I'm Not As Dumb As I Look

[Me So Charlie]

Curious as to how long it takes people to realize how smart you are and what are some of the contributing/restricting factors? And silly follow up question, assuming that we are all flaming intellects, does anyone ever dumb themselves down?

I've been told that based on looks alone (short, blonde, female) I am initially stereotyped as an airhead.
Depending on number/length of interactions that quickly changes to cold distant bitch (due to my desire to only open my mouth when absolutely necessary).
I am very aware of how I present myself to new people now. Who knew that a smart, collected, fair-haired woman was such a threat?

 

[WorkInProgress]

Well it takes as long as it takes for a situation to call for some brains. It's sometimes been the day I met them, it's sometimes been a year from then. Restricting factors would be any time anyone wants to talk before I've had my coffee, or if I'm too cluttered at the moment to be able to concentrate on something new.

And I find that if I'm dumbed down I'm more well liked by the general populace. No reason to make people think of you negatively for being on a supposed high horse all the time. I'm certainly much happier without the negative vibes.

If you don't want to talk that's your decision, as INTPs we need our thinking time. But maybe they just see your distant demeanor as distrustful, thus the cold bitch label? I get it if you don't want to change yourself for them, but in all honesty I recommend experimenting with it sometime. Figuring out how the people you know tick is, in my opinion, one of the most rewarding mental excursions. You just need to be somewhat social to get close enough to make the correct observations.

 

[Adymus]

Sometimes they don't, it depends on where the interaction goes. I usually down play the know-it-all persona, and only turn it up if I feel it will be welcomed, or if someone says something ridiculously stupid and needs to have the Ti hammer dropped on their face.

With that said, yes I do sometimes dumb myself down. Most of my encounters are a very light version of me. I don't want to call it dumbing myself down, just because I don't actually feel the need to be an intellectual %100 of the time, I can often times enjoy a random conversation. But if I am talking about something that is complex in nature, I actually find it very hard to dumb myself down, but will make an attempt to anyway.

However, there have been many times where I noticed some person I was around judged me as being intellectually inferior to them. At times like that I usually just keep on acting the way I was that made them think I was stupid to begin with, maybe even play it up even more. Because I know eventually something will come up, some argument of some kind where this person vastly underestimates me, and they will get completely torn apart because of it.

 

[Trebuchet]

Who knew that a smart, collected, fair-haired woman was such a threat?

Well, I knew that. I, too, and short, blonde, female, and smart. I used to dumb myself down, but it makes me unhappy to do that. I make sure people know I am smart, and then stop worrying about what they think. It certainly can be annoying when they assume low intelligence, though.

I am not generally considered cold or distant, though. I don't talk that much unless the topic is a passion of mine, but I guess I do okay on the diplomacy.

 

[dartagnan]

I recently got back in touch with a grad school professor online, and suddenlty remembered what it's like to allow myself to be unselfconsciously smart. I'm using words I almost forgot I knew, I'm fast and witty, discussing philosophical issues for the first time in years, without having to worry about intimidating the listener. He paid me a great compliment - said it was like having "Dinner with Andre." I have a few college friends I don't have to dumb myself down with, but normally keep it all under wraps in order to not get fired from my job or alientate co-workers.

BTW, I'm also blond and attractive in a traditional feminine kind of way, and have struggled all my life with what to do with the attention that has brought, trying to figure out who was attracted by superficial traits and who liked me for who I was. Hard to deal with most guys who just want to have sex while I'm trying, slowly, to feel them out emotionally and intellectually. Few have had the patience to stick around until I'm comfortable taking that step. My theme song: "Still Single After All These Years." I loved the thread on "unfeminine" NT women - amazing how FINALLY I've found people who understand!

 

[Me So Charlie]

Figuring out how the people you know tick is, in my opinion, one of the most rewarding mental excursions.

I agree wholeheartedly. I learned the hard way that people won't let you get close if they don't like or trust you. So, I have warmed up to people who really intrigue me and I'm much better for it.

Because I know eventually something will come up, some argument of some kind where this person vastly underestimates me, and they will get completely torn apart because of it.

This is awesome! Like verbal choke slam. I bet it makes you all giggly and squishy inside when that happens.

It certainly can be annoying when they assume low intelligence, though.

I like you're name. It's sexy.

BTW, I'm also blond and attractive in a traditional feminine kind of way, and have struggled all my life with what to do with the attention that has brought, trying to figure out who was attracted by superficial traits and who liked me for who I was. Hard to deal with most guys who just want to have sex while I'm trying, slowly, to feel them out emotionally and intellectually.

Well, sometimes you just got give in to the sex thing. It's okay. Sex is good.
Seriously, I know where you're coming. I won't bore you with the details but I actually cut my hair and gained 30 lbs due to the fact I didn't feel like I was being taken seriously. That was one of the biggest mistakes I made. Glad that phase is over.

 

[Words]

I can only try to sound smart, many fall for it. In truth, I can't even make the simplest of decisions. It's fine, many more years for self-development.

