I'm somewhat confused when it comes to my sexuality.

[NormannTheDoorman]

I'm a 16 year old male btw. Still have my V-card. I see no reason to give it up. Several times I have been pressured to lose it for trivial and mundane reasons. My step-father once said "You're young, go out and have fun with girls." I told him it means almost nothing to me, and he said something along the lines of me being brainwashed by going to a religious school.


Several times I have questioned my sexuality. Not orientation, but the reason for sexuality. I understand it is necessary for the continuation of our species, but I don't feel a need to copulate or do something that rhymes with that word (Like populate).


I think I am more than capable of performing such a primal act, and I sometimes fantasize about it. However, once that little fantasy trip is over I don't feel any need to go out and act out my fantasy. I wouldn't exactly say I'm asexual, however, I do think if I really really wanted to have sex I would probably do it with a female.


I really do like the Arab culture, it seems so chaste to me.

 

[Ribald]

Which of these 2 appeals more to you?

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

Which of these 2 appeals more to you?

The purple one of course...

 

[kris]

I tend to think the concept of asexuality is, like many other aspects of sexuality, something which falls along a gamut. People tend to think self-identified asexuals are entirely disinterested in sex or are disinterested in relationships in general. That may be for some asexual people, but it isn't always the case. I think it's variable at the individual level.

There are many facets to interpersonal attraction. The instinctual impulse to bed someone is just one facet. For many, especially at your age, that particular facet seems to be weighed quite heavily. I am not saying you are asexual. I'm just saying you may fall closer on that end of a spectrum between asexuality and, on the opposite extreme, an urge to fuck anything that moves.

When I was your age, even into my late twenties, I was attracted to people for a lot of different reasons (including looks), but I rarely ever (as in perhaps once a year) felt a need to get laid. I seldom felt 'heat' or 'chemistry' for other people. I could enjoy sexual things, but I was never driven by them. Later on in life it changed somewhat, but not by a whole lot. Perhaps there are hormonal factors or some shit like that. I dunno. It causes problems in relationships, though not insurmountable.

Perhaps you are in the same boat as me. Perhaps not.

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

When I was your age, even into my late twenties, I was attracted to people for a lot of different reasons (including looks), but I rarely ever (as in perhaps once a year) felt a need to get laid. I seldom felt 'heat' or 'chemistry' for other people. I could enjoy sexual things, but I was never driven by them. Later on in life it changed somewhat, but not by a whole lot. Perhaps there are hormonal factors or some shit like that. I dunno. It causes problems in relationships, though not insurmountable.

Perhaps you are in the same boat as me. Perhaps not.

If I live as a virgin for the rest of my life I'm fine with that.

 

[Pyropyro]

I'm a 16 year old male btw. Still have my V-card. I see no reason to give it up. Several times I have been pressured to lose it for trivial and mundane reasons. My step-father once said "You're young, go out and have fun with girls." I told him it means almost nothing to me, and he said something along the lines of me being brainwashed by going to a religious school.

Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. You're more than your penis.

Several times I have questioned my sexuality. Not orientation, but the reason for sexuality. I understand it is necessary for the continuation of our species, but I don't feel a need to copulate or do something that rhymes with that word (Like populate).


I think I am more than capable of performing such a primal act, and I sometimes fantasize about it. However, once that little fantasy trip is over I don't feel any need to go out and act out my fantasy. I wouldn't exactly say I'm asexual, however, I do think if I really really wanted to have sex I would probably do it with a female.

I think it's part of growing up as a male to question one's sexuality. INTP's would probably try to answer that question using the cold and analytic gaze of Ti. As a side effect, we would observe our sexuality is something external of us. As such, it feels like as if we, the observer, is asexual since we have torn of the sexual part of our psyche and put it under our mind's microscope.

I sometimes fantasize about it.

Sure. "sometimes".

I really do like the Arab culture, it seems so chaste to me.

Try working for them overseas. I'm pretty sure they're not that chaste based on the horror stories returning workers spread here and the number of cases where female workers killed their Arab masters in self-defense. I'm not saying that they're bad, I'm only saying that there's a dark side in every culture.

