im not a huge player or anything but ive been with quite a few women over the years. A lot of it one-night stands and messing around, but some longer stuff too. But tbh, ive seldomly felt i got anything out of it. The few times that was the case, it was a woman with a certain feminine energy, where there was a clear man-to-woman dynamic. I feel this is exceedingly rare at this point. Like, ladies, it's great you have careers and all that stuff, but I actually have zero interest in interacting with you like you were a man.
Sure. But I know a lot of guys who are into girls with masculine haircuts, other guys who like girls who can hit, all sorts of guys who are very interested in a hetero relationship with someone who is clearly female but also clearly not the cisfemale stereotype. So this wouldn't be a barrier, not if the non-traditional women dated the men who wanted non-traditional women and men like yourself dated more traditionally feminine women.
so if i am to, say, go to online dating, where you have to spend fucking insane amount of time and energy scrolling though profiles, chatting, and setting up dates that usually suck big time, that's simply a bad use of time.
This too is silly. Back in the day, everyone would go to nightclubs.
If there were 50 men and 50 women, odds on, most of them would end up pairing up that night, or the girl would have to go home alone. So there was a strong pressure for people to pair up with whoever was there that night. Standards weren't that high.
But if you're on a dating site with a million users, even if 99% pair off, that still leaves 10,000 alone.
Plus, in a nightclub, you only have till the club closes to find someone. Online sites are open 24-7, 365 days a year, which means you can sit at home till someone finds you. With apps on your smartphone, you can be anywhere and still be available.
Another thing was, that just by looking across the room, you got to see the quality of your competition, both male and female. So you knew how attractive you were compared to everyone else, and thus how picky you could afford to be.
Online sites and smartphone apps only show you picture by picture, so your mind can't see a whole load of people at once, that would give you an idea of where you stand compared to others and how picky you can afford to be.
Another thing is that humans are attracted by pheromones, particularly women, as men go more for looks. Computers don't transmit or receive pheromones. So without that basic form of attraction for women, they go on other qualities.
Another thing is that most apps and sites now show a photo with an age. Women care about common interests, if the man is caring, the sound of his voice, etc. So because those are not what you can see and hear when you swipe, most of their normal selection criteria are excluded from swiping.
in fact i can walk into any strip bar and have a 10x more interesting convo with a stripper. These women are usually self-confident, they have the feminine energy (obviously, otherwise they would be out of work), and they know how to talk to men. Now, im usually drunk as fuck when im in these places so that obviously makes everything much more interesting, but nevertheless - i get to have funny conversations with hot girls and if i like the girl i can have her rub her tits in my face pronto.
Of course. But that's because strip bars belong to the working-class culture, which eschews value in the progress of modern technology, and prefers more basic physical forms of communication and dating. So they're old school.
my point is this: yes, theres a lot of men who are fucked up nowadays, but the problem, as i see it, is that the distinctions between male and female behavior have become largely erased, which causes 2 things: 1) it makes it almost impossible to know how to even communicate with a woman in a flirty way, and 2) it makes it generally less interesting for men to interact with women. I.e. both means and incentive are gone
I agree that both your points are true.
But it's not because the male-female differences are gone, because they are clearly NOT gone, because otherwise all the feminists and macho men would all agree with each other.
Rather, it's because your two points have been erased from most people, even when they clearly have distinctions between male and female behaviour.
So I'm going to go into detail on your 2 points:
1) it makes it almost impossible to know how to even communicate with a woman in a flirty way,
I've heard all sorts of men complain about this. Players I met, claimed they don't know what women think. But most men act like they don't have a Theory of Mind when it comes to women:
1) The men who get pushy and aggressive with other men, tend to get pushy and aggressive with women.
2) The men who persuade other men to do things, like salesmen, usually try to keep persuading women into bed.
3) The men who usually back off from confrontational challenges, like getting a job, or moving out, also back off from approaching women.
#3 is most important of all, because these men even back from hanging out with friends who actually like their company, and even back off from women who are clearly into them.
But these patterns are exactly what they do normally by default. So they're acting like they don't have a clue about women, and are thus reverting to what they would normally do anyway when they don't have a clue.
This in turn indicates they are NOT being educated about dating.
Now, from what my mum said, in the past, there would be social dances organised in order to ensure young people would meet and become partners. They have strict rules to ensure everything worked properly, and the types of rules that would mean everyone would be informed beforehand.
Now, everyone learns the theoretical biology of sex, but not how to interact with others to get to sex. So people are clueless.
Now add in all those thousands and thousands of messages about how women get raped all time without men realising and how getting a prison sentence for a sex offence can ruin a man's life, and most men have a strong incentive for avoiding dating.
So if you're the anti-confrontational type, you'll end up avoiding dating, because it's too dangerous.
If you're the pushy type, then you're the type of person who would rather risk prison than be broke, and thus you'd rather risk being done for a sex offence than be sexless.
So you either end up as an incel or an Andrew Tate follower.
2) it makes it generally less interesting for men to interact with women. I.e. both means and incentive are gone
That was intentional.
Even in the days of Pride and Prejudice, the local Lord of the Manor would arrange social dances in his home for the yokels, so they would get married, so they would work hard to feed their kids.
At dances in the 1950s and 1960s, each girl would be given a dance card with the list of dances and a pencil. Any boy could ask any girl for a dance. If her dance card wasn't full, she had to pencil him in for at least 1 dance. They also used to make sure that there was an even number of boys and girls. So every boy got a decent chance to dance with the girl she liked, and every boy was guaranteed to get at least a few dances with some girls.
Nightclubs were making most of their money by selling alcohol, and were seen as stable forms of income that would last for decades. Their clientele were mostly local. So they wanted to make their nightclub into a place where lots of men, so the men would buy lots of alcohol. They got in good DJs, because they wanted to make it fun, because the more fun it was, the longer people would stay there and the more alcohol would be bought and drunk. Everything was designed around achieving a good experience.
So they were designed for people who would go out with their friends and drink alcohol. They were full of little alcoves and small tables, where 3-6 people could sit and hang comfortably without others being able to eavesdrop on their conversations. They also had bouncers. So you could chat to a girl, in an area that was public enough and watched by enough bouncers, that she could feel safe without worry about being raped, while at the same time private enough that you could whisper sweet nothings to her and persuade her to have a quickie in the toilets.
The current dating sites and apps are extremely individualistic, and their payment models are subscription-based. So they only get more money by keeping you longer on the site. But they're aimed at people seeking relationships, which means that the minute you find someone, you no longer have a reason to keep subscribing and paying them money. So it's in their interest to keep you from finding a partner.
But your friends would be more likely to point out when you're being scammed.
Because they're on individualistic accounts and phones, if you're in a group, you'll get distracted from these things, and so will pay less attention to them, and value them less. Plus, you may meet someone through your friends and thus your friends may lose the company the revenue you provide.
So they don't need you to be in a group, and they don't want you to be in a group. They just want to keep milking you. The longer you are by yourself, and the more you are unhappy, the more desperate you'll be, and the more longer you'll keep paying.
They don't care, because they're using the Nigerian Prince model: they offer ridiculous promises to millions of people in very cheap ways, but string it out. Even if only 1 in 1,000 are suckers, they still make bank.
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