 

[JUN]

Yeah I understand what you're all saying, I am a super model and I work for NASA too, I am blonde, 1.80 and really skinny, I don't understand why people think I am so stupid just because I am so hot.

 

[BigApplePi]

I assume natural blonds are lumped in with the attention getting unnatural ones. If they need to blond themselves for attention, no wonder airhead is the association. If you are quiet, then other attention wishers feel snubbed so you get credit for the worst.

Fortunately for me I am not blond and don't think I ever was. I don't have to dumb myself down since that is my natural state and I don't get it anyway. If you have to stoop to reach my level I thank you for that. Try not to get hurt in the process.

 

[Anchorite]

Yeah I understand what you're all saying, I am a super model and I work for NASA too, I am blonde, 1.80 and really skinny, I don't understand why people think I am so stupid just because I am so hot.

Yeah, me too.

 

[Chimera]

Yeah I understand what you're all saying, I am a super model and I work for NASA too, I am blonde, 1.80 and really skinny, I don't understand why people think I am so stupid just because I am so hot.

Plus one. :]​

A friend of mine is very attractive, but he constantly whines about it because he says it gives people the wrong impression of him. He's quite intelligent too, but people just see the pretty face and make their assumptions.
Of course, this friend also claims he would die if he were single for more than a week. Really though. "People don't take me seriously because I'm attractive" is silly. If it lasts for more than the first few meetings, then you're doing something wrong. P: ​

I'm female, average height, and a brunnette, but what the hell does it matter? Sure, people who meet me for the first time are going to make some wrong assumptions. If their opinion or comprehension of me matters that much, I'll make a point to open up more of myself to them to prove that I'm not whatever they may have guessed. (Generally I don't give a damn very quickly though.) People who know me well know that I'm not as distant as I appear, and those are the people whose opinions really matter. Anyone not willing to contemplate past first impressions isn't worth the time. ^__^​

 

[JUN]

"People don't take me seriously because I'm attractive" is silly.

This.

And for those who didn't get it, I was being flat-out sarcastic. I'm not 1.80, blond or w/e. I just wanted show the target people in this thread what their posts look like.

Because yes, being beautiful is suuuuch a burden !

 

[Cavallier]

Indeed. I agree that it is superficial and frankly childish to complain about being beautiful. However, I don't think the sarcasm is necessary. I suspect that the point of this thread is to be found in how frustrating it is to be blown off because of superficial appearances. Plain and simple.

 

[JUN]

But isn't it superficial to get frustrated because someone thinks you are an air head because you are beautiful ?

Oh snap.

 

[warryer]

Being lost in my thoughts is often mistaken for being clueless . And sometimes they are right but, I'd say 90% of the time I know what I'm doing.

I actually prefer it this way. Don't have to worry about people giving me crap trying to figure out where the stand in position relative to me. Most assume they are above. Kind of like my ace in the hole should I ever need to pull the rug out from under a person.

As far as book smarts go, I don't think anybody would mistake me for not being smart. I have that nerd look about me.

I can imagine that women have it harder because of all the social expectations forced onto you. You mean, they actually have a brain under all that hair and make up!? Who woulda thought?!

 

[s0nystyle]

I can imagine that women have it harder because of all the social expectations forced onto you. You mean, they actually have a brain under all that hair and make up!? Who woulda thought?!

they do? ZINNNGGGGG!!!!

*preemptive dodge*

 

[Me So Charlie]

This.

And for those who didn't get it, I was being flat-out sarcastic. I'm not 1.80, blond or w/e. I just wanted show the target people in this thread what their posts look like.

Because yes, being beautiful is suuuuch a burden !

Ran- I reread the responses and I agree with your summation. Your initial sarcastic post however contributed nothing to the thread. The type of judgment you demonstrated illustrates my original point.
When you clarified your sarcasm in the above post I could see your reasoning and became less offended by your remarks.
I appreciate your biting wit, but being new here I am not completely familiar with the personalities on the board. Please be patient with me and other new posters as well.

I went with my own personal experience. I imagine that if any of the following individuals possessed significant intelligence they might encounter judgment via stereotyping as well.

• A black man with 20in biceps and bucked teeth.
• Some one from the Appalachian mountains, with a barely understandable thick southern accent.
• A body covered with tattoos of Disney characters and piercings.

These are some extreme examples.
I posted because it seems that we all share the value of intellect and that it could be frustrating if our talents are overshadowed by other peoples perceptions. I was curious as to what other folks experienced.

I agree that the focus of the thread has become too narrow and I appreciate Cav's attempt to bring it back to point.

 

[cheese]

Ran, how is this superficial? These people are basically invisible - not physically, and they may get perks for their looks, but others are blind to who they are. I agree with Me So Charlie - it's a similar concern to the black man or any other minorities, just that on a superficial level some of the negatives are positive (special treatment etc). Essentially though they're also marginalised, because the looks come first.

I'd venture to say that even once their intelligence has been discovered, they're likely to be thought of as "THAT HOT CHICK!......with the brains......BOOBS!"* Why do I say this? Because I'm one of the people that does that, and almost every single other guy I've met is the same. It's very difficult to get past the barrier looks put up, even when you really, really want to.