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

I think it's part of growing up as a male to question one's sexuality. INTP's would probably try to answer that question using the cold and analytic gaze of Ti. As a side effect, we would observe our sexuality is something external of us. As such, it feels like as if we, the observer, is asexual since we have torn of the sexual part of our psyche and put it under our mind's microscope.

I tend to detach myself when I examine parts of my personal life. It becomes a lot easier that way. You're sort of an impartial judge.

 

[TimeAsylums]

The purple one of course...

plz make ur choice ur avatar picture

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

plz make ur choice ur avatar picture

I made my title 'IQ 419' and my avatar 'The purple one'.

What else do you want from me?

 

[TimeAsylums]

I made my title 'IQ 419' and my avatar 'The purple one'.

What else do you want from me?

What else can a 16 year old boy give you?


fuck that sounds creepy

 

[Pyropyro]

What else can a 16 year old boy give you?


fuck that sounds creepy

Dude...

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

Dude...

[2]

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

So based on what we have, what orientation ( or anything) would I identify with the most?

 

[Pyropyro]

So based on what we have, what orientation ( or anything) would I identify with the most?

Not to be dismissive but I think you have to experience more of life to answer that question. Your Ti simply needs more data to play with. For now, enjoy, experiment and build your inner library/encyclopedia. You'll get more freedom (and a different set of responsibilities) to do so once you hit your young adult life.

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

Not to be dismissive but I think you have to experience more of life to answer that question. Your Ti simply needs more data to play with. For now, enjoy, experiment and build your inner library/encyclopedia. You'll get more freedom (and a different set of responsibilities) to do so once you hit your young adult life.

I guess that's what I'll do.

 

[Decaf]

When I was younger, I could sympathize with the asexual conclusion. For me it was more of a cost/benefit analysis. Relationships were already too complicated and too demanding be to overcome merely by the perceived benefits of pursuing a sexual relationship. Especially having come late to the socialization party. Add in religious pressure (indoctrination is too strong, but the pressure is definitely there), and I pushed the whole mess into the back of my brain. It was easier to say I had no interest than to explain what I really felt anyway.

I lost my virginity at 23, after I'd already been in the Air Force for 3 years. My first few partners after that made me believe that, while sex was fun and enjoyable, I just didn't enjoy it like other people did, apparently. Without going into details, it wasn't until my current relationship that I changed my mind.

This is not true of everyone, but if you're like me, this may help. To make it worth while for me, I needed someone with whom I had EXCELLENT communication. In retrospect, I wouldn't have even pursued such a relationship at all unless I felt like I could conceivably, comfortably tell that person my sexual fantasies (the embarrassing ones that you wouldn't have ever thought of if you hadn't found it on the internet). When you have someone who is eager to explore this stuff alongside you, it puts a whole new flavor to things. Instead of investing huge amounts of effort in simply carnal pleasure, it became an experience for my body AND my brain.

In order to find someone that open about sexuality, who won't judge and is just as interested in learning more instead of just having a fun experience, you may have to wait a while. It takes a while for people to mature that much. If that sounds like something you'd be interested in, try to be that person too.


P.S. Brainwashed is not the right term, but be cautious about how deeply you let some of those views get into your psyche. I still have some sexual dysfunction issues that stem from my religious upbringing. If you let yourself be convinced that you don't need/want sex, you won't be able to just flip a switch on your wedding day if it comes to that. This stuff goes deep into what you think about yourself. Talk to people. In a perfect world, it would be easy to find people to talk to seriously about sex. It isn't. It's still worth it.


P.P.S. I'm marrying the woman who helped me see the light.

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

When I was younger, I could sympathize with the asexual conclusion. For me it was more of a cost/benefit analysis. Relationships were already too complicated and too demanding be to overcome merely by the perceived benefits of pursuing a sexual relationship. Especially having come late to the socialization party. Add in religious pressure (indoctrination is too strong, but the pressure is definitely there), and I pushed the whole mess into the back of my brain. It was easier to say I had no interest than to explain what I really felt anyway.

I lost my virginity at 23, after I'd already been in the Air Force for 3 years. My first few partners after that made me believe that, while sex was fun and enjoyable, I just didn't enjoy it like other people did, apparently. Without going into details, it wasn't until my current relationship that I changed my mind.

