In love, but quite sure nothing like love exists - confused. Help?

[zeemal]

Hi. I thought talking my heart out at a forum of people who approach the problems with more or less same strategic pattern might prove useful so here I am with the only unsolved puzzle of my life. I'm in love with a guy. I guess so. Andddd, well it's tricky. I'm a Virgo and I strongly believe in zodiacs without ever doubting them, cause I know if I looked into it I might stop believing altogether and that won't be fun. The guy is a Scorp and I am totally infatuated with him. We were in a relationship for a year, he broke it off. I went on crazily to keep it because I tried every possible thing and he wouldn't just stay I do not understand why. and now he's back. I don't know why. The problem is, I had thought I have fixed myself but this one guy somehow switches off all my rational thinking which annoys me the most! Plus, I have Zero intel on him. HE DOESN'T TALK ABOUT HIMSELF. He does nothing that can possibly attract an INTP woman. I just don't get it at all..


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[DexterMaster]

Well, it's simple, zodiacs might work for you because you bealive them, but that doesn't mean they are true or somehow a resource of knowledge about other peoole lives and desires, zodiacs won't explain you why the world is how it is or why this particular guy is in love with you or not because it's not true at all, just stop thinking in your own box and explore, my advice.

Enviado desde mi D6603 mediante Tapatalk

 

[ToddRyler]

Firstly, I'm envious of you if this really is the only unsolved puzzle of your life
Coming to the question proper, if you were in relationship with him for an year and know nothing about him, and now he is the one who is trying to make it work, maybe you can use this opportunity as leverage and get to know him better first.
Then, analyze why you guys had fallen apart i the first place, and zero down on the change that led him to come back. By this time, logic should already be guiding you towards your best choice.
But, if he makes you stop thinking rationally, i doubt this will work

 

[INTPmetalhead]

Well... since we are not "feelers" I'd say love is a bit of a tricky subject for us INTPs. I've been married before and then got divorced because I realized I wasn't actually in love but just friends really with him. I ended up with my current boyfriend (who is also an INTP) but let me digress for a moment. In my marriage, I was weird to him since I don't talk about much other than trying to talk about intellectually stimulating conversation rather than trivial things. I was "cold and unfeeling" and I suppose I was in some ways. But he loved me, but I realized I didn't give him the same in return. I left. He wasn't like me, I didn't feel right in the relationship and had realized I was really only in that relationship because I didn't "want to be alone" in terms of a partner since everyone else seemed to have one. I'd always felt like an outcast (probably because INTPs are so rare that I didn't fit in with anyone, which didn't necessarily bother me but I was tired of being the weird loner I guess). But I know I'm in love now, he's an INTP as well, which totally rocks! We don't have to be all "feely" we talk about a ridiculously large variety of topics and love it! We are close together despite the long hours of silence between us, but it's refreshing because we can be who we are with each other and not feel like the weirdos. Everyone else is the weirdos to us hahahha.

With that being said though, do what you want in terms of being with a person you feel is good with/for you; doesn't have to be another INTP, but I'll tell you it's definitely awesome lol.

I don't really believe in the whole zodiac thing since everything I've ever read about mine (Sagittarius) has been half truths and didn't necessarily seem to hit the nail on the head for me. I don't think you're the way you are because of when you were born; I think it more has to do with how your brain is wired as well as personal experiences of your life from childhood to adulthood.

Love is a weird thing. People always seem to want to describe it with a feeling, and sure you do get the fuzzies and all that at first, but that's mainly in the beginnings of a blossoming relationship, it changes the longer you're with someone, but still comes up here and there... now I'm rambling... I'll stop now hahaha.

 

[zeemal]

Oh no, you were not rambling, metalhead. You see, the thing is that guy pulls on disappearing acts. Something that is commonly known about Scorps. Now he asked to see me, and I was even going to cook for him but then he disappears for the whole weekend and come back this morning telling me stories of a stupid incident. In past, before ny beeakup that happened a year ago this used to flame me up and he left mainly because I would get so angry and would try to confront him and all. You know, there's minimal sharing between us. I barely know anything about him and the same goes for him in my case. But I have this weirdest attraction towards him. The last I met him, he only held my hand and I couldn't stop thinking about him for the next couple of days? It's insane. It's one thing I don't understand even 0.5%. He's a car dealer and the only thing he loves in life are cars, perhaps.
With that being said, his basic high school education is not complete and I'm about to get done with my law degree. There's a huge difference between our mentality. And the worst part is the moment I say "I'm so done!" A tiny voice inside me says: "not yet.."
Love is so irritating, I swear. I don't even know his type, he wouldn't take the test. He hates reading. He's everything I am not..


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[zeemal]

Firstly, I'm envious of you if this really is the only unsolved puzzle of your life
Coming to the question proper, if you were in relationship with him for an year and know nothing about him, and now he is the one who is trying to make it work, maybe you can use this opportunity as leverage and get to know him better first.
Then, analyze why you guys had fallen apart i the first place, and zero down on the change that led him to come back. By this time, logic should already be guiding you towards your best choice.
But, if he makes you stop thinking rationally, i doubt this will work

Well, the rest are minor compared to this one. This one is like.. the mega puzzle of my life! .-.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[QuickTwist]

I feel like I am missing a ton of context for this problem. I'm sure there is a lot more, but I'm not sure it really matters because it'll prolly just end up being illogical sentiments and dramatic.

That said, I think you like that this guy is a mystery to you. You are infatuated with the unknown that surrounds him, you prolly don't even know if you actually like him or not. Its the idea, not the person that you are attracted to.