I think this could just as well be a thread about the evils of any judgement made on physical appearance. The difference between good and bad is, in some ways, superficial.

*Uh, over-simplification to get the point across. Don't hate me because I love you.

 

[Chimera]

I suppose biting sarcasm isn't exactly the most welcoming response to a newcomer's post. Still, I found Ran's post amusing, but maybe I'm just immune to the "rude" or "hostile" vibe of sarcasm.
My apologies to Charlie for contributing to the percieved offense. Welcome to intpforum, enjoy your stay, try not to get hurt too much in crossfire. ^__^​

 

[intuitivet]

I wouldn't say I have a problem with my looks and my personality being different. I'm tall, slim, long brown hair and no one seems to think I'm an 'air head' but always treat me with respect upon first meeting me. Adults also don't look down on me (or if they do they soon regret it). I think appearance has less to do with it than how your present yourself (i.e. being confident and quiet can come across as intellectual).

 

[dartagnan]

Well, sometimes you just got give in to the sex thing. It's okay. Sex is good.
Seriously, I know where you're coming. I won't bore you with the details but I actually cut my hair and gained 30 lbs due to the fact I didn't feel like I was being taken seriously. That was one of the biggest mistakes I made. Glad that phase is over.

Agree sex is good, but seems inauthentic to me to let someone that close when there's not a strong intellectual connection Also, the intellectual connection has to be there for the sexual attraction to really exist, for me anyway. And those intellectual connections are rare. Also, in my line of work, as a female it's critical to be careful who you have sex with because that also can undercut how seriously you are taken.

RE: cutting hair and gaining weight - ha, ha - just got my ears pierced for the first time, well into adulthood, had my hair highlighted, and started wearing feminine clothes and makeup again, but still uncomfortable with the increased social connection that attracts.

 

[dartagnan]

Ran, how is this superficial? These people are basically invisible - not physically, and they may get perks for their looks, but others are blind to who they are. .

Thank you, Cheese! You get it

 

[Minuend]

Well, now, I'm not outrageously intelligent. But people probably think I'm a bit dumber than what I am. I have problems articulate my thoughts. In addition, I often misunderstand what people are saying. I dunno... it feels like my whole being is a bit out of touch with others sometimes. Though, I think some people are better at seeing who I really are than others. I believe similar personalities might recognize some brain-using on my part, however distant it might seems.

And the beautiful thing- don't a lot of INTPs feel invisible for who they really are, irregardless (=]) of how they look? Don't expect it's easier to be seen if you are less beautiful... I think the pros and cons somewhat outweighs each other. Depending on your personality. I do think research has shown that beautiful people are generally treated better than others, though. They are thought to be nicer, and gets various benefits.

Edit: I do "dumb myself down a little". Actually, I feel that my personality is almost non-existent. I've met so much resistance to my personality growing up that I've kinda "lost" most of it. I just copy everyone else so that I will at least be anonymous and left alone. I usually just go along with what others say. I don't talk to people much anyway. I don't mean to sound self-pitying, I kinda like not having to deal with others.

Discovering my possible INTPness has helped me learn more about myself. Like I actually have some qualities that are positive.

 

[Cavallier]

I think appearance has less to do with it than how your present yourself (i.e. being confident and quiet can come across as intellectual).

Agreed. After the first 5 seconds of meeting someone it's how you present yourself and your body language that makes a stronger impression on people than how you actually look. If somebody can't get past thinking of you as a blond bimbo then they are an idiot and not worth your time or it's time to bring out the big words and big body language.

As a side note: There was a girl in high school that was very popular. All the guys liked her. All the girls wanted to be her kind of thing. If you just looked at a photo of her you would see an average looking girl. Actually meet her and she wowed you with her body language and mannerisms. I'm constantly fascinated by how people can have an effect on their surroundings with simple body language and attitude.

Edit: Whenever somebody calls me Cav it brings the image of a chunk of glacier falling into the ocean. *shrug*

 

[intuitivet]

Agreed. After the first 5 seconds of meeting someone it's how you present yourself and your body language that makes a stronger impression on people than how you actually look. If somebody can't get past thinking of you as a blond bimbo then they are an idiot and not worth your time or it's time to bring out the big words and big body language.

As a side note: There was a girl in high school that was very popular. All the guys liked her. All the girls wanted to be her kind of thing. If you just looked at a photo of her you would see an average looking girl. Actually meet her and she wowed you with her body language and mannerisms. I'm constantly fascinated by how people can have an effect on their surroundings with simple body language and attitude.

Edit: Whenever somebody calls me Cav it brings the image of a chunk of glacier falling into the ocean. *shrug*

Ah yes, I know a guy like that. Everyone was crazy about him once they'd met him and all the other guys were really jealous, but he wasn't stunning or anything, just really confident and clever.

 

[onthewindowstand]

People tend to think (in person) that I "look" and "sound" smart. whatever that means