This is not true of everyone, but if you're like me, this may help. To make it worth while for me, I needed someone with whom I had EXCELLENT communication. In retrospect, I wouldn't have even pursued such a relationship at all unless I felt like I could conceivably, comfortably tell that person my sexual fantasies (the embarrassing ones that you wouldn't have ever thought of if you hadn't found it on the internet). When you have someone who is eager to explore this stuff alongside you, it puts a whole new flavor to things. Instead of investing huge amounts of effort in simply carnal pleasure, it became an experience for my body AND my brain.

In order to find someone that open about sexuality, who won't judge and is just as interested in learning more instead of just having a fun experience, you may have to wait a while. It takes a while for people to mature that much. If that sounds like something you'd be interested in, try to be that person too.


P.S. Brainwashed is not the right term, but be cautious about how deeply you let some of those views get into your psyche. I still have some sexual dysfunction issues that stem from my religious upbringing. If you let yourself be convinced that you don't need/want sex, you won't be able to just flip a switch on your wedding day if it comes to that. This stuff goes deep into what you think about yourself. Talk to people. In a perfect world, it would be easy to find people to talk to seriously about sex. It isn't. It's still worth it.


P.P.S. I'm marrying the woman who helped me see the light.

Interesting..

 

[nanook]

at your age i thought i might get through life by getting all joy out of entertainment and doing slave work. i wasn't fully aware of how rebellious my personality is, even though i had been a skate punk years before. it felt like i had replaced a need for physical freedom with a need for intellectual freedom, as if that was a good argument for giving up physical freedom. i had no sense of how growth needs to be holarchic, transcending but including the essence of all that was there before. i wasn't aware of how boring 'intellectual' entertainment would become to me either, how only engagement can bring you to life. and my definition of being okay was, that i wouldn't have to kill myself. i'm just saying, it's so easy and almost natural to fall asleep to core needs. natural is that young people lack a sense of the holarchic self. many will falsely assume that core needs are primitive and should be discarded. i was never not interested in sex and girls, i was crying when kylie minogue sang 'confide in me', but i still thought i could keep it bottled up in fantasy land. i was also convinced that i had no other choice, being an introvert with severe social phobia, in a late blooming body. my personality regressed into a conformist state of hidden individuality, which was motivated by my rational concept of getting by effectively. this is a pathology, as rationality should be more experimental and innovative than effective. but a pathology causes little conscious suffering at the stage, where it is born, rationality in this case. at this stage it feels like more of a solution. it was when my mind moved on to pluralism, that my conformist personalty became a total nightmare to me, as something in me became horribly judgemental of it. rationality, that principle that i had used to suppress myself completely, had lost all heartfelt meaning to me. this is natural, because pluralism itself is not aware of holarchy, it still thinks in terms of time rather than structure building and it tries to leave rationality behind. pluralism wants to be human, individualistic and to connect through those traits, beyond shared interests and grow through relationship with the unknown. this is really where romantic love becomes meaningful. the stages before that are much more possessive and physical about the whole thing. and if you look at people as objects and at yourself as another object, you can of course separate the two. but the pluralistic self is defined through relationship and so such separation becomes unbearable. (it's not only defined through romantic relationships, it just looks at reality through a lens, that sees relationship everywhere, thus your psyche's way of defining self and other is affected)

impulsive self(strong boy), conformist self (good boy), rational self (smart boy), pluralistic self (freely social boy)

 

[Justin81]

When I was 16 I couldn't get females off my mind. I couldn't sleep, leave the house or function at school one bit because all I cared about were Girls and Cars. I was addicted to the science of turning a perfect stranger onto my world. Once I got the girl and knew I had her locked into my reign I was over it. I would go through girls every 2 to 3 weeks until I got to some of the ones that I considered to be the hottest in the whole school. Sometimes I dated girls 2 grades above me because it was such a challenge. I remember their friends would meet me and you could see the confusion on their faces as to why the girl was into me (I'm nothing special).