The unknown of him is doing weird things to you because you don't know how to handle it. Its a problem you can't solve. That's why you get pissed at him all the while loving that you don't know anything about him.

I'd say get to know him first, but I doubt anything is going to change based on the fact that you have already been down this road. Cut your losses and find someone who you can connect with mutually.

 

[INTPmetalhead]

Oh no, you were not rambling, metalhead. You see, the thing is that guy pulls on disappearing acts. Something that is commonly known about Scorps. Now he asked to see me, and I was even going to cook for him but then he disappears for the whole weekend and come back this morning telling me stories of a stupid incident. In past, before ny beeakup that happened a year ago this used to flame me up and he left mainly because I would get so angry and would try to confront him and all. You know, there's minimal sharing between us. I barely know anything about him and the same goes for him in my case. But I have this weirdest attraction towards him. The last I met him, he only held my hand and I couldn't stop thinking about him for the next couple of days? It's insane. It's one thing I don't understand even 0.5%. He's a car dealer and the only thing he loves in life are cars, perhaps.
With that being said, his basic high school education is not complete and I'm about to get done with my law degree. There's a huge difference between our mentality. And the worst part is the moment I say "I'm so done!" A tiny voice inside me says: "not yet.."
Love is so irritating, I swear. I don't even know his type, he wouldn't take the test. He hates reading. He's everything I am not..


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hmmm... I suppose it's more of a physical attraction than an intellectual one then. But that's something only you can answer for sure. You can definitely be attracted to someone and be completely wrong for eachother in every way. It's better for both people in a relationship to be able to easily understand eachother and not become so angry or annoyed at eachother alot of the time... Or at least that's from my experience. Might sound harsh but you might need to move on. Sometimes us as INTPs get SUPER attached to one person, But just because that happens doesn't necessarily mean you're good for eachother. I know, love is weird as hell ain't it? Emotions are lame hahahhaha

 

[TheManBeyond]

lol at SFP types believing they are NTPs

 

[zeemal]

Yup! It's not necessary that we always do have emotional control. Most of the time I just wonder: "why does he do that!" And then I think more about him. And it's the time that I have invested that doesn't let me back out. Anyway, I hope it will get better. XD thanks.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[zeemal]

I feel like I am missing a ton of context for this problem. I'm sure there is a lot more, but I'm not sure it really matters because it'll prolly just end up being illogical sentiments and dramatic.

That said, I think you like that this guy is a mystery to you. You are infatuated with the unknown that surrounds him, you prolly don't even know if you actually like him or not. Its the idea, not the person that you are attracted to.

The unknown of him is doing weird things to you because you don't know how to handle it. Its a problem you can't solve. That's why you get pissed at him all the while loving that you don't know anything about him.

I'd say get to know him first, but I doubt anything is going to change based on the fact that you have already been down this road. Cut your losses and find someone who you can connect with mutually.

Very well put. that is exactly what's happening. As far as getting to know him is concerned, you see, I guess he figured out that is what bothers me. HE DOESN'T GIVE ANY INTEL. I'm the kind of person who Googles every single thing, prolly? I mean.. I Need Intel if I'm into it. In this particular case, he controls his front. Not having control bothers/attracts me at the very same time. I'm not certain if I'd like him afterwards? But I do know I have a tendency to take care of people so I won't really end it. The thought of marriage makes me cringe. One reason the whole forum might have a problem understanding this could be that I come from a different background. I'm from Pakistan and a muslim by birth. So basically, a lot that happens in relationships in the West is missing in this case? Our communications are much limited because our parents cannot know etc. With that being said, it is perfectly possible for him to talk about what he feels but he doesn't. Possible reasons could be:
a. He doesn't want to get hurt. (When did I EVER hurt him - even if I did a couple of times I made up for it, if not he made me pay for it so we're even DEFINITELY)
b. He just doesn't care. (Why come back then. Even if I don't know how he feels, I'm pretty certain he knows what I feel for him. Why mess up my mind, he knows I hate unsolved stuff)
And I don't even know why I'm ranting, I mean unless he makes things clear there is clearly no other solution. It's like your favourite project is unfinished and you just can't get it over with. >.<


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[pjoa09]

Take the MBTI test again. Go flirt with another guy. Snap that shit. Post it somewhere he'll see it. Do this until you get the new guy or the old guy.

 

[zeemal]

Take the MBTI test again. Go flirt with another guy. Snap that shit. Post it somewhere he'll see it. Do this until you get the new guy or the old guy.

Screw it. He can do whatever he wants to do. I'm just going to read random shit.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[lifesaver]

I can only speak from my own experience, take from it what you will.

Love is a difficult subject for any personality type, people fall in "love" for a million different reasons, location/proximity, looks, finance, security, met at a dive bar/quiet college party/small circle of friends - You get where I am going...

In my INTP brain I do not have time/interest/energy for emotional things, so lovey-dovey-touchy is pretty much non existent in my world. Love can be defined a couple different ways so you might want to research your love style, don't ask me to provide links or answers because this is still fresh territory for myself. My "love style" is "acts of service".

Take that with a grain of salt, personally... I do not beat myself up over the details because astrology, meyers briggs, personality tests in general should be used as tools to work on yourself not necessarily predict your outcomes like a shady magic crystal ball.

Also don't expect me to follow my own advice, i'm going to procrastinate on that for a while.

Respectfully,
Lifesaver

 

[zeemal]

Intermittent Reinforcement. I have my answers. His turn of being gaslighted. O
Hail Hitler!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk