we enneagram nines are unaware of the aggression that comes through despite our attempts to play it down.
for instance many of our posts are critical of something, perhaps even unconstructive (or not - I try to be constructive at all times, but i have not always been that way) and they may leave the reader somewhat pissed off, yet we would be surprised and feel wronged if someone criticized us for it.
our criticism is often factually right, because we are generally well trained in being understanding of what other people do and why, but it's as if you criticize a party that you have not helped set up yourself, it's too late and simply hurtfull.
your mood disorder is probably mostly the result of your chronic inability to express what you want in life.
we ought to step in for our needs before there is conflict but we don't.
we nines actively evoke situations wherein we do not get what we want, because we support everyone getting what they want and forget our own needs. we hope to be accepted and supported in return, but it doesn't happen. it couldn't happen, because other people are not even informed about what we desire.
then we get angry at everything, the whole way of the world, not something specific. we never get angry about details (such as when you break my phone), but some patterns are generic in our eyes, they represent the way of the world and we can get absolute anger about them. jealousy can make us angry like that. when somebody gets what they want, who hasn't deserved it, just because they are asking for it. and we never get anything, because we never dare to ask. they have done nothing wrong, but to us they feel like everything that is wrong with the world. both they and the people who provide for their needs.
by the time we become conscious of anger, the party is set up, it's too late.
there is nothing we can do to be convert the feeling of being overlooked and mistreated into something healthy. bottling up the anger is wrong and dysfunctional but acting out and accusing people who are involved into the situation is also wrong and dysfunctional. they wouldn't know how to change anything for the better.
that's why the nine has to become more like a three, become a bold advocate of their interests in the first place. make other people agree with what you want by boasting a little bit, by impressing them with a vision, long before they have decided to want something else, before the party is planned out. i believe steve jobs is an example for doing this.
i'm not sure if i'm a full blown nine, but it's part of my tri-type or whatever.
anyhow, i have to add this to my previous post about the five.
the patterns can be confused on paper, in reality they are clearly distinct.
the five has a very outspoken mental idea of what they want. it may be ignorant of their feeling needs, but it's what they want and they make it happen. they want to remain independent and will usually succeed in setting up everything in their life in such a way, that they can get what they want, that they are in control.
but they can't plan other people into their independent goal orientation, because other people won't ever act from a purely mental game plan, and that is when they loose it, perhaps as parents or lovers, because they will suddenly fall out of their mental focus into somewhat childish feelings that appear to come out of nowhere and that seem paranoid (meaning projected anger, having accusative and commanding or demanding quality).
damn, the last part about the feelings sounds just like nine (even though my mental picture is clearly distinct). it's so hard to but the difference into words, i have to think about this more ...
it seems the five becomes emotionally aware, that living through a mental strategy isn't making them happy, but they do not realize this general problem on a mental level, instead they think they feel unhappy, because their plan is not working out in the present moment, due to the incompetence of someone who won't respect or obey what is clearly the right thing to do.
much like the nine becomes aware emotionally ware that not bothering to have a strategy at all can not make them happy but do not realize mentally, that this is a general long term issue, they think they are unhappy because the world is not inviting them at this very moment, that is has no place planned out for them in it's own strategy and that they don't have the courage to demand a place, which would of course not be granted just like that, as the know very well.
this longing for an invitation can also be confused with the four, on paper. the four hopes to be taken under the wing as well, only in a more loving manner, not in a practical context, but damn ... the enneagram is such a brain toaster....
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