Here's the catch. I never had sex with the girls. It just wasn't what I was after. In fact, I considered having sex to be such an awkward act in general that it had me petrified that I would be terrible at it. I dated about 5 girls until I was 16. At 16 I lost my virginity to a girl in a hotel room at 2:00am after drinking tequila all night. It was the worst experience of my life and I was a disaster. It's like the worst memory I have. After that I dated a bunch of hot girls. There were times I had girls in my bed with most of there clothes off and stopped cold and ended the moment. I wish now I wouldn't have done stuff like that because I regret it now but the fact is I just didn't have the urge to have sex. After getting these girls to the point where they wanted to have sex I would be completely over the challenge and on to the next girl. Almost like I lost respect for them by getting nothing more than out smarted by me.

Here's the twist. The girl from the Hotel room at 16 is now my wife and mother of my 2 baby girls. Our 5 year anniversary is this week. She doesn't remember much of that night but is proud that she is the one who took it from me.

 

[King_Be_Us]

Meditate. You'll win !

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

Meditate. You'll win !

Not sure how this will help.

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

Now I want Architects take on this since the man is so wise and awesome. I assume you are a man, architect.

 

[King_Be_Us]

Meditation and thought following. It's hard to claim asexuality when you fantasize... I think it's just more vivid than normal haha

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

Meditation and thought following. It's hard to claim asexuality when you fantasize... I think it's just more vivid than normal haha

I haven't claimed anything.

 

[deadpixel]

I'm a 16 year old male btw. Still have my V-card. I see no reason to give it up. Several times I have been pressured to lose it for trivial and mundane reasons. My step-father once said "You're young, go out and have fun with girls." I told him it means almost nothing to me, and he said something along the lines of me being brainwashed by going to a religious school.


Several times I have questioned my sexuality. Not orientation, but the reason for sexuality. I understand it is necessary for the continuation of our species, but I don't feel a need to copulate or do something that rhymes with that word (Like populate).


I think I am more than capable of performing such a primal act, and I sometimes fantasize about it. However, once that little fantasy trip is over I don't feel any need to go out and act out my fantasy. I wouldn't exactly say I'm asexual, however, I do think if I really really wanted to have sex I would probably do it with a female.



I really do like the Arab culture, it seems so chaste to me.

Introverts being forced into extroversion leads to nothing but confusion and chaos.

Be yourself and do what is comfortable for you, hookups never appealed to me when I was young, I tried being cool like my extroverted friends bc they wanted me to "hookup" with people but it honestly just made me feel empty.

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

Introverts being forced into extroversion leads to nothing but confusion and chaos.

Be yourself and do what is comfortable for you, hookups never appealed to me when I was young, I tried being cool like my extroverted friends bc they wanted me to "hookup" with people but it honestly just made me feel empty.

Somewhat confused as to what your referring to as extroverted here.

 

[Pyropyro]

Now I want Architects take on this since the man is so wise and awesome. I assume you are a man, architect.

I'm usually reminded by this video whenever I deal with Architect or BAP (I don't know if they sing though).

 

[deadpixel]

Somewhat confused as to what your referring to as extroverted here.

Those who are pressuring you to be more extroverted and lose the v

 

[digitalbum]

Which of these 2 appeals more to you?

LMFAO

 

[digitalbum]

I'm a 16 year old male btw. Still have my V-card. I see no reason to give it up. Several times I have been pressured to lose it for trivial and mundane reasons. My step-father once said "You're young, go out and have fun with girls." I told him it means almost nothing to me, and he said something along the lines of me being brainwashed by going to a religious school.


Several times I have questioned my sexuality. Not orientation, but the reason for sexuality. I understand it is necessary for the continuation of our species, but I don't feel a need to copulate or do something that rhymes with that word (Like populate).


I think I am more than capable of performing such a primal act, and I sometimes fantasize about it. However, once that little fantasy trip is over I don't feel any need to go out and act out my fantasy. I wouldn't exactly say I'm asexual, however, I do think if I really really wanted to have sex I would probably do it with a female.


I really do like the Arab culture, it seems so chaste to me.

This is some wild shit. Perhaps you just have low mojo? Like low testosterone or something? God I was horny as hell at that age, and at every age since.

