infj intp interaction

[Dove]

Now, I am not sure what all the letters mean and all the Ne Ni n stuff like that. Slowly learning, and trying to use mbti to help me in my personal relationships.

My significant other was froced (by me) to take a simple mbti test a few days ago. Obviously there is the chance his type came out wrong but for now it's all I have...

The issue we have is def a communicative one. We, what I would call, debated for three hours last night... And all we seemed to get out of it was knowing that we do not understand eachothers thought process.

He gets angry that I turn everything into a debate or an interview of sorts. All I try to do ia solve the problem at hand, it does not make sense in my mind to complain about something just to complain or get sympathy. I mean hell I try lol...

I should add, he thinks many times when I say something that there is some hidden agenda/emotion. Eapexially when I give a blunt answer or make a blunt statement

What I am trying to find out is if this is common in intp infj interaction. And why doesn't he listen oh and why does he forget some statement he made five minutes prior (he always contradicts himself, I may take to recording our converaations.) Any advice/comments/observations greatly wanted and appreciated

Edit: cba to fix all grammatical mistakes. Using a touchscreen keyboard blows

 

[redbaron]

*cue long post by Architect

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

You'll probably find this somewhat objectively useful: http://modalitiesofexistence.com/2011/05/24/infj-dating-bible-or-how-to-date-an-infj/

 

[Architect]

*cue long post by Architect

My fans (OK ... fan ... OK, guy tired of my long winded posts).

Actually I'm not sure about this one, because it appears she is the INTP and he is the INFJ (true). I'm only familiar with the more common (not that it's common) INTP male - INFJ female, which describes myself and Mrs Architect.

Anyhow (break out the Campari) as well as the INFJ-INTP fit together, communication can be difficult. We're going through that presently around household stuff. Husbands and wives traditionally have trouble around men wanting to problem solve, and women wanting to talk. With INTP-INFJ it seems to be worse.

INFJ's strong suit is Ni - introverted intuition, which means they don't look for closure like we do (Ti), but they look to open things up. Frustrating as hell, I keep trying to solve her seemingly simple problems and we just end up getting mad. I'm mad because as soon as I close something, she opens it, and she's upset because I'm getting upset.

So - I'll try and cut the wind short here - you're seeking closure, and he's seeking open ended possibilities. Frustrating to you because he won't solve a problem, and frustrating to him because you keep trying to solve it and shut things down.

 

[Hadoblado]

I find INFJ's very easy to get along with, though if we do have issues, it's generally because I misjudge the importance of something to them. They tend to have strong opinions, and I think it's important to identify exactly what it is they believe and/or value.

 

[redbaron]

My fans (OK ... fan ... OK, guy tired of my long winded posts).

Not sure if what I said came across as insulting, it wasn't meant to be. I just figured you'd have some good insights on this topic, being in an INTP-INFJ relationship yourself.

 

[Dove]

Thank you so much guys. That link for infj in relationships was very helpful.

Glad to know I am not alone, Architect. Really sounds just like my relationship..

It is certainly hard trying to wrap my head around his thinking proxess when it's foreign to my own.

 

[Architect]

Not sure if what I said came across as insulting, it wasn't meant to be. I just figured you'd have some good insights on this topic, being in an INTP-INFJ relationship yourself.

@redbaron

No problem, I took it as tongue in cheek and tried to bat it back

 

[MsAnthropy_Indefatigably]

It's interesting you have those problems because I think my BF and I have very good communication skills.... although I should mention it's only been 6 months and we're actually prepping to move in together shortly, so that could all go out the window...!

We have the same make up--I'm INTP and he's INFJ. Because I tend to flounder at decision making and for the most part could care less about a vast number of things, I usually leave most decisions up to him (such as what to eat, how to entertain ourselves, etc). We do tend to be calm for each other in times of stress and so far, he expresses himself to me when he feels the need and I try accepting it without turning it into straight logic and data ( I can be very much like Spock at times).
I attempt to express myself when possible and however comfortable (i.e. via text message or long winded email), but he knows how I feel about him and asks questions when he doesn't. Maybe he's not really INFJ or, if you read the description and it does sound like him, you guys just need to admit to and recognize each other's weaknesses in communicating and go from there.

 

[MsAnthropy_Indefatigably]

*cue long post by Architect

Hee hee
@Architect, I'm a fan!

 

[Architect]

It's interesting you have those problems because I think my BF and I have very good communication skills.... although I should mention it's only been 6 months and we're actually prepping to move in together shortly, so that could all go out the window...!

We've been together 20 years, all couples have issues by then. They're not especially serious, in general INTPs & INFJs communicate better with each other than they do with others.

 

[Dove]

Well, my infj and I have bren together for near four years now.

After reading the linked article about infjs being private and not opening up for wgat could be years, it fits lol

 

[EvilBlitz]

Agree with Hadoblado. I work with two INFJ women. I find them pretty easy to get along with.
Also I find because of their strong values and opinions(even if not stated) they can get quite particular about certain things. If it is something not important, try not to be a classic INTP and de construct it.
That is like tearing their heart apart and they will be deeply hurt. Also I have found since they seem to be naturally good hearted, if they make a mistake they can really beat themselves up. So if pointing out something they have done wrong and you want to correct or help, try to do it as gently as possibly.
Since they seem like such naturally good people I also find it relaxing in a way talking to them as I know they are not into mind games either. There is no manipulation or looking to gain something in some way.

My 2 cents.

 

[Architect]

Also I find because of their strong values and opinions(even if not stated) they can get quite particular about certain things. If it is something not important, try not to be a classic INTP and de construct it.
That is like tearing their heart apart and they will be deeply hurt. Also I have found since they seem to be naturally good hearted, if they make a mistake they can really beat themselves up. So if pointing out something they have done wrong and you want to correct or help, try to do it as gently as possibly.
Since they seem like such naturally good people I also find it relaxing in a way talking to them as I know they are not into mind games either. There is no manipulation or looking to gain something in some way.

Yep, all true. I've found it best not to point out mistakes at all, they're well aware of them usually.

 

[Dove]

I seem to still be learning in life... I once thought everyone participated in mind games. Still trying to just go with it with my infj, not used to the whole pure kindness thing lol

I do see the beating themselves up part and I do it as well.

Weird saying this, but learning mbti is saving my relationship...

 

[viche]

Now, I am not sure what all the letters mean and all the Ne Ni n stuff like that. Slowly learning, and trying to use mbti to help me in my personal relationships.

My significant other was froced (by me) to take a simple mbti test a few days ago. Obviously there is the chance his type came out wrong but for now it's all I have...

The issue we have is def a communicative one. We, what I would call, debated for three hours last night... And all we seemed to get out of it was knowing that we do not understand eachothers thought process.

He gets angry that I turn everything into a debate or an interview of sorts. All I try to do ia solve the problem at hand, it does not make sense in my mind to complain about something just to complain or get sympathy. I mean hell I try lol...

I think socionics works better for understanding personal relationships. MBTI doesn't offer much in comparison. In socionics the relationship type between INTP and INFJ is that of benefit: Relations of Benefit where INFJ is the benefactor and INTP is the beneficiary (notice that in socionics introverted types flip the last letter so INTP-INFJ becomes INTj-INFp). Benefit is a fairly common romantic pairing. It's the same relationship type that exists between INTJs and INFPs why many of them end up in relationships with each other.

Here is a listing of other types of relations: intertype relationships chart