I do like good conversation, but small talk I despise.

I am passable at the small talk and random greetings, but it is draining... and it makes my face hurt.

Hahahaha... I can relate.

 

[slant]

I once met an INTP who dealt with smalltalk by simply not responding.

"How was your holiday break?" Someone would ask.

Intp: -silence, a blank stare, and then looks away-

 

[Ombat]

Intp: -silence, a blank stare, and then looks away-

He's trying to tell you that he doesn't like you... with his MIND!
(Because he couldn't combust you with his mind)

I don't like smalltalk but I usually don't have anything else to say, which is why I rarely ever speak.

I'm actually very skilled at making small talk with good friends (is that even considered small talk?) but everytime I try it with people I don't know very well, it's so weird that I feel everyone is physically pained... that's when I usually end up just walking away.... Even if I have nowhere to go.

 

[eudemonia]

Hi Chimera,

good to see you too (this is genuine and not small talk ). I just love your avatar and its a long time since I've seen your unique posting style .

I take the point about exploration and age - I think I was panicking last night. Both my husband and I had an eery premonition but I suspect that was just based on fear

I think the point about small talk is that a lot of people don't like it - not just INTPs - but a lot of people are more skilled at it than INTPs are. It performs an important function in that it puts others at ease so you can then find out whether you have got anything in common with each other. I could imagine a gathering with lots of INTPs all refusing to engage in any small talk and then leaving in the belief that everyone else was boring and that there was no-one there who was of any interest.

I recently went to a party by myself as my husband was away. I very dutifully engaged in small talk and soon found that I had nothing in common with anyone there. As I was leaving my hostess insisted that I visit her new garage conversion - which she had turned into an annexe. Dutifully I complied. Whilst there I bumped into a guy who I think was hiding from main party. He looked at me and said: 'I wonder what would happen if we put exploded a bomb in their midst - would they even notice, do you think?' And from there we had a wide-ranging conversation that lasted over an hour.

I've always wondered how you just cut the crap and get to the real juicy bits of a conversation. I'm at the stage where I like meeting new people so if you want to do that you have to develop small talk skills to a certain extent.

Oh, I just loved the comment about making one's face ache - I totally identify with that too

 

[slant]

He's trying to tell you that he doesn't like you... with his MIND!
(Because he couldn't combust you with his mind)

I don't like smalltalk but I usually don't have anything else to say, which is why I rarely ever speak.

I'm actually very skilled at making small talk with good friends (is that even considered small talk?) but everytime I try it with people I don't know very well, it's so weird that I feel everyone is physically pained... that's when I usually end up just walking away.... Even if I have nowhere to go.

No, to a certain extent I'm sure his reaction might be due to some mental problems.

 

[Jesin]

Small talk can be horrible when it's with someone you don't know and you feel like you "have to". But once you find people you enjoy talking to, you may even find yourself doing it by choice.

 

[Anling]

I think I have learned to do small talk reasonably well. I'll ask questions to sate my curiosity or bring up whatever just popped into my head. Hopefully when I ask what someone does, their answer will be interesting and I can learn something. If not I ask about something else.

I once started a conversation by discussing the construction of the chairs we were siting in. I really don't know what possessed me to do that. It must have been what I was pondering when the other person sat down.

 

[Weliddryn]

Hm, I wonder if this whole forum (k, more specifically, the 'deep' threads) would seem inane to an SJ?

 

[Anling]

Well, my SJ dad would definitely see them as pointless and stupid.

 

[Beat Mango]

Well, my SJ dad would definitely see them as pointless and stupid.

I'm sorry...

 

[Anling]

^ He's just very set in his opinions. I've learned not to bring things up to him like that. If I want to discuss something I talk to Mom, she's NF.

 

[Ombat]

No, to a certain extent I'm sure his reaction might be due to some mental problems.

I don't think believing you have telepathic powers automatically means you have some sort of mental problem.

<----- This, on the other hand, indicates some deep seeded issues that need to be taken care of.