But that's kinda not true, seriously, I noticed drop in libido when I'm stressed or have low testosterone.

You're a 16 year old kid, so telling you to score some viagra and see what happens is definitely something I would never say.

Also at 16, I was a good Christian boy that promised to save my purity for marriage. Then I got this totally bodacious girlfriend that got me totally sprung, and I was like, "Sorry Jesus! I tried!"

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

This is some wild shit. Perhaps you just have low mojo? Like low testosterone or something? God I was horny as hell at that age, and at every age since.

But that's kinda not true, seriously, I noticed drop in libido when I'm stressed or have low testosterone.

You're a 16 year old kid, so telling you to score some viagra and see what happens is definitely something I would never say.

Also at 16, I was a good Christian boy that promised to save my purity for marriage. Then I got this totally bodacious girlfriend that got me totally sprung, and I was like, "Sorry Jesus! I tried!"

Maybe that's my problem. I'm always horny.

 

[Amagi82]

Personally, I think the word "virginity" and all of its associated baggage should be removed from human language. We form all sorts of ridiculous convoluted social pressure around it that's totally unnecessary and, in many ways, harmful.

If you want to meet someone and have sex, great. If you don't, great. If you want to have sex with men, great. If you want to have sex with women, great. It really shouldn't matter to anyone but yourself. We are highly highly sexual beings by nature, and that's okay.

Personally, I think we take sex waaay to seriously. Humanity's closest cousin, the bonobo, has sex for pretty much any reason they can think of- by way of greeting, conflict resolution, love, passion, whatever. With multiple members of the community. We have to be a little more careful than that with STIs floating around, but sex with many different people is as natural as breathing to our species. My advice to you is to relax, not worry about it, just let your sexuality flow organically. Experiment when you want to experiment. Enjoy life.

 

[Red myst]

I'm a 16 year old male btw. Still have my V-card. I see no reason to give it up. Several times I have been pressured to lose it for trivial and mundane reasons. My step-father once said "You're young, go out and have fun with girls." I told him it means almost nothing to me, and he said something along the lines of me being brainwashed by going to a religious school.


Several times I have questioned my sexuality. Not orientation, but the reason for sexuality. I understand it is necessary for the continuation of our species, but I don't feel a need to copulate or do something that rhymes with that word (Like populate).


I think I am more than capable of performing such a primal act, and I sometimes fantasize about it. However, once that little fantasy trip is over I don't feel any need to go out and act out my fantasy. I wouldn't exactly say I'm asexual, however, I do think if I really really wanted to have sex I would probably do it with a female.



I really do like the Arab culture, it seems so chaste to me.

Well you shouldn't do it till you are ready. But let me ask you this. Are you curious about it in the least? Are you curious about the female form? Are you curious what intercourse would feel like? I had a friend once who could not understand my curiosity about Women and sex. He said he thought It would feel all wet and yucky in there. We were about 12. I was amazed he did not share my curiosity about the subject. So I never brought it up with him again. I have never had sex with someone I did not have an emotional attachment to. Sex is so much more than intercourse. I have never considered it a primal act. For one there is this chemical rush to your brain that is like a drug. As far as I am concerned, just sharing that state of being with another person is a form of sex even if no intercourse or release is achieved. some call it passion, some call it lust, but when two people are caught up in it together, its explosive. when you get to this place you will know it. It's not something that can be forced. It will feel empty if you do. There is no rush. No rush at all. If you don't have that preoccupation with sex, then don't worry about it. It can distract from more productive pursuits. But I think people's approach and appreciation for sex is somewhat determined by their cognitive functions and how their function stack develops. So everybody is not the same.

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

Well you shouldn't do it till you are ready. But let me ask you this. Are you curious about it in the least? Are you curious about the female form? Are you curious what intercourse would feel like? I had a friend once who could not understand my curiosity about Women and sex. He said he thought It would feel all wet and yucky in there. We were about 12. I was amazed he did not share my curiosity about the subject. So I never brought it up with him again. I have never had sex with someone I did not have an emotional attachment to. Sex is so much more than intercourse. I have never considered it a primal act. For one there is this chemical rush to your brain that is like a drug. As far as I am concerned, just sharing that state of being with another person is a form of sex even if no intercourse or release is achieved. some call it passion, some call it lust, but when two people are caught up in it together, its explosive. when you get to this place you will know it. It's not something that can be forced. It will feel empty if you do. There is no rush. No rush at all. If you don't have that preoccupation with sex, then don't worry about it. It can distract from more productive pursuits. But I think people's approach and appreciation for sex is somewhat determined by their cognitive functions and how their function stack develops. So everybody is not the same.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. At least I think there are words of encouragement in this wall of text.

 

[Variform]

Not to be dismissive but I think you have to experience more of life to answer that question. Your Ti simply needs more data to play with. For now, enjoy, experiment and build your inner library/encyclopedia. You'll get more freedom (and a different set of responsibilities) to do so once you hit your young adult life.

Is that what happened to me then?

When I was 14 I was very sexually orientated. I still am. Was I more obsessed that my peers? I don't know. I really wanted to do it. I never did.

I desperately loved girls. There was one I looked at for four years and never had the courage to talk to her.

Is this normal for INTP's, to have a high libido but no ability to make it happen?

 

[Variform]

it felt like i had replaced a need for physical freedom with a need for intellectual freedom, as if that was a good argument for giving up physical freedom.

Am I understanding you correctly that you associate sex with bodily freedom, or sexuality with bodily freedom?

i had no sense of how growth needs to be holarchic, transcending but including the essence of all that was there before. i wasn't aware of how boring 'intellectual' entertainment would become to me either, how only engagement can bring you to life.

So this means that just thinking about sex wasn't enough and that it is healthy to engage in it?

and my definition of being okay was, that i wouldn't have to kill myself.

Did you have suicidal ideas because of you not having sex when you would have liked to be able to have it?

I guess these are personal issues. I have struggled all my life...hence the directness.

i'm just saying, it's so easy and almost natural to fall asleep to core needs. natural is that young people lack a sense of the holarchic self. many will falsely assume that core needs are primitive and should be discarded. i was never not interested in sex and girls, i was crying when kylie minogue sang 'confide in me', but i still thought i could keep it bottled up in fantasy land.

I think I recognize it. Maybe I should say 'I feel I recognize it.'

So you are saying you had abundant fantasies? I been down that road.

i was also convinced that i had no other choice, being an introvert with severe social phobia, in a late blooming body.

My body was ready at 14. Insofar as it was part of my desires. I had severe social phobia. Still carry that curse.

my personality regressed into a conformist state of hidden individuality, which was motivated by my rational concept of getting by effectively.

This I don't understand. You seem to have a great insight in your self. Would you clarify? I want to see if we were the same. Make it concrete?

this is a pathology, as rationality should be more experimental and innovative than effective. but a pathology causes little conscious suffering at the stage, where it is born, rationality in this case. at this stage it feels like more of a solution. it was when my mind moved on to pluralism, that my conformist personalty became a total nightmare to me, as something in me became horribly judgemental of it.

So you fought yourself being conformist while you have a non-conformist typical INTP resistance to authority going on?

rationality, that principle that i had used to suppress myself completely, had lost all heartfelt meaning to me. this is natural, because pluralism itself is not aware of holarchy, it still thinks in terms of time rather than structure building and it tries to leave rationality behind. pluralism wants to be human, individualistic and to connect through those traits, beyond shared interests and grow through relationship with the unknown.
this is really where romantic love becomes meaningful.

So if I get this, sexual desire was at the heart of it, to connect to girls? So it is expressed through romance?

the stages before that are much more possessive and physical about the whole thing.

In what way? 'Own' a girl? 'She is mine'?

and if you look at people as objects and at yourself as another object, you can of course separate the two. but the pluralistic self is defined through relationship and so such separation becomes unbearable. (it's not only defined through romantic relationships, it just looks at reality through a lens, that sees relationship everywhere, thus your psyche's way of defining self and other is affected)

impulsive self(strong boy), conformist self (good boy), rational self (smart boy), pluralistic self (freely social boy)

So the pluralistic self is that part of us that finds meaning and satisfaction in interaction with other people? It recognizes bonds between people.

So you hid in three of the four 'boys' and denying the other because of social anxiety?

Fascinating. Utterly fascinating.

 

[Variform]

When I was 16 I couldn't get females off my mind. I couldn't sleep, leave the house or function at school one bit because all I cared about were Girls and Cars. I was addicted to the science of turning a perfect stranger onto my world. Once I got the girl and knew I had her locked into my reign I was over it. I would go through girls every 2 to 3 weeks until I got to some of the ones that I considered to be the hottest in the whole school. Sometimes I dated girls 2 grades above me because it was such a challenge. I remember their friends would meet me and you could see the confusion on their faces as to why the girl was into me (I'm nothing special).

Here's the catch. I never had sex with the girls. It just wasn't what I was after. In fact, I considered having sex to be such an awkward act in general that it had me petrified that I would be terrible at it. I dated about 5 girls until I was 16. At 16 I lost my virginity to a girl in a hotel room at 2:00am after drinking tequila all night. It was the worst experience of my life and I was a disaster. It's like the worst memory I have. After that I dated a bunch of hot girls. There were times I had girls in my bed with most of there clothes off and stopped cold and ended the moment. I wish now I wouldn't have done stuff like that because I regret it now but the fact is I just didn't have the urge to have sex. After getting these girls to the point where they wanted to have sex I would be completely over the challenge and on to the next girl. Almost like I lost respect for them by getting nothing more than out smarted by me.

Here's the twist. The girl from the Hotel room at 16 is now my wife and mother of my 2 baby girls. Our 5 year anniversary is this week. She doesn't remember much of that night but is proud that she is the one who took it from me.

I am SO jealous of you. You make it sound as like this is a bad thing. What was it about you that was able to do this? Obviously you didn't have my social anxiety issues. How did you 'work' these girls to even consider you?

If you are american, could this be of importance? You seem to have a 'dating society'. A sort of institutionalized cultural system of dating, which is the 'officially sanctioned process by which a boy and a girl get to know each other.'

I don't think people over here 'date'. I think they randomly meet in cafe's, clubs, at parties, or bump into each other at the supermarket. I never felt there was any sort of process at work. I think as a kid desperately wanting a girl I was withheld by anxiety, insecurity about myself as being a fine specimen that would be attractive to some girls. The concept of asking someone out to, say, the cinema was a dream so far beyond my hope...

And here you are, in some game to 'get the girl' only to lose interest when you succeeded. I don't get it. I wish I had been you, but without the losing interest.

I think my sexual maturity is that of a 12 year old! Man, you are so lucky. You have absolutely no idea!

 

[Variform]

Those who are pressuring you to be more extroverted and lose the v

On the other hand, what if he is like me. Then it will make him suicidal.

Aren't we INTP'ers supposed to also explore and develop our less primary functions? 'Be who you are' may lead to 'close of all lesser functions' and just go with the flow of your Introverted Thinking.

 

[Pyropyro]

Is that what happened to me then?

When I was 14 I was very sexually orientated. I still am. Was I more obsessed that my peers? I don't know. I really wanted to do it. I never did.

I desperately loved girls. There was one I looked at for four years and never had the courage to talk to her.

Is this normal for INTP's, to have a high libido but no ability to make it happen?

Beats me. I'm still at the encyclopedia building and experiment phase of life (and enjoying it). I'll probably will go for the girl again once I've settled in my new house and work.

As for loving girls and libido, well I think the married INTP's here have more wisdom to impart than I can. The fact that they married means INTPs CAN make things happen right?

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

As for loving girls and libido, well I think the married INTP's here have more wisdom to impart than I can. The fact that they married means INTPs CAN make things happen right?

Another reason why Architect is superior. Ave Architect.

 

[Trebuchet]

My advice to you is to relax, not worry about it, just let your sexuality flow organically. Experiment when you want to experiment. Enjoy life.

Listen to Amagi. This is wisdom.

It doesn't matter how your sexuality manifests. It will change over time, anyway. It is yours, you own it. Don't let anyone else define what you are or should be or should do.

I don't think there is a way to be 16 and not worry about sex, but try. It will work out.

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

Listen to Amagi. This is wisdom.

It doesn't matter how your sexuality manifests. It will change over time, anyway. It is yours, you own it. Don't let anyone else define what you are or should be or should do.

I don't think there is a way to be 16 and not worry about sex, but try. It will work out.

There aren't that many places I can turn to outside the internet. A few of my friends and that's it.

 

[Variform]

Beats me. I'm still at the encyclopedia building and experiment phase of life (and enjoying it).

That phase never ends.

 

[Pyropyro]

That phase never ends.

which makes it even more fun

 

[Variform]

which makes it even more fun

Isn't there something to be said for 'Hell, I think I know enough, more would be superfluous.'?

 

[Amagi82]

It doesn't matter how your sexuality manifests. It will change over time, anyway. It is yours, you own it. Don't let anyone else define what you are or should be or should do.

I don't think there is a way to be 16 and not worry about sex, but try. It will work out.

I wish we could +1 comments on here. You're completely right.

 

[Spirit]

Just Curious OP, do you masterbate multiple times a week?

Do you come from a deeply religious community?

 

[Justin81]

I am SO jealous of you. You make it sound as like this is a bad thing. What was it about you that was able to do this? Obviously you didn't have my social anxiety issues. How did you 'work' these girls to even consider you?

If you are american, could this be of importance? You seem to have a 'dating society'. A sort of institutionalized cultural system of dating, which is the 'officially sanctioned process by which a boy and a girl get to know each other.'

I don't think people over here 'date'. I think they randomly meet in cafe's, clubs, at parties, or bump into each other at the supermarket. I never felt there was any sort of process at work. I think as a kid desperately wanting a girl I was withheld by anxiety, insecurity about myself as being a fine specimen that would be attractive to some girls. The concept of asking someone out to, say, the cinema was a dream so far beyond my hope...

And here you are, in some game to 'get the girl' only to lose interest when you succeeded. I don't get it. I wish I had been you, but without the losing interest.

I think my sexual maturity is that of a 12 year old! Man, you are so lucky. You have absolutely no idea!

Thanks for the kind words. There is nothing about me trust me. I look like every other J-off out there. Honestly, I have no real game and I don't fit the profile of what girls want. I've never been big on dating scenes. And to be honest I don't like to be around people in general. I'm just like every other INTP in that way.

My secret is passion. When you're passionate about something you will find anyway possible to make it a part of your life. If an Artist has no pen or paper he chisel's into a tree with a knife or write's on the sidewalk with mud on his index finger. Passion and determination are what makes the human species break boundaries and achieve happiness.

I wasn't after the girls because boy's are suppose to chase girls. Or because I just wanted a trophy girl or anything stupid like that. I have 2 passions in life. Girls and cars. I am very passionate about both and I couldn't live without the availability of both. When I see a pretty girl it's hard for me to concentrate on anything else. It's like all processes of my brain shut down and the only one left open is the one concentrating on the girl. I didn't do well in school because of this. I'm still the same way today even though i'm married. I've had about 4 or 5 circumstances where I got close to random girls just enough to know that the next step would have been physical and dropped the whole idea like it was nothing. I would never be a cheater that's not my thing and frankly, i'm only in it for the mental stimulation.

If you ever want to know anything more detailed just PM me or ask and i'll tell you what I think seems to work. If you search my username I posted a pic of my Wife and I at a local bar like 2 weeks ago.

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

Try working for them overseas. I'm pretty sure they're not that chaste based on the horror stories returning workers spread here and the number of cases where female workers killed their Arab masters in self-defense. I'm not saying that they're bad, I'm only saying that there's a dark side in every culture.

When I normally talk about Arab culture I speak of the nomadic Bedouins. I see very little reason as to why they would get a lot of western influence.

Just Curious OP, do you masterbate multiple times a week?

Do you come from a deeply religious community?

2 times every month is the most. I sort of discovered I could do such things by accident.

The religious community exists and I acknowledge what sort of social influence they have. Keep in mind Guam is a tiny island. I would consider myself a believer but I never associated with religion, and religion in my eyes is just another